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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Of relationships and flirtations

These past few weeks, I have listen to many opinions about relationships. It is weird because most of them are telling me to keep a guy waiting and anticipating.

It reminds me of an episode of HIMYM (what? You use HIMYM as your textbook now?). I mean, Ted was telling his children about hooking someone. He was hooked by a girl who kept using him whenever she is lonely, while he himself hooked another girl to keep waiting for him hands and foot. It is one giant circle. 

And I don't think it is fair. Why do you hook someone to you and use them whenever you want and make them think there is something between the two of you? For me relationship should be something that is entered when both individual found love, not forced to find or not find at all but just keep cruising on "just in case". Friendship maybe, but relationship filled with flirtations?

Have you ever been the person who was hooked? Or the person who saw how it did to the person who got hooked? I have. I have been both. I have been the hooked, the one who keeps hoping and being promised of hope but in the end didn't get what she hoped. It hurts so bad and I never want to do it to anybody. I also have been the person looking at a person getting hooked. It hurts me too because they will come to me with such pain, although at the same time it annoys me so, thinking that why is it people always want something they can't have and then get hurt and find me to comfort them, get healed and chase the same thing all over again like they never learned anything at all?

I would rather be friends with people without giving hope or breeding hope. People's feeling is not a plaything. It is not something for you to just play with when you are bored or when you're lonely. I don't think all of us wanted to be in that position at all. To me, words means a lot. It's not only because I am a writer but it is also because I am a normal human being with feelings.

Like I say before, jodoh and all those things are about clicking. You don't let people tailing behind you just as a spare-part just in case you won't find someone better. You should let them be free with their feelings and if in the meantime, they found someone else, they will not have to think twice about breaking up or making the wrong decisions or getting stuck in a dead-end relationship.

I have a friend who is stuck in a marriage with a guy she didn't love and whom she marries because she thinks that's how to resolve a problem when you are heartbroken.

I have a friend who marries someone he didn't love because of the same thing, always thinking about the one who got away.

It is always about them and never about the person they hurt, who they think of as the 'excess baggage' - how those people feel when they are considered just the 'supporting cast' when the real 'hero' or 'heroin' cannot be found. As someone who always be the person behind the screen - thinking and perceiving, it disgusts me.

Be honest with people. If you think of them as friends, say it. If you really love them, say it. Don't dilly-dally or  saying maybes and make them wait for you. Be someone's investment, not someone's gamble. The first is a person with knowledge, the second is just selfishness. If you can't promise anything to someone, just be a friend. No flirtation, no saying sweet nothings. Just straight-up friends.

And that is how I roll.

*** heck if u dun understand what I am saying, menjadi pelaburan seseorang ialah pastikan orang tu tau yang masa dia luangkan dengan kau tu akan membuahkan sesuatu suatu hari nanti. Menjadi perjudian seseorang ialah membiarkan orang tu meluangkan masanya untuk kau tapi sebenarnya kemungkinan dia untuk dapat kau tu adalah sangat tipis.  

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