Kosong. Kosong. Kosong.

Hari tu aku pergi Pesta Buku dan aku rasa kosong.....

Pehh, mukadimah macam intro filem artsy fartsy.

Sebenarnya kekosongan tu ada banyak sebab:

i. Nine, editor SBP 2.0 dah pindah
-Biasanya kalau aku gi PBAKL, aku banyak lepak borak dengan Nine, citer pasal buku, pasal manuskrip, pasal life in general. Tapi tahun lepas, Nine berhenti dan sekarang kerja kat tempat lain, so aku kekurangan rutin di situ.

ii. Editor aku Sue, yang edit buku pertama aku, as well as AKU KELIRU, orang pertama yang aku kenal di Buku Prima selain Encik Ali, pindah ke Alaf21.
- Or in a more precise term, dipindahkan ke Alaf21. Bila aku dengar, aku cam, "What????". You see, the writer-editor relationship bukan sekadar aku tulis ko edit. It takes years of understanding each other's stance, style, and workmanship. I have already lost Ecah (editor PLAIN JANE, AKU KAN NOVELIS), Poja (editor SBP 1), dan Nine (SBP 2.0), now I lost Sue as well?
-Of course, masih ada Anis yang juga editor VALENTINA NERVOSA. Please please please don't take her away too.

iii. Aku tak ada buku baru
- Bila tak ada buku baru keluar masa PBAKL, tahap excitement dia memang berbeza dengan time ada buku baru. Kalau nak excited lebih pun rasa bersalah, cam rasa orang piker, "Makcik tu pehal excited lebih? Buku baru bukan ada pon." ahahahahahahahaha
(disclaimer: Ini adalah perasaan Nurul Syahida sahaja, tidak tertakluk pada orang lain)

iv. Semua orang promote buku kat rak, tapi aku sucks in doing that kind of thing
- I just suck at marketing. Ask my former employer. I wasn't made to stay in the marketing department long for a reason, you know. The reason being I suck at it.

v. Aku tak cukup energy for anything for the past few months
- Kerja yang sangat banyak + introversion + crowds = energy-drained.

So, sambil aku memerhatikan orang ramai membeli buku, dan para penulis lain mempromote buku, diselang-selikan dengan bunyi sound system yang sangat kuat sampai aku tak dengar Kak Lynn (Lynn Dayana, that is) cakap apa half of the time (kitorang asik bergosip sepanjang tempoh tu), I came to the conclusion that...

...I am lost.

I am lost in the sea of new readers and new writers, in the waves of new trends and old habits, in the world that used to be quiet and peaceful but now hectic and loud, where writing used to be about the stories you tell rather than the big screen adaptations and fame.

I am lost in my own thought, trying to remember why I am here in the first place, and how did I end up here. Reminiscing the quiet times when nobody remembered my name or the name of my fellow colleagues, and we're just a group of people who writes for the love of writing, of storytelling, of sending messages, of being trendsetters rather than followers.

And I missed conversing about books, about writers, about plots and stories, of the time when PBAKL was about celebrating books and readers, rather than celebrities and stars.

It overwhelms me.

Maka aku pulang ke rumah dengan rasa kosong itu, dan aku lelapkan mata untuk recharge bateri hidup yang dah tinggal satu bar.

I think I want to take a break.

It's April 2015 and I don't know what I am doing with my life.

Oh my....

Eh jap. Tak supan sebagai orang Islam.

Assalamualaikum.

Oh my.... it has been soooo long since I wrote anything in here. I am soooo sorry you guys. I was too busy procrastinating working. Nowadays I am translating a new anime for ANIMAX, and the format is a tad different than my previous translation work, and it's also used for dubbing purposes, so I was unable to focus on anything else. On top of that, I am also doing AMAYA......

(when I say "I am doing AMAYA", I mean, I am TRANSLATING the FILIPINO TELENOVELA by the name of AMAYA, not "I am doing AMAYA" in the perverse sense. Undirt your head, people!)

...for ASTRO Bella, so that's another thing. In short, amidst the Yahoo thing, and the ANIMAX thing, and the Bella thing, and the SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU 3 thing, I don't have a life. It's more or less wake-up-solat(kalau tak solat nanti Tuhan marah wehhh)-buat air lemon-sarapan-exercise-kerja-solat zohor-makan-kerja-solat asar-kerja-solat maghrib-kerja-solat isyak-rerun Arrested Development (because my break is solely for Jason Bateman)-kerja-pastikan all my SIMS people still alive-tidur-bangun and the cycle continues.

Why do I have an obsession over Jason Bateman? Don't question my taste in men. I used to have a crush on David Mitchell (the comedian, not the author) too, you know....

Sometimes there's time when the whole routine changes a bit. That is when my cats get sick and in need of the vet's attention, or when my mum is not feeling well and I need to cook instead, or when the kitchen stock habis and I need to spend my whole afternoon kat TESCO atau GIANT. And those are the only times I will be out of my house.

So, in short to the original in short, I will one day die in my own house, head slammed on my laptop, with my eyes being eaten by vultures. How the vultures get inside my house in this very dramatic version of my death? I don't know.

My mum's birthday is today. Yesterday we bought her cake, and today I made her a very simple birthday pizza dish using an instant naan bread. Just slab a lot of tomato puree and sauce on it, some cooked hotdog and portabello mushrooms, and a lot of mozarella, a minute inside the microwave and voila! Faux-pizza!

Then I made lunch. Siakap kukus a la whatever. I am too lazy to snap a photo of it, so just imagine a yummy siakap with a lot of halia and bawang and daun bawang on top with an extremely wangi sauce that consists of stok ayam, kicap cair, pepper and sesame oil with your best imagination.

It looks like this, but this is from nakemah.blogspot.com. I did not make this. Please don't sue me for copyright.

MMmmm-mm-mmmm....

I didn't buy mum anything. I think the only thing she would like right now is a grandchild. Since I can't buy those in stores, there's nothing I can do about it. I think the next best thing would be taking her to lunch at all those places that Razif Hashim from BEST IN THE WORLD went to, since she lovvvveeessss the show very much. She even watches the reruns. Two weeks ago, I had to spend my whole Saturday watching Raz Natt eat on TV, and the whole day my brain keeps humming the Nyan Nyan Cat song.

My. Whole. Saturday.

I was like, mum seriously, we're not going to Johor for the same nasi lemak! Stop watching AFC! I can almost smell the food from TV! I mean, I love the show too, but one per day is enough. I am not binge-watching people binge-eating (well, it wasn't binge eating... but you get my point)

Haih.

I've sent my manuscript last week. It's a story about a girl. And a cat. And betrayal. And more cats. It might have been cuter if the book has illustrations so you can actually see the cats, but then, that would just turn it into a children's book, innit?

I am sooo sorry for taking so much time to finally complete my new book. That's because I have been procrastinating busy. Doing what, I don't even know.

Say, masa cepat berlalu sekarang, kan?

(END BLOG POST SECARA TERGANTUNG SEBAB AKU TAK ADA IDEA HOW TO END THINGS)

In remembrance of a great man: Allahyarham Azhar Asmuni

Dear Diary,

Rather than let the cats 'write' to you today, I will do it myself, to remind myself about life.

Last Friday, my uncle Azhar Asmuni surrendered himself to the beloved Maker, after months of battle with the malevolence known as cancer. Finally at peace, closer to heaven than any of us mortal beings.

With that, he left hearts behind. My aunt, Siti Maisarah, his two children, Shazni and Shazrina, and all of us.

It broke my heart to see my aunt with tears in her eyes, trying to be strong for her children and for herself. And yet, I am proud of her, knowing for a fact that she has always been a strong woman for as long as I can remember.

It also pains me, that the last time I saw him was months and months ago, even before he was even diagnosed. We kept trying to come visit him after the operation, but there were always things to do, work to be done, illnesses and family affairs to work on, that it got delayed every single week. On the last date we planned, he was already gone.

The last memory I had of him was last Eid. He complained of a stomach ache, and I made him a cup of ginger tea.

"Sedap teh Syahida. Ajar mak cik kau buat," he said jokingly. To those who don’t know him, it may sound like a criticism. In truth, however, he loved her very much. Rather than show it to people, he tends to joke around, enjoying my aunt's annoyance, snickering by himself when she expresses her protests, laughing vigorously when she retaliates.

She's a woman of vivacity, and he was a fiery man who embraces life and liveliness. They were perfect for each other, going on trips around the world, working together not just as husband and wife, and parents to their kids, but also as partners in everything.

They were their own version of Rhett and Scarlet, Ainun and Habibie, Marie and Pierre.

And somehow, as saddened I am for not being able to see him on his last days, I am grateful that the man I last saw still had his fire, his snickers, his vigour, and his liveliness, who still looks at his wife with that loving gaze whilst teasing her at the same time. That way, I will always remember him at his best.

Life is fragile, as one has always known. But death is not just about the one that is gone. It also concerns the ones left behind. The ones who must pick up the pieces and continue, the ones who must move on but never forget, the ones who will have to soar with a clipped wing.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," according to Tennyson.

But one never loses the love of one's life. Love is never gone, but to be shaped, mended, moulded, sculpted, embraced in a different way, to be immortalised in one's heart, and joined with the love of God.

The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” [Bukhari]

Al-Fatihah.

Of not wanting to be the Poster Child for Singlehood

I had a chat with a friend.

An unmarried friend, like myself, if I have to be precise.

And we talk about... what else if not marriage.

Don't get me wrong. We don't do all that mushy stuff about relationship or questioning about this and that all the time. Usually we talk about taxes, and social issues, or politics, occasionally discussing weird topics, like what is the gender of a toothbrush or how much wood would a woodchuck actually chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

But this time, we talk about marriage. It was just.... 'an educated discussion'... about marriage, if I can say so myself. I mean, I don't like to continue talking about this, but....

Well... the issue is simple. We're annoyed.

We're annoyed by many things, which include:
1. people thinking that we hate men
2. other single people who wants to be united in some sort of a 'We're single and loving it" kind of way (trust me, there is nothing much more desperate than trying to prove you're an independent woman by announcing how independent you are).
3. people thinking we don't meet men much
4. people thinking we don't socialise with people
5. people think we're complicated
6. girls who just broke up with their significant others who are clearly are not over it trying to make some kind of a 'cool single girls' club
7. girls who broke up with their significant others and use excuses such as 'I want to be single just like you' to mask the actual reason; that they find their boyfriends inadequate to fulfill their needs
8. people who think we're lesbians
9. people who think that we're a bunch of 'tak laku' girls
10. people in general.

Let me simplify your unnecessary concerns with my relationship status with an answer;

Why am I not married?
Answer: It's because I am not married.

If I am married, then I am. But since I am not, then I am not. There is no long essay about financial stability, or needs, or all those mushy stuff about commitment. I have left that part back in the noughties together with the annoying age I was at that  time (when I was in my 20s to be exact)

It's not because I am some sort of a gladiator/independent woman who doesn't need a man in her life or hates men like the trend nowadays. I am just not married because I am not married.

To people who thinks that we hate men
We're not. We have high regards for men. Though... that also depends on what type of men. If you're an addict no-good man yang menghabiskan bogheh mak bapak and has no ambition whatsoever, then no, I have no regards for you. But a man's man who has respect for women and the society as a whole, yes, you deserve every respect that I have.

To people who wants to unite with us in that Beyonce Imma Survivor Independent woman kind of thing
Please don't. I just want to live normally. I am not in some sort of a mission to prove that I can live without man. If I live without a man, well, that's because I can. If I get married, well, that's because I fell in love and wants to be with that particular person. If you want me to go all "Who run dis mutha? Girls!", well,... to the left to the left.

To people who thinks that we don't meet men much
How many men do you want me to meet? I have a life to live and it does not involve finding men to take care of me. The thing about me and my friend is, we are used to being single and we are okay doing things on our own without trying to dial a man's number for anything. You might think it's impossible, but it really is easy to do. You just have to be very confident with your own ability to not ask men to do things for you.

Well,..... unless it involves cars. Because I am shit at that. But then again, I don't drive. So there. Problem solved.

To people thinking we don't socialise with people
I am an introvert. I only socialise with people when I want to, but in the end, I like reading myself to sleep better. Ask every other introverts in this world and they will agree with me. It's not a disease. It's just that our way of life is different than yours. If you can't accept that, well, that's just your issue with society at large. I mean, you want everybody to do things your way because your way is the right way? Well, boo-hoo to you, compadre. People have different priorities in life.

To people think we're complicated
If I am, well, I am not proud of it. I am opinionated, that's for sure. But I can tolerate people. Again, I don't do that "I an an independent woman" chant every day. You know how uncomplicated I am? I don't even have a list of things I want from a man to be my husband. All I want is to fall for someone hard enough that I want to spend the rest of my life with that person, and right now, I am not falling for anything or anyone. That can happen too, you know. Some people just don't fall in love that easily, that's all. All that 'drooling for Leonardo Dicaprio' thing? It's just fun to do, because people think you're weird if you don't talk about recent actors.

(the last time I said I fell in love with an actor, it was Clint Eastwood, and my officemates said, "Wey, just go and fall in love with Justin Timberlake or a K-pop guy or something.... why la that old man...")

To girls who just broke up with their significant others who are clearly are not over it trying to make some kind of an association of 'cool single girls' 
I will punch you in the face and say, "Get over it" if you do that. People who are brokenhearted just needs to experience the patheticness of their feelings until one day you don't feel pathetic anymore. That's life. Don't make me your excuse to feel great when you're seriously jaded inside. Accept your jadedness, and you are going to turn out fine. Every time you try to do that sisterhood-of-travelling-pants shit with me, it just gives me the creeps.

I don't subscribe to the Sex and the City friendship. Please understand that.

To girls who broke up with their significant others and use excuses such as 'I want to be single just like you' to mask the actual reason that they find their boyfriends inadequate for their needs
Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me in order to lie to yourself. I am not your icon of singleness. Just go and get married or something. Sheesh. Every single time tak puas hati dengan hidup sendiri, mulalah sibuk nak mengagung2kan kehidupan aku tanpa sebab. I am not your icon of excuse, nor am I a poster child for singlehood.

To people who think we're lesbians
I do not fancy a being that has the same set of boobs and vagina like meself.

To people who think that we're a bunch of 'tak laku' girls
You want me to tell you how valuable I am in the dating market? Because that's how we value ourselves? Duuuude, have some self respect.

To people in general
There is more to life than discussing my personal life. Why are you worried about me being single? Is there some sort of a will saying that you will get a million dollars if I get married? (I mean, if that's the case, tell me. I will find a man to marry and we can split the money two ways). Will the country get invaded by aliens if I continue to remain single till the age of 40? If not, then relax. The world doesn't turn to ashes just because I am not married.

In conclusion, pleaaaaase do not try to make me seem like a loser for being single, or to make me seem cooler for being single. I don't need to be empowered, to feel like a cool person, to be identified by my singleness, or to be associated with the world through my relationship status. I just want to live a life without any need to explain myself about things that I do. Please don't make me do that. I am tired of it.

The next time you see me, why don't you ask me, have I donated to charity today, have I done something to change the world (even if it's minor), or if I have performed my salah on time. Because that's kinda more important, don't you think?

To be the Exception, or to be Exceptional

Sorry, it has been a long while since I last wrote on this. I have been busy with work. Still is... actually... I am currently tengah pandang my translation script going, "I don't want to do this today. I don't want to do this today. I don't want to do this today. I don't want to do this today..." and decided to write here to distract meself for a while (sure, distract diri sendiri.... bos mintak translation siap sebelum tujuh pagi esok, mengular macamlah banyak sangat masa...)

Yes, I got some subtitling work again, I mean, until December that is, because the company I worked with are stacked with too many things, they had to sub some jobs to me. Since they sub A LOT of scripts, I don't even want to know berapa banyak skrip they themselves have to take care of.

Anyways.

I have been having a... (I can't call it mid-life crisis, I'm just 31... though sometimes when people asked me my age, I said '32'... I guess...I...like...being...old...?.....)

...let's just say I have a career crisis.

I am in trouble of not selling my books well. I can be honest with you guys because I really don't have any self-respect about my life (or lack thereof). Haha. AKU KELIRU has not been selling well. It hasn't even broke second print. That's the worst. THE. WORST. (by 'the worst', I mean, "Mehh, typical...", rather than "Oh my God, life is over!"...).

It still hurts me a bit, because I love writing AKU KELIRU, and I put my heart and soul into it, but of course, mana la bleh aku paksa orang suka aku tulis apa... itu istilahnya perasan sendiri. But I love that I have readers who love it (yo te amo mucho mucho). But to tell you the truth, I do not represent the majority of people in Malaysia. My books don't speak to them. I used to think that people, like me, would like to read stories that they can relate to, but according to some unofficial surveys and observations I did on Malaysian readers, most of them don't really want to read something they can relate to, or they just can't relate to what I bring to the table.

In short, my style of writing and majority of readers don't connect.

No, I am not blaming them or anything. Of course, you can't ask people to read something that they can't connect with. For example, I don't care how many people say that Mitch Albom is a great writer, I don't particularly connect with his philosophy. Or, people like John Green, and Nicholas Spark, for example. They may be bestselling authors, but I am not a fan. Not because they don't write good stories, because they do, but because the style, the scene, the atmosphere, the way it is written is not the kind of thing that I like to read.

So, since my hiatus, I have been thinking.

Maybe here is not my market. 

Some people say, "Oh, you just have to tweak your writing to suit readers..."
Well, yeah, I could. But I've tried, and I can't. I just can't do it. Because I believe in the rule, not the exception... and I speak for the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.

For example, majority of CEOs will not marry their own scullery maid. That's the rule. Sometimes, one or two of them did. That's the exception. But I am not the exception, and I don't like to teach people to believe they are going to be an exception. I want them to be exceptional, not waiting to be the exception.

What I meant by that is, happiness to me is knowing what you want, and getting it - THAT, is what it means to be exceptional. For example, Wulan in 3 HATI's happiness is finally knowing what she's good at and aiming for that. So it was a bit frustrating for me when people asked me, "Kenapa dia tak end up dengan Neal?"

But of course, that's not what majority likes to read. Some criticisms that I get from readers, include "It's not cute enough", "it lacks romantic scenes", "there are too many pop culture reference that I don't understand", "takde scene gaduh2 manja sangat"... 

(I tried adding more, but then I delete it, sebab aku memang tak mampu nak tulis scene gaduh2 manja banyak sangat. I mean, even in reality bila tengok orang terlampau gaduh manja on FB pun aku cam,"Ughh get a room." ahahaha. But seriously, though, I will take note on the pop cultural reference thing.)

*Masni (in AKU KELIRU) is the exception though, but that's because I need closure for both Zaniel and Masni... ahahah.

So,  what I'm trying to say is, I think I need to practice what I preach. I have to be exceptional. I must do something to be exceptional, and not waiting for people to recognise me... okay, not ME, persay, but my work.

So, right now... while I am busy with work, and trying to squeeze time to write another manuscript, I am also planning to do something else.

No, not 'adaptasi drama'. Nope. I don't even have a ship in the first place to say that "That ship has sailed".

Something else that I hope I can achieve before I turn 35 (which means I got 4 more years to do it). I am currently looking for some experts in editing to help me with it.

Pray for me, my dearest readers. 

P.S; Thank you for all your positive and supportive comments. It gives me so much pleasure and happiness to know you guys. I will reply to it as soon as I finish translating CORAZON EN CONDOMINIO dan DESTINO that has been giving me headaches. Some 10 to 20 more episodes to go.

THE SELF-OBSESSED TRIVIA: Things you should know about...

Maafkan saya sebab dah lama tak apdet blog.

Macam biasa, trivia self-obsessed. Untuk baca trivia buku2 yang sebelum ini, you can click this, and this, and this, and that, and this, and that,

i. AKU KELIRU tak ada dalam aku punya perancangan untuk publish. I had several other manuscripts and ideas in queue, and writing a sequel is none of them. Tapi sebab ramai pembaca email aku dan mintak supaya kisah Roul dan Safiah disambung, dan actually senang sangat nak put on my Safiah & Roul hat, I did it. But like I told you guys dalam post sebelum ini, nak yakinkan publisher untuk keluarkan sekuel kepada buku yang takla dalam senarai bestseller, bukan benda senang.

ii. Seperti yang dah pun diketahui, kali ni aku ketengahkan Masni, tapi Masni dah memang ada sejak AKU KAN NOVELIS. Zaniel pulak dari novel PLAIN JANE. Yang lain-lain cam biasa. Ada watak2 lain yang aku amik dari nama orang yang aku kenal (Masni is my longest blogger friend who is now studying in Japan; Iza is my roomy-BFF kat UIA; Jis is also a long-time blogger friend; Arfah adalah ex-officemate masa kerja kat CO; Roul adalah nama gelaran seorang senior kat UIA dan nama penuh dia Zairul adalah nama ustaz Bahasa Arab kat Matrics UIA; Kirby adalah nama bapak sedara aku...by marriage I mean... I do not have any English blood in me; Ashiqin atau Sha adalah senior aku kat SMKAKS; Shasha adalah sepupu kepada sepupu aku, dan King is her husband and Juxta Art really does exist and you can check them out here https://www.facebook.com/JuxtaART), tapi ada jugak nama-nama yang aku main letak je, like Jane, Eloise, Badariah, Hasrin dan Encik Saleh.

Chaq and I in 2005... on the way to Archery Tournament, by which I mean, lepak makan gula-gula while orang lain memanah

Iza and I in 2006. Sorang grad Psychology, sorang grad Political Science. Sorang jadi lecturer Psychology, sorang buat entah apa-apa entah untuk hidup

Masni and Jis. 2006. Kawan lepak waktu malam kalau ada Frinjan atau those kind of artsy fartsy thing. Ahahaha.

My monster bag, yang aku tempah dari Juxta Arts. Yes, they take orders like this.

iii. That stalker letter sebenarnya aku pernah alami, though aku takleh panggil that person stalker, more like an obsessed guy (dia tatau pun aku novelis) who was angry at me for removing him from Facebook back in 2010 (in my defense, he flooded my posts with unnecessary comments). He wrote me a long private message dengan gaya bahasa yang sama macam yang korang baca dalam surat Zafli.

iv. Perbualan menggunakan Bahasa Kantonis antara Jane dan Eloise is courtesy of my former CO colleague, Wai Ting... aku juga guna nama dia untuk watak colleague Wulan dalam 3 HATI.

v. I got question on why Badariah sangat busuk hati, sebab aku tak explain langsung apa yang dia tak puas hati dengan Masni. Sebenarnya selama aku hidup, aku tak tau apa punca orang busuk hati. Badariah reminds me of someone yang aku pernah jumpa zaman aku kerja dengan CO dulu. Masa tu aku pergi shooting location filem (aku tatau apa jadi kat filem tu. macam tak akan keluar sampai bila-bila je). Antara pelakon yang ada kat location termasuk Yasmin Hani, Rusdi Ramly dan Lana Nordin. This one reporter (I won't say from which publication) sangat benci dengan Lana Nordin that I don't really understand why. Masa tu Lana Nordin was not that famous, dan I know she was trying hard to be nice to everybody, that setiap kali orang interview Yasmin Hani, dia akan mencelah dan bergurau sikit2, which to me, is not a sign of menggedik, but just someone who wants to fit in and show how friendly they are. Tapi entah kenapa, this one female reporter hated her so much, she kept telling us that Lana Nordin gedik, Lana Nordin perasan, Lana Nordin this and that, and saja2 langgar minah tu when she was walking. All the while, Lana cam just senyap dan tak fight back. She looked confused as to why she was treated that way. Which to me, adalah sangat ridiculous, since I was there in every interview, and Lana did nothing wrong at all. It was the female reporter who was exaggerating. So even nowadays, when I saw bad reports about Lana Nordin, I'll be like, "Oh come on. She is not that bad. Don't just make up stuff about her because she is sexy!" and then aku akan teringat about that one female reporter and her treatment of Lana. So, yes. I don't understand why people are being assholes to other people sometimes. And Badariah is like that. Maybe being a bully makes them cool? Maybe they want to fit in? Maybe their life is so miserable that they want to make life miserable for someone else who looks like they are not that miserable?

Kisah Masni juga adalah based pada kisah dua member aku. Diorang tak saling mengenali, tapi kisah diorang seakan sama - which is isu dengan rakan sekerja yang talam dua muka dan kaki bodek.

vi. As you all know, I really hate kisah orang kaya-raya bercinta dengan orang miskin. Senang kata, I hate anything that involves lelaki kaya-raya. Tapi since Zaniel was from buku aku yang kedua, PLAIN JANE dan aku cipta dia sebagai orang kaya dalam novel tu to prove a point about Balkis, I can't actually 'de-wealth' dia.

Bas RapidKL.... the bane of my existence

vii. Dalam satu bab where Masni dan Zaniel berbual dalam bas, dia ada bercerita pasal kaki dia kena sepit dengan pintu bas tapi dia tahankan sepanjang perjalanan sampai bas berhenti kat bust stop berikutnya sekalipun sakit gila. Benda tu sebenarnya jadi kat aku. Masa tu dalam perjalanan balik dari kerja dan bas penuh nak mamp. Tahu tak macam mana sakitnya kaki kena sepit dengan pintu bas? SAKIT. GIL. LE. Tapi sebab masa tu driver awal2 lagi dah warning jangan dekat dengan pintu tapi aku degil sangat, so aku diamkan je kesakitan tu. Aku lebih rela terseksa daripada kena jerit "Kan aku dah kata!" dengan driver. Ahahaha. Dan bas U623 tu memang bas yang aku naik every day back in 2008 masa aku kerja kat CO di Kelana Jaya. Naik kat LRT KJ, turun kat depan Nanyang Siang Pao, go to the opposite road and naik bas U80 balik Shah Alam.

viii. Perbualan Zaniel dengan Masni pasal WWF/WWE adalah disebabkan sehari sebelum tu aku tengok The Rock's return to the match and rasa nostalgic (aku dulu kaki tengok wrestling.... aku pun tatau kenapa... but era The Rock/StoneCold/Triple H was awesome). Dream team WWF aku ialah Chris Jericho dan Hardy Boyz, by the way. Ahahahaha.

because Jericho was awesome. and he wore pants.

ix. Tulis pasal gaya hidup Zaniel memang leceh. Penat aku interview semua member2 yang urban-Bangsar-Subang Jaya style. Nasib baik aku ada member yang memang ada kad keahlian Celebrity Fitness Platinum yang kat Empire tu. Dapatla aku godek dan observe semuanya. Nak masuk gim biasa pun tak mampu apetah lagi yang ada perkataan Platinum.

x. Manuskrip asal ada lebih 800 pages, termasuk a few bit where aku share writing tips (sebab ramai membebel kat internet kata "Tajuk novel, AKU KAN NOVELIS, tapi takde langsung tips penulisan..."). Kali ni aku buat tips penulisan, tapi sebab dah panjang sangat, semua tu aku terpaksa buang. Aku kena buang lebih 150 pages wooo. Ingat senang ke. ahahahaha.

xi. AKU KELIRU ni marks the third time aku mintak cover colour kuning tapi dapat yang tak berapa nak kuning. Aku mintak kuning untuk VALENTINA NERVOSA dapat biru. Aku mintak kuning untuk 3 HATI dapat krim. Aku mintak kuning untuk AKU KELIRU, dapat beige-ish raibow-ish paint color (I love it though, so I am not complaining). Pastu arituh ada novel baru orang lain keluar cover warna kuning yang aku nak, aku cam, "Heyy!!!"...... ahahahahaha, jeles.

xii. Tajuk AKU KELIRU tu an afterthought. Aku tulis citer ni takde tajuk, pastu aku bagi entah apa jela tajuk kat editor aku. Mujur dia memiliki kesabaran.

Scumbag InDesign CS5.5......

xiii. Oh, harap tak ada siapa salahkan editor atas typo error yang berlaku tu. Kisahnya begini. Editor aku tanya kot aku nak slash and hack sendiri manuskrip aku untuk kurangkan jumlah mukasurat. Aku kata, biar aku je yang buat sebab aku tau bahagian mana yang penting and mana yang tak. So dia bagi aku manuskrip yang dia dah selesai edit, and kata "Guna Adobe Indesign CS5, hantar Isnin" (sebab Isnin tu jugak nak masuk printer). Aku pi guna aku punya, CS5.5. Sudahnya, aku hantar Isnin (sebab banyak sgt mukasurat, takleh nak siap edit dalam masa sekejap), diorang takleh bukak (Scumbag Indesign... tambah version .5 kat nama, terus takleh nak bukak). So aku terpaksa convert balik guna Acrobat, and bila sampai kat editor, dia kena convert balik jadi Indesign, and suma susunan dah lari. Kiranya dia terpaksa edit balik everything dalam tempoh yang short sebelum masuk printer tu. So, kalau ada orang yang patut dipersalahkan, sayalah orangnya. Jangan! Jangan baling batu pada saya! I mean, I love working with Sue. She was my first editor, and she is easy to work with.

xiv. Aku tak berniat pun nak buat Chaq menyanyi lagu "Money, Money, Money" masa tunggu Safiah dalam kereta. Tapi aku tengah dengar lagu tu masa tengah menulis scene tu (and the real Chaq pun memang suka dengar lagu-lagu retro)

xv. Untuk mendapatkan AKU KELIRU, sila PM ejen saya Abang Long untuk dapatkan tandatangan berserta exclusive magnet.

The thing about "I" and "Them"

I like writing in a first-person POV. Writing that way gives me the advantage of looking at so many things from so many ways. Some writers might differ though, as they think that writing a novel from the point of view of "I" or "Aku" is only narrowing the scope of views to just one person.

But most of the best writers I know write in a first-person POV. Yann Martel's "Life Of Pi", Tea Obreht's "The Tiger's Wife", Vikas Swarup's "Q&A" (though famously known as "Slumdog Millionaire"), Stephen King's "The Green Mile",... even some of the chic lits such as Sophie Kinsella's and Cecelia Ahern's are written in the first-person POV. My favourite book, "Ayahanda" by Azizi Abdullah was also written from the point of view of a first-person - the son.

What I love most about writing a book using "Aku", is that it helps me describe things and people better. It's like playing FPS (first person shooter). You're not imagining someone else in the picture. You can actually make the character.

Of course, it is quite annoying sometimes. I have found some writers like to ram their way through grammar when they write in such a way, inserting English words, colloquial terms, and three dots (oh I hate three dots when it is not inserted in a correct way) like nobody's business. It's like, hey, I know you're writing as "Aku", but it does not mean you can just shit your way from start to finish. I wrote Roul's POV in his style of words, but he is not the main POV. If I write a whole book in his POV, my editor would have smacked me in the head.

Why the topic of first-person POV? Because a friend of mine says that it limits storytelling and it's a style usually adopted by amateur writers. But just like I said before, some of the greatest piece of writing I have read came in a first-person POV.

And to tell you the truth, from the five books that I have written thus far, it's "Plain Jane" that I love the most. Don't get me wrong. It's neither my best work, nor the biggest selling among all of them. But I love it because it was mine. It was then and there that I found the actual technique and freedom of writing things my own way.

I might not be writing all my books in the first person POV, but truth be told, I much enjoyed writing when I can pose as a judgmental bitch.

(*NSK is currently writing a new novel in a third-person POV... and every day is a struggle of trying to be interested in it)

An update from a lazy-ass

Aku terlalu sibuk dengan kerja.

Nak update blog tak sempat. Nak balas komen pun kena delay dulu (maafkan sayaaaa....)

Jadual hidup pun berubah ikut Ramadhan. Kalau dulu aku tidur awal, sekarang aku tak tidur langsung. Dari lepas solat, aku menghadap kerja, then cycling setengah jam, mandi, solat, tolong mak masak sahur, makan, solat, hantar kerja, get some nap sebelum bangun balik dan sambung kerja.

Will update something... anything... when this stomach ache is less crappy.

Did I become my own taboo?

The longer I've been in the writing industry (with not much knowledge gained due to my own deteriorating skills of comprehension), the more I realised that I am getting lazier.

Once upon a time, I promised myself that I would not be writing clichés. So I kept pouncing the word out in my books, saying how cliché this and that thing is. But then I realised that I have somehow created my own brand of clichés.

Now, where readers were originally surprised to who the heroine ended with, they anticipated every single supporting characters.

The protagonists were anticipated to be strong-minded, sarcastic females with no-nonsense attitude towards her surroundings.

The men should be weird and out of the norms.

The protagonists would have loyal bestfriends who would be there for her, either to listen to her woes or just giving it straight to her face of how annoying she is.

The girl would not end up with the same guy she was with earlier.

The girl's family members are weirdos consisting of a laidback father, a nagging mother and siblings who sass.

I have realised this while writing VALENTINA NERVOSA, and yet I kept doing it. I think it was both intentional and unintentional. Intentional because I hate weepy do-gooder characters with no sense of self-defence or personal demons. Unintentional because sometimes I work on auto-pilot and my auto-pilot identity is a snarky person who hate weepy do-gooder characters with no sense of self-defence or personal demons.

That's why I love Cecelia Ahern. I know that some are saying that she has not written a book as great as her earlier works like "PS I Love You" and "If You Could See Me Now". But I still love her because she always write different things.

"The Time of My Life" is my personal favourite, not only because it felt like my life, but because of how it was told. Instead of telling a story of how a broken-hearted girl was unable to move on, it takes a perspective of Life itself, that came to see the protagonist as a personification of a sick man (I always imagine my Life as Benedict Cumberbatch) and pressures her to move on with her life.

Every single book has a different concept, though mostly revealed the same message of love and loss, cherishing moments and having no regrets. "PS I Love You" sends the message through post-humous notes, "Where Rainbows End" (also known as "Rosie Dunne") was written in an epistolary technique, "If You Could See Me Now" tells its stories through the existence of an imaginary friend, while "A Place Called Here" realises the mysteries behind our lost items. "The Gift" tells the story through time, "Thanks for the Memories" through blood transfusions, "The Book of Tomorrow" through a padlocked leather-bound book she found in a moving library. Meanwhile, "One Hundred Names" tells it through the experience of several different people, while "How to Fall in Love" uses self-help books as the concept of storytelling.

"Girl in the Mirror"? Well, that story scared me.

But none of the book feels the same despite sending similar messages. It tells you to cherish your life in various ways, various words and multiple philosophies.

And I hope to do the same. NOT copying Cecelia Ahern's style, no. That is the biggest sin in writing - copying other writers. But I hope that I can maintain my trademark, in which readers will know that it's me writing it even if I didn't put my name on it, while at the same time not being too obvious that they are able to tell what will happen next.

I don't want to be the kind of writer who just admit that I write cliches just to justify my lack of creativity or so people would not expect much of me.

Wish me well, O my beloved readers... (ni paksa orang ke ape?)

Smells like Teen Spirits. I mean, real spirits. Not the deodorant or the motivated feeling.

Jika anda adalah FB friends saya (it's HERE if you are not aware of it), ya, akhir bulan depan Insya-Allah sekuel SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU akan keluar.

Ini cover-nya:

SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU 2.0

But that's not the cool part. The cool part is if if you put it next to SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU, it looks like this:

Awesome, innit?

Tentang apa? Kalau dah baca, senang kata, it's what happened four years since the 'incident' that happened di Bilik 34 (ke 32? Aku sendiri tak ingat apa aku tulis. Haih). Kalau belum baca, well, it's a compilation of ghost stories, some made-up, and some did occur zaman aku sekolah menengah dulu. Dengan erti kata lainnya, kisah-kisah seram asrama.

Well, of course, since it's published under Teenprima (which is the Teen/Kids unit of Buku Prima), penulisannya ada sedikit berbeza dengan buku dewasa. Kurang English, dan lebih mesra remaja. Tapi kalau tanya apa uniknya dengan buku kedua ni, well... dalam buku kedua ada kisah yang berlaku pada aku sendiri masa zaman duk asrama dulu. I even use my own name, though ceritanya aku exaggerate sikit (kalau tak exaggerate, nanti korang macam baca nota kelas pulak...)

excerpt from the book. Click on it untuk besarkan

The cover designer is still the same person, Nina (who did SBP dan AKU KELIRU), while kali ni editor bertukar dari Poja ke Nine (pronounced as Nee-ne, bukan Nain). Yes. It's true. My cover designer dan editor bernama Nina dan Nine. 

Not sure whether akan ada buku ketiga atau tak. I really do want to make it my thing, you know... tulis feel good stories untuk buku dewasa, dan buat seram komedi for teens. But then again, I am not sure yet. Lepas ramai orang kata susah gila nak jumpa buku SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU kat kedai buku (toksah citer kedai lain la, MPH tak jual langsung), maybe I have to rethink my priority.

Anyway, buku baru ni akan keluar akhir Jun ini. AKHIR Jun... or probably July. Who knows. Tapi kalau susah nak jumpa kat kedai, boleh beli dengan ejen saya, Abang Long di talian 019-2254910 (just SMS him, he'll get right back to you. He's cool, no worries). Dulu ada website-nya, arrazi, tapi sejak akhir-akhir ni problem plak. So you can also visit him HERE instead.

Like always, setiap pembelian through Abang Long will get you ucapan penulis dan signature (if you want. I won't force you to get my signature. It doesn't worth anything in eBay anyway.. ahahaha).

---------------------------------------------------------

SINOPSIS "SBP 2.0":

Fadzilah sedang mencari jawapan kepada misteri yang telah berlaku kepada Pak Cik Baie ketika mengalami serangan jantung di Koperasi SMAX. 

Oleh kerana itu, dia sanggup bekerja di SMAX yang terkenal sebagai sekolah banyak penunggu sementara menunggu keputusan SPM. Dalam pencariannya, dia bertemu Muhaimin dan Dinie yang mempunyai banyak kisah seram yang ingin diceritakan. 

Apakah agaknya jawapan kepada pencarian Fadzilah itu? Semuanya akan terjawab dalam Sekolah Banyak Penunggu 2.0.

“Kenapa semua cikgu kat sini sensitif sangat pasal topik hantu?” ¤ Fadzilah

“Seram, kan? Kalau saya nampak, saya pun meracau agaknya.” ¤ Muhaimin

“Sebab ini cerita hantu yang ikhlas. Saya tak suka nak menambah-nambah cerita. Cukuplah pengalaman masa tingkatan satu dulu.” ¤ Dinie