THINGS THAT I CAN WATCH/LISTEN AGAIN AND AGAIN ON YOUTUBE

1. Walk Off the Earth rendition of Gotye's "Somebody that I Used to Know"


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There's a thing about a bunch of musicians gang-banging a guitar. But then again, I shit-seriously love Luminati's voice and his part-hobo look.

2. David Mitchell's Soapbox


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There is nothing else much more unsexy than listening to a man whining about stuff. But this is David Mitchell we're talking about. I can spend my whole life listening to him ranting and rambling on and on about trivial stuff like marathons, wedding, Gaelic language or signing boobs.

3. IU's "Peach"


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I used to not understand why the craze about IU. She's cute, that's that. I am not really into cutesy stuff and her songs exude everything that I hate about cuteness. But then I found out that she was the girl who did all those beautiful renditions of songs that I originally hate. Yes. She was the girl who made "Gee" sounds - to a woman who is against cuteness and songs that composed of all saccharine sweetness - bearable. Then I listen to this. The song she composed herself - the song that reaffirm my faith in the importance of learning how to play a recorder during primary school. Also a song that reaffirm my faith in girls with guitars after all the shitty girls with guitars out there on YouTube. 

4. Kina Grannis' rendition of Taylor Swift's "Safe and Sound"


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Another girl with guitar that I liked, the fact that Kina Grannis has the soothing voice that can turn even the stupidest of songs (Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it Again" to name a few) into a masterpiece made me love her rendition of this Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars song. Kill all the Keshas and the Nicki Minajs. The music world needs Kina Grannis and her lot.

5. Michael McIntyre's standup


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I love standup comedy. But there is none that can do it like Michael. Sure, Dylan Moran is all about the gloomy-funny side of life, Kathleen Madigan is the funny woman who makes fun of politics (I love that, as most comedienne talk about relationships and reality TV. That's too cliche), Noel Fielding does all the weird things and Stephen Fry is the king. But Michael does jokes from the most random things - like conversations among condiments, about designer labels, his kids, Chinese food, and public toilets. And most of them are things you do and in the end you always laugh while stomping your feet, saying "That is so true!!!"

6. ALi's "Hurt"


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It's a sad sad sad song and I love the arrangements

7. Montecristo73's channel


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He got all the Japanese horrors out there cramped into his channel. Awesome!

8. TheBlackHoleBowl channel


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They got every single WOULD I LIE TO YOU episodes there is. Seriously. That's the ultimate show for me. I mean, not only I can watch David Mitchell and Lee Mack all day long, they also invite Brits stars and comedians. I mean, once, there was David Mitchell and Michael McIntyre on one show and they bicker. Heaven. 

The Wedding, The Trial, The Lawyer

Sorry.

Dah lama sangat tak menulis kat blog ni. Banyak sangat benda yang perlu difikirkan, perlu dibuat, perlu dikaji. Sepanjang dua tiga minggu ni sibuk berulang-alik ke Ampang untuk jumpa lawyer, di samping menyiapkan kerja translation, news dan articles yang bertimbun yang perlu disiapkan sebelum perbicaraan kes kitorang bermula. Sebelum kes pulak, kawan baik aku kawin. Jadi banyak jugak habiskan masa membantu sikit2, almaklumlah, orang keje kat Sabah, kawin orang Kelantan, majlis kat Shah Alam.

LAWYER(S)

Aku rasa dalam tiga minggu ni dah entah berapa kali to and fro pejabat lawyer, email lawyer atau call lawyer. Aku dan Mun buat lawak, "While orang lain ada husband pada usia 29 tahun, kita pulak ada lawyer." In ironic sense, it is indeed funny. In another part of our ridiculous brain, it made us feel older, wiser and "sooo matang!" (bak kata member aku) for having a big case using a big shot lawyer. But in all seriousness, in my perfect life, I would never dreamed of hiring a lawyer for a lawsuit. As mature as it sounds, needing a lawyer means your life sucks.

But anyways, we do love our lawyers. Yes, two lawyers and a lawyer in training - which means we have three. They are the coolest bunch ever. Despite the rocky start, we don't treat them like a lawyer, tapi lebih kepada macam sisters dan abang sendiri. You don't know how much it means to us to have someone who knows the ups and downs of a legal case tells you "No worries." So, to our lawyers, you guys are the bomb!

TIM KAHWIN

Alhamdulillah, lepas banyak dugaan yang dihadapi, lepas naik turun emosi, lepas konflik selama dua tiga tahun, akhirnya Tim jumpa jodohnya. Tuhan tu memang Maha Adil sebab bila sampai je waktunya untuk seseorang tu berkahwin, sekejap saja jadinya dan mudah saja nak sampai. Aku rasa the first time Tim cerita fasal seorang ustaz yang baru jadi guru kat sekolahnya ialah pada Disember tahun lepas. Masa tu belum ada apa-apa lagi. Baru hint2.

Then macam kilat, Tim terima Ustaz Adnan, bulan March diorang bertunang dan bulan Mei diorang kawin. Sebagai someone yang kenal Tim sejak berusia tujuh tahun, hal tu belum sink in dalam otak aku. Aku belum betul2 churn the fact that Tim dah kawin. Mungkin little by little aku akan masukkan dalam otak yang kini bestfriend aku isteri orang dan kalau something happened to her, aku akan belasah Ustaz Adnan.

Ahahaha, jangan risau. Aku tau Ustaz Adnan yang gentleman itu tak akan hurt kawan aku. But just in case, ustaz, saya ini pemegang tali pinggang hijau Silat Gayong. Remember that. (Ceh, baru hijau dah berlagak).

Anyway, dari Jumaat, Sabtu sampai Ahad lepas, aku sibuk menolong2 kat rumah Tim, carikan tudung kawin (minah ni nak kawin, tapi banyak lagi benda tak selesai). Then aku dan Nad carik lagi kain untuk buat tudung kawin, belikan veil untuk dia, Nad plak hantar kain tu untuk jahit buat tudung, Mun pulak jadi mak andam secara tetibe (sbb Tim tak upah mak andam). And antara kitorang tiga orang, entah sapa entah yang jadi pengapit pun aku tatau.

Tapi hari Ahad tu agak susah nak bagi sepenuh hati sebab risaukan trial esoknya. Ha'ah, esok trial, hari ni Tim kahwin. That's how we roll. Berbulan madu dalam court. Ada sesapa berani buat? Hanya Timah. Hahaha.

Walaupun risau tu, sempat pergi Bangi untuk sambut besdei bulan Mei. Sedara mara aku ramai yang besdei bulan Mei, so paklong aku memang akan buat serentak untuk semua orang. Nana, cousin aku yang nak kawin akhir tahun ni nak suruh aku jadi emcee wedding dia dengan Shasha. Aku tengah piker alasan untuk tak jadi emcee, tapi rasa berdosa plak kalau tak emcee sbb ni wedding dia. Oh aku stress. Hahaha.

Tapi semua orang sangat snagat encouraging dan mendoakan kitorang berjaya dalam court. Paling terharu bila uwan kata, "Tak apo. Uwan doaaaa yo kokngah dapek." Paklong dan Pakkak pun encourage bersungguh2 and kata "We support you. We support you. We support you." Well, Paklong and Pakkak pun tengah menyaman orang. Huhu.

COURT TRIAL

Kalau anda nak tahu perasaan pergi court........................ camharam.

Perasaan a week before, camharam. Perasaan three days before, camharam. Perasaan bangun pagi solat hajat, rasa macam nak menangis keluar air mata darah. Perasaan panjat tangga Batucaves court Shah Alam, camharam dan exhausting. Perasaan tunggu giliran untuk jadi witness, camharam. Perasaan bila bailif panggil Mun untuk ke kandang saksi, camharammmmm sangat. Perasaan bila Mun keluar dan sengih?

Lega nak mamposssss.

Bukan semua orang yang naik ke kandang saksi. Mun sorang je yang wakilkan kitorang semua. Aku rasa kesian dengan dia, tapi she is the best choice there is. Kalau ada antara kitorang yang paling cautious, paling careful dan paling into details, Munlah orangnya.

Kalau ada yang belum tahu apa kes kitorang, well... senang kata kami adalah pihak plaintif. Kami yang menyaman. Itu saja yang dapat aku jelaskan buat masa ni sebab walaupun trial habis dalam dua hari instead of three, decision hakim hanya akan dibuat pada bulan Julai so in the meantime, tawakkal Alallah saja. Kitorang dah go through hell and back sepanjang tiga tahun ni, kitorang dah buat segalanya untuk work things through. Lawyers pun dah buat yang terbaik, jadi tak ada apa lagi yang boleh dibuat selain daripada bertawakal dan berdoa. Kalau menang, itu rezeki dari Allah. Kalau tak, itu cobaan dariNya.

Tapi the trial is a bittersweet experience. Do I want to go through with it again? HELL NO. Ko pernah rasa perasaan lima minit terakhir dalam dewan peperiksaan? Perasaan putus cinta? Perasaan bila ko bukak surat dan diberitahu yang jawatan yang kau pohon tu kau tak dapat? Perasaan menunggu doktor bagi keputusan diagnosis? Perasaan bila tengok musuh ko kena tampar? Think of all that and roll it into one. Macam tu la rasanya setiap kali ada saksi baru masuk. Perasaan risau bila kawan kau masuk kandang saksi, perasaan marah bila defendan putar belitkan fakta sekalipun dah bersumpah depan hakim, perasaan puas bila lawyer ko berjaya buat defendan stutter, perasaan bila lawyer ko datang dan jelaskan apa yang baru berlaku like some kind of sports commentator menerangkan cara Yaya Toure menjaringkan gol.

It's an experience yang aku cherish but I don't want to go through again. Kalau aku nak tulis novel tentang situasi dalam court, I would be able to as I am in it first hand. Ia buat aku lebih mengharga tugas seorang lawyer - banyak yang perlu diorang faham, perlu diorang teliti dan fikir on the spot. For me, it's like a creative science, a polished skill of deduction.... or at least, that's how our lawyers made it seemed to be. Diorang punya sistem macam sistem dalam improv - kalau nak dilihat dari sudut sains comedy. Ada feeder, dan ada killer. I love the fact how one of them feeds and the other one kills it. It's an extreme sport of social science. It's nothing like in the movies - the reality of a court is very boring. Bukak satu page, baca. Bukak page ni baca. Lawyer berfikir panjang........................ sangat sebelum tanya satu soalan. Tunggu pulak saksi bukak dokumen dan baca. Oh, sangat boring. But as soon as it's time for the kill, it's like "Dude, this is awesome."

I mean, memang keputusan belum keluar. Kitorang tak nak terlalu yakin dengan apa yang dah berlaku. Anything can happen. Sakit jantung tu masih ada, walaupun sekarang dah makin surut. Tapi yang penting, right now it feels so good to see these people yang dulunya tanak jumpa kitorang, anggap kitorang tak penting, pandang kitorang dengan mendongakkan kepala penuh kesombongan dan anggap kitorang bodoh sebab tak boleh selesaikan masalah yang kononnnya trivial, kini stutter depan hakim, kini tunduk asyik menjawab "Saya tak tahu" dan "Saya tak pasti" dan kena marah dengan lawyer kitorang sebab jawab tepape.

Oh, if only she knew. If only she knew how her colleagues and her boss yang selama ni dia puja dan dia agungkan semuanya meletakkan kesalahan atas bahu dia. Semua orang sebelumnya bersaksi yang mereka tak tahu dan mengatakan dia yang bertanggungjawab. Bila sampai ke gilirannya, dia yang dibombard dengan soalan, dia yang dimarahi lawyer sebab tak faham soalan, dia yang kena jawab semua soalan sebab dia tak boleh jawab "Tidak tahu" macam orang lain. Dia yang diperbodohkan.

Aku tak nak jadi orang yang berdendam. Tapi sebagai manusia, aku tak boleh deny yang sekurang-kurangnya aku rasa it's a poetic justice. Whatever happened in the next two months, at least I have seen them lost their prestige in the face of adversity.

Terima kasih buat semua yang mendoakan kami. Terima kasih buat saudara-mara yang memahami. Terima kasih kepada Yeh dan kakak aku yang sudi datang untuk melawat kami di court. Terima kasih semua yang SMS, PM, call dan ucapkan good luck. Terima kasih buat ibu bapa kami yang memahami dan bersama kami through and through. Thank you sooo much for Nad, Mun dan Tim. I thank Allah that I am blessed with the best of friends. THE BEST. I don't think I would ever find such friends like them again. Anda tahu bila anda senang dan susah bersama dan tidak sekali2 pun cuba bail out, that you are going to be the best of friends fid dunya wal akhirah.

Dinie, don't ever think I forget to include you too.

Insya Allah.

Oh, aku rasa sebak pulak menulis tentang kawan2 dan family aku. Cis, emoshenel brat. Semalam Tim dah buat statement sebak dah:
"Aku rasa bersyukur kita dapat Karamjit."
"Aku bersyukur Allah bagi kita Karamjit."
Uhuhuhuhuhuhu..... sebak weh.

The people who taught me

Kalau aku nak ucapkan SELAMAT HARI GURU kat Facebook, memang tak cukup. Aku ada ramai cikgu. Cikgu di sekolah, cikgu di U, cikgu di rumah, cikgu di merata2 tempat. So, lebih mudah untuk aku tribute an entry to them all.

Thank you:

Sekolah rendah (SRK Raja Muda & SRA Seksyen 3):


Cikgu Rosmiah (masa darjah satu aku tak pandai membaca lagi... yela, aku tak tadika dan cuma suka melukis. Bagai nak rak la dia mengajar aku membaca. TRIVIA: perkataan pertama yang aku berjaya eja ialah RUMAH). Cikgu Rohaya, Puan Ramlah, Puan Ng (masa darjah empat, aku dapat 100/100 dalam Muzik, aku rasa cam music maestro wooo dan aku tak pernah sebut nama dia sebab aku skema, berusaha nak sebut nama dia as Ng tanpa berbunyi Eng....), Cikgu Maimoon (aku sangat takut tahap gaban. Aku pernah kena tengking sebab tanya soalan bodoh/ aku dan Budiman pernah kena berdiri dalam kelas sebab buat lawak sesama sendiri pasal baju dia/ aku, Yoong, Usamah pernah kena berdiri di luar kelas, bersila luar kelas, dan macam2 aktiviti hukuman di luar kelas/ komik aku kena rampas dengan dia. Baik, memang aku yang selenge dalam hal ini), Ustazah Maimunah (yang tolong aku dengan esei untuk masuk asrama), Ustaz Rosli (yang panggil aku "Fauziah Latiff" dan perasan hensem...), Ustaz Mohd Don (oh, crush!), Ustaz Nasir (aku takut gila dengan dia. Dahla dia jiran belakang umah kitorang), Ustazah Zainab, Ustazah Azlili (aku memang sentiasa ingat nama2 yang garang), Ustazah Salbiah, Ustazah Sabariah (macam filem "Ibu Mertuaku" plak, kan?).

Sekolah Menengah (SMKA Kuala Selangor)
Cikgu Saleh (yang berusaha nak bagi aku faham Add Math walaupun otak aku dah shut down. Suruh aku beli tiket balik Kashmir bila tak lulus add math, panggil aku "Juhi"), Cikgu Zaleha (pernah sebat tangan aku dengan pembaris. Seharian tangan aku bau wangi, most probably sbb Cikgu Zaleha mmg sentiasa berbau minyak wangi), Cikgu Rokiah (di mana aku belajar Sejarah dengan jitu dan juga seni sarcasm yang jitu), Ustaz Ghazali (yang makin popular sekarang, tapi suatu masa dulu tempat aku mengadu sampai meleleh2 air mata. Wahahaha), Ustaz Ziyad dan Ustazah Uraidah (couple yang sangat cute), Ustazah Ann Surina (yang suka gelak bila aku cakap apa pun dan buat aku sgt faham dan suka subjek Bahasa Arab), Cikgu Shamsinar (yang pernah datang mengajar kelas malam dan bersalin pada hari yang sama, sungguh berdedikasi), Ustaz Sariman (seorang lagi yang mengajar aku seni sarcasm dan loyar buruk), Cikgu Azizi, Cikgu Wan Ramlah, Cikgu Ismail (Sains Tingkatan Tiga... awkward times), Ustazah Mahfuzah (yang sentiasa cheerful), Ustazah Naseemah (maafkan saya sebab sentiasa tidur dalam kelas), Cikgu Yusof, Cikgu Norliza, Ustaz Ezani, Cikgu Aida (yang sentiasa berusaha buat kelas Pendidikan Seni interesting), Cikgu Zul (yang pernah jerit kat aku, "Mak cik! Larilah! Bontot berat!"), Cikgu Noorazman (yang sangat cool bila happy, sangat scary bila mengamuk), Teacher Noorul (teacher paling cantik pernah aku jumpa seumur hidup), Teacher Elina (yang paling banyak tolong aku develop english aku), Kak Miha (yang akan bebel "Kamu tu tak pandai!" kalau kitorang buat kerja memandai2)

UIA Matrics
Ustaz Nasser (lecturer Chinese Muslim yang bagitau aku, "You're unique, Syahida. It's just you don't know it yet" dan somehow mengubah aku jadi siapa aku sekarang), Ustaz Yasin Mohd Yasin dari Sudan (yang berjalan sangat laju sebab pakai kasut cheetah print dan sangat ditakuti, tapi sangat humorous bila the first BM word dia belajar dari kitorang ialah "Berambus"), Ustaz Zairul dari Kelantan (sangat hensem, sangat distracting), Ustaz Fairuz (sangat hensem, sangat distracting, sangat mudah untuk dibuli), Mr. Rasyad Bakashmar (aku curik ayat dia jadi catchphrase, "Takoot aku, ustazzzz"), Ustaz Maszlee Malik (yang sekarang dah jadi penulis terkenal. Dulu bila aku kata aku minat Leonardo DiCaprio, dia balas, "Apa? Suka Paprik? Shai, likes to drink tea and eat nasik paprik."), Ustaz Khalid dari utara (OMG, sangat sangat sangat rindukan Ustaz Khalid yang panggil aku dan Izza "Naqibatain" (dua orang Naqibah), panggil aku Shushu, dan selalu sebut benda yang salah sebab duduk Arab Saudi lama sangat).

UIA Main Camp
Dr. Alfateh Abdullahi Abdel Salam dari SUdan (aku paksa diri amik lima kelas dengan dia, sbb dia advisor aku dan sebab dia susah sgt nak bagi aku A. Selagi tak dapat an actual A, selagi tu aku amik kelas dengan dia), Dr. Wahabuddin Ra'ees dari Afghanistan (sangat terkenal sebab hensem dan ada aura Afghani warrior or those kind of thing, dan ramai org suka dia sbb dia paksa kitorg berfikir macam scholars), Mdm Zeenath Kauthar dari Bangladesh (the best untuk political philosophy dan anything regarding feminism, and akan tolak markah ko kalau ko punya grammar tak betul), Dr. Garoot from Sudan (aku salu berangan je dlm kelas dia sbb dia bagi nota power point. Aku jadi dumb kalau lecturer bagi nota), Dr. Ishtiaq Hossein from Bangladesh (who taught me that you have to know all the points, not just one opinion and one view. Lecturer yang buat aku jadi rajin baca paper and political books, journals and stuff), Prof. Ataul Huq Pramanik from Bangladesh (sangat garang sampai ada budak kena heart attack dalam kelas dia, seriously. Tapi sebenarnya dia just one of those sweet old man yang you just have to know how to talk to in order to understand him), Dr. Osman Chua (semua orang join kelas dia sebab senang nak dapat A), Dr. Rahman Tang, the blind Chinese wiseguy (who taught me to make fun of every misery. aku sangat suka dia sebab he says the funniest things about his condition, from Anita Sarawak pakai botoks "Saya yang buta ni pun tahu" to kenapa dia tak akan dapat kahwin dengan Siti Nurhaliza, "Saya ni cina, buta pulak tu" to pink toilets equals gay, "Kalau kamu tengok orang lelaki tu rumahnya kaler pink, apa maknanya tu? Kalau saya takpe, sebab saya buta, saya tak nampak warna apa saya pilih".

SELAMAT HARI GURU!!! You guys are the best!      

Regarding the reason why I don't have that kind of dream...

I was reading a friend's FB status (because a lifeless body pretending to be human such as myself have no other means of communication other than FB), and she was thinking about buying a practical ride versus a cool head-turning bike.

Then I realised something. All this while, I never had any "dream car" or "dream ride". Yes, I once wanted to buy a Mini Cooper, but I guess that was just wishful thinking because I just watched THE ITALIAN JOB at the time. I think subliminally, I actually wanted Mark Wahlberg, not the car he was driving in the flick. And the car's back seat is so sempit, it's ridiculous. Then I wanted a Kelisa. That was also because it reminded me of local version of Mini Cooper, or subliminally, I was just hoping that I would meet a local version of Mark Wahlberg....... which is like finding a sexy needle in a haystack filled with mamak-tea drinking Malay men.

And yes. I have no dream ride. Maybe that is because I don't have a driver's license and will someday die of a heart attack while trying to hit the 999 button alone in a house filled with books (in my mind it sounded like the death of a hot librarian. In yours, that is just sad). But more than that, my friend Dinie once told me that before she got her Mitsu Lancer, she changed her laptop wallpaper to a picture of the car in order to remind herself that she will work hard to be able to buy the car. While she was saying that, I didn't picture any car model to be my laptop wallpaper. 

I was imagining a picture of Keira Knightley in a Regency dress, walking across a large field with one big tree near the end.

Yes, I was thinking of THIS picture!

I love walking. I'm a walker (not in THE WALKING DEAD zombies kind of way). I have no issues whatsoever with walking because that's the best way for you to muhasabah diri and observe your surroundings. The issue is that I was born in this panas-dan-lembap-sepanjang-tahun climate (to quote grography text book) and walking equals to misery. One moment you are all sweaty from the hot sun, and before you know it, you're all wet from the rain. You can never walk comfortable without thinking that you should bring your umbrella with you but every time you remembered bringing the extra baggage to your already full handbag, there was no rain and the sun was not as hot. Every day is a "will it or won't it" mystery even worse than waiting for a marriage proposal. I love my country in that less-bencana-alam kind of way. But the climate is not tailored for someone who loves nature such as myself. I guess, I should just move to FRIM, or Janda Baik, or Genting Highlands....... no, not Genting Highlands. That's like moving to mini Las Vegas.

So yes, in a way, I don't have my own transportation dream (that sounds so governmental). I guess the mode of transportation of my choice, if given any, is walking - with a book in hand - in a Regency dress - on a warm breezy morning - in the heart of Hertfordshire - at the turn of 19th century. THAT of course will never be realised. Because other people might only need a lot of cash to buy their dream ride. But, I have to find a time-travelling machine to get to that certain time and era, and turn myself into a white British Lady (not just a lady, but a "lady of the house", or I will end up turning into their scullery maid. And that's not pretty).

Yes. A time-travelling machine, like Doc Brown's DeLorean in BACK TO THE FUTURE.

Maybe that should be my dream car.

I put the Busy in Business.... no, that's not how it works

Here's my week.

My busy busy week.

Three new episodes of "Princesa Ng Banyera" with the deadline going from 24 to 25th April. "Secret Service" for 30th April - which also means that I have to finish it this week because I will be busy not-caring and not-giving-a-damn about work as it's KLIBF. KLIBF is like Writers' Week. I mean it IS Writers' Week of some sort. It's the time to meet everybody and I mean everybody.

Oh of course because it's my birthday this Friday. I don't usually care about it before, but I feel like a winner this year and it's my last year in my twenties... ok, not like I am giving a damn about the latter. But, yeah. When your birthday is the first day of KLIBF - which no matter if you have new book or not, still matters to you, it sure is damn great. It feels like the whole country is celebrating it.

That's just me being super-positive and super-annoying.

Oh, to continue my pointless meager writing, I also have to translate "Pawn Stars" for early May. I heard that they are making a sinetron for "Dalam Mihrab Cinta". So, if I try impress my boss hard enough, I may be able to get to translate that. That is why even with that ludicrous deadline, when they asked me to make an urgent translation for one episode of PNB for a rush cue to be sent 12 pm tomorrow, I said yes. Yes, it is very important to make your boss see that you can translate a bulk of series at one go. That's how I get "Dari Sujud ke Sujud".

Why the Indonesian sinetron you ask? Because it's a bonus work. One, we're kinda responsible for anything on PELANGI and BELLA channel (not all, but half of them) and they are easier to deal with than those documentaries. I mean, I love documentaries, don't get me wrong. But I love watching them rather than translating them. Two, it makes my dad proud to have a daughter who he can relate to. Sometimes I pretend not to know a word just so I can ask my dad and see his eyes lit up talking about them. Come on. Seriously. What's the point of being a translator if I don't know what "norak" means.

So, in conclusion (I am sorry for writing stuff not following the rules of writing), I have not written anything and my latest manuscript is still collecting dusts. I won't be as free next month, what with the thing and that I will start writing for Tupai again (I am on holiday from that right now, since my editor was on holiday the whole month). My fingers are starting to cramp up from too much typing.

Oh yeah, yesterday, Mun, Dinie and I went out for a cuppa at this restaurant where old government servants usually hang out to drink coffee. Kinda spent the hours talking about investments and buying gold and real estates and stuff. I think hanging out at a men's place kinda makes you think and speak like a forty year-old oil tycoons.  

I am also sorry for writing in this whatever language. Aku ingin menulis dalam bahasa ibunda, namun sayangnya fikiranku dipenuhi terminologi dokumentari.

Add: Here's the list for KLIBF. Ya, buat kali pertamanya, saya berada di dalam kategori "Novel Kanak2 dan Remaja" instead of the usual adult section of stuff. Teeheee (perlu ke gelak pura2 cute semata2 sebab masuk kategori baru?)

Tarikh/ Hari	Pagi (10.00-1.00)	Petang (2.00-5.00)
27/ 4 Jumaat	Roziah Adama	Roziah Adama
	Nurul Syahida	Hazrul Hafizi
28/ 4	KAKA	KAKA
Sabtu	Wardah Munirah	Wardah Munirah
29/ 4 Ahad	Hariz Norman	Hariz Norman
	Harleem Dayam	Harleem Dayam
1/ 5 Selasa	Dinaz Salsabila	Dinaz Salsabila
	Asnidar	Asnidar
5/ 5 Sabtu	Reyna Syuzam	Ebriza
	Hanna Johan	Hanna Johan
6/ 5 Ahad	Nisah Haron
	Umi E.Na

That I am not

The more I call myself a writer,
the more afraid I am
Afraid that I will lose my readers
afraid I will lose my fans
afraid to talk with ease
afraid to be blunt again
afraid to voice an opinion
afraid the thoughts of being banned
I'm afraid to be loved too much
As much as I am scared that I will be hated
The thoughts of being criticised gets into my head
The thoughts of being unoriginal crept through my mind
The thoughts that I have to give pleasure
Made me deaf, mute and blind
I am scared that I will be
the ones that write without a feel
the ones that formulate each passing plot
the ones that art don't mean a lot
And as time goes by
I pretend that I
am still the same witty sarcastic writer
that I am not.

NSK
1.25 am
Shah Alam

Encik Magi pergi bercuti

Sekiranya anda pembaca blog lama saya (yang kini telah ditutup buat seketika sementara masalah guaman saya selesai, muahaha), tajuk di atas merupakan sesuatu yang normal berlaku sekali dua dalam setahun. Apabila Encik Magi (yang berwajah Radhi OAG dengan spek rim hitam dan bagpack biru... aku tak tahu kenapa rupa dia macam tu, tapi otak aku create dia macam tu) pergi bercuti, aku akan duduk di depan laptop tanpa ada sebarang idea untuk menulis.

Oleh yang demikian, maka saya akan masukkan excerpt daripada novel yang sedang terbengkalai di sini untuk tatapan umum sementara saya terjun dari atas bukit sebab stress.

AKN2
(Kalau ikutkan aku, aku memang tak nak sambung AKN sebab I don't believe in sequels. I believe sequels is an easy way out, some sort of a 'cheating game'/'dead end' for writers. Tapi ramai readers yang mintak dan aku fikir adakalanya kita perlu follow where the wind blows. The wind loves Roul too much, I just had to reawaken him - a better unprejudiced Roul, a Roul not inspired by any real characters. Bangun, Roul. We have a mission.)

          Seperti pameran hantu di Muzium Shah Alam. Aku dan Roul merenung botol berisi jenglot selama tiga minit. Aku kata ia berasal daripada zaman dinosaur atau mungkin era Paleolitik. Bayi orang batu yang digugurkan kerana teman wanita orang batu itu malu melahirkan anak luar nikah lalu dimasukkan ke dalam botol dan ditanam. Kemudian berlakunya era Pleistosen dan botol itu bertahan sampai sekarang. Roul gelak.
“Macam mana pulak zaman pleistosen boleh muncul sebelum paleolitik? Tu dah terbalik.”
“Dia naik DeLorean dan balik ke zaman silam.” Jawab aku.
“Mana dia jumpa deLorean?”
“Dia hidup semula di masa depan lepas dibekukan dalam ais.”
“Di zaman Paleolitik?”
“Tak, di zaman Pleistosen.”
“Timeline bersepah. Mana dia jumpa botol?”
“Dalam DeLorean.”
Roul ketawa berdekah-dekah, mengganggu beberapa pengunjung lain yang sedang menjenguk ke dalam kereta Volkswagon kuning yang dipercayai adalah kereta hantu yang selalu bersiar-siar di Lebuhraya Karak.
Kemudian Roul pula meneliti jenglot tersebut.
“Hasil seni surrealism 1920-an. Ini hasil sculpture Louise Bourgeois.” Ujarnya.
“Bourgeois? Ukir jenglot?” aku rasa idea Roul lebih mengarut.
“Atau mungkin sampel makhluk “Silent Hill” yang tak cukup menakutkan untuk dimasukkan ke dalam game.” Balas lelaki itu.
Aku ketawa. Tidak sekuat Roul, tapi cukup menjengkelkan pengunjung lain yang tidak memahami perbualan kami. Mereka ke muzium hantu untuk melihat hantu. Aku dan Roul ke muzium hantu untuk menjadi kacang hantu.

INDIE
("INDIE" merupakan karya aku masa aku rasa aku terlalu puas hati dengan kehidupan dan cara hidup aku sampaikan aku rasa semuanya stagnant dan aku tak ada sebarang idea untuk menulis. Kawan lama aku Khadijah yang tiba-tiba cetuskan idea ni bila dia cakap sesuatu tentang emaknya, this idea of a woman who has a rock solid principle about life tapi goyah apabila the one person she admires most tells her it that what she has believed and form the foundation of her life with tu salah dan dia perlu start semula)

       “Saya boleh call awak kan?” tanya Fahmi.
Khadijah mengangguk.
“Only after work.” Ujar gadis itu, menekan butang lif.
“And I can add you on Facebook?”
“Sure.”
“Twitter?”
“Saya tak ada Twitter.”
“Friendster?”
“Awak hidup tahun berapa?”
Fahmi ketawa.
“BBM?”
“Saya tak pakai BB ataupun mana-mana smartphone.” Ujar Khadijah.
“So you’re a hipster?” usik Fahmi.
“Bukan hipster. I just don’t like the whole trend. I believe in setting one rather than following one.” Jelas Khadijah.
“Kata sang eksekutif pemasaran syarikat dotcom.” Usik Fahmi lagi, menyindir ironi kata-kata Khadijah dengan bidang kerjanya sendiri dalam bidang yang memerlukan semua teknologi tersebut.
Khadijah senyum.
“Orang yang kerja KFC tak semestinya suka makan KFC.” Balas gadis itu.
Pintu lif terbuka.
“Jadi saya boleh call dan add awak di Facebook?” tanya Fahmi sekali lagi saat Khadijah melangkah masuk.
“Khadijah Ann Jamil.” Ujar Khadijah, menyebut nama yang digunakannya dalam akaun Facebooknya dengan pantas sebelum pintu lif tertutup.

Puisi Terbaik waktu Hujan

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengansederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu


aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan
awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

Sapardi Djoko Damono

Apa? Hoh, ko sangka sebab aku kutuk 7 PETALA CINTA maknanya aku tak boleh pull this kind of thing on my blog?

Orang lain bertunang, kenapa kau yang run around?

Aku bukan malas tulis blog. Tapi sekarang ni memang musim sibuk. Kadang2 aku baru sempat tulis lima paragraph novel, kerja translation masuk. Pagi-pagi kena hantar news. Same ol same ol, cuma bulk bertambah sebab novel tak siap-siap.

Sebenarnya aku tak perlu berusaha sangat pun sebab tahun ni supposedly ada dua projek aku dengan Buku Prima pending editing. Semua dah ada kat tangan editor, tunggu queue publishing je. Cuma bezanya satu tu novel remaja dan satu lagi tu projek trio. I'm set for this year, actually. Tapi tulah. Ada sekuel AKN dan "Indie" (working title) in process dan satu lagi projek trip plak muncul. In the midst of all other works, memang aku tak sempat nak breathe. Mak kata, "Bila la aku nak bermenantu kalau macam ni?"

Sorilah, mak. Saya dah offline bab nak berkenalan2 atau nak bercinta bagai. Daripada aku waste emosi dan masa into all that, baik la aku buat keja atau pi buat segala jenis benda mengarut yang aku takkan boleh buat bila umur dah over 60. Ingat nak pi treasure hunt hujung minggu ni, tapi by the looks of it, kije banyak sangat wohhh.

Anyways, last weekend sepupu aku Dila bertunang. Lepas bapak aku bagi arahan dictatorial bahawasanya aku kena siapkan semua kerja before pukul 2pm (that means 10 news, 2 articles and 1 review dalam masa lima jam), siapkan sume kerja, sempat plak potong rambut sekejap (rambut aku dah jadi beban rather than asset, so I chopped it off like a boss - you know, ala Shakira in that whatever video clip... hahahaha), kemas baju, and off we go to Motang, Senanti, Nogoghi.

(Kalau anda orang Negeri Sembilan, anda pasti boleh memahami nama tempat itu dengan sekali baca sahaja)

Disebabkan kami bertiga je (aku, mak n ayah) yang sampai dulu, kitorang la yang kena bertungkus lumus gak.  Hantaran Dila ada lima lagi yang belum selesai, katil belum kemas, bunga rampai belum dibuat, ada marshmallows yang belum disalut coklat lagi, sambal belum dimasak, etc etc etc.

So daripada pukul empat petang, kerja aku ialah assist Dila memasang tirai dan cadar (cuaca memang agak shit masa tu dan aku kena pakai dress hitam aku sebab ada ramai org asing kat sekeliling rumah, jadi takleh change ke baju kelawar yang oh-so comfortable). Then potong pinang dengan kacip uwan yang dah tumpul dan berkarat. Haduiyai. Tuhan saja yang tahu betapa terseksanya jari jemariku cuba meracik pinang guna kacip kuno yang rupanya dah macam patut masuk muzium. And then mak pulak ajar hisap rokok daun.

Actually, mengajar anak hisap rokok daun ni memang kerja normal bagi semua orang tua especially di kampung aku. Masa aku kecik dulu pun nenek aku ajar hisap rokok daun (tanpa tembakau la. kalau pakai tembakau, memang la nenek aku melampau. hahaha). Ni kiranya diajar semula. So sekarang kiranya aku dah tau cara lipat rokok daun.............................. aku tatau apa point ilmu tu. Aku just anggap je itu ilmu. Hahahaha. The fact is that while we were doing that, bakal tunang Dila datang untuk hantar kek. He saw me from the dining room, dan tanya Dila "Sape tu?"

Dila jawab, "Oh, itulah kakngah yang masuk majalah hari tu."

Luckily aku tengah minum air kat fridge masa tu. Imagine dia tanya soklan tu masa aku tengah nyalakan api dengan rokok daun kat mulut..... that would be epic. Not proud, but epic.

Then aku dengan Dila duk hiris pandan. Bayangkan hiris pandan untuk more than 100 guests, tapi cuma ada dua orang je yang buat kerja. By the 6th time, aku punya tangan dah tak boleh go. Makkak, Pakkak n Ikah sampai later, so aku biarkan Ikah tolong Dila buat sireh junjung sebab after working on 13 typing jobs dan meracik all day, jari aku dah buat rebellion menentang keupayaan aku.

Next day aku bangun lambat sebagai tanda revolusi terhadap fitrah manusia untuk bangun awal dan buat kerja. Lagipun by that time, Nana dan Lilliee dah balik, so aku persetankan semuanya. Itu pun masih run around with stuff. Time2 ni la aku bersyukur bila Mun ada dengan aku masa Tim bertunang arituh, sebab bila Mun ada, aku tak berfikir and ikut je apa dia suruh buat. Bila tak ada Mun, aku terpaksa berfikir. I hate thinking, especially when it comes to womanly stuff. Ahahahaha.

Tahniah on your engagement Dila, my cuz!

Aku, Nana (I used her name in SOALNYA HATI), Dila (I used her name in SOALNYA HATI), Ikah  and Lilliee (I used her name in PLAIN JANE)

Ni la hasil lepas berhempas pulas sepanjang hari

Cara membuat projek trio

Sabtu dan Ahad lepas, aku dan Shikin (Zara Amani) pergi lepak kat umah Liza Nur.

Cadangan asal sebenarnya nak bincang fasal trio. Tapi disebabkan editor masih belum usik pun manuskrip yang kitorang hantar Disember lepas, kitorang tak dapat proceed dengan all those ideas yang nak dibuat untuk promote projek tu.

Sebenarnya projek trio tu cuma 'Projek Chums' - something yang kitorang intended untuk buat -as chums/buddies/good friends - secara tahunan supaya takkan ada satu tahun di mana kitorang tak keluarkan buku. Bukan senang nak keluarkan satu novel setahun, apatah lagi penulis macam aku yang kisahnya hanyalah kisah orang biasa. Bukan senang nak buat kisah orang biasa - tanpa overdramatisation, tapi tak terlalu over dari sudut ideologi atau terlalu controversial untuk penerimaan orang. Jadi cara paling mudah ialah dengan keluarkan trio.

Itu rancangan asal trio. Aku tak tahu apa pulak publisher punya take on the whole idea. Sebab analoginya samalah macam buat majlis - kau cuma nak majlis kahwin yang simple kat tepi laut dan dihadiri orang2 terdekat tapi mak bapak nak majlis kat dewan dan panggil semua orang yang dikenali. The clash of odeas memang akan berlaku sebab there will always be the business side and the creative side of everything.

But anyways, kami putuskan kot2 buku tu dapat sambutan, kami nak buat trio yang seterusnya. Dan kalau nak tahu macam mana cara kitorang bertiga buat kerja, it is something like this:


"Macam mana dengan atuk dan nenek?"
"Mungkin ada tapi dah tua."
"No, I think we should just buang altogether. Akak tak nak nanti ada orang akan tanya what about their grandparents? We want them to be totally off."
"Maybe your character should know them."
"But then we have to write their stories. I don't want them ada watak penting. Kita tak banyak pages untuk muatkan semuanya."(*sambil melingkar atas sofa, degan kertas dan pen, dan muffin yang dah tinggal bekas atas lantai*)

Dan...

"Macam mana dia interact?"
"Mungkin something happened kat tempat kerja."
"Mungkin ada sth yang akan relate kan them both. Like a memory."
"Tapi karakter kau dengan aku punya karakter tak ada link whatsoever except for that one part kan?"
"Tapi kalau akak punya karakter dengan kita punya jumpa, mungkin ada someone yang jumpakan diorang?"
(*sambil makan maggi goreng*)

Dan...

"Let's use first name basis."
"No, kalau nama dia macam ni, maksudnya karakter I punya nama pun kena ada something like that."
"It must have a name yang biasa. Nama yang normal pada tahun 80-an, something yang seorang mak akan rasa 'cool betul nama anak aku ni' tapi sebenarnya sangat corny."
"Dengan weird spelling."
"Bapak dia mesti nama yang bunyiknya macam sangat macho dan sangat tak guna dalam masa yg sama."
"Macam *toot*?"
"Hahahahahaha.... itu just 'tak guna'. Tak macho pun."
(*Sambil teguk air coklat)

Dan juga sesi bash novel aku:

"Seriously Shai, bagi la karakter ko chance untuk bercinta."
"Tapi memang watak novel aku bercinta pon."
"No. Ko suka letak kat belakang sekali dia punya happy ending."
"Ya, betul. Atau sangat vague. Kesian la."

Ya, macam tulah cara kitorang habiskan pagi Sabtu. Lepas tu tertido dengan jayanya. Lepas tu pergi makan free kat rumah sedara Shikin yang sambut birthday. Lepas tu pergi melalak karaoke kat Semenyih. Lepas tu pergi dataran KL untuk tengok skydivers (di mana aku end up beli bubble gun dan annoy every single cars on the road with bubbles). Lepas tu balik tido. Pastu bangun makan McD.

Dan begitulah caranya anda menulis "Projek Chums" (not our official name, by the way). Anda kena spend time dengan novelis lain, saling mengutuk dan mengeji, saling nyanyi lagu "Unintended" sekuat hati dan kemudian buat plan seterusnya yang entah bila nak dilaksanakan.

Or at least, that's how we deal with our shit.