The awkward moment when you have not updated your blog for a month...

Maafkan aku kerana dahlama sangat tak menulis dalam blog. Dah beberapa kali aku cuba nak menulis, tapi disebabkan kerja yang bertimbun, akhirnya aku tinggalkan je. I mean, if your daily life begins with writing and ends with writing, you kinda feel a bit lagging when you have to write something that paid no money.

Anywaysss...

Lots of things happen sementara aku off dari blogging sebulan lebih ni.

1. I went to see NYONYA, the theatre
Pergi pun sebab kitorang dapat potongan 70% from the original price seat belakang VIP. Dinie pulak tak pernah lagi pergi Istana Budaya sebab asyik busy memanjang, so we went to see it. I have to admit that although I really liked the storyline and the interaction between Nyonya dan Tuan (played by Mardiana Alwi and Taiyuddin Bakar) yang filled with innuendos, performance diorang overshadowed by the comic relief yang datang dari Amy Mastura, Farah Fauzana, Misha Omar dan Kiah Propa.

I have to admit, sometimes they brought the laughter to the performance, tapi adakalanya lawak tu berlebihan dan aku rasa macam, if I am a serious theatre-goer who actually paid RM180 (instead of the discount), I would hate this kind of performance and stage production yang ruin the aesthetic of Allahyarham Pak Wisran Hadi's work.But since I paid only RM50, I just let it go.

Oh, and there is also performance dari Anuar Zain. Dua lagu je. And I am not a fan of Anuar Zain anyway, so.... But aku agak trkejutlah dengan the whole screaming and shrieking yang going around the hall bila Anuar turun pentas to greet people. Aku, Mun and Dinie cam... "Really? It's just Anuar Zain for God sake. You can see him having lunch at seksyen 9 Shah Alam any other day."

2. Morsi jatuh
To tell you the truth, I don't really pay much attention to that one particular Arab Spring in Egypt. I mean, if you learn about Egyptian politics, you would know berapa kali Mesir dijajah in the course of its existence. Politik Mesir memang sentiasa berubah. And if you remember what happened with Turkey and Erdogan, this is actually... normal? Should I say normal? I mean, in Middle-Eastern/African sense, not Southeast-Asian/Malaysian sense.

Tapi satu je yang aku sesalkan. Sikap orang Malaysia terhadap Arab Spring. Banyak bisik-bisik dalam FB sana sini cakap pasal the waste of demonstration and public rallies in establishing something. I mean, I am not the kind who speak of change atau penggulingan kerajaan and whatnot, with my passive aggressive attitude. Aku lebih suka look from many sides (although kadang2 aku nampak macam berat sebelah, tapi itu disebabkan some sides don't even give any facts right and speak like emotional morons, excuse mi French). Aku cuma rasa ini cara pemikiran yang sangat negatif.

You can't expect change to work in just a year. It's a continuous process. Sometimes it can't happen in your lifetime, but it doesn't mean you should not be the agent of change. Study your theory of civilisation. Study Francis Fukuyama. Study Malik Bennabi and Ibnu Rushd. Heck, paling tidak pun, read George Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-four". Rom is not build in a day. This whole "takde apa2 perubahan dari demonstrasi" is in the line of "Buat apa aku nak study beria-ia? Aku memang tak pandai" atau "Ala, dah ada kerja pun dah okay. Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang ada"... which is totally out from ajaran Islam dan merupakan interpretation yang salah tentang "bersyukur".

I mean, kalau Rasulullah dulu kata, "Tak apa la. Bersyukurlah ada pengikut sikit2 kat rumah Arqam bin Abi Al-Arqam ni, tak payahlah kita nak buat open dakwah..." we all be prayin to Latta dan Uzza like the Quraishis right now. Menidakkan such public process adalah seperti menidakkan part and parcel of legitimacy dan governing. It's like saying, "I have a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth and a pair of ears. I can breathe but I am against heavy breathing", or "I can see but I am against viewing", or "I can speak but I am against stressing my words" or "I can hear but I am against listening."

Yes, you love peace. Everybody loves peace. But name me one effort for peace that bears no casualty. Just one. Of course, things could've gone better, but hey, if the world is that easy to live in, it means that we're all robots.

Again, I am not talking about demonstration di Malaysia. I am just sayin, sesetengah dari kita ni suka nak mengkritik dan mempersenda rather than berusaha melakukan sesuatu.

Suatu masa dulu, aku dan kawan2 menang kat High Court. Masuk Court of Appeal, the judges tolak kemenangan kitorang and kata it was our fault that the business takde lesen eventhough lesen tu kena datang dari induk. So our lawyer tanya, "My clients knew this is wrong so they went to court. So what you're saying is that (I paraphrase), my clients are screwed for following the laws?", and the judge tak cakap apa-apa, which is another slang for, "Yeah they are."

Heck, if I can create public rallies and demonstration just for that ruling, memang dah lama aku buat. Tak semestinya supaya that kind of stupid ruling and stupid Court of Appeal system dibubarkan (I mean, seriously? Aku pergi high court bawak evidences, bawak witnesses, habiskan three days for perbicaraan dan menang atas semua usaha tu, and semua tu musnah with just two hours talk kat Mahkamah Rayuan? What kind of judicial shit is this?), tapi supaya tiga judges bangang tu tahu secara public, broadcasting, narrowcasting dan online, bahawasanya I am not forgiving them sampai ke akhirat esok.

 3. Aku dah siapkan AKN2
Adalah sangat susah untuk siapkan AKN2. Ya, aku tahu dulu aku kata bringing Roul dan Safi back adalah sangat mudah. Tapi bila aku actually have to do it, and fikir dari sudut Safiah dan Roul, aku sedar ia tak semudah itu lagi. I mean, masa mula-mula aku menulis AKU KAN NOVELIS, masa tu umur aku baru 25 going on 26. Sekarang aku dah 30 dan in the course of that five years, a lot of things happened dan dah mengubah cara aku berfikir. Life is not as easy as finding the one and marry him, do this and this to get people to notice you, make this or that business and you will succees.

No, at 30, you kind of understand things like:
1. Bad boys don't change that easily
2. When you hate a guy, you hate a guy. You go, "Oh my Goodness, I F*****G hate him", dan bukan "Eiiii... benci benci benci!".
3. Marriage doesn't mean terus ada anak if you want anak
4. Guys who love you so much don't do things or say things like, "Saya akan buat apa saja untuk awak".
5. Rich guys don't just went somewhere, saw a plain girl and went "I am in love with her". Take Kate Middleton for example. Yes, she was a commoner, but see where her mother sent her to study?

So, yes, I have been more and more skeptical about cara pengolahan novel. While ramai yang kata "Tapi ini novel je" dan "Orang baca novel untuk escape to fantasy world"... aku cam, okay, but then there are a lot of other novels where you can escape to. Why can't I be the place where they learn that instead of escaping their mundane life, they realise that it is not wrong to live a mundane life.

Hidup yang membosankan tu mungkin bosan pada diorang, tapi mungkin drama bagi orang lain yang tengok dari kaca mata luar. I mean, contohnya, aku rasa hidup aku mundane. Tapi ramai member2 aku rasa I have an exciting life of meeting readers and being called a writer. My friend Rabi mungkin rasa hidup dia boring, filled with research and PhD paper, tapi aku rasa hidup dia best dari aku, because she is doing what I always wanted to do but lack of ability/not courageous enough to do so. And you might think every other girl would be jealous of Kate Middleton (aku tatau kenapa tema hari ni mesti Kate Middleton), but not me. I would rather switch places with Rabi, than Kate. Oh the responsibility that girl has to bear on that pretty little shoulder of hers, the constant observation by the public and the paparazzi, the unnecessary haters, the paranoia of making sure your husband is loyal when women threw themselves at him left and right... goodness gracious!

So rather than running away from that life to the world of fantasy where rich guys are hunks with sexual capacity of a Greek god and are madly in love with women with no sense of style, why not emphasise on the great quality of your average joes who work hard, who have a good heart, whose quality is in the eyes of the beholder? Why should I memperhebat lagi lelaki kaya yang dah cukup hebat?

But then again, it's AKN. Aku cuba jugak untuk go against my natural instinct, sebab setiap karakter dah ada basic storyline dan chaacteristics yang aku tak boleh change overnight. Dan readers dah kenal, malah ada yang lebih kenal Roul dan Safi berbanding aku, so kalau aku ubah sifat2 watak dalam AKN, itu macam a kind of disrespect terhadap readers.

Nanti bila editor dah boleh confirm sama ada diorang akan print the story (oh ye, jangan ingat sebab aku dah tulis, it means diorang akan terus print membabi buta... ekekekeke... ye, saya juga ngeri memikirkannyee), aku akan masukkan beberapa chapters dalam page ILHAM Karangkraf, atau dalam blog ni, atau kedua-duanya sekali.

Insyaa-Allah, aku akan cuba jawab few emails dan FB pm, as well as soalan2 dalam blog ni yang masih tak berjawab in a few days. I am so deeply sorry sebab tak dapat reply sekarang, sebab kerja masih bertimbun-timbun mintak disiapkan, sampai banyak benda kat blog ni yang perlu diupdate, tak berapdet2 jugak. I am sooooo sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry, naked naked naked naked (lagu Super Junior versi belasah)