Assholes 101 - Part I: Impatient drivers

From this day onwards, I will try to make one special segment called "Assholes 101", speaking to you all about the people that annoy the crap out of me.

And oh yes, though I did say that I will try to be a good human being that doesn't swear a lot and using the F-word, C-word, B-word (I don't even know why the B-word is considered a bad word. Just don't eat it, you don't need to cuss it) and the whole alphabetical.... thing... word... (huh?).
But if there are words that I will never promise not to use, they would be:

a. Asshole
b. Douchebag
c. Incomprehensive arse

I love those words. Fullstop.

But anyway. The first asshole I want to talk about is the kind of assholes that caused this:

No, I don't mean the video guy. I am talking about these:

Might I inform you that the correct lane is the left one...

No, not just the two cars (aku malas nak kaburkan nombor plet diorang). But the whole lot in front and behind them. You see, the Kuala Pilah - Ulu Bendul road is actually what we call jalan kampung. Which also means that it has only two lanes going for two opposite direction. And for people coming from, let's say, Sri Menanti (like moi), we don't have any other road but this one. It's either that, or we have to surrender to a verrry verrry long journey using the other road.

So, it is normal for bad traffic when the festive season arrives. It has been that way for the past, I don't know, 60 years? Let's not rant about what the Negeri Sembilan state government has been doing and just focus on the micro. Us.

People. just. got. to. be. patient. 

The two photos that I took (because we were freaking mad inside the car), depict the cars in the wrong lane - impatient people who are using the opposite lane to cut the existing traffic. What's wrong in this picture is not just the fact that the road only has two lanes and they are simply cutting off the road for the opposite traffic, but they have also obstructed the ambulance, fire truck and the tow truck from coming and going.

Not like they didn't see or hear those nenong nenong sound, which of course indicate that there is trouble in front. Normal people with good hearing and sense would know that the sound and the inevitable red truck with the word BOMBA in lopsided spelling means there is something bad that has been delaying others.

I mean, what is wrong about waiting? I know it has been two hours. But as far as I am concerned, if you are stuck in traffic for more than two hours, all you have to do is just turn back. Or if it doesn't move at all, ask one of your passenger to get out, and try to find what the issue is and find the solution from there onwards. Cutting the line is just asshole-ish (that's not a word), ESPECIALLY when the accident (in this case, involving a white Kelisa, a cement truck and two Aerobacks, resulting in eight injuries and one death) happened BECAUSE one of the car (in this case, allegedly the Kelisa) tried to cut the line and couldn't avoid the incoming truck, causing the truck to lose control and hit the two Aerobacks. 

It's like, you are seeing the consequence of being impatient just in front of you while you are doing the same thing. It's moronic.

Here's the thing. When I told people that I don't want to get a driving license because I don't believe that I will be a good driver, people kept telling me, "Oh no, you need one. All you need is practice. I was bad at first too". But most people are actually bad drivers who cut lines, who would speed up and cut several lanes because they were on the wrong one, and making u-turns at traffic lights. What is the problem of me trying to avoid being a nuisance on the road? I know my full potential and my thought processes. They are not good for the longevity of mankind!!!

There was a comedian who said that people who failed their driving test more than three times should not be given another chance. And somehow I think it's true. I mean, I even believed that drivers should not only take driving license but psychological tests. There are lots of crazy people on the road, I mean like:

1. Women putting make-up while on the road

(Seriously? Your beauty is more important than others' safety?)

2. Line-cutters

(You will not explode into tiny bits even if you wait a little)

3. Signal seniles

(The signal sticks are there for a reason, you know)

4. The cussing crap-asses

(Yes, there are people who drive stupidly, but you don't have to call them by their reproductive system)

...and my most favourite one of all: THE CHALLENGER

Those people who, upon being wronged by another driver, thinks that "Hey, I will now follow you closely and chase your tail and make threatening sounds with my car because in my head that's so intimidating and all."

Forgive and forget, will you? Why would you even want to follow them, make them only the more anxious and cause another accident, o you incomprehensive arse? Stop it. You won't win any Noble Prize in doing so. 

Assholes...

    

Read the accident news -> HERE

I would also like to express my condolences to the family of Allahyarham Rahmat Jamaludin, the man who was victimised by others' lack of tolerance and bad decision, be it the person who made the choice to cut the line that resulted in the accident that took his innocent life, or the other line cutters - who slowed down the rescue team that were trying to save him and his family.

A monologue

Bila orang lain buat benda pelik, semua sedara mara aku hairan. Tapi kalau aku buat benda pelik, dia orang kata, "Biasalah kakngah ko tu."

Adik aku suka kata, "Kakngah punya kawan pelik-pelik", while kawan-kawan aku kata, "Kau yang suka kawan dengan orang pelik-pelik."

Masa dekat sekolah, kalau aku cakap sesuatu, Ustazah Ann Surina akan kata, "Ada-ada jelah kamu ni, Syahida!"

While Ustaz Nasser di Matrics UIA pernah suruh aku duduk depan dia and told me, "You have a certain style, Syahida. You just don't know it."

Editor aku kat CO pernah ping aku kat MSN Messenger and kata, "Wow, you are more drama than me!"

While kawan-kawan baik aku, especially Mun dan Nad, percaya yang aku memang tak berapa nak 'normal' berbanding orang lain.

Mungkin itu yang menjadikan aku seorang novelis. Jangan salah faham. Bukan maksud aku orang normal tak boleh jadi novelis. Boleh. Maksud aku ialah, orang normal boleh jadi novelis dan benda lain. Orang pelik cuma sesuai jadi novelis.

Sebenarnya sampai sekarang aku tak tahu apa yang menjadikan aku 'pelik'. Mungkin sense of humour aku. Mungkin benda remeh pada orang lain yang aku ambik serius (like how I hate malt drinks and think it's just intentional for them to make it look like beer. What's the problem of designing a less ambiguous design rather than having the same font and shape like a beer?)... atau benda serius pada orang yang aku amik remeh (to tell you the truth, I still think Alvivi's recent action was just a joke-gone-wrong rather than a-slap-to-Muslim's-face).

Mungkin sebenarnya aku tak pelik. Mungkin aku cuma duduk di negara yang salah. Mungkin di UK, atau Uganda, atau Cuba, atau Australia, cara aku berfikir ini normal. 

Mungkin aku dikelilingi kawan-kawan yang sama anehnya sebab kami kekurangan orang yang berfikir dengan cara yang sama. Mungkin kami normal, dan orang lain yang pelik.

Jika ditanya apa yang pelik sangat, aku tak tahu apa nak jawab. Adakah cuba berinteraksi dengan kucing dengan cara duduk seperti kucing dan menghabiskan masa selama lima minit merenung mata kucing itu dikira pelik? Kalau itu pelik, ya aku pelik.

Adakah berfikir tentang keajaiban alam dengan cara membuat analisa tentang tahi keras dan tahi cair itu satu kepelikan? Jika itu pelik, ya aku pelik.

Adakah  keengganan membeli beg tangan yang nilainya lebih tinggi dari isi dompet itu dianggap pelik? Kalau ya, maka aku pelik.

Adakah memilih untuk menterjemah maksud "Forgive and Forget" secara harfiah, lalu memaafkan seseorang dan berpura-pura seperti insan tersebut tidak wujud lagi dikira satu kepelikan? Jika itu pelik, maka aku pelik.

Mungkin aku terlalu banyak berfikir. Mungkin tindakan berfikir lebih lanjut tentang isu ini menunjukkan aku tidak pelik. Mungkin orang akan salah sangka yang aku anggap 'pelik' itu satu pujian. Mungkin orang fikir aku cuma mahu distinguish diri aku sebagai insan yang berbeza dari orang lain. Mungkin aku perasan.

But I wish I was normal. I wish I get angry at Alvivi, or buys Prada without thinking, or just met any guy who wishes to meet me, or wake up every morning knowing what to do and sleep at night thinking I just did what I had to do today and I will do it again tomorrow, or buy a house when the price goes down, or drive a car, laugh when I feel like it, cry when I feel sad, listen to other people, write what others want, think about weddings and kids names, enjoy the moment, eat, pray, love.

But I can't. Semua harus ada makna dan tidak ada makna dalam masa yang sama.

Mungkin kerana itu mereka kata aku pelik. 

THE SELF-OBSESSED TRIVIA 6: Things you should know about 3 HATI

After much persuasion, we finally have it!

* Sebenarnya kitorang bagi banyak pilihan tajuk kepada editor, like "Trenologi", "Madchen & Madness", etc etc. In the end, editor pilih 3 HATI.

* Buku ni diedit oleh Encik Mohd Ali. First time for NS, but since Liza n Zara memang biasanya diedit En. Ali, so secara tak langsung, En. Ali edit NS punya sekali. Although En. Ali yang found NS and took NS under his wings, actually novel NS tak pernah En. Ali yang edit (selama ni editor NS adalah Sue, Che Echah, Anis n Poja).

* Our beloved Ms. Syreen yang buat cover novel. Memula kitorang mintak three girls in the train, to signify the only time the three of them met each other, tapi sebab ada protocols and trademark BP kena stick to, so dapat kasut. But we still got the polkadots we wanted so much. Yay.

* The inspiration we got to write together and actually bincangkan the whole plot adalah masa meeting Grup Buku Karangkraf. Orang semua pergi makan, kitorang lepak dalam audi bincang pasal jalan citer. That was in... 2010? 2011?

Liza Nur on Lea

1) Kisah lembu terbabit dalam drama Lea dan Noah masa kecik...lembu juga ada dalam Panggil Aku Kiah sebab Liza pernah bercita-cita untuk menjadi penternak lembu semasa kecik...

2) Sebab kami bertiga nak wujudkan karektor yang personaliti yang berbeza, Liza terpaksa ambil watak yang paling lembut hati sekali...takkanlah nak tulis semua heroin yang balas dendam, kan? Kena la variasikan...

3) Ada banyak maksud tersirat dalam Lea... Trimas kepada yang sudi menelaah maksudnya... bagi yang tidak suka juga, terima kasih kerana membuatkan kaki Liza sentiasa berpijak di bumi...InsyaAllah, akan berusaha lagi di masa depan...

4) Kenapa Liza namakan hero Liza, Noah? Liza pun tak tau. Ia terjadi secara random... Liza cuba turutkan kemahuan pembaca yang merasakan nama-nama watak novel Liza terdahulu terlalu panjang...

5) Liza tau Lea watak yang sadis... Bagi Liza, menghidupkan satu watak begitu adalah satu cabaran..Kalau anda merasakan Lea ‘menyedihkan’ sebab sayang gila kat Imran dan sangat melodramatik, maknanya Liza telah berjaya memenuhi misi Liza dalam menghidupkan karektor Lea dan mengalunkan kisah ini dalam 3 Hati...

Nurul Syahida on Wulan

1. While Lea's story is about heartbreak, acceptance dan epiphany, Wulan's story is about revenge and karma. More towards her break from auto-pilot lifestyle to actually understanding what she wants in life rather than who she ends up with.

2. Nama Wulan aku gunakan sebab aku memang sejak dulu aku suka nama tu. It is so nusantara. And aku memang suka kisah cinta Jaka dan the angel Nawangwulan, especially the part where the relationship between the two is full of deception. Nawangwulan sangka dia jatuh cinta pada manusia yang selamatkan dia, without knowing that Jaka was the one yang halang dia dari kembali ke dunianya by stealing her selendang. Meanwhile, nama Neal aku amik dari that divorce lawyer, Neal Hersh masa aku tengah buat artikel pasal perceraian di Hollywood... dan Henry pulak... I just like the name Henry. It's so.... Henry? Oh, dan Wai Ting, kawan baik Wulan di ofis pulak sebenarnya nama sebenar former intern masa aku kerja CO who is now a journalist kat NST.

3. Lagu "On the Street Where You Live" adalah antara lagu muzikal dari filem/teater "My Fair Lady" yang aku sangat sangat sangat suka. Aku memang sangat nak masukkan lagu tu somewhere to tell people how I frikken love it (the simple lyrics, the beautiful melody, the "awwww" factor) and hope that they love it too as much as I do. So,...

4. Why Kota Kinabalu? Sebab when I was at my lowest, the lowest point of my life in 2010, my best friend Tim bought me a ticket to Kota Kinabalu. Aku selalu rasa those movies where you go away for a vacation changes you tu macam sangat klise, but it did change me. If you ask my friends, who I was before KK and after KK adalah sangat berbeza. After KK, I seemed to be able to cope with stress better. Kota Kinabalu was a turning point for me. So I made it a turning point for Wulan too. 

5. Aku jadikan stress ball permulaan kisah sebab masa aku menulis Wulan, ada stress ball kat sebelah aku. Masa aku mula-mula kerja dulu, aku diberi work station. While getting used to the place, aku bukak laci dan jumpa stress ball tu. Mungkin ditinggalkan oleh the person before me. Setiap kali aku ramas stress ball tu bila aku stress (stress call manager artis tapi tak angkat, stress kena pergi event masa ko takde mood langsung nak interview orang, stress kena buat mcm2 jenis kerja sekalipun ko kerja editorial), aku terfikir, adakah orang sebelum aku jugak meramas stress ball ini dan fikir benda yang sama yang aku fikir? Bila aku berenti kerja, unlike Wulan, aku bawak balik stress ball tu ke rumah dan it kept me company while I was writing about Wulan and her own stress ball.

Anyway, small explanation pasal Neal dalam 3HATI and his playbook. I've read some comments saying that Neal was plagiarised from Barney Stinson of "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER". Though I admit that certain characteristics of Barney ada dalam Neal, you have to understand one thing - All. Players. Are. Like. That. The ones I spoken to during my interview for the book have similar characteristics, and they exist even before Barney was televised. They like shock values, they like surprises, they're not really into candle light dinners (those are amateur wannabe player). They all have the same dream of publishing their own playbook. Sorry if you think I am plagiarising a character from a sitcom. My friend Adrian will be pissed if you compare him to Barney again. Ahahaha...

Zara Amani on Nini

1. Nama Nini dan Acik ni sebenarnya nama kawan ZA yang telah menuntut nama masing-masing diwartakan dalam mana-mana karya ZA. Makanya, Fatin Zubir and Achik Ashraf, belajar rajin-rajin. Wedding gua nanti datang eh. Haha... Watak dalam cerita ni langsung tak sama dengan empunya diri. ZA pakai nama je without prejudice. Watak adalah rekaan ikut suka semata-mata.

2. ZA cuba menerapkan elemen kejujuran dalam setiap tindak tanduk kita. Antara sedar atau tak, ramai antara kita yang takut berlaku jujur sebab nak menjaga hati dan terlebih jujur sebab juga nak menjaga hati. Hmm.. ZA personally tak setuju dengan dua-dua tu. Kita mesti jujur untuk satu perkara yang kita tidak akan kita sekali-sekali kesalkan. Itu prinsip ZA.

3. Kisah payung terjun dalam tu sebab waktu tu memang gila buat payung terjun dan nama-nama watak dalam tu 98% adalah benar mengikut perangai masing-masing. Pendek kata, cerita tu adalah dedikasi untuk kawan-kawan yang menceriakan ZA sepanjang tahun 2011/2012.

4. Nini ditunjukkan sebagai gadis yang tabah dan merasakan dia mampu berdiri sendiri tanpa sesiapa. Tapi hakikatnya, dia tidak mampu hidup bersendirian seperti yang termaktub dalam firman Allah swt, lelaki dan wanita itu diciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Dalam cerita Nini dan Achik, Nini bertindak menjadi Mars manakala Achik yang lebih mellow menjadi Venus.

5. Nini cuba diterapkan sebagai seorang yang berani membuat keputusan sendiri biar pun dunia membangkang sekerasnya. Yang dia akan kesalkan adalah jika dia tidak berterus terang sekiranya dia mempunyai peluang. Betul atau salah, kita hanya tau jika kita mengambil langkah untuk ambil tahu. Kalau betul, alhamdullillah. Kalau salah, kita belajar. Jangan takut mengambil risiko. Bangkit jika kita jatuh. Jangan takut orang mengata. Masuk cerita Asyraf Muslim kahwin kat Thailand lenyaplah gosip-gosip sebelumnya itu. Yang penting, kita tak ada apa nak dikesalkan.

Realiti hari ini, ramai gadis atau wanita yang menjadi Mars kerana status lelaki berkualiti yang kurang. Tetapi semakin lama ZA perhatikan... Wanita adalah Mars... banyak menyumbang pada masalah sosial. Bila dikenangkan balik.. Allah itu sememangnya Maha Adil lagi Maha Mengetahui. Next novel, kite revise balik pemikiran macam tu. ;)

Untuk mendapatkan 3 HATI, anda boleh membuat pembelian di --> ARRAZI.

**To check out previous trivias untuk buku-buku lain, click SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU, VALENTINA NERVOSA, AKU KAN NOVELIS, PLAIN JANE, dan SOALNYA HATI.

THE SELF-OBSESSED TRIVIA 5: Things you should know about SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU

Hey, it's back! My annoying trivia, I mean. Sebenarnya aku nak start on 3 HATI dulu, tapi sebab aku kena tunggu Zara Amani dan Liza Nur sediakan their part of the trivia (which I bet will take like... ages...knowing those two... ahahahahah), I decided to start with this one first. Lagipun, befitting jugakla memandangkan SBP keluar dulu sebelum 3 HATI, although betapa susahnya korang nak jumpa buku ni kat kedai seolah-olah macam buku ni keluar tahun 2005, kan?

1. Mari kita mulakan dari awal. Watak-watak utama: Dinie adalah kawan baik aku, Dot tu nama biasa untuk budak-budak asrama dan Shikin was the same. Kak Ummi memang kakak senior masa aku duk asrama dulu although Kak Ummi sebenar sangat tidak sama dengan Kak Ummi dalam SBP. Kak Nad pulak? I just took the name of my bestfriend Nad. Pun berbeza dengan Nad yang sebenar.

Buku ni ditulis pada tahun 2011 sebenarnya, dan dihantar pada 2012. Tapi hanya dikeluarkan pada tahun 2013.

2. Kebanyakan nama watak dalam SBP aku amik dari nama those people that I know yang sama-sama mengharungi kepayahan hidup di asrama. Like Asyran dan Pailang (senior sekolah aku), Fatim, Mas, Deq Nor, Jenet, Anor, Siet, Haza, Ema, Sha, Cikgu Zul, Cikgu Shana (which is actually senior aku, bukan cikgu). Malah dalam cerita tu ada bab Hanis usik Fatim dan kata dia anak murid kesayangan Ustaz Adnan. In reality, kawan baik aku Fatimah married her teaching colleague, Ustaz Adnan.

Zaman sekolah once upon a time

3. Kisah hantu yang pertama merupakan urban legend sekolah berasrama yang paling popular zaman aku. Aku mix it together dengan satu lagi kisah senior sekolah yang nyanyi lagu Fauziah Latif masa tengah berus gigi when suddenly he saw "Fauziah Latiff" kat cermin singki sebelah. It is also a part of story dari seorang member, Husna yang belajar di SMAKL. The thing with the pipes opening one by one? She experienced that. 

4. Kisah hantu kedua merupakan cerita tak benar. Sebenarnya aku nak buat cerita pasal satu kisah yang diceritakan warden asrama kitorang once upon a time. Sama ada kisah ni benar atau tak, aku tataula. Tapi it's about this one boy yang malas pergi solat Jumaat dan sembunyik dalam loker. Dia mintak member dia tu tolong manggakan loker tu (for a more realistic effect) dan bukak lepas budak tu balik solat jumaat. Malangnya, kawan dia lupa bukak dan since it's the same day bebudak asrama balik untuk cuti semester, he was left inside the locker and died of suffocation and hunger. It was one of the most horrific tales I have ever heard, but I changed it a bit untuk jadikan cerita tragic yang penting untuk plot buku. 

5. Cerita hantu ketiga, kisah pocong tu adalah exaggeration from a true story. Masa aku form four (or form three? tak ingat), asrama aku takde air so we had to go and take a bath kat tandas sekolah. Masa nak balik tu, ada plak mamat sekor ni panjat bumbung dewan makan dan pretend to be pocong. Although aku balik lebih awal ke bilik, it was told later that ada another one lurking behind the fake ghost. 

Meanwhile, senior aku Asyran buat permintaan untuk aku jadikan dia hero novel. Memandangkan aku tak ada novel terbaru masa tu, aku jadikan dia watak utama dalam cerita ketiga tu. In actuality, sekalipun there is a real Asyran, he was not the real fake ghost in the story. Aku rasa fake ghost dalam kisah sebenar adalah seorang junior bawah batch aku.

6.  Kisah keempat adalah gabungan cerita urban legend pasal nenek yang paling popular kat asrama, dan kisah yang berlaku pada kawan-kawan aku one night masa tengah sambut birthday party belakang bangunan asrama. Malah aku gunakan actual setting (blok asrama, jalan kecil menuju ke tong sampah besar, menghadap gelanggang sepak takraw dan bola tampar). Sha, Ema dan Haza were actual friends in reality. Masa kat sekolah aku anggap diorang ni macam the "reggae type" you usually have in Hollywood high school cliches - the cool collected people yang tak pedulik dengan the whole school politics and just doing their thing, and you always wanted to be them but know you couldn't becaue you're too kiasu.

Actual location. The pink building adalah asrama puteri kitorang tapi dulu warnanya putih. Jalan kecil menuju ke tong sampah besar dan ada gelanggang bola tampar opposite asrama. Tapi dulu tak ada bangunan kat bahagian belakang itu. It was jalan mati yang end with tong sampah besar. Belakangnya was just rugged terrain yang menghijau leading to ladang kelapa sawit. 

7. Kisah kelima adalah kisah yang diceritakan kepada aku oleh member UIA aku, Iza. Aku kekurangan idea (ada banyak cerita yang aku masih simpan just in case publisher mintak sequel), so aku sangat desperate untuk cerita orang lain dan dia beritahu aku pasal this one story tentang seorang budak perempuan dan tangga. It was a perfect story. And the part about lagu "Islam yang telah berkembang" tu daripada satu lagi kisah yang aku dengar dari senior aku. Bila bangunan asrama senyap, any sound will echo throughout the building. So if you sang the song dengan nada sayu, memang serius meremang bulu roma.

8. Cerita terakhir tu diambil from satu lagi cerita hantu yang aku pernah dengar. Kenapa aku letak cerita yang aku pernah dengar instead of things yang berlaku pada diri aku sendiri? Sebab: 1. I am keeping some of the stories for other time, 2. You have to exaggerate the stories. Sengeri mana pun benda yang anda pernah alami, it's not solid enough for a book. Seeing something moving in the dark is scary, but to make it scarier, you must enhance the setting. 

9. SBP asal-usulnya adalah cadangan filem yang aku hantar ke GBSB. Aku buat sebab masa tu langsung takde novel/filem seram kisah benar pasal asrama. I mean, ada la satu dua, but as someone yang pernah duduk dan alami sendiri few horror experience, it was not enough. It was not real enough. It was too fantastical and balik-balik citer hantu Jepun atau some sort of devil worshipping. I wanted to watch something that can make me say, "That happened in my hostel before!" but nothing like that ever came up, sedangkan BANYAK GILEEE urban legend that involves asrama. So aku decide untuk makde it myself. Tapi disebabkan pihak penerbit nak cerita hantu komedi ikut trend macam Hantu Rempit, while I, the writer who hates trend the most, refuse to do it, aku ubah jadi novel remaja instead. 

Untuk membeli SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU, sila dapatkan di ARRAZI. Setiap pembelian akan diberikan tandatangan dan ucapan khas dari saya (kalau nak. Kalau tak nak pun okey jerr, ai tak kisah punyerrrr :P)

**To check out previous trivias untuk buku-buku lain, click VALENTINA NERVOSA, AKU KAN NOVELIS, PLAIN JANE, dan SOALNYA HATI.

Dan kenapa aku tak suka berjaga malam...

Aku tak berjaga malam.

Maksud aku, aku dah lama tak berjaga malam. Kalau pun nak solat malam (ayat ni bukan ayat cam nak tunjuk alim, sebab God knows how many times niat solat malam dengan actual solat malam tu acually berlaku), usually aku tidur dan bangun semula. Aku tak biar diri sendiri berjaga malam dan tunggu waktunya.

Tapi in Ramadhan, it bound to happen. You can't really sleep. You toss and turn and cuss yourself for accidentally dozing off between Maghrib and Isyak, and cuss the delicious spaghetti meatball you had for iftar that made you sleepy in the first place. So finally you turn on your laptop and you wait.

You wait.

For what? For that one idea to pop up into your head.

Tapi usually you end up staring into nothingness, far beyond the pixels and the screen light that is not good for your eyes, and your mind goes elsewhere.

Then the idea comes. Like a distant voice. A memory. Slowly and quietly, and then turned into this whole visual in front of you. Not actually in front of you, but like it was in your eyes, in your mind's eyes.

Aku tak suka menulis pada waktu tengah malam. Semuanya rasa terlalu real. Menulis pada waktu malam terasa seolah-olah menulis dari memori sendiri rather than something you heard before or a projection of your mind. Words come swiftly. Emotion runs high. Thoughts process.

Menulis "Ilham Aziza" adalah mengingatkan aku tentang zaman persekolahan. Zaman persekolahan aku sangat idealistik. Sangat hitam dan putih. Ini halal dan ini haram. Ini pahala dan ini dosa. Tak sama macam UIA. UIA ajar aku grey area. Tak sama macam kerja di CO. Kerja di CO membuatkan aku terpaksa back to basics.

For those who never heard the story... "Ilham Aziza" merupakan karya yang aku tulis masa berumur 16 tahun. Masa tu SMKAKS punya peraturan sangat ketat to the extent that you can't bring novels in, especially time tu memang cerita semua spesis jiwang karat tahap ajar orang kahwin lari punya level. So you survive with your own entertainment.

"Ilham Aziza" was the entertainment for my friends. It was a love story yang semua orang tahu just dengan baca tajuknya. Tapi Ilham Aziza berakarkan SMKA. Watak Ilham dan Aziza adalah perjalanan hidup aku sebagai budak sekolah agama, yang masuk Universiti Islam dan kemudiannya terperangkap dalam dunia pekerjaan di mana apa yang aku belajar tak penting, tapi apa yang aku dapat dari semua ilmu tu akan jadi taruhannya.

Aku selalu cakap, SMKAKS is the closest to my heart. I spent five years away from home during the most important years of my life dan habiskan di sana. Walaupun ibu bapa aku yang sediakan acuan aku, UIA yang mewarnakan aku dan CO yang membakar aku (to a point kengkadang jadi hangit), SMKAKS yang mould aku. Jadi bila aku kata karya baru aku adalah tribute aku kepada kehidupan di SMKA, it means that it's my heart and soul.

My heart and soul yang dikejutkan dengan suara bacaan Quran, yang menyarung seragam sekolah dengan tudung labuh, anak tudung, setokin, baju dalam, kain dalam, pin peniti, kad matrik, nametag. Yang belajar Bahasa Arab dan Al-Quran & Sunnah, Syariah. Yang solat berjemaah dan pengisian kuliyah maghrib. Yang boleh berdiri depan orang ramai dan bagi tazkirah selama lima minit dengan yakin. Yang hafal Surah Al-Mulk dan ada dalil dalam percakapan. Hati dan jiwa yang tidak tercemar dengan realiti kehidupan.

Aku tak suka berjaga malam.

Berjaga malam buat aku mengenang zaman silam.  

Signing Session

See you there ^^

The awkward moment when you have not updated your blog for a month...

Maafkan aku kerana dahlama sangat tak menulis dalam blog. Dah beberapa kali aku cuba nak menulis, tapi disebabkan kerja yang bertimbun, akhirnya aku tinggalkan je. I mean, if your daily life begins with writing and ends with writing, you kinda feel a bit lagging when you have to write something that paid no money.

Anywaysss...

Lots of things happen sementara aku off dari blogging sebulan lebih ni.

1. I went to see NYONYA, the theatre
Pergi pun sebab kitorang dapat potongan 70% from the original price seat belakang VIP. Dinie pulak tak pernah lagi pergi Istana Budaya sebab asyik busy memanjang, so we went to see it. I have to admit that although I really liked the storyline and the interaction between Nyonya dan Tuan (played by Mardiana Alwi and Taiyuddin Bakar) yang filled with innuendos, performance diorang overshadowed by the comic relief yang datang dari Amy Mastura, Farah Fauzana, Misha Omar dan Kiah Propa.

I have to admit, sometimes they brought the laughter to the performance, tapi adakalanya lawak tu berlebihan dan aku rasa macam, if I am a serious theatre-goer who actually paid RM180 (instead of the discount), I would hate this kind of performance and stage production yang ruin the aesthetic of Allahyarham Pak Wisran Hadi's work.But since I paid only RM50, I just let it go.

Oh, and there is also performance dari Anuar Zain. Dua lagu je. And I am not a fan of Anuar Zain anyway, so.... But aku agak trkejutlah dengan the whole screaming and shrieking yang going around the hall bila Anuar turun pentas to greet people. Aku, Mun and Dinie cam... "Really? It's just Anuar Zain for God sake. You can see him having lunch at seksyen 9 Shah Alam any other day."

2. Morsi jatuh
To tell you the truth, I don't really pay much attention to that one particular Arab Spring in Egypt. I mean, if you learn about Egyptian politics, you would know berapa kali Mesir dijajah in the course of its existence. Politik Mesir memang sentiasa berubah. And if you remember what happened with Turkey and Erdogan, this is actually... normal? Should I say normal? I mean, in Middle-Eastern/African sense, not Southeast-Asian/Malaysian sense.

Tapi satu je yang aku sesalkan. Sikap orang Malaysia terhadap Arab Spring. Banyak bisik-bisik dalam FB sana sini cakap pasal the waste of demonstration and public rallies in establishing something. I mean, I am not the kind who speak of change atau penggulingan kerajaan and whatnot, with my passive aggressive attitude. Aku lebih suka look from many sides (although kadang2 aku nampak macam berat sebelah, tapi itu disebabkan some sides don't even give any facts right and speak like emotional morons, excuse mi French). Aku cuma rasa ini cara pemikiran yang sangat negatif.

You can't expect change to work in just a year. It's a continuous process. Sometimes it can't happen in your lifetime, but it doesn't mean you should not be the agent of change. Study your theory of civilisation. Study Francis Fukuyama. Study Malik Bennabi and Ibnu Rushd. Heck, paling tidak pun, read George Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-four". Rom is not build in a day. This whole "takde apa2 perubahan dari demonstrasi" is in the line of "Buat apa aku nak study beria-ia? Aku memang tak pandai" atau "Ala, dah ada kerja pun dah okay. Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang ada"... which is totally out from ajaran Islam dan merupakan interpretation yang salah tentang "bersyukur".

I mean, kalau Rasulullah dulu kata, "Tak apa la. Bersyukurlah ada pengikut sikit2 kat rumah Arqam bin Abi Al-Arqam ni, tak payahlah kita nak buat open dakwah..." we all be prayin to Latta dan Uzza like the Quraishis right now. Menidakkan such public process adalah seperti menidakkan part and parcel of legitimacy dan governing. It's like saying, "I have a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth and a pair of ears. I can breathe but I am against heavy breathing", or "I can see but I am against viewing", or "I can speak but I am against stressing my words" or "I can hear but I am against listening."

Yes, you love peace. Everybody loves peace. But name me one effort for peace that bears no casualty. Just one. Of course, things could've gone better, but hey, if the world is that easy to live in, it means that we're all robots.

Again, I am not talking about demonstration di Malaysia. I am just sayin, sesetengah dari kita ni suka nak mengkritik dan mempersenda rather than berusaha melakukan sesuatu.

Suatu masa dulu, aku dan kawan2 menang kat High Court. Masuk Court of Appeal, the judges tolak kemenangan kitorang and kata it was our fault that the business takde lesen eventhough lesen tu kena datang dari induk. So our lawyer tanya, "My clients knew this is wrong so they went to court. So what you're saying is that (I paraphrase), my clients are screwed for following the laws?", and the judge tak cakap apa-apa, which is another slang for, "Yeah they are."

Heck, if I can create public rallies and demonstration just for that ruling, memang dah lama aku buat. Tak semestinya supaya that kind of stupid ruling and stupid Court of Appeal system dibubarkan (I mean, seriously? Aku pergi high court bawak evidences, bawak witnesses, habiskan three days for perbicaraan dan menang atas semua usaha tu, and semua tu musnah with just two hours talk kat Mahkamah Rayuan? What kind of judicial shit is this?), tapi supaya tiga judges bangang tu tahu secara public, broadcasting, narrowcasting dan online, bahawasanya I am not forgiving them sampai ke akhirat esok.

 3. Aku dah siapkan AKN2
Adalah sangat susah untuk siapkan AKN2. Ya, aku tahu dulu aku kata bringing Roul dan Safi back adalah sangat mudah. Tapi bila aku actually have to do it, and fikir dari sudut Safiah dan Roul, aku sedar ia tak semudah itu lagi. I mean, masa mula-mula aku menulis AKU KAN NOVELIS, masa tu umur aku baru 25 going on 26. Sekarang aku dah 30 dan in the course of that five years, a lot of things happened dan dah mengubah cara aku berfikir. Life is not as easy as finding the one and marry him, do this and this to get people to notice you, make this or that business and you will succees.

No, at 30, you kind of understand things like:
1. Bad boys don't change that easily
2. When you hate a guy, you hate a guy. You go, "Oh my Goodness, I F*****G hate him", dan bukan "Eiiii... benci benci benci!".
3. Marriage doesn't mean terus ada anak if you want anak
4. Guys who love you so much don't do things or say things like, "Saya akan buat apa saja untuk awak".
5. Rich guys don't just went somewhere, saw a plain girl and went "I am in love with her". Take Kate Middleton for example. Yes, she was a commoner, but see where her mother sent her to study?

So, yes, I have been more and more skeptical about cara pengolahan novel. While ramai yang kata "Tapi ini novel je" dan "Orang baca novel untuk escape to fantasy world"... aku cam, okay, but then there are a lot of other novels where you can escape to. Why can't I be the place where they learn that instead of escaping their mundane life, they realise that it is not wrong to live a mundane life.

Hidup yang membosankan tu mungkin bosan pada diorang, tapi mungkin drama bagi orang lain yang tengok dari kaca mata luar. I mean, contohnya, aku rasa hidup aku mundane. Tapi ramai member2 aku rasa I have an exciting life of meeting readers and being called a writer. My friend Rabi mungkin rasa hidup dia boring, filled with research and PhD paper, tapi aku rasa hidup dia best dari aku, because she is doing what I always wanted to do but lack of ability/not courageous enough to do so. And you might think every other girl would be jealous of Kate Middleton (aku tatau kenapa tema hari ni mesti Kate Middleton), but not me. I would rather switch places with Rabi, than Kate. Oh the responsibility that girl has to bear on that pretty little shoulder of hers, the constant observation by the public and the paparazzi, the unnecessary haters, the paranoia of making sure your husband is loyal when women threw themselves at him left and right... goodness gracious!

So rather than running away from that life to the world of fantasy where rich guys are hunks with sexual capacity of a Greek god and are madly in love with women with no sense of style, why not emphasise on the great quality of your average joes who work hard, who have a good heart, whose quality is in the eyes of the beholder? Why should I memperhebat lagi lelaki kaya yang dah cukup hebat?

But then again, it's AKN. Aku cuba jugak untuk go against my natural instinct, sebab setiap karakter dah ada basic storyline dan chaacteristics yang aku tak boleh change overnight. Dan readers dah kenal, malah ada yang lebih kenal Roul dan Safi berbanding aku, so kalau aku ubah sifat2 watak dalam AKN, itu macam a kind of disrespect terhadap readers.

Nanti bila editor dah boleh confirm sama ada diorang akan print the story (oh ye, jangan ingat sebab aku dah tulis, it means diorang akan terus print membabi buta... ekekekeke... ye, saya juga ngeri memikirkannyee), aku akan masukkan beberapa chapters dalam page ILHAM Karangkraf, atau dalam blog ni, atau kedua-duanya sekali.

Insyaa-Allah, aku akan cuba jawab few emails dan FB pm, as well as soalan2 dalam blog ni yang masih tak berjawab in a few days. I am so deeply sorry sebab tak dapat reply sekarang, sebab kerja masih bertimbun-timbun mintak disiapkan, sampai banyak benda kat blog ni yang perlu diupdate, tak berapdet2 jugak. I am sooooo sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry, naked naked naked naked (lagu Super Junior versi belasah)

When you give him heart

Masa aku nak start tulis kisah Wulan dalam 3HATI, I talked to some of my friends.... my (oh my God I can't believe I'm saying this) 'player' friends... just to get the general ideas about their life, things they do, stuff they say, their inner thoughts, etc.

And when A (bukan nama sebenar... nama sebenar dia Adrian, ahahahahah... macam pointless je letak initial ala mysterious) asked me how I am going to end the story, and I told him, he said, "That won't cut it la, Syahida."

"Eh, kenapa pulak tak?"

"Girls loves players. That won't cut it."

"They do. But then they learn their lesson."

"No, they don't. You did. But most of them don't."

And then he proceed talking about how I write Neal in my book, saying that I am processing the character too much, giving him heart and all that.

"Chick digs that," he said (he didn't say 'dig', I was just trying to sound all American and cool in this post... did I succeed?)

"Of course la," aku kata. "Chick loves tragic bad guys with backstories. That's what Neal akan kata dalam cerita ni. Dia akan explain teori tu, how chicks are so easily swayed by back stories of how a bad boy becomes bad boy, and how he used that to reel them in."

"Tapi kalau you memang nak tulis pasal bad boy gone good, they will forget the fact about him being bad and would want the guy to win in the end. Chick loves bad boys learning how to love mahh. That's how players breathe and survive the game."

Aku kata ini just novel, and people will get it. People will get why Wulan did what she did.

Tapi kata A (memang nama sebenar), "What you did was reality, Syahida. But people tak suka reality. Diorang nak fantasy. Kau burukkanlah macam mana pun, in the end, they will want the guy to succeed. Sebab dalam dunia fantasy, semua orang deserves a second chance and people who don't give them are twats." (his words, not mine).

Aku kata tak. Pembaca dah matang. Dia orang dah tau read between the lines. That's why Cecelia Ahern works. Cecelia tak pernah spoon-feed her readers. She makes them think. "PS I Love You" tak end with watak utama finding someone new to replace her husband. She found herself and the rest is just readers concluding her happily ever-afters for her. "If You Could See Me Now" tak end up with Ivan turning human. It ends with Elizabeth finding herself, and again, readers conclude her happily ever-afters for her. Dalam "The Time of My Life", Lucy memang end up with that carpet guy, tapi that's not the main point of the story. The carpet guy is just one of the crossroads in her finding herself. Every single novel written by Ahern is a self-reflecting journey. Kalau pembaca Ahern boleh faham itu, maksudnya people can understand Wulan. Wulan is not as complex a character like Lucy or Elizabeth or Holly, but she is also finding herself. These people who came into her life, Neal, Henry, Joy, even James... is the crossroads. 

And A answered something like this, "Nope. Girls love badboys. I cakap ni based on experience. You give him heart and they will pity him. They will want his happily ever-afters and disregard Wulan's. They will think it's Wulan's happiness too, instead of realising that it will only break her in the end. If you give her independence, you can't give him heart. It will backfire."

Aku tak dengar cakap Adrian. Dia bukan novelis. He was only speaking from an ex-player's standpoint. 

But sometimes, I wish I did listen to him.

Seorang novelis dan seorang wanita bernama Safiah (amaran: takde kaitan dengan AKN whatsoever)

Mari aku bercerita tentang sesuatu yang berlaku di PWTC.

Takyah serius sangat, cerita takdelah macam membuka minda dan mengubah persepsi dunia ke ape ke. Just cerita aku.

Aku seorang novelis. Dan itu bermakna, apabila buku aku keluar pada sekian2 tahun, aku akan menghadiri Pesta Buku Antarabangsa untuk sesi tandatangan dan bertemu pembaca. (Member aku kata, "Pehh, hipster sangatlah ko, tanak panggil "peminat" as "peminat", panggil "reader".... jawapannya ialah kerana, orang baca buku aku tak semestinya minat aku. Toksah perasan.)

Jadi sebagai seorang seorang penulis, aku suka waktu bertemu pembaca. Bukan sebab aku rasa macam dihargai (okay, fine, ada la rasa sikit, tapi kena tahan, kalau tak jadi riak nanti, rezeki tak berkat), tapi sebab aku suka bila orang datang dan beritahu aku apa yang mereka suka baca dan macam mana certain2 things yang aku tulis tu bagi impact kepada diorang. Tak semestinya diorang suka cerita tu as a whole. Itu tak penting bagi aku. Yang paling penting ialah that certain parts in the book that they took to their heart, that uplift their spirit, or made them realise about things, and all that. Pada aku itu bonus. Itu yang membuatkan ko rasa bersyukur, walaupun buku ko tak laris. Aku rasa itu juga perasaan seorang guru, bila anak muridnya yang dah dewasa datang dan beritahu dia, "Cikgu, saya ingat lagi masa cikgu kata...."

Banyak yang aku cuba perbaiki bila aku di Pesta Buku. Contohnya, kebolehan aku berkomunikasi. Aku sangat suck in communicating with people. I hate small talks like asking "Where you're from?", "What's your occupation?" dan semua2 tu. Kalau ikut diri aku sebenar, I would cut to the chase and ask the big questions, like, "What do you think of death?"... tapi nanti orang ingat aku tak normal pulak, susah.

Tapi ada satu yang paling aku harap aku tak buat: TAK MELAYAN ORANG.

Aku harap aku dapat beri perhatian pada semua orang equally. It's hard, considering we as human being have different brainwaves. Ada yang bila jumpa aku akan terus berbual dengan aku macam kawan. Ada juga yang pandang aku dengan awe, terus pandang aku dengan awe sementara aku sign buku dan lepas tu pandang aku dengan awe sambil mintak nak bergambar sama2. (we all do that sometimes. I never did, but I won't know how I would react if I came across Stephen King).

Tapi senang kata, kalau boleh aku nak berbual dengan semua orang dan dengar pendapat semua orang yang datang jumpa aku.

Tapi 4 Mei lepas, ramaaaai gileeee orang kat PWTC. Nak berbual panjang pun tak dapat sebab ada pada satu2 masa tu, orang datang dengan ramai sangat2. Ada seorang akak ni. Aku ingat nama dia.

Kak Safiah. (atau ejaan nama dia Safiyah kot, yang tu aku tak berapa nak ingat).

Kak Safiah datang minta tandatangan buku. Lepas tu dia beritahu aku yang dia dah baca semua buku-buku yang aku tulis. Tapi entah kenapa, masa tu otak aku blank. Aku ada banyak soalan, Paling suka yang mana? Apa pendapat akak? etc etc etc... Tapi  entah kenapa masa tu aku just pandang dia, ucap terima kasih dan went, "Aaaahhh..."

Aku nak sambung tanya soalan, tapi disebabkan bunyi bingit dari bebudak promo kat PA System, aku tak dapat nak sampaikan apa soalan aku. And Zara Amani kat sebelah aku tarik lengan baju aku. Aku pandang si Zara Amani.

"Kak, cepat sign buku!" katanya, menghulur 3 HATI yang dia dah sign pada aku. Depan Zara Amani, ada beberapa orang tengah tunggu aku sign.

Tanpa cakap "excuse me" atau minta Kak Safiah tunggu (sebab otak aku serabut dengan bunyi bingit masa tu), aku terus sign buku tu. Aku ingat nak sambung balik berbual dengan Kak Safiah, tapi pemilik buku 3 HATI yang baru ditandatangan tu mintak ambil gambar. Jadi aku pun akur dan terus bergambar.

Bila aku pusing balik, Kak Safiah dah tak ada. Aku tak sempat pun nak bagi dia button badge 3 HATI.

It's normal that sometimes you are not able to cater to everybody. It is. You can't help it. Most famous writers would not think about that at all, as it would just hinder their other readers. Tapi aku tak boleh lupa the fact that Kak Safiah tu hilang bila aku pusing. Aku yakin dia pun tak kisah dan faham keserabutan aku masa tu, tapi itu tak bermakna aku boleh let that go. I can't let go the fact that a person said something good about my books and I wasn't able to react and didn't get to talk to them properly.

Why can't I let go?

Let me tell you why.

I am the second child. Aku ada kakak dan dua orang adik lelaki. My sister was loved so much because she was the first born ever in our big family. My brother was loved so much because after three girls (my sister, me and my cousin Nana), he was the first boy. My youngest brother was loved so much because he's the youngest in the family, bukan sahaja dalam keluarga aku, tapi sebagai waris keturunan.

As a second born, I was "nothing new". Aku bukanlah nak kata mak dengan bapak aku tak sayang aku, tapi I was a "been there done that". I'm not the eldest, not the first of my sex and not the youngest. I was Malcolm in the Middle. So for all my life, I strive to get noticed. I strive to be noticed in the family and I notice everybody because I know how suck it is when you're invisible to other people. I try my best to please and making sure people don't hate me. Kawan-kawan aku kata aku perlu let go dan aku tak boleh harap semua orang akan jaga hati aku macam aku jaga hati diorang, tapi it's not something that I can control.

Even kat FB pun, aku ambil masa yang lama untuk belajar bahawasanya ada masanya aku tak dapat nak jawab semua PM atau balas semua komen, and kena belajar untuk accept bahawasanya my readers will understand if I didn't, and if they don't, I just have to accept it too.

Bila Kak Safiah pergi dan aku tak sempat nak salam pun, aku rasa macam it's a big deal. I don't want to be that person yang ignore people. I cherish every single people who came to see me when I get to see them, and aku rasa rimas dan tak selesa dalam hati bila aku tak berjaya jadi apa yang aku nak. Walaupun cuma dengan seorang. Walaupun cuma dengan Kak Safiah.

Anyway, kalau Kak Safiah membaca entry blog ni somehow atau ada kenalannya yang membaca entry ni, saya nak kata yang saya minta maaf sebab tak berjaya meluangkan masa berbual dengan akak macam akak luangkan masa membaca tulisan saya, and I hope that we can meet again next time...

The same goes for all my constant readers. I love y'all (baca dengan suara Britney Spears).

That small old man...

Did I ever tell you the story of my father? I think I told the story far too many times, but what the heck...

My father, like most men born in the 40s and grew up in the 50s, were not a religious man. When he was studying in Indonesia, he was not serious about his deen. Everybody who knew him at the time will remember that he once said, "Aku akan berubah bila Sungai Ciliwung bersih"...

(Which is like saying, I will change when Sungai Klang is clean, which is a no-brainer).

But one day, when he returned from Indonesia and was repairing a television without switching the electricity off, he got electrically shocked. He fell down and fainted. After a while, he woke up and told my mother, "Tuhan masih sayangkan aku."

He changed from then on. He started going to usrahs, learn more about the religion and never once forgot to do his tahajjuds. He began befriended pious people, which include Haji Kamarudin and Pak Cik Syafril. He also started to read books and listens to sermons made by this one ustaz, at that time already known as Tuan Guru Nik Abdul Aziz. The man had already become a politician at the time, but not yet a Kelantan CM. At the time, Kelantan was still under the rule of Barisan Nasional.

So as it is, the first politician that I ever knew was TGNA, not Mahathir, Anwar Ibrahim nor Najib Razak. Not just as a politician, but as a teacher, a Muslim icon and the man who had an influence on my father's change. He was a small man, just like my father. I liked him almost instantly.

I was taught about patience from watching him - he was mocked, ridiculed, being called so many names, challenged, by those who hated him. And yet he persevered. He kept on going. No matter what people say, he continued on and said that it would be shameful for him to stop and fall victim by others' words, when the Prophet Muhammad himself was bashed with stones by people who hated him.

I learned that life is not simple, watching how he continuously being misunderstood, his words being twisted and turned to make him look like a crazy old Kaum Tua man who babbles on and on about things. But he didn't stop from expressing his ideas, accepting if he was wrong and stressing if he knew he was right.

I learned that he is also just a man, that sometimes can't help but feel hurt by the words of others. But that's the way it is. If it was too easy, then the world will not teach you anything and that you will be living in such a dreary life with no lessons learned.

And respecting him as a leader once upon a time caused me much misery too. Friends called me "traitor" and asked me to leave the country if I hate it so much, when I did was only stating that I  hoped to see what TGNA wanted to see in future.

He is old now and it's time to let him rest a bit. He may not be able to get to see and to govern in an Islamic state like he always wanted, but more or less, his hopes of seeing more ulama' being respected, more Islamic education, more people covering their aurah, have been realised. And I hope that even though that I will never be able to be one of the executors of his vision, I would be one of the people who will get to support and see it being realised.

Inshaa-Allah.

 
"Betul, Allah itu Maha Mengetahui. Tapi bukankah molek kalau kita luahkan permintaan dan aduan kita kepadaNya? Sebenarnya Allah Maha Mengetahui diri kita lebih daripada diri kita sendiri. Tapi Allah nak dengar daripada mulut kita sendiri. Allah nak tengok bibir kita digerak-gerakkan untuk meminta padaNya. Allah sebenarnya nak dnegar suara kita." - TGNA, BICARA INI DEMI ILAHI.