Git it?

When things are going too fast and overwhelming, my head just shuts down.

And that is why people like me have sanctuaries.

Or probably an asylum.

I have struggled throughout this year to where I am today - at peace and enjoying every second of my being.

Of AKN's success (not as a bestseller, but as something I create for my own satisfaction)

Of my weight (65 to 56... hell yeah. Okay, so I targeted 50, but hell, only makanan dewan makan SMKAKS can turn my weight to that!)

Of founding old buddies (spending more time with Dinie kinda help me go through all kinds of crap around me)

What I am trying to say right now is...

In the words of Chris Rock... Next year, I'm gonna git some!

Tag-asawesomaus

Cik Rabiey mengetag saya (sampai bila aku nak jadi penulis yang tak mengagungkan bahasa sendiri dan menulis elok2?)  Maka dengan ini saya pun membuatlah tag tersebut.

Oh did you know, I once won a contest online of creating my own word to express greatness? The word was "FREAKASAWESOMOUS". Nothing special in particular. Just FYI and let you know that I am one of those people who destroys the english language. Hahahaha.

1. apa benda paling penting dalam hidup anda?
My laptop. I talk to friends using that because it doesn't waste 20cents on SMSes, I deal with clients with that because of the same reason. I write, I translate, and everything using it, I facebook, I tweet, I watch stupid stuff in youtube, and I even learn how to do my signature Audrey Hepburn eye make-up by downloading it in my laptop (how can you call an Audrey Hebpurn make-up your signature style? Wouldn't that be audrey Hepburn's signature style? Hahahah). If something happens to it, I will cry myself a Niagara Falls.

Eh, orang tanya dalam BM pehal ko jawab dalam english? Mengada2 nak jadi Mizz Nina eh?

2. benda terakhir korang beli pakai duit sendiri?
Gown dengan shirt warna aqua. Aku pergi Bangi dua hari dan mendapati bahawasanya aku tak bawak baju lebih. So terpaksa pergi Carrefour beli baju untuk diri sendiri. Hahahaha. Habis RM50.50 aku. Lima minit je aku soping. Terer kan?

3. dimana tempat perkahwinan dan apa tema perkahwinan korang?
Aku dah buat keputusan bahawasanya aku hanya akan memikirkan itu semua bila aku dah ada calon. Kot ko bayangkan dewan tapi bakal laki ko kerani je, melampau la pulak kan? Aku kan rasional. Hahahahahahaha. Tapi arituh aku mimpi aku kahwin pakai baju warna biru gelap dalam dewan. Ala mode. Mesti yang sebaliknya terjadi. Hahahahaha.

Eh, sapa yang nak kawin dengan aku, sila take note ye, saya nak hantaran supply dark chocolate selama setahun.

4. adakah korang sedang bercinta sekarang?
Ya, bercinta dengan PTPTN. Aku belum bayar bulan ni punya sebab aku malas nak bayar. Apa point? Aku masih dalam blacklist. Cuba liftkan ban tu, ade gak motivasi aku nak bayar, kan? Kengkonon aku nak gi Padang tahun depan... meniti jejak Minangkabau kata hatinya. Hahahaha.

5. berapa lama korang akan mencintai kekasih korang?
I want to be able to say, "You're my husband fid dunya wal akhirah" so....

6. novel/buku/majalah terakhir yang korang beli?
i. Novel : "Pride & Prejudice and Zombies". Beli online. Belom sampai. After this nak beli "Sense & Sensibilities and Sea Monsters", tapi dorang kata tak best sgt macam PPZ.
ii. Buku : Aku dah lama tak beli buku ilmiah. Buku ilmiah terakhir aku beli ialah "Malam Pertama Di Alam Kubur" kat Bandung untuk bapak aku sebab dia kata kedai buku kat Indonesia jual buku murah. Heh, sama je harganya...
iii. Majalah : Aku tak beli. Aku amik free kat GSC, HOT Magazine masa ada press preview, lepas tu aku tertinggalkan dalam keta Tim. Hahahaha.

7. antara mak ayah korang, yang mana korang lebih mesra?
Tak tahu nak cakap. Kalau ada stress dengan bapak aku, aku take mum's side. Kalau aku stress dengan mak, I take dad's side. Nowadays it's more towards dad's side sebab kitorang kongsi minat yang sama, cam makan salmon atau dark chocolate.

8. namakan orang yang betul-betul korang nak jumpa dalam hidup korang?
Nabi Yusuf. Masa aku kecik2 dulu, persoalan utama dalam hidup aku ialah hensem macam manakah Nabi Yusuf sampai makcik2 kepoh kat istana tu boleh tercedera jari sendiri tengok dia? Aku curious, do.

9. adakah korang basuh baju korang sendiri?
Bukan aku takn ak. Tapi bapak aku hantu washing machine. Hari ni je dia dah terkoyakkan gaun yang aku beli kat Carrefour tu sebab perah kuat2. Cis, tak guna punya kualiti baju Carrefour.

10. di manakah tempat yang betul-betul korang nak pergi?
 Prague. Nak pergi Haji pun ye jugak. Macam bahagia je kalau boleh pergi haji/umrah sekarang ni.

11. pilih salah satu, peluk atau cium?
Oleh siapa? Itu pon penting jugak sebelum menjawab. Hahahaha.

12. beritahu 3 benda tentang orang yang tag anda?
i.  a genius yang suka menguap dalam kelas. benci.
ii. sangat unique in a beautiful way tapi tak pernah sedar.
iii.has the most charming laughter.

14. 5 lagu yang korang suka and selalu dengar?
1. Frank Sinatra's I Wish You Love (senang kata apa saja Frankie nyanyi, aku cair lah)
2. Liyana Fizi's "Teduh". (lagu ringtone aku)
3. Brown Eyed Girls' "Drunk On Sleep" (aku suka dengar sebab aku rasa aku faham tanpa perlu terjemah)
4. ABBA's "Winner Takes It All" (especially the acoustic version. Lagu wajib setiap kali karaoke)
5. Rafeah Buang's "Bisikan Hati" (kenangan beb)

15. 3 blogger yang dipertanggungjawabkan untuk jawab tag ini ?
      1. Nad (sebab dia dah rajin blogging balik)
      2. Cik Zara Amani (sebab aku suruh, hahahah)
      3. Jis (biar dia rajin lagi blogging)

Diajar bahasa ma Mbak Shai, mau ga'?

Dua tiga hari ni hidupku aku jadi tak keruan (tengok? dah terpengaruh!) sebab perlu menyiapkan 4 episod sinetron dalam tempoh masa yang singkat. Tahan pulun adalah melebihi kebiasaan, sehingga menyebabkan jari-jemari aku hilang koordinasi. Aku asik tertekan , bila aku nak tekan . dan tertekan z bila aku nak tekan a, menyebabkan aku tertekan (hah! wordplay!)

Sinteron KIAN adalah satu daripada cabaran. Pertamanya kerana aku tak ada kamus (sebab aku menterjemah di rumah.... bos aku holiday. Opis tak bukak. Ye, kami memang bekerja sesuka hati). Kedua, kerana aku menyampah dengan para pelakon CINTA KIRANA dan ini merupakan some kind of mini-novella untuk membuatkan orang yang rindu dengan karakter2 sinetron tu tengok diorang sekali lagi (which makes me wonder, why the hell would you want to watch that silly sinetron in the first place? Why God, why?) . Ketiga, ia berbentuk mini-novella, bermaksud cuma ada 3 episod. Masalahnya satu episod durationnya 1 jam 40 minit. I so hate it. Kenapa I so hate it? Kerana keempat, pemain sinetron emangnya suka banget mengulum perkataan.It's okay bila sinetron tu cakap macam biasa. masalahnya mereka semua bercakap teen lingo. Yang membawa kepada kelima, aku tak faham lingo campus Indonesia.

Di sini aku senaraikan antara perkataan2 baru yang aku belajar (it's always a learning process when it comes to Indonesian language) untuk dimanfaatin bersama, kok. Manalah tahu, korang bercinta dengan cowok/cewek Indonesia ke (yang bukan dari Lombok, please).

ngebet - desperate/terdesak

Ini bukanlah teen lingo sangat, tapi lebih kepada perkataan yang selalu diorang gunakan. Biasalah, remaja mana yang tak desperate kan? Hahahahahaha. Contoh ayat seperti:
"Ya, pasti. Lagian lho kan NGEBET bangetttt mau pacaran ma cowok yang namanya Leonardo DiCaprio itu."  
**trans: "Of course. Especially when you are so desperate to be with the Leonardo DiCaprio guy."  (aku la tu. hahahahaha)

Gokil - Crazy/Gila

Ya, aku tak tahu kenapa ada keperluannya perkataan baru menggantikan 'gila' sebab perkataan gila itu sudah cukup universal. Tapi mungkin ia menandakan gila yang lebih cool... macam crazy-ass rather than just plain crazy. Contoh ayat: "Gokil banget itu orang. Diajak berhantam lagi."
**trans: "That is some crazy-ass dude. He challenged me to a duel, yo." 
(maafkan saya atas translation english yang agak perasan street itu.)

kencan - dating/bertemujanji

Pada awalnya aku sangka perkataan kencan tu maksudnya lebih kotor dari itu. Tapi biarlah aku simpan dalam hati saja apa yang aku sangkakan itu. Hahaha. (mungkin sebab kencan dan lenjan bunyinya seakan2). Contoh ayat: "Cowok itu mau ngajakin aku kencan. Iiihhh, gokil banget!" (always use the word u just learn in another sentence)
**trans: "Dude wants to take me on a date. He's so out of his mind!"

cepe ceng - Rp. 100,000

Aku mengalami saat tertekan yang amat ulung ketika cuba mencari maksud cepe ceng ini. Maklumlah, bila pemain sinetron mengucapkan sesuatu, mereka suka menggumam perkataan jadi anda tidak pasti mereka sebut cepeceng ke, cepeten ke, atau bagaimana nak eja perkataan tu dengan betul.
Namun berkat pencipta Google, aku berjaya menemui maksudnya. Contoh ayat:
"Gue cuma akan kencan sama lho kalau lho bagi gue cepe ceng."
**trans: "I will only go out on a date with you if you give me Rp.100,000." (which is just around RM35)

doie - boyfriend/girlfriend

Aku tak tahu apa equivalent perkataan tu dalam bahasa melayu, mungkin penggunaan bahasa pasar seperti 'bhai' (which funnily comes from the Hindi word bhaiyya). Tapi kalau dalam bahasa inggeris, lingo ni samalah seperti Californian girls going, "Hey, girlfrieeeeeeeennnndddd" dengan kawan2 perempuan mereka. Contoh ayat: "Ga' kepikiran lagi dia samperin ma doie."
**trans: "He wasn't thinking at all when he approach the girlfriend."
or: "Doie, buat apa sih?"
**trans: "Hey boyfriend, whatcha doin...."

curang - penipu (trickster)

Tidak, berbeza dengan curang yang kita faham, walaupun ertinya sama. Kita tak panggil kawan kita curang kalau dia tipu duit kita, kan? Kita just belasah dia sampai lebam je. Tapi Indonesian curang more towards cheater, trickster and that kind of thing. Contohnya: "Lho dapatin cepe ceng gue dengan curang-curangin lagi!"
**trans: "You got my Rp.100,000 by cheating yo."

kapok - menjemukan/ serik2 (lelaki kapok)

Ya, kita biasa guna kapok untuk signify betapa tuanya sesuatu tu, macam gitar kapok. Indonesian sees kapok as something yang dah menjemukan, atau dah serik dah. Contoh ayat: "Rasain! Biar kapok mau dekat ma gue!"
**trans: "Take that! He's gonna feel serik trying to get near me." (Sorry, suddenly aku tak jumpa maksud SERIK dalam english. Hahaha)

sok - perasan/berlagak (rasa diri tu macam ....)

Of course kita gunakan perkataan perasan atau berlagak, macam "Perasan bagus!" tapi kalau kat sana, it would be "Sok pintar!" Contoh ayat: "Apaan sih? Dia itu sok hebat, sok bagus, sok cantik. Jutek banget itu orang!"
**trans: "What? The girl thinks she's oh-so great and all-knowing and pretty. How arrogant!"

citra - imej

No need to translate. Clear as crystal.

culun - kebudak2an/tak matang/ geeky

Boleh digunakan dalam mengatakan gaya, rupa, pemikiran, perkataan culun sangat wide penggunaannya. The world is your oyster! Hahaha, culun banget nih! Contohnya, kalau anda memotong rambut ala si Pekan dalam Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup, itu dikira gaya rambut yang culun. Kalau anda bercermin mata besar dengan braces dan ketawa macam Steve Urkel, anda culun. Kalau anda merajuk tentang alasan2 yang tak berapa nak munasabah, anda culun. All different kind of things, all in one word. Contoh ayat: "Kok kenapa makannya french bread ma sambal terasi? Culun banget ini orang!"
**trans: "Why the hell are you eating French Bread with sambal belacan? You are so odd."

When all's said and done dengan bersusah payahnya tanpa kamus and all, tetibe member aku tanya....
"Ko kan ramai kawan Indonesia kat FB, pesal ko tak tanya diorang je?"
...........................................................shiznits.

Yo, Panggalila. Ini semua gara-gara lho. Ga ngerti deh, gimana lho digilai cewek ah. Sialan!

Teringat di zaman Jepun...

Tengah carik gamba member yang dia mintak tag, tetibe terbrowse jumpe gambar2 lama.

Senyum sensorang tengok zaman2 ada kerja tetap... how it reminds me how much I love working in an office... the need to wake up early, the traffic jam, the need to stay for events.... oh just a sec... nahhh, I'll stick with freelancing.

Hmmmmhhh...... okay, dah selesai mengingat. Moh sambung keje.

(Baiklah, lain kali saya update blog elok2)

It's that time of the year again...

Do you like Zulaikha's wisdom? Balkis' raw humour? Or Safi's tongue-in-cheek take on relationship?

Do you like the kerek Pyan? Zaniel's stature? Roul's perverseness?

Or the best question of all, do you even like me - the cocky arrogant writer whose laziness borders everything else in her life, hates pedants and enjoys good movies with not-so crappy dialogues?

Then....

Get your "Plain Jane", "Soalnya Hati" and "Aku Kan Novelis" here for a better price. You can also get Zara Amani's cheeky "Coklat, Bunga & Si Cupid", Liza Nur's poignant "Biarkan Ia Pergi", and Siti Nur Dhuha's bestsellers here among the few.

Read or I will definitely kick your ass.

Reminisce: Soutus Sofwa - Maal Hijrah

Masa form 5, nyanyi lagu ni untuk pertandingan nasyid Maal Hijrah kat sekolah. Kelas aku saja2 join sebab kitorang tengah boring. Nama kumpulan kitorang Israkhajusabah. Jangan tertipu, itu bukan Bahasa Arab. Itu cuma short form ISnin, Selasa, RAbu, KHAmis, JUmaat, SABtu dan AHad. I'm tellin you, it was an effort due to boredome duk kelas.
First time jadi solo masa tu dengan Ismah (Khaty, adekah kau masih ingat?). Wahahahaha. Lawak gila. Sampai korus je, sikit lagi suara nak pecah. Ade ke budak form 5 nyanyi lagu yang pitchingnya untuk budak sekolah rendah? Mana nak sampai!
Dapatla tempat ketiga. Standard la dengan effort tak seberapa. Hahahaa.

Of the Good, the Bad, and the Lord

It's the end of the year, Islamic calendar-style.

I have shed a bucketful few tears, I have had a lot of genuine laughter. I have had times when I fell, and times when I rose again. But what is more important, I still have hope.

To be recited 3 times 20 minutes before Maghrib prayer

Allah SWT berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat baginda dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Wahai Tuhan, apa yang telah aku lakukan dalam tahun ini daripada perkara-perkara yang Engkau tegah daripada aku melakukannya dan aku belum bertaubat daripadanya. Sedangkan Engkau tidak redha dan tidak melupakannya. Dan aku telah melakukannya di dalam keadaan di mana Engkau berupaya untuk menghukumku, tetapi Engkau mengilhamkanku dengan taubat selepas keberanianku melakukan dosa-dosa itu semuanya. Sesungguhnya aku memohon keampunanMu, maka ampunilah aku. Dan tidaklah aku melakukan yang demikian daripada apa yang Engkau redhainya dan Engkau menjanjikanku dengan pahala atas yang sedemikian itu. Maka aku memohon kepadaMu.

Wahai Tuhan! Wahai yang Maha Pemurah! Wahai Yang Maha Agung dan wahai Yang Maha Mulia agar Engkau menerima taubat itu dariku dan janganlah Engkau menghampakan harapanku kepadaMu Wahai Yang Maha Pemurah. Dan Allah berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad, ke atas ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabatnya dan mengurniakan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

To be read three times after Maghrib prayer.

Allah SWT berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat baginda dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Wahai Tuhan, Engkaulah yang kekal abadi, yang Qadim. yang awal dan ke atas kelebihanMu yang besar dan kemurahanMu yang melimpah dan ini adalah tahun baru yang telah muncul di hadapan kami. Kami memohon pemeliharaan dariMu di sepanjang tahun ini dari syaitan dan pembantu-pembantunya dan tentera-tenteranya dan juga pertolongan terhadap diri yang diperintahkan melakukan kejahatan dan usaha yang mendekatkanku kepadaMu Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Agung dan Maha Mulia.

Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha pengasih dari mereka yang mengasihi dan Allah berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad. Nabi yang ummi dan ke atas ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabatnya dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Shadows

I dream

of a place
of a person
of a time
of a feeling
of holding hands
and smiling faces
of looking down

I wake up

and it's gone
it becomes a blur
it stops being true
it stops being beautiful
it stops being there
it stops being real
it stops you

I sigh.

(a mono.LOG.ue at 11.45pm)

SARCASTIC versus MENYINDIR

Orang selalu salah antara sarcasm and sindiran melayu. They think it's the same, and you say, "I'm sarcastic" when the fact is that it's just sindiran melayu and vice versa. But don't you worry. Auntie Shai here, who comes from the beautiful race of very perli-friendly Minangkabauians and picked up snarkiness and sarcastic behaviour after facing too many rejections in her life will help you differentiate it so that you will come to love your own race and our art of hurting people. Hahahaha.

1. Sarcasm is dry humour. Sindiran melayu is a straight up hurting people who hurts you.
It is always fun to listen to sarcasm. It's a word play and needs intelligence about the world to be able to use it.
SARCASM : "I can totally dance!"... "Yeah right, and North Korea can totally survive on her own."
But sindiran melayu wants to hurt and block you from whatever it is you are aspiring.
SINDIRAN MELAYU: "Aku boleh menarilah!"... "Menari tu menari jugak, tapi kalau dah tua tu, ingat2la sikit, pinggang tu memang tak reput langsung kan...?"

2. Sarcasm comes with a monotonous expression or a smirk. Sindiran melayu comes with a sweet smile.
Sarcasm is associated  with a smirk or the "Pfft" sound and not much expression on the face. It usually signify the "I-can't-believe-you-ever-think-that" feeling you have inside.
SARCASM : "Hey, do you know that Ali's son is a lawyer now?"... "Wow..... I so care about that....... pfft."
Sindiran melayu is just belittling people and telling them subtlely that whatever it is, you are not good enough for it.
SINDIRAN MELAYU : "Eh tau tak anak si Ali tu dah jadi lawyer?"... "Ya? (smile) Tak kisahlah jadi apa pun, kebarangkalian dia kahwin dengan kau masih kurang jugak kan?"

3. Sarcasm comes with a monotonous tone. Sindiran melayu comes with a singsong voice.
Sarcasm denotes the snarky "I-don't care" and the "Nigga, please.." attitude, hence the nonchalant monotonous sound.
SARCASM : "I talked to the girl and I think she really likes me."... "This bores me."
Sindiran melayu denotes the class stratification between the receiver and the person they are talking about.
SINDIRAN MELAYU : "Aku cakap dengan pompuan tu, aku rasa dia suka aku la."... "Orang perempuan memang suka bercakap. Tapi kalau die tangok motor buruk kau tu, mesti lagi dia teringggginnnnnnn sangat nak bercakap dengan kau lagi kan?"

4. Sarcasm has an urban touch to it. Sindiran melayu is the kampung art.
SARCASM : "She said that she doesn't like you."... "Whatev." 
SINDIRAN MELAYU: "Dia kata dia tak suka engkau."... "Ya, memang dia je yang paling disukai ramai kat sini kan?"

5. Sarcasm meant to make you shut up. Sindiran melayu wants to pick a fight.
SARCASM: "That dude is so hot!"... "I bet he loves a woman who can shut it."
SINDIRAN MELAYU : "Kacaknya mamat tuuuu..."... "Tak payahlah. Tengok jela lelaki yang sama tahap dengan kita, ye?"

6. Sarcasm is a trend. Sindiran melayu is a culture.
Sarcasm is something you follow and pick up from befriending any urban crowd or watching too many US TV shows. But sindiran melayu is imbedded in every single malays no matter of they say they're urban enough not to do it. But they tend to do it without realising it and then call it sarcasm. No it's not. It's sindiran melayu. It's in your blood. Embraceeee it. (see, THAT is sarcasm).

7. Sarcasm starts with a long silence and a snort. Sindiran always end with a question mark.
SARCASM : "I think I need to stop smoking before it ruins my lung."... "......................... Wow. Never heard that one before. Pfft."
SINDIRAN MELAYU : "Aku rasa aku kena berhenti merokok sebelum paru-paru aku rosak." ..."Eh, tak payahla, ko memang kuat nak terus merokok sampai beratus pam. Paru-paru ko tu paru-paru besi kan???"

"Let's Go To The Mall" today?

I can actually watch this over and over again and laugh. Cobie Smulders is the funniest.

"Come on Jessica! Come on Toooorriiieee!"

LOL-a-bye

The video up here is the made-up effed-up lullaby I sang for Naurah to get her to sleep. No pics, just voices. Who would want to record a video of herself in baju kelawar anyway?

Dinie kata, "Shai, aku cadangkan ko buat bisnes DVD lagu2 kanak2."
Aku nak buatlah bisnes tu. Nyanyi lagu kanak-kanak yang aku rosakkan. Maybe like,


"Rock-a-by baby on the tree top,
when the wind blows the cradle will rock,
when the bough brakes the cradle will fall,
and mummy will be prosecuted by the justice system."

Or,


"Three blind mice, three blind mice,
see how they run,
they run after the farmer's wife,
who cut off their tails,
with a carving knife,
I bet she maried a tok mudim before that."

Or,

"Old McDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O,
And on that farm he had double cheese burger,
E-I-E-I-O.
With a french fries here, and a milk shake there,
here a carb, there a carb, everywhere carb carb,
Old McDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O"

Or,


"Satu-satu saya sayang emak,
Dua-dua saya sayang bapak,
tiga-tiga saya sayang abang,
satu dua tiga, sayang kapal terbang." <- this ain't new. It was on a postcard of the comic strip "ABE".

The Reason Why Sometimes I said "Hi, I'm a Subtitlist" rather than "A Novelist"

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. It's my life. I have loved writing since the moment I can write. It's in the blood.

But the thing is, there are three types of people that I hate and they are everywhere in this world. They are the ones who will be the weirdos every time you are introduced as "The Novelist".

i. The Smirkers
These are the shallow people who smirks instead of smiles when you are introduced as the novelist. Why? Because they may have one of these thoughts:
a) "My God, someone who makes money from day-dreaming. Whatever."
b) "I don't read books. They're stupid."
c) "Oh, she must be too poetic, clingy and dramatic. I better stay away."
d) "A fiction writer. Oh, not as important as myself, who actually DOES something for the world and not dreaming of naked dudes on horses."
e) "Ugh, imaginative people. They are not needed in this street-smart world. They're too idealistic."

You can almost always detect a smirker when you shake their hands. It's always the same conversation.
"Hi, this is my friend Syahida."
"Hi there."
"Hello."
"She's a writer."
"Owh, I see." (smirks slowly creeping up the face like a ringworm on fire) "What kind of books do you write?"
"Fictions, usually love stories."
"I see. So you're a novelist, eyh?" (high-pitched voice)
"Yes, I am indeed."
"So I can get discounts for books the next time, right?" (nudge nudge like an idiot from a 60s TV movie with the same smirk on that face)
Here is where I giggle/smile and raise both of my eyebrows. And if you ever saw me doing that, it's a sign - I am annoyed.

ii. The Poetics
They are the ones who will start to be all words-of-wisdomy with you without any apparent reason. Usually it comes in a form of lonely guys who go;
"Hi Syahida, I like to write poetry at night and when it rains." (and I needed to know that.... why....?)
"Hi Syahida, the moment I saw you, I thought to myself there is a reason I found you on my facebook." (son, the reason you found me in facebook is because there is a box for "People You Might Know" on the right-side of your news-feed. I'm quite a realist. I don't recommend you to read too much into something)

EVVVVVerytime I met a man who knows that I am a novelist, they turn rigid. It somehow makes them scared (because they think I would be wearing white gowns and throwing roses while riding a pink pony in the savannah field or something), or try to be what they are not (because they read "Plain Jane" and think I must be loving all plain joes of the world and so they can court me because I'm the go-to girl who doesn't care about looks and wealth) OR... they turned into this poetic monster.

Here's a story. I have an aunt, who was once courted by a guy, and she dumped him after he showed her the moon and said, "Cuba Esah tengok bulan tu, cantik kan?". And that was in the 60s.

I am a novelist, yes it's true. Eminem can be such a cuss-monster but he loves his daughter like any proper breeding man. Don't you think I might have an alter ego too?

iii. The Internationals
The I-am-better-than-you-because-I-only-read-english-novels. And you think them being all cocky about it is because they read James Patterson, or Paulo Coelho, or Mario Puzo, or even literary geniuses such as Austen and Hemingway. But when asked, they tell you "I read Sophie Kinsella."

(cue Nurul Syahida, Zara Amani, Liza Nur, and the lot rolling down the floor laughing).
Honey, don't be all cocky with us if you read Madeleine Wickham, Alexandra Potter, Sophie Kinsella and the lot. Truth be told, if you turn their books to malay, they're just us.

See, every one of those writers have a formula. With Kinsella, it is always a bumbling half-lunatic-but-still-witty heroine who almost always does something outrageous and stupid in which she will find the guy who is going to be the love interest. The hero is always good-looking with great abs.

Lauren Weisberger always write the same things that revolves around bad bosses, branded stuff and fashion. AND handsome heroes.

Plum Sykes always write about the socialite world. AND handsome heroes.

How are they different from us? Because it's in english, the so-called elite language in Malaysia? Read French, and then we can talk.  

And that is why sometimes I introduced myself as my other job. It's "Hi, I'm Syahida the subtitlist." or "Hi, I'm Syahida the movie reviewer" or "Hi, I'm Syahida the translator." I am not embarrased by my job. I'm just embarrased by the lack of knowledge the world around me have about my profession.

This is a shout-out for o you writers out there who are being victimised by people's shallow-mindset.

Somnambulist

In your life, sometimes there are times when you meet people who knows what button to push, what will trigger you, and what makes you stumble.

..............................................................................what? No, that's all. I'm just giving you guys an information.

How to pretend to be philosophical?

Quotes and analogies are stupid.

I mean everybody can write them. All you need is a little bit of craphead and a lot of bullshitting. I seem to have both! Yay me.

I mean, you don't need to quote from other people as long as you can just think about something inside of its nature and link it to your life. It's not an art. It's not a skill. It's just 'thinking too much'. Yes, I got that too, so yay me again.

You can make 10 so-called 'analogies' about love from the most random things around. And it either makes people go, "That is so true...." and cry, or "That is so true...." and laugh. The keyword here is "linking".

Here are 10 examples of made up analogies from stupid things that came out of my head:

1. Jay Chou
Love is like Jay Chou. You can sing about it. Act upon it? Usually fail.

2. Muffin Recipe
Love is like a muffin recipe. The picture looks delicious and you crave for it, but then when you make your own, it's not as good. But hey, at least you tried.

3. Pamela Anderson
Love is like Pam Anderson's boobs. Hard to keep it to yourself, but makes you perky.

4. Handbag
Love is like a handbag. You pick the expensive foreign one, and you became obsessive and clingy to it. Pick a cheap one, it gets dirty easily and you will want to change it every few season. Just pick the local, at least you know which factory it came from.  

Hmmm... lemme look around.

5.Oh! Media's footage of two malay teens kissing near Pavilion
Love is like two dumb malay teenagers kissing. It's messy, sloppy and annoying. But hey, things happen.

6. Blood-red cotton shawl
Love is like a blood-red cotton shawl. You think you look pretty in it, but everyone cannot recognise you anymore.

7. Astro Beyond
Having love is like having Astro Beyond. You think you have more channels and viewing pleasure, but actually you have to pay twice as much.

8. Mario Puzo book
Love is like a Mario Puzo's book. You want it, you get it, but you don't actually read it. You just like to exhibit it. It makes you feel cool.

9. Clock
Love is like a clock. One face, 12 different shapes and hands that kept directing you to speed up your life. 

10. Butt
Love is like a virgin's butt. You know it's there, but it's not showing.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha, you guys. It's silence of the lambs.

Sherlock Shai Deducts!

I post it here because my other blog is having it's 'period'. 

Had the most violent headache.

It's the weather, I tell you. It looks normal from the inside. But when you get out of the cold bus, it hits you with the weirdest air of damp hotness, it gets to your head like a plague.

I tried on the new cotton blood red shawl today. As I was standing at the stop, waiting for the feeder bus, when a girl came near me and asked me how to go to Pusat Bandar Damansara. I looked at her and she went, "Oh! I mean, are you a malay? Do you speak it?"

I laugh and said I do in my most cikai-melayu way. Man... I knew that shawl will only make me look as if I'm a girl from the land of hennas and itsmids.

Life is about investigations nowadays.

I investigated the emergency staircase in Mid Valley and realise that no I have to re-do the whole plot of my novel. Which is really annoying come to think about it. All this while I was thinking of stairs and actually it was Sunway Pyramid's!

Last week, Mun and I was investigating the SMS that I got. And if you think it's petty stuff like 'spying what your boyfriend does behind your back', teeet, wrong answer.

Remember the kindy? Them stupid people once gave us a list of potential customers to call. I look through it and realised that my name is on it. I asked them, "Where did you get this list, because all hell freezes over before I ever called a kindergarten." I don't have a kid nor have I heard about them before the whole shenanigans. They never answered me. That was the first time I realised these people are another bunch of fake aunties and their oh-so fake dreams of educating children.

I mean, what is the first thing you should teach your kid? "Don't lie." And ironically, here's the foundation of every single deceit.

So when they sent me an SMS and invite me to their Open Day, I knew that they haven't renew the list, and my name is still on it. They never knew my number. And they think that I am another 'potential customer', eager to send my 'invisible' kid to a place that are not insured.

So Mun and I went to the place to check if there IS a kindergarten as mentioned. Sure enough, they went and open it at the same place we had to close it. Funnily enough, when they pushed us to get two lots (and we had to pay RM3600 every month for that shit), they only use one lot. Which goes to show, they are sooo not getting the authority's permission. You see, if you open a kindergarten in a shoplot, you have to have two lots to ensure that there is a solid emergency staircase. They don't have it, and I can just hear their justification for that, for they are the people of excuses - which once said, "There was no license in the Prophet's time."

That's because he was the one who will set the ground rule, moron. Yeah, I came from a religious background too, I know my sirah nabawiyyah too. Oh, and I also came from the bitchy side of the literature world, so I have the permission to cuss your ass up and down, in perfect Queen's English too, you tactless incomprehensive fools.  

Anyway (*betulkan rambut sambil tarik nafas panjang2*), my third investigation was the longest one, and it took me 3 weeks, interrogating 5 different people, and suspects from 4 different venues.

I was introduced to this thing called IP Blocker. Shouldn't have too many difficulties to know what it is from the name itself.

After being stalked twice, it kinda messes with my head and every time I check my tracker, I will get this paranoia about other stalkers. Yes, I can just assume friends checking up on things and all that, but well... blame the previous stalkers for making me feel uncomfortable about writing in my blog.

But after three weeks of finding out, I decided to just stop trying. It's a blog for goodness sake, people bound to read it. It IS meant to be read. I just have to make sure I do not write outrageous stuff anymore. But please do not make this a place for you to spy about my relationship. I never write about relationships here. I only write things when it's over or when it did not work out. So whether I am still single, in the process of knowing someone or in a relationship, in here, in my blog, I am always the girl tutting about "Where all the good guys gone?"

SMSing with Swee Wei today. Girl is looking for new avenues. I am so grateful I did not listen to her and her "Oh, don't resign now, let's resign together." Yeah, like 2 years later. If I did, I think agaknya baru tahun depan aku publish "AKN".

Asked her if she would like the MAHB job. She would have to suit up though. And she gave the S-face. Hahahahaha (yeah, I knew we're not a bunch of suit up girls).

Oh yeah, actually I went to Mid Valley today to watch Potter preview. Read all about it.

Freestylin your Writing

The biggest condition to be a writer is:

To not worry about grammar.

The moment you worry about grammar, you are not going to write anything. But at the same time, always practice with it.

I never care about my grammar when it comes to blogwriting. It's tedious. When you start to worry about it, you tend to worry about everything else in this world and then you start to turn into a pedant and annoy everybody.

It took me a year to reduce my pedantic nature and try to not be an insufferable know-it-all. It's good to know and to share your knowledge. It's not good to start share too much that people go, "Sheesh, live a life!" My problem starts when I start to become this insufferable know-it-all - because when you don't know one thing, you start to feel dumb. Then you feel the world around you dumb and then you feel lonely. And you start to find intelligent people to be around and the next thing you know, you're doing it again - being arrogant with your knowledge.

I knew this one guy who is sooo doped up about his greatness, that he annoys the whole lot of us. And i really feel sorry for him because he has wrap himself around the idea that he is intelligent, succesful, with a beautiful wife and has a great life when people around him only think, "There he goes again with his Alice in Wonderland life."

What the hell is my point again?

Oh yes, writing.

Someone asked me how can I still be blogging, have two of them while I busied myself with subtitling and writing. Don't I get bored doing it?

Do I? Of course I'm bored. But I don't talk as much as I write so I always have something to say in writing. If you keep yapping all the time, you will not like writing at all. It's either you move your mouth or your hand........................ damn it sounds dirty.

And anyways, you can never be too systematic with writing. I never liked writing courses. I don't like writing courses as much as Jackyn Victor hates singing classes. The moment you have a system, you are computerised to do things. I like being a hippie. I like being "an enigma wrapped in taco" as Sam Winchester would put it. I like pop culture references, stand up comedies and dry humour. And it becomes my number one basis in writing.

See how unsystematic I write from the example given above?

So yes, the first and foremost, don't you ever give a damn about grammar. But learn while you write. Learning is a slow process. You can't open a dictionary all the time, you're gonna get bored and stop what you're doing.

Be free. Like a Glen Hansard's song.

Be water, my friend (*stealing line from Bruce Lee*)

P.S. : Yesterday Mun and I thought of watching ESTET but they only have night shows. Cinemas are stupid.

Stop Harrassing Subtitlists When They Translate Things Wrongly Because After 10 Different Shows Where People Mumble, Nobody Has Patience Anymore To Do Things Correctly.

"You look different."
"I feel different."

And then I realised it sounded like a scene from "The Incredibles". Then you kind of hope he will say he regretted what had happened, but of course that will never come. It's not a movie. Those things don't work in real life. Because in real life, nobody makes mistakes and say they're sorry. Things just happened and after a few years, it just dies away leaving only traces of whatever. A guy would try to remember because they forget easily. A girl would try to forget because they remember too much.

In real life, it stops there. It ends with him nodding his head and the awkward silence. And then you play with your cellphone hoping that someone would call so that the silence will be broken and you can answer the phone with a "Hello," wave him goodbye and walk away until you think he cannot see you anymore or the bus came.

Dude,  don't ever let that happened. EV-VER.

I have been busy with work. The bosses send me scripts like criminals send victims threats. The thing with subtitling is that sometimes scripts don't help. There are scripts that were sent from the production house (stuff like sitcoms & movies), and some are just scripts written later, things that are not scripted that you have to rewrite back (like reality shows such as "America's Next Top Model"), that may have errors in it that you need your ears to listen to the audio to correct it. This, my friend, is the point of stress - because now you have to do both job; translating and rewriting the scripts inside your head.

This entry is what I called - Stop Harrassing Subtitlists When They Translate Things Wrongly Because After 10 Different Shows Where People Mumble, Nobody Has Patience Anymore To Do Things Correctly.

Being a subtitlist, you are presented with different sort of issues. Firstly, scripts that have lots of errors. Sometimes the person in the audio visual is saying "You are making it hard for me to panic!", and they wrote "You are making me panic!". Which is of course are two different things but when the copier wrote differently and the actor speaks too fast, you will not be able to realise it. You would, if you are only translating one show. When you have 15 more in queue, everything sounds the way it is.

Second, sometimes videos are not calibrated, or calibrated wrongly that after you cue the subtitles and replay it, you realise that the subtitles came two seconds earlier or maybe 5 minutes earlier than the actual dialogues or 2 seconds or 5 minutes later. And that is when viewers at home going, "Fuckin stupid subtitlist don't know how to put subtitles properly!!!!" Most of the time, it's not our fault. It's the calibration.

Thirdly, don't be an ass and laugh at us when certain things are wrong. We have to be 5 steps ahead of you. While you watch shows that you want, we have to translate all types of shows even stuff we can't understand. For example, translating engineering stuff (reinforced concrete is konkrit bertetulang, I bet you not even real engineers knew that malay term) when you are not an engineering student or even like things that has the word 'engine' in it. Here are examples of stuff in what I mean thinking 5 steps ahead:

1. Britain's Next Top Model : Yeah, you say "That's english. Easy peasy, Miss Freckle Cheesy." Well, for you it's English and you think it's easy because you are reading what I have translated for you. To me, there are loads of different things. In just one show, there are Queen's English, Cockneys, Liverpoolian slangs, Welsh accent, Irish accents, British street slangs, Jamaican British, ethnic slangs. Not all of them resides in Oxford Dictionary or your very comfortable BM-BI Dictionary. And I have never been to England, son. First time di'it, 'was gobsmacked, yah?

2. Engineering/Architectural/Science/Legal Documentaries : Also includes shows like "House", "CSI", or any dramas with professional subject at hand. Things you have to translate includes words like reinforced concrete, metamphetamine, beyond reasonable doubt, triple-lobed footprints, polipodiophyta, spinplasmonics, abstract nonsense, canonical, binomial naminclature, etc.

3. Slangs : there are few of them.
i. Old people might use expressions like "Far out!" or "Oh my giddy aunt!" or words like "snazzy", "hoosegow", etc
ii. Things like organs and body parts have lots of a.k.as, like you call breast as tits, tiddies, boobs, racks, tatas, nims, etc.
iii. Purple hills, sandwich, tea, idiots pill, indonesian bud, black buttons, Mary Ann, marimba, Peter Pan, chocolate chips. Yes. They are drugs slang.
iv. streets/hip hop slang like Wake and Bake, Benjis, Abes, "he's the parallel, the ace", and stuff that makes you go, "Speak english, idiots!"
v. army slangs like, 'the Nams' (Vietnam), 'jerries' (Germans), 'Victor' or 'Charlie' (Vietcongs).

4. Everything that is in the beautiful thing called language : portmanteaus, abbreviations, acronyms, backronyms, anacronym, jargons, wits, puns (shows like "How I Met Your Mother"), meta-humour (especially shows like "30 Rock" that is filled with them)   

5. As I also translate Indonesian language, there are also stuff like portmanteaus, abreviations and stuff as they have a lot of that. Knowing things like kepsek, jaim, and also understanding how they spell because they use the Dutch/Spanish ways of spelling. It's not ABCDE, it's A BE CE DE. Trivia: What does this spell? WE AH RE U NE GE. (answer: WARUNG)

6. Stuff that you just have to, well... wing it. It includes dialogues such as;
a) "What are you fatal-attraction-ing me for?" or,
b) "Yes, you just have been Maria Ozawa-ed by that guy." or,
c) "Oh my God, she just Carrie-ed me."
*puzzled? Here's the explanation:
a) refers to a scene where the heroine's friend was stalking the heroine and kept copying her
b)  refers to perverse humour about censored sex, as most Japanese pornos mosaic-ed their intercourse scenes (haih, things I do to make people understand english....) and seems like Maria Ozawa is internationally famous for the porn business of Japan.
c) refers to a scene where some girls nearly pour dirty water on to the heroine from above, like a scene in the movie "Carrie", where Sissy Spacek as the titular character got washed by pig's blood in that famous scene in the 70s movie.

7. Stuff that you don't even know how to wing em but you still have to, including scripts that have censored words in each and every few lines but you still have to dodge and translate because it is a part of an important climax to a movie.
Please xxcuse my vulgarity for a while, but I am trying to make a point. It is dialogues such as this that makes you go "Man... give me a break..." ;
"You son of a whore! Do you fucking think, that I will fucking let you fucking leave with that fucking cunt? You damn fucking right. I will let you go, but before that, I will fucking shoot your cock and let the fucking bitch fucking suck it!"
Let's play dodge and dub. Dodge the cussing above and try to make it into a sentence filled with emotion and yet presentable to audience.
(answer: "Lelaki tak guna! Kau fikir aku akan biar kau pergi dengan perempuan jalang tu? Kau memang betul. Aku akan benarkan, tapi sebelum tu aku akan musnahkan kau dan dia!")

Yes, it is sooooo EASY being a translator/subtitlist. Please think again before you say anything. I am not saying your job is easy. But don't say mine is.

out of sight out of mind

Hidup aku macam deja-vu.

Macam nak berhenti sekejap dan kata, "Wait a minute, this happens before."
Tak mau. Tak mau berlaku lagi.
Full stop.

That Moment When I Saw The Article, and I Felt Like Kicking The Reporter's Ass and If I Had a License I May Have Done That and Sue For Defamation.

Here's the issue of certain writers.

Two weeks ago, a journalist called me and said that he wanted to make an interview for a column in his paper. For the sake of the paper itself, I would not put the name (although, if you think about it, who would care, right? Unless Datin Seri Rosmah sues you for something wrongly put, most of the time people go, "Nehhh, whatever.").

He said it would be better if he just emailed the question and I just answer it. I think that would be better because he can just read my answers and then there will be no misunderstanding or misquoting. I mean the danger of face to face interview is that you may hear it wrong. So email is the best way. Or so I think and I regret it later.

Before I continue, let me tell you no matter how inefficient I was during my days in CO, I indeed have interviewed people like Zul Huzaimy, Zarina AF, Ahmad Idham, Saiful Apek, Singaporean director Wee Li Lin, Malaysian indie director Yeo Joon Han, and Shashi Tharan. So let me tell you, I know how a journalist works - the differences in writing in perspective, expanding a small comment into longer conversations, and just plain writing recklessly.

But anyways, today (Sunday 31/10/2010) I was reading the paper and you should have seen the look on my face, when I reread what I have written to him. The whole interview - the questions - that he gave me was turned into a summary, which is of course normal, except the fact that he twisted it into something that is soooo wrong that I felt like going to that media office and kick his ass.

Here's certain stuff he wrote:

"...Nurul Syahida Kamarudin, 27, minat menulis novel setelah mendengar cerita dongeng yang membosankan dari ibunya, Latipah Abdul Wahab. Ibunya suka bercerita kepadanya dan adik-adik yang lain, kadang-kadang menokok jalan cerita sedangkan mereka mengetahui sudah tersasar dari tema sebenarnya. Mana tidaknya, cerita Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup menjadi cerita seram dan kadang-kadang bersyair seperti Hindustan semata-mata mahu anak-anaknya melelapkan mata."

Here I give you the actual thing that I wrote (since it is through email, I can always refer to it again):-

Saya suka menulis sejak sekolah rendah lagi. Dari kecil ibu saya, Puan Latipah Abdul Wahab suka bercerita, adakalanya dia menambah-nambah jalan cerita apabila dia merasakan pengakhiran sesebuah kisah dongeng itu membosankan. Kami akan berkumpul di dalam bilik dan mendengar ibu saya mengubah cerita cerita Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup menjadi cerita seram atau bersyair agar kami tidur. 

Now, I was saying that my mum turns boring fairy tales and folk tales into interesting stories. The writer wrote it and saying as if I said my mum bores me with her story and some kind of a Hindustan daydreaming lover who embarrases her kids with her imagination and Hindi syair. By the way, Hindi syair is poetry. Syair melayu is syair melayu, dumbass.


"Begitu juga dalam novel Plain Jane yang diterbitkan pada 2008 - mengisahkan protagonis yang cantik dan hodoh, kemudian menjadi cantik melalui watak Balkis - gadis yang hodoh, tidak cantik, tidak pandai, tidak miskin dan tidak kaya. Sebagai gadis yang berasal dari kelas pertengahan, Balkis digilai oleh Zaniel yang kacak dan kaya."

The actual thing that I sent him was;-

Saya menulis “Plain Jane” (2008) sebagai satu usikan terhadap kisah yang sedia ada di pasaran yang banyak mengagungkan protagonis yang cantik atau protagonis yang hodoh (yang akhirnya menjadi cantik). Maka saya jadikan Balkis seorang gadis yang biasa - tidak cantik, tidak hodoh, tidak pandai, tidak bodoh, tidak miskin tetapi tidak kaya. Dia merupakan gadis biasa - gadis kelas pertengahan yang tidak mahu hidup dalam kesederhanaan dan mahu keterujaan seperti para heroin karya Jane Austen. Dia sangka apabila dia dipertemukan dengan Zaniel yang kacak dan kaya-raya, hidupnya akan seindah mana-mana novel cinta. Ia satu percubaan saya untuk menyampaikan kepada umum, “Jangan berangan!” Haha.

 
First of all, what kind of wording arrangement is that? Second, when I wrote it, I am saying that this is my social observation towards reading behaviour, the kind of people who reads novel and why I think it's a shame that nobody writes a story about normal people with normal issues when most of us are not living in dramatic life where prince charming sweeps you off your feet and every heroine is beautiful and have so many admirers. He puts it in a way that is saying I wrote a story about an ugly girl who attracted a rich handsome guy. It sounds soooo cheesy and soooo.... I don't write for people to daydream, man. I am waking them up from that. Stupid stupid stupid.

"Kini Syahida sedang giat menghasilkan novel berjudul Hari Memperingati Kekasih yang mengisahkan tentang dunia kehidupan remaja di asrama."


This is the funniest, because this is what I actually wrote him;-

Novel saya yang seterusnya sedang diusahakan. Kali ini saya berniat untuk mengusik pembaca tentang obsesi Hari Memperingati Kekasih. Harapnya ia akan dapat dilancarkan tahun hadapan, insya Allah. Saya juga sedang cuba menulis novel remaja tentang kehidupan di asrama tetapi butirnya masih tidak dapat diberitahu lagi.

I mean, there are two things that I was saying as above. A chic lit, and a teen stuff. How stupid can you be if you think I am currently writing a novel entitled "Hari Memperingati Kekasih" about a bunch of teenagers in hostel? What kind of lame title is that, anyway?

Look, have you ever heard of a defamation suit? Ever heard of libel suit? Someone can sue you for reckless disregards of truth. For example, instead of introducing me to readers (or "bagi publisiti" as he kept yapping to all novelists), the writer succesfully wrote me into a kind of person who bash her own mother in an newspaper for being 'boring' (I will never forgive him for writing it like that), a lame cheesy writer with a corny title and who wrote daydreaming fantastical novels about rich guys and ugly girls and Cinderelical storylines when the truth is, she went into this industry trying to be otherwise.

You're defaming my character. That's what it is. And if you did that in the US, you are soooo going to get sued. I am just saying this as a reminder to writers out there to be careful of stuff like this. This is just a little thing, I am just writing this not to whine about people mistaking me for something else, but I am writing this in a perspective - IF YOU ARE RECKLESS WITH YOUR INFORMATION THAT MAY ALTER SOMEONE'S PERSONALITY AND MAY CAUSE SLANDER, IT IS A CRIME. This, to me is just recklessness - and you are being disrespectful to me.

Read your Acts before you write.

Ode to Astro Max...

Work worn me down today.

It's my own fault. I knew I have to go to the office, but the night before I kept chatting with Mun and Masni, and then watch "How I Met Your Mother" and then make myself a burger and then read something about Pica Disorder and for all I know, it was 3am already.

Astro B'yond arrived today. We did not asked for it now did we actually want it. But apparently ASTRO wants to kill off Max now and change it all to B'yond.

Let me tell you one thing. I hate B'yond. I know they gave it to us for free, but then again, it's only changing decoder. We still don't have any of the HD shows. Of course, that isn't in the 'agreement'... you need to subscribe to it. Which means more money. Riiiight.... like I care. Don't you know I don't like 3D? Which means I don't share all the hoohahs of an HD tv.

I hate that they took Max away. I got lots of stuff recorded in there.

1. The whole season of HEROES
-I haven't watched it yet. Heroes is not the type of show you want to watch without giving full attention to.

2. One Last Dance
-I haven't found the movie anywhere, not from a legal DVD shop nor pirated version. It's my favourite movie of all time and now it's gone with the decoder.

3. 20th Century Boys
-I have the second and third movie on DVD but the first one is only available on my MAX record.

4. JuOn OVA 2
-I haven't had the chance to watch it yet because I only have time from 1-3am. Do you think I want to watch Saeki Kayako crawling from the stairs at that time?

5. My favourite How I Met Your MOther episode
- The one with Robin's Robin Sparkles second music video, "Sandcastles in the Sand".

6. El Cantante
-I have postponed watching that since June last year. It's my own fault for not watching it all this time.

The new decoder is stupid. It has more buttons to push and when you are so used to do everything by a push of a button, too many interfaces seems like stone age.

Astro Max, thank you for all of your assistance all these years. You will be missed...

It's not that hard of a word...

Aku tengok "British Next Top Model". Para peserta saling bergaduh hanya kerana sebab-sebab yang kecil dan biasanya tidak munasabah.

Ia mengingatkan aku kepada seorang kawan yang berkata bahawa dia tidak suka berkawan dengan budak perempuan sebab mereka sangat bitchy dan sebab tu dia banyak berkawan dengan orang lelaki.

Aku tidak bersetuju mahupun tidak tidak bersetuju (hahaha, go figure). Sebab aku rasa sebagai perempuan, kita dilahirkan dengan perasaan yang lebih dan adakalanya ia tertunjuk. Adakalanya orang yang rasa mereka tidak bitchy itu lebih bitchy (because if you're not bitchy, you won't be calling others a bitch, right?).

(Ni ape asik cakap pasal being bitchy ni? It's not even a good word).

Apa pun... pada aku pergaduhan sesama perempuan ni memang biasa sebab kita ni mudah terasa. It's just that sometimes you just have to learn when to shut your mouth. Ada sesetengah orang tak tahu bila masanya untuk shut their mouth itu. Itu yang membawa kepada permasalahan utama yang membawa kepada jeritan dan tangisan.

Saya tak kata saya seorang yang cool dan composed sebab adakalanya saya juga tidak tahu bila masa nak shut my mouth (biasanya ia berlaku apabila saya memang saja nak cari gaduh). Tapi saya pandai satu perkara. It has two words and starts with M and ends with F.

Ya, MINTA MAAF.

Sebenarnya kalau kita semua rajin meminta maaf (dan ikhlas melakukannya, bukan semata-mata saying sorry because the argument bores you), kita tak perlu bertekak dengan lebih panjang sementara orang lelaki menonton dengan penuh asyik. Tapi masalah kita ialah kita tidak suka meminta maaf. Adakalanya kita buat pelbagai perkara untuk memastikan orang itu tidak membenci kita, tetapi tidak sekali pun kita menyebut perkataan maaf.

Susah sangatkah meminta maaf? Kalau kita membiasakan diri meminta maaf, mungkin orang tidak akan rasa terlalu jengkel dengan kita. Kalau lelaki itu meminta maaf atas kesalahannya dan tidak cuba melakukan pelbagai perkara lain untuk menebusnya semata-mata dia tidak mahu menyebut perkataan itu, mungkin saya dah lama lupakan apa saja yang telah berlaku dan kita tak perlu merasa kecil hati. Kalau syarikat itu mengatakan maaf, mungkin kami tidak akan cuba menyamannya. Kalau perempuan itu mengatakan maaf kerana telah buat saya sakit hati, mungkin saya tidak akan simpan dalam hati saya.

Tapi keegoan kita sentiasa membuatkan kita tidak mahu menyebutnya. Kita mencuba pelbagai perkara untuk menyedapkan hati kita, atau adakalanya menyerang orang yang kita sakiti daripada menyebut maaf itu sendiri.
Sebenarnya, kalau kita semua pandai meminta maaf, banyak dendam boleh ditinggalkan, banyak luka yang boleh diubati, banyak kesedihan yang boleh dilupakan.

Kata Elton John, "Sorry seems to be the hardest words". Kerana maaf itu tanda seseorang itu melepaskan keegoan. Ia tanda seseorang itu mampu meletakkan orang lain di atas dan merendahkan dirinya.

Alangkah indahnya dunia kalau kita sering bermaafan dan tidak hanya menantikan Hari Raya untuk melakukannya?

Jadi, just say you're sorry. And mean it. We're bound to repeat it because we're only human but at least in that person's memory, you did put your ego down once. And that's all there is to it.

Pokes at Puns before the Rising of the Sun

Here are some of my stupid jokes... yes, I know... I'm sorry, but it's 5am and my mind always runs around at 5am thinking stupid puns. I'd rather share it with people. I wanna make em FB stats, but then again it's boring when you get the wrong feeds:-

How to detect a stupid person? Try asking their opinion about Anesthesia and they will tell you that they haven't heard the new album yet.

"Pro Bono" means professional work undertaken voluntarily and without payment as a public service. For me, it just means you love U2.

Yes, the "Devil May Cry" if he watches "Resident Evil 4".

A normal person would know that a candy striper is a volunteer at the hospital. A pervert would think it's a stripper named Candy.

"in loco parentis" - in Common Law means, "the legal responsibility of a person/org to take some functions of a parent". In Shai's Law, it just means I am living within the proximity of a crazy parent.

A bird in hand, worth two in the bushes........ isn't that something a prostitute would say?

You should never marry a girl who thinks being called "La Conchita" is a praise. She may be ignorant of the meaning in which it means she's naive, or she might knew the meaning and just think it IS a praise, which means she's a slut.

My dad was upset that for a polsc grad, I can't differenciate a roundhead, a jarhead and a squarehead. I'm not sorry for it though. I'm a bighead.

What SM Nasarudin and a bank have in common? They both have money. And they both have "Caunter". (Oyh, this is my lamest pun ever)

A friend in need is a friend in debt.

Is it called 'hypothermia' because only hippopotamus can stay in water THAT long?

Adam is the first man of existence. The first man in the world. The ultimate. The purest of all man. Try telling that to Lambert.

What doesn't kill you, will only increase your hospital bill.

"A boob" means an idiot. "To boob something" means to make a mistake. That is why a boobjob always makes a woman looks stupider.

Never marry a man who thinks that a woman should only knows how to cook. They are the ones who only knows how to eat.

I can tell you this much

There are two groups of people.

One, people who are obsessed with being politically-correct.

The other are people who are obsessed with being open minded.

I can tell you this much. Being stuck in the middle is so exasperating.

Donald Duck - Duck Pimples (1945)!!!

One of my favourite Donald Duck cartoon. It has that old mystery movie feel to it.
Well, if only I can find Betty Boops' more original stuff. Booboop-bee-doop oop!

I Can Really Be Bitchy When You Do Not Want To Learn...

Nad told me something which I think funny.

Some girl was in a conflict of some sort (with herself apparently) for not being able to choose between buying a Coach or one other expensive brand of handbag. Upon being given loads of "great" advice by other girls on which one she should buy, she told them the  reason of the oh-so big...massive...GIGANTUOUS conflict.


"I have to think about it, as this is a kind of investment for me."

...............................................................................................................investment?

A woman buying loads of gold I can understand. You can resell gold. It IS an investment. A branded handbag? Are you THAT silly to follow the advise of Rebecca Bloomwood? Please, woman. Let me remind you that Becky Bloomwood is just a character created by Sophie Kinsella - a lesson to all women, not an idol of some sort.

I really do have issues when women do this kind of thinking that kinda make me understand why the men want to smack their head on the table. Here is 5 of things women should not say and then get all worked up when people call her dumb.

1. "A branded handbag is an investment."
No, a branded handbag is a handbag made by poor children in China with 20 yuan per bag, shipped to America, tagged with the biggest name in the fashion industry and sold to you back in Southeast Asia at the price of RM3000. Good luck telling Little Zhu Yi back in Shaoxing that you just bought something she beautifully sew for a hefty price but never thought about helping her get out from the shithole.  

2. "I have shoegasms."
I don't actually have issues if girls like shoes. I have issues being one of the poor people who got blacklisted for not being able to pay my loan when these girls also did not pay it and use the money to buy shoes. I wonder, why is it that we all don't pay our loans and the middle class society is the first one to get blacklisted? Hullo, the Prada girl has not been paying her dues since November 2007, please.

3. "Oh-em-gee...  I thought Canada was a part of Europe."
As much as you do not want to be an insufferable know-it-all, come on man... tell me how can I ever just let it go? She thinks Canada is a part of Europe! That is worst than thinking Turkey is an African country or that Iraq, Iran, Kuwait and Yemen is a part of a made up region called "Arabia". Men may think it's cute and wanna be the heroic teacher, but I'm a woman. I can't tolerate it even if you give me a million bucks. Tits and ass don't work on me.

4. "Oh, I don't wear baju kelawar. I just wear neggle-giiii." 
Yeah, that really IS the correct pronunciation of négligée, being French word and all... which usually I would just let it go as it is not important, but when being laughed at for my choice of bk as a nightgown, it always seem to be a good retaliation for me just to call you dumb pretentious rich girl with a fake pronunciation.

5. "I just bought 3 shirts for RM100. Isn't that cheap?"
I just mum the word. I can't bear to tell the girl those Thai-made shirts she bought cost only RM10 at any kiosk in front of The Curve or pasar malam. If a girl thinks 3 shirts for RM100 is cheap, she does not deserve the information anyway.

And on another note. I always make that joke with my female friends, that every time we had to share a bed or crammed into a taxi, I will always say, "Don't try anything, I'm still a virgin."

This one girl was very offended, and it took me a while to understand that she just did it with his boyfriend.
Babe, if me saying I'm a virgin is offending you when you are no longer one, why did you do it anyway? Feeling offended of not being a virgin means you know what is right and what is wrong and that you felt like you have lost a part of your dignity with it. See, I always say, if you want to be stupid and give it to people so bad, you just have to suck it up. You seemed to think he's 'oh-so' special to just spread your legs willingly just because he bought you your favourite ice cream flavour, so... yes, SUCK IT UP.

Sheesh.

Oh another thing.... don't you think firing someone during her pregnancy (meaning at a time when a woman is at most emotional, tired, needs energy for almost everything, heavy mood swings, vulnerable to the core) and then try to justify their evilness by offering to give her money till the day of her labor and then pretending to be all caring by telling her she should be with her baby is something only assholes would do?

Yeah, I thought so too.

It always reminds me of an act in Labor Law...

Pai - not the food but the headache

Aku sedang membaca sesuatu di wikipedia dan membuat keputusan mungkin aku patut cuba memahami semua subjek matematik yang aku tak faham dulu. Mungkin dalam bahasa inggeris, subjek tu lebih mudah difahami sebab kadang2 BM ni terlalu bersifat menterjemah sampai tak paham.

Dan aku buat kesimpulan bahawa ia bukan salah cikgu, atau salah bahasa melayu.
Aku memang tak peduli. I just don't care. I just don't care if pi is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter, or if it's ubiquitous in science and engineering. I just don't give a damn.

Geometric definition

In Euclidean plane geometry, π is defined as the ratio of a circle's circumference C to its diameter d:^[9]

The ratio C/d is constant, regardless of a circle's size. For example, if a circle has twice the diameter d of another circle it will also have twice the circumference C, preserving the ratio C/d.
Alternatively π can be defined as the ratio of a circle's area A to the area of a square whose side is equal to the radius r of the circle:^[9][14]

These definitions depend on results of Euclidean geometry, such as the fact that all circles are similar, and the fact that the right-hand-sides of these two equations are equal to each other (i.e. the area of a disk is Cr/2). These two geometric definitions can be considered a problem when π occurs in areas of mathematics that otherwise do not involve geometry. For this reason, mathematicians often prefer to define π without reference to geometry, instead selecting one of its analytic properties as a definition. A common choice is to define π as twice the smallest positive x for which the trigonometric function cos(x) equals zero.^[15]

Circumference = π × diameter

Area of the circle equals π times the area of the shaded square

More talk, less stalk...

Percubaan Tugiman untuk jeleskan semua orang dengan menjadi orang pertama di Malaysia dapat ambil gambar dengan Maher Zain memang berjaya. Mentang2 kerja LCCT...

Stalker.

Dulu masa kawan aku di-stalk (kawan di sini merujuk kepada Iza), aku kata, "Peh, seronoknya ko ada stalker." Aku gurau je. Aku bukan berharap.

Sebab stalker adalah golongan manusia paling annoying dalam dunia. Di negara barat, stalker adalah satu masalah besar yang membolehkan seseorang ke mahkamah dan mendapatkan restraining order. Stalker juga boleh mencapai tahap psiko sehingga menyebabkan peristiwa2 berikut:

a) Stalker pelakon Jodie Foster, John W. Hinckley menulis surat kepada Jodie Foster bahawasanya demi membuktikan cintanya kepada Foster, dia akan dedicate-kan percubaan membunuh presiden ketika itu, Ronald Reagan.

b) Stalker John Lennon, Mark David Chapman telah menembaknya tiga kali di depan pintu rumahnya.

Di Malaysia, istilah stalking digunakan dengan sewenang-wenangnya (seperti mana istilah plagiarism - di Malaysia, plagiarism dianggap sebagai 'sharing is caring'. Otak ko.). Stalking di Malaysia biasanya adalah perkataan untuk menggambarkan seorang manusia yang asyik mengikuti anda dalam pelbagai bentuk.

a) Stalker blog.
Sahabat seblogging (apakah perkataan itu, novelis?) aku mengalami masalah ini apabila seorang wanita yang mempunyai masalah psikologi yang mendalam asyik mengendap blognya untuk mencari gaduh dengannya, sehingga menyebabkan sahabat aku ini terpaksa bertukar blog dan block IP address berkali-kali. Mesej aku untuk perempuan itu, "Woman, less time stalking, more time moving forward is good for you."

b) Stalker facebook
Orang yang asyik check facebook anda, gambar2 anda, dan cuba add rakan2 anda dan bertanya kepada mereka tentang diri anda. Kemudian berkali-kali menghantar mesej kepada anda menggambarkan akan kehidupan di mana anda yang akan mengejarnya. Dude, once and for all, I am not interested.

c) Stalker novel
Percubaan mengenali diri anda dengan membaca semua buku-buku anda dan menganggap itulah diri anda yang sebenarnya. Kemudian cuba menjadikan dirinya seperti semua hero dalam buku anda. Dude, if I like you, it's sweet. But if I don't, it's just creepy. Why can't you just be like all the other funny guys who asked me to put my phone number in their book. They laugh, I laugh, I sign their book and that's the end of it.

d) Stalker otak
When I was studying, there was this girl who stalks me for my notes. Tiap2 hari datang ke bilik untuk pinjam nota, tiap2 hari telefon cellphone gua tanpa henti dan tercegat depan bilik pada jam 8 pagi untuk meminjam nota. That's even creepier than any other ype of stalking, I tell you.

e) Serial stalker
Stalker yang stalk apa saja dan sesiapa saja sehingga mendapat perhatian.

Apa saja dalam fikiran anda, sila luahkannya. More talk, less stalk. Sila beri kami mengerti apa yang anda mahu, dan kita bincangkannya dengan baik-baik. Sila jangan buat kami rasa sexually harrassed. Thank you.

(Bukan Danny) X-Factor

Seorang artis di TV bercakap tentang cuba mencari cara untuk disukai.

Antaranya dengan mengubah gayanya, kerana selepas 10 tahun dia masih belum sepopular yang sepatutnya.

Saya rasa ada antara mereka tidak faham apakah itu X-Factor, dan cuba mencarinya.

X merujuk kepada sesuatu yang tidak diketahui, atau apa yang orang Perancis katakan sebagai "je ne sais quois". Dari sudut istilahnya, X ialah sesuatu yang anda tidak akan temui kerana jika anda tidak memilikinya, anda masih tidak akan memilikinya. X adalah misteri.
(macam dalam filemla, kalau anda ada peminat misteri, kan namanya jadi Mr. X)

Adibah Noor bukanlah wanita paling seksi di dunia, tapi dia masih terkenal kerana faktor X.
Idayu yang memiliki suara yang sama dahsyatnya tidak mendapat perhatian Malaysia sebegitu kerana ketiadaan faktor X itu.

Fasha Sandha akan berbuat apa saja untuk kelihatan baik tetapi masih akan dibenci kerana Faktor X.
Manakala artis-artis lain yang membuat kesalahan yang sama tidak menerima kebencian yang sama bukan kerana wartawan, tetapi kerana ketiadaan Faktor X. Maksudnya, tidak kiralah perbuatan bodoh apa pun yang mereka lakukan, tiada siapa peduli.

Paris Hilton seorang yang mengarut tapi anda masih nak baca berita mengenainya kerana Faktor X.
Nicky Hilton adiknya tidak ada Faktor X yang sama jadi perceraiannya tidak dipedulikan sesiapa.

Ia dipanggil X-Factor kerana tiada siapa boleh menentukan apakah punca mereka terkenal itu. Ia bukan satu elemen yang sama. Ia sama seperti bakat untuk menjual, atau keupayaan seseorang menundukkan lelaki sekalipun tanpa elemen seksual.

Bukan, ia juga bukan santau.

Faktor X dipanggil X kerana anda tidak mempunyai satu sebab untuknya.

Kerana itu, berhentilah mencuba kerana sekiranya anda tidak ada faktor X itu, anda tidak akan memilikinya sampai bila-bila tak kiralah sesedap nama pun lagu anda, suara anda, atau wajah anda.

It's a cruel cruel world, I know. Live and learn.

Cerpen yang Satu Itu

Was a short story I wrote two years ago, I think. Notice no english at all and full bahasa melayu dan tatabahasa lengkap sekali.

Jadi kalau korang ingat aku ni penulis tempelan, meh sini aku bagi pelempang. Aku boleh je menulis macam ni, cuma aku pilih untuk tidak je.

JAM SATU PAGI.

Oleh: Nurul Syahida Kamarudin

           

            Puas Sayd Hadi memikirkannya.

            Dia menari-narikan jemarinya di papan kekunci, menyentuh setiap satu kunci huruf, memikirkan perkataan pertama yang patut ditaip. Tetingkap si skrin komputer masih memaparkan program Microsoft Word yang masih kosong. Sekali dia menekan kunci huruf M dan kemudian memadamkannya semula dan mengeluh. Dia mencuba sekali lagi dan perkataan ‘CERPEN’ terpamer di skrin, namun sekali lagi dia memadamkannya.

            Jam menunjukkan pukul satu pagi.

            Dia sudah mengundurkan diri ke biliknya pada jam lapan setengah malam, meninggalkan meja makan sebaik sahaja dia menghabiskan sepinggan nasi berlaukkan gulai lemak ayam, ikan goreng dan sayur rebus kegemarannya. Dia mengunci pintu biliknya, sempat terlebih dahulu memesan pada ibu supaya memberitahu sekelian keluarga yang dia tidak mahu diganggu dan lantas duduk di hadapan komputer, membuka perisian tersebut.

            Tepat jam sepuluh, Sayd Hadi merasa geram. Dia mula hilang fokus dan mula melayari internet. Dia sempat memperbaharui blog kesayangannya dengan menulis tentang rasa kecewanya akibat tidak mendapat ilham. Malah dia sempat membaca beberapa buah emel yang dihantar oleh teman-teman, kebanyakannya gambar-gambar lucu dan juga tazkirah-tazkirah buat peringatan. Dia sempat juga menyebarkan gambar-gambar lucu tersebut kepada teman-teman yang lain yang mungkin belum melihatnya dan apabila dia hendak mendaftar keluar dari peti masuk emel itu, sesuatu yang ironi bermain di minda. Seringkali dia menyebarkan dan menghantar gambar-gambar dan cerita-cerita lucu yang didapatinya kepada teman-teman yang lain tetapi dia selalu terlupa untuk menyebarkan tazkirah-tazkirah yang diterima, sedangkan ia adalah perkara penting yang sepatutnya disebarkan kepada teman-teman yang lain. Dan tabiat itu mungkin bukan kesilapannya sahaja. Malah ramai lagi yang berbuat demikian, seringkali meletakkan sesuatu berbentuk peringatan itu di tempat kedua. Lantas Sayd Hadi membuka kembali emel-emel berunsur subjek kerohanian yang diterima dan sudah dibaca lantas menyebarkannya kepada alamat-alamat emel sahabat taulan yang lain.

            Tetingkap internetnya kembali ditutup dan dia memberi perhatiannya kembali kepada kerja yang tertangguh.

            Cerpen yang sepatutnya ditulis masih lagi belum dimulakan, dan jam sudah menunjukkan pukul sepuluh empat puluh lima.

            Sayd Hadi ada terfikir untuk menyiapkan satu jalan cerita yang indah. Setelah merujuk kepada banyak contoh, dia ingin sekali menyiapkan satu cerita yang diilhamkan dari tokoh yang disayanginya. Dia ingin menulis sebuah kisah tentang Salahudin Al-Ayubi, pahlawan Islam yang terbilang itu. Sayd Hadi telah lama memikirkan hal ini. Di zaman milenium ini, dia acapkali menjadi saksi kepada kejahilan insan-insan seagama dengannya yang tidak tahu siapakah itu Salahudin Al-Ayubi. Baharu dua minggu lepas dia menepuk dahi apabila adik seorang temannya yang kini belajar di universiti menyangkakan Salahudin itu adalah satu mitos atau cereka dari kitab Seribu Satu Malam yang dikisahkan oleh Shehrazad, permaisuri Khalifah yang terkenal kerana kebijaksanaannya membebaskan diri dari hukuman dan membuatkan sang Khalifah jatuh cinta kepadanya. Disangka Salahudin itu pelayar tujuh benua dari salah satu cerita yang ditulis.

            “Itu Sinbad.” Jawab Sayd Hadi, cuba bersikap rasional.

            “Oh, Salahudin tu lelaki yang dapat pelita jin tu kan?” tanya gadis itu lagi, menggigit jari.

            “Itu Aladin.” Sayd Hadi mengetap bibir.

            “Oh, ha’ah. Terlupa pula. Jadi siapa Salahudin?”

            Bagi mereka yang kenal arif tentang Salahudin akan menganggap Sayd Hadi berbohong. Namun memang benar, masih ramai yang jahil tentang tokoh Islam ini.

             Kerana itu Sayd Hadi berkobar-kobar hendak mengisahkan kehidupan lelaki ini dalam cerpennya. Lalu dia sibuk mencari bahan rujukan untuk menambahkan pengetahuan am yang ada. Buku tulisan Muhammad Al-‘Arusiy Al-Matwiy tentang Salahudin dan Perang Salib dibaca lagi buat kesekian kalinya dengan bersungguh, dan dia mencatat pelbagai nota tentang hero Islam itu. Salahudin Yusuf nama asalnya, dilatih oleh Nurudin Az-Zinki ketika mudanya, dan catatan demi catatan dinukilkan tentang Perang Hittin, tentang pertemuannya dengan Guy De Lusignon, Bailan of Ibelin dan lain-lain. Sayd Hadi juga mencatat kronologi pertempuran hebat Salahudin dengan Richard Qalbu Asad atau lebih dikenali sebagai Richard si Hati Singa. Dia ingin mengingatkan semua orang tentang perjuangan sang mujahid, dan menyedarkan sekalian pembaca tentang ironi sejarah itu. Bayangkanlah, lelaki berbangsa Kurdi dari Tikrit Iraq ini adalah perwira agung yang dikenali di seluruh dunia, namun bangsa Kurdi itu sendiri kini merempat di merata dunia, tidak punya negara dan tanah air sendiri dan seringkali dilabel sebagai pengganas sedangkan mereka hanya mahu agar etnik mereka tidak luput ditelan zaman. Dia ingin sekalian pembaca memikirkannya.

            Namun, sekalipun dia bersusah-payah membina jalan cerita, Sayd Hadi tidak dapat menangkap ruh Salahudin ke dalam karyanya. Tanpa jiwa, cerita itu akan menjadi satu karya kreatif yang biasa. Tiada siapa yang akan terharu membacanya, dan tiada siapa akan menjadikan karya itu satu inspirasi. Maka dia menangguhkan keinginannya itu dan memulakan rangka cerita yang baru.

            Ada juga terfikir di benaknya untuk menulis sebuah karya tentang politik. Sejak dahulu lagi Sayd Hadi sering mempertikaikan polisi Amerika Syarikat selepas peristiwa 11 September 2001 yang lebih berbentuk prejudis dan secara halus menyalahi hukum global dan Undang-undang Antarabangsa. Dia telah memikirkannya. Cerita yang akan ditulisnya adalah tentang sehari dalam hidup George Bush, ucapan-ucapan si presiden yang seringkali tidak masuk akal, caranya menangani masalah-masalah peribadi ahli politik di sekelilingnya seperti Senator Larry Craig yang dituduh cuba melakukan gangguan seksual terhadap seorang lelaki dan nasihat-nasihat sekutu sekufu yang berada di sekelilingnya yang cuba diambil pakai oleh tuan presiden. Sayd Hadi tidak suka dengan polisi Amerika Syarikat yang lebih bertunjangkan pemikiran neo-konservatisme, berpaksikan pemikiran Leo Strauss yang agak agresif itu. Baginya, 11 September hanyalah sebuah alasan untuk menjayakan neo-imperialism terhadap negara-negara lain.

            Dan dia ingin juga mengupas isu rempit dan gejala sosial yang sedang berleluasa. Namun fikirnya, sudah terlalu acapkali tajuk itu dibincangkan namun masih tidak ada jalan penyelesaian. Pembaca tidak akan berminat lagi untuk mencari tauladan yang hanya muncul di atas kertas tetapi tidak punya praktikal. Seketika dia tersenyum sendiri mengingatkan perbualannya dengan si adik yang sedang membaca suratkhabar.

            “Geng rempit yang diberi nama Apache? Aku yakin mereka ni sendiri tidak tahu pun salah-silah sejarah kaum Red Indian tu. Sepatutnya mereka dinamakan ‘Pelesit’ bukan Apache. Baru sesuai.” Ujarnya, separa sinikal.

            “Pelesit itu kan ada hubungkait dengan hantu dan ilmu hitam.” Ujar Sayd Hadi separa bertanya.

            “Hantu, kacang hantu, apalah bezanya.” Dia senyum. Dan Sayd Hadi faham maksud senyumannya.        

            Namun apabila dia cuba mengisahkan semua isu-isu ini untuk dijadikan sebuah karya, ianya sukar untuk dilakukan. Sebuah cerpen itu harus ada jalan cerita dan tauladannya. Dan kebanyakan isu-isu ini tauladannya sama dan punya sifat berulang. Sayd Hadi tidak mahu karyanya bernada klise. Satu idea itu harus diperkembangkan dengan cantik dan punya impak yang hebat. Satu idea tidak patut muncul dengan sewenang-wenangnya dan ditulis di atas kertas dan siap dalam masa lima minit. Segalanya perlu ada ketelitian. Perlu ada informasi dan penulisan yang jitu. Idea adalah satu entiti yang tidak muncul hanya bila seseorang mahu ia datang. Kadang-kadang ia datang dengan sendiri satu demi satu, dan kadang-kala ia muncul sekaligus bagai deruan ombak menghempas ke dalam fikiran. Dan ada masanya ia tidak akan muncul walau bagaimana kita paksa sekalipun. Dan buat Sayd Hadi dia bukan sahaja mahu idea dan perkembangan idea yang baik, malah paling penting sekali adalah mengetahui subjeknya belum pernah dinukil sesiapa. Dia mahu satu keaslian. Dan dia punya sebab dan alasan.

            Apabila Sayd Hadi menerima emel dari Cik Nozita tengahari tadi yang menyarankan agar dia menghantarkan karyanya kepada wanita itu, Sayd Hadi gembira sekali. Mungkin bagi orang lain panggilan itu merupakan satu tugas biasa, namun ini adalah peluang untuknya.

            Sayd Hadi sukakan bidang penulisan. Dia mengagumi sasterawan-sasterawan Asia dan ingin menjadi seperti mereka. Dia sukakan ‘Salina’ karya A.Samad Said. Dia seringkali mengulang baca ‘Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck’ karya Pak HAMKA. Dia kagum dengan cara penulisan bakat muda Faisal Tehrani dan sering memuji novel ‘Perempuan Politikus Melayu’ tulisan si pemuda. Dan seisi keluarganya telah membaca ‘Ayahanda’ karya Azizi Abdullah, pemenang anugerah sasterawan tahun 1988 itu.

            Dia pernah diberitahu kawan karibnya Quraishin; bahawa ramai penulis-penulis berbakat berasal dari bidang kewartawanan dan penerbitan. Lalu apabila dia tamat pengajian, Sayd Hadi memohon pekerjaan sebagai wartawan di sebuah penerbitan terkemuka. Beberapa minggu selepas itu Sayd Hadi dipanggil temuduga dan dia gembira sekali. Namun rasa gembira itu bersifat sementara. Sebaik sahaja puan dan encik penemuduga membaca biodata peribadinya, mereka mula bertanya.

            “Kamu bukan jurusan Komunikasi Massa?” encik bermisai tebal bertanya.

            “Bukan, tuan. Saya mengambil bidang Sejarah dan Tamadun di universiti. Tetapi saya juga biasa melakukan penyelidikan dalam bidang saya.”

            “Kenapa kamu mahu menjadi jurnalis?”

            “Kerana saya minat menulis, membuat laporan dan semua yang berbentuk kewartawanan, atau penulisan.”

            “Jadi mengapa kamu tidak mengambil bidang Komunikasi Massa di universiti?”

            “Ketika memilih jurusan, saya fikir yang saya mahu tahu tentang apa yang patut saya tulis, bukan sekadar cara saya menulisnya.”

            “Tetapi ini mungkin sukar untuk awak. Kami perlukan seseorang yang mempunyai kelayakan dalam Komunikasi Massa.”

            Justeru kerana sebuah jurusan, dia tidak dapat menunjukkan apatah lagi memperkembangkan bakatnya.

            Dan kini sekali lagi peluang terbuka di hadapan mata. Namun di kala jam menunjukkan pukul satu pagi, dia masih lagi tidak punya material.

            Sayd Hadi bangun dari kerusi dan menggeliat malas. Dia menoleh ke belakang, melihat kucingnya Reus yang datang dari keluarga mamalia jenis Von Patten sedia duduk di atas katilnya, menemani malam yang kosong tanpa sebarang ilham. Lantas Sayd Hadi menghampiri si putih Reus yang setia, mencangkung di hadapan binatang peliharaan tersebut agar sama tinggi rendah mereka dan mula mengusap kepalanya.

            “Bagaimana Reus? Kau ada idea untuk aku?” tanya Sayd Hadi. Si kucing cuma menatap sepasang mata tuannya dan mengiau seolah faham.

            “Kalau aku dapat menulis sebuah cerita ini, aku akan rasa seperti aku berjaya melakukan sesuatu, Reus. Aku akan berjaya membuktikan pada mereka yang skeptikal dengan ijazahku bahawasanya aku ada bakat dalam bidang ini. Aku akan lebih berkeyakinan untuk melakukan lebih banyak lagi. Dan dengan itu aku dapat membantu mak dan abah. Ketika ini aku rasa tak berguna sekali, kerana tidak dapat mencapai impianku dan memberikan kehidupan yang baik buat mereka. Kalau aku berjaya, aku akan dapat mengubah sesuatu, tidak kisahlah kalau pun tak banyak. Paling kurang pun aku dapat menyelesaikan bil eletrik! Aku dapat mengurangkan beban mak dan abah dan akhirnya membanggakan mereka. Oh ya, aku akan dapat belikan kau pek Friskies yang mahal itu juga.” Sayd Hadi sengih pada Reus dan menggaru kepala si kucing.

            Reus mengiau lagi, sementara tuannya mengeluh panjang. Dia buntu.

            “Mungkin aku patut tulis tentang kau, Reus. Biografi seekor kucing yang bernama Reus, yang dijumpai di longkang dan dibela sehingga dia besar dan gemuk. Sebagai balasannya dia akan menunggu tuannya dengan penuh taat setia. Seronok kan, kalau boleh tulis sebuah cerita tentang diri kau sendiri. Mungkin ia lebih…” Sayd Hadi tidak menyudahkan kata-kata. Satu deruan ombak menghimpit akalnya.

            Dia bangun meluru ke arah komputer yang masih terpasang, ke arah papan kekunci yang masih tidak diusik dan skrin komputer yang masih kosong.

            Jam menunjukkan pukul satu setengah pagi.

            Sayd Hadi menarik nafas panjang dan membaca bismilah.

            Dan dia mula menulis. Dan tertera di skrin ayat pertamanya mula kelihatan;

            “Puas Sayd Hadi memikirkannya…”