Workin on my night cheese.... (title unrelated to the post)

"You keep talking about work. What have you been doing exactly?"

Why, let me introduce you to the things that I have been translating for the past two months.

Disclaimer though... when a translator gets transcripts, it doesn't mean they'll get the whole thing. So, sometimes I did only five out of 35 episodes, or 20 out of 25 episodes, or sometimes even only one out of 100 episodes. The work given to me is quite random and varying. Sometimes they even get like, episodes 1-5 of drama A, then something else, then suddenly episodes 8-20 of drama A again.

I have to make that disclaimer because...... reasons....

1. BABY STEPS 2

A Japanese anime about one tennis prodigy named Maruo Eiichirou who takes notes of other player's game plan and aims to go pro.

Yes, that's the premise.

It's different from my previous work, because I have to do it not just for subtitles but also for dubbing purposes, so it's quite fun and annoying at the same time. Fun, because I have to imagine how a voice actor should sound (you don't want them to sound too formal), at the same time making sure the sentences are still up to TV standard.

2. KIRAZ MEVSIMI

Or translated to English as CHERRY SEASON, a Turkish rom-com series about an aspiring fashion designer who falls in love with her childhood friend and being romanced by her idol's hunky son, while her best friend is a backstabbing bitch who just wants the world to burn.

Okay, that was a bit over the top. But that's the whole premise. I don't really like the whole "Oh my God, I am a cutesy helpless girl who needs these two architects (and a photographer mesmerised by my inner beauty) helping me in everything" storyline, but it has quite a tongue-in-cheek dialogues that I enjoy translating in Bahasa Melayu. When a drama has a witty script, you kinda want to get creative with it.

And Istanbul looks sooo beautiful in this series, I feel like packing my bags and go there. But I'm poor. Help me, I'm poor.

3. KAMBAL SIRENA

I get that she has to play the shirtless mermaid,
but why are you unbuttoning your shirt, man?

Or FOOTSTEPS OF A MERMAID in English.... or loosely translated as "Mermaid Twins". This is a difficult one to explain. A woman marrying a merman (that's male version of a mermaid, for those who don't know), ended up being pregnant with twins.... one, turned out to be a mermaid, complete with scaly fish tails, and the other a normal girl, who has fins behind her ears. Then something happened, the mum thinks her mermaid girl died, so she moved away from the island with her normal daughter, the mermaid girl was adopted by her mermaid grandmother, they grew up, fell in love with the same man without knowing it, and I don't know the rest of the story because it's still on air.

It's quite difficult for me to translate, not because the language is hard, but because I am not much a fan of these fantastical series. Filipinos have quite a lot of them. They have Indio, Kambal Sirena, Dyesebel, Amaya, Adarna... some of them I translated, some not.

And I know for a fact they try to keep the women's attention by finding reasons for Aljur Abrenica to show of his six pack. I mean, why are you shirtless on the corridor of your workplace? That doesn't make any sense. And what's with this dream sequence where you're brooding in the ocean? Whose wet dream is this???? (I suspect the scriptwriter).

4. ADARNA

Another one of those Filipino fantastical series (I know, I keep getting them. I don't mind though, as long as I am getting paid for it). This one tells the story about this one girl, Adarna, who has a huge hump in her back that causes all the pain and suffering from all the lame mockery from people, that includes the corny "She's the Hunchback of Notre Dame", to the is-this-a-diss? chant of "Hump! Hump! Hump!"

She lives with a stepmother and stepsister who act like any stepmothers and stepsisters in fiction of yesteryears, and somehow caught the eye of a famous basketball player of whom she once healed when they were kids, because... she... has... healing... powers... from... her... hump...? (I don't know. I never saw the first few episodes). Oh, and she talks to birds.

I decline to make further comments.

5. AMAYA

How can someone be this flawless? I don't get it!

Yes, I have been translating a lot of Filipino series. This one stars Marian Rivera, also known as ugly women's worst nightmare (seriously, how can someone be that gorgeous AND have that sexy hoarse voice at the same time? It's almost ridiculous). She plays the titular character, a woman who was prophesied to kill the strongest king called Raja Mangubat.

For those of you who watches dramas for the eye candy rather than the actual storyline, well.... voila. Gorgeous women and men (who seemed unrealistic for an epic costume drama supposedly occurred before the Spanish invasion... seriously, if Marian Rivera lives in that period of time, she will not have milky white skin and flawless hair... and Pan-Asian look). The men all wear cawat and show off their bods, so I guess the gymnasiums all over Manila got quite rich during production.  And that includes Aljur Abrenica.

Man, that dude is shirtless in everything.

6. CRAZY FOR YOU

An old Filipino rom-com (not that old though, It was a hit in the Philippines in 2006) that tells a story of an FWO (Filipino Working Overseas) named Janice who works in Spain as a maid, who later works in this one Filipino guy's apartment. They kinda keep writing notes to each other without ever meeting in person, and later he fell in love with her without knowing she is his maid.

I love translating it because of its cutesy witty dialogue. Like I said, it makes a translator wants to be creative when you get creative scripts. Sadly, I was only given two of these. I would love to translate more of this show.

7. INDIO

The story takes place after AMAYA, which means during the Spanish Invasion. It tells the story of a guy who has Herculean strength who didn't know that he has been working with the evil Spanish conquistador who killed his parents ....................................... yeah, that's it.

Weirdly enough, the people in this drama looks more like what people might look like in those days than in AMAYA. Oh and Aljur Abrenica is in it again. And get this, shirtless!

Ah, Aljur. You never fail to entertain.

Thank you. I'm glad that my shirtlessness entertains people.

Blog update?

I should've written something, but then my boss called and said that my work deadline has been renewed from "28, 29, and 30 June" to "tomorrow onwards".

So.

It's April 2015 and I don't know what I am doing with my life.

Oh my....

Eh jap. Tak supan sebagai orang Islam.

Assalamualaikum.

Oh my.... it has been soooo long since I wrote anything in here. I am soooo sorry you guys. I was too busy procrastinating working. Nowadays I am translating a new anime for ANIMAX, and the format is a tad different than my previous translation work, and it's also used for dubbing purposes, so I was unable to focus on anything else. On top of that, I am also doing AMAYA......

(when I say "I am doing AMAYA", I mean, I am TRANSLATING the FILIPINO TELENOVELA by the name of AMAYA, not "I am doing AMAYA" in the perverse sense. Undirt your head, people!)

...for ASTRO Bella, so that's another thing. In short, amidst the Yahoo thing, and the ANIMAX thing, and the Bella thing, and the SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU 3 thing, I don't have a life. It's more or less wake-up-solat(kalau tak solat nanti Tuhan marah wehhh)-buat air lemon-sarapan-exercise-kerja-solat zohor-makan-kerja-solat asar-kerja-solat maghrib-kerja-solat isyak-rerun Arrested Development (because my break is solely for Jason Bateman)-kerja-pastikan all my SIMS people still alive-tidur-bangun and the cycle continues.

Why do I have an obsession over Jason Bateman? Don't question my taste in men. I used to have a crush on David Mitchell (the comedian, not the author) too, you know....

Sometimes there's time when the whole routine changes a bit. That is when my cats get sick and in need of the vet's attention, or when my mum is not feeling well and I need to cook instead, or when the kitchen stock habis and I need to spend my whole afternoon kat TESCO atau GIANT. And those are the only times I will be out of my house.

So, in short to the original in short, I will one day die in my own house, head slammed on my laptop, with my eyes being eaten by vultures. How the vultures get inside my house in this very dramatic version of my death? I don't know.

My mum's birthday is today. Yesterday we bought her cake, and today I made her a very simple birthday pizza dish using an instant naan bread. Just slab a lot of tomato puree and sauce on it, some cooked hotdog and portabello mushrooms, and a lot of mozarella, a minute inside the microwave and voila! Faux-pizza!

Then I made lunch. Siakap kukus a la whatever. I am too lazy to snap a photo of it, so just imagine a yummy siakap with a lot of halia and bawang and daun bawang on top with an extremely wangi sauce that consists of stok ayam, kicap cair, pepper and sesame oil with your best imagination.

It looks like this, but this is from nakemah.blogspot.com. I did not make this. Please don't sue me for copyright.

MMmmm-mm-mmmm....

I didn't buy mum anything. I think the only thing she would like right now is a grandchild. Since I can't buy those in stores, there's nothing I can do about it. I think the next best thing would be taking her to lunch at all those places that Razif Hashim from BEST IN THE WORLD went to, since she lovvvveeessss the show very much. She even watches the reruns. Two weeks ago, I had to spend my whole Saturday watching Raz Natt eat on TV, and the whole day my brain keeps humming the Nyan Nyan Cat song.

My. Whole. Saturday.

I was like, mum seriously, we're not going to Johor for the same nasi lemak! Stop watching AFC! I can almost smell the food from TV! I mean, I love the show too, but one per day is enough. I am not binge-watching people binge-eating (well, it wasn't binge eating... but you get my point)

Haih.

I've sent my manuscript last week. It's a story about a girl. And a cat. And betrayal. And more cats. It might have been cuter if the book has illustrations so you can actually see the cats, but then, that would just turn it into a children's book, innit?

I am sooo sorry for taking so much time to finally complete my new book. That's because I have been procrastinating busy. Doing what, I don't even know.

Say, masa cepat berlalu sekarang, kan?

(END BLOG POST SECARA TERGANTUNG SEBAB AKU TAK ADA IDEA HOW TO END THINGS)

PET PEEVES: Resurrected

"I got pet peeves. You got pet peeves. He got pet peeves. We all got pet peeves," to quote Gyp Rosetti.

I lied. Gyp Rosetti said, "I got a gun"... but, oh well...

And ini semua pet peeves aku. And if you don't know what pet peeves means, bukak dictionary atau google it, sebab my other pet peeve is people yang malas nak cari info sendiri dan asyik mengharapkan ia dihidang on a silver platter. Ahahaha.

But anyway, aku tak kata benda ni bodoh (aku bukanlah macam ada seorang student pascasiswazah yang tak suka novel melayu tu based on a very detailed research on various literature... and when I said based on detailed research, I mean 'kutuk semberono'... *aku saja control perlian aku selama seminggu lebih just so Zara Amani baca that popular blog and then we can make fun of it together*). Apa aku maksudkan ialah, benda2 ni mungkin orang lain tak kisah, tapi agak annoying pada aku. Sesetengahnya tak worth untuk dijadikan isu pun, cuma aku sorang je ada isu dengan benda tu.

And here's some of it:

The saying,"Haters gonna hate".

Apa maksudnya tu? What is "haters"? Adakah sejenis profesion? Adakah satu golongan manusia yang membenci? Bukankah itu bermakna semua orang juga haters sebab semua orang pun akan membenci sesuatu? Apa antonym untuk haters? LIKERS? Will there be "Likers gonna like"? Or "Lovers gonna love"? "Eaters gonna eat"? "Syahida gonna syahid"? 

That's like saying, "Saya tak ada concrete comment or anything to back me up, so.... haters gonna hate yo!!"
Saying 'haters gonna hate' pada aku seperti mengundang orang untuk bertambah benci. I especially hate it sebab kebanyakan orang yang guna ayat ni adalah reality TV stars yang memang sengaja annoy orang lain for them to be able to say that. Nicki Minaj adalah antara artis yang paling suka menggelar orang yang tak suka dia sebagai haters, so setiap kali anda guna "haters gonna hate", you are only reminding me of how much aku tak suka Nicki Minaj.

Comic sans

There is nothing truer than what David Mitchell said in the clip below:



"You're just jealous"

As in, for example, when you watch HyunA on YouTube and think "This is crass. That girl tries too hard to be sexy and she's too young to do that move" and saw someone saying the same thing in the comment section, and someone else will be like, "You're just jealous because you can't do it like her" or "You're just jealous because she's popular." Are we in primary school? Why is being concerned with the world's definition of morality nowadays equals to "being jealous" of someone's asset, i.e, boobs (or the lack of it), ability to dance, ability (or imaginary ability) to sing, bum and fake tan?

Penggunaan "Gonna to"

Aku bukan grammar nazi, far from being one. Kalau aku gelar diri aku macam tu, aku kena pastikan aku tak buat walau sikit pun kesalahan tatabahasa (kalau tak nanti orang persoalkan pulak), dan itu agak menyusahkan hidup. But seriously... gonna is short for "going to". Saying "I'm gonna to" is saying, "I am going to to". Aku sangat annoyed setiap kali muncul ayat macam tu. It's not even grammar thing for me. It's more "logic" and "common sense" than grammar.

The other one would be "wanna", like "I wanna to go to the concert". Kalau dah kata "wanna", tak perlu tambah "to". That's like saying "Saya NAK HENDAK pergi konsert."

Meanwhile, my bestfriend Mun's pet peeve is using "wanna" in this sense:
"I wanna ice cream".
What? You want to ice cream? Sejak bilakah ice cream jadi verb? "I want ice cream", that's how you say it.
Nad's pet peeve pulak ialah salah ejaan, macam "patient" jadi "passion" atau "message" jadi "massage" sebab those are the kinds of ejaan yang kalau ko salah eja akan jadi maksud lain. Although,... aku pernah terbuat jugak. Aku tulis peasant (orang) as pheasant (burung). That's how lecturer aku bagi aku a big X masa test. Hahahahaha....

Oh, dan aku sangat annoyed bila orang nyanyi lagu BSB tu, "If you wanna be a good girl, get yourself a bad boy." That doesn't make any sense. It's "If you want IT to be good (ada koma di sini) girl." 

Jangan suruh aku explain apa maksudnya. I'm a good girl who doesn't want any bad boy just for IT to be good.    

Komen "Nerakalah tempat kau"

Oh, awak tu alim sangat ke sampai nak troll orang dengan ayat macam tu?
Ya, saya faham. Mungkin orang tu buat salah atau orang tu cakap benda yang tak sepatutnya. Mengapakah sebagai orang Islam, your instinct is to kick people into hell? Imam Ghazali pernah kata, there are two types of douchebags (he didn't use that word. I did). Satu, yang mengajak kepada kemungkaran. Dua, yang mengajak ke arah kebaikan dengan cara yang tak betul sampai orang menjauhkan diri dari agama.

Let's change for the betterment of society. Let's not hukum orang macamlah kita ni sah2 masuk syurga, shall we?

Filem dengan tanda kolon (atau maksudnya tanda : or =)
Especially filem orang putih. Tajuk aku tu (sila lihat tajuk entry ini) adalah the epitome of my annoyance. "Silent Hill: Revelation", "Resident Evil: Retribution", "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift". Tapi itu less annoying pada aku berbanding yang ni...

Penggunaan perkataan "Langsi" oleh kaum adam berbangsa melayu yang bila anda tengok, anda pasti dia tak berupaya membelasah sesiapa pun

Dua tiga bulan lepas, adik aku dengan kawan dia involved in a minor accident dengan sorang mamat ni. Aying kata dia cuma nak selesaikan baik-baik, tapi mamat tu tak abis-abis cuba berlagak gangster dan asik cakap, "Lu jangan langsi. Lu jangan langsi dengan gua."

Dia kata daripada nak selesaikan baik-baik, dia rasa nak call semua kawan-kawan dia dan belasah mamat tu. Well, I would have kalau aku lelaki berbadan besar dan ada sekumpulan kawan-kawan yang juga berbadan besar. Sebab isu di sini bukan perkataan langsi tu. Isunya di sini ialah perasaan konon gangster bila menggunakan istilah tu dan cuba nak carik gaduh. Kita kan sama2 melayu, cakap jelah baik-baik. Maksudnya, kalau saya terlanggar kereta orang lain, anda tidak  akan melihat saya keluar sambil berkata, "Yo, whassup, hommie? Whatchu done deboed my ride fo, foo'? You ain't gonna get no moolah fo dat, ya dig?"

Bila kita melakukan kesalahan, haruslah kita berbahasa melayu dengan sempurna dan memulakan dengan saling bermaaf-maafan ye?

Turban

Seriously. Let's just not talk about its effectiveness as aurat cover. Let's just say that sebagai orang yang ada migraine, tengok orang pakai turban buat aku rasa sakit kepala. I hate the 80s. Turbans, shoulder pads, baju tuck in dalam seluar, those are all pet peeves pada aku sebab I just don't like 80s and early 90s fashion.   It reminds me of zaman sekolah rendah. Aku tak suka sekolah rendah. Sekolah pagi, sekolah petang, kerja sekolah, denda berdiri atas kerusi. Ugh.

And lastly, I have said it many times before but...

MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS ABOUT BEING SINGLE

Aku tak nak persoalkan orang lain kalau diorang suka. Itu hak diorang. Tapi aku annoyed with motivational posters telling me why I should be proud being single. Why do I have to be proud about anything as such? Not being married is just a fact, not some sort of a league, or a movement, or a stand or a philosophy about life, or something I have to defend.

Words such as this:

Or this:

Or this:

to me is a testament of loneliness. Just don;t involve me in your oh-so cool single club. I am too old for that.

But then again, itu cuma benda-benda yang menjengkelkan aku. Tak bermakna benda tu drop dead salah (except menerakakan orang, yang tu memang salah. Memang sangat sangat salah!).

What's yours?

I HATE THESE WOMEN Part 1

Aku suka filem seram. I think my kind of sport is showing filem seram kat member2 dan ketawa bila diorang menjerit. However, despite the fact that biasanya aku tak mudah ditakutkan dengan watak2 klise filem seram (seriously, tak payah kot nak melambai2 ke depan sambil bergerak ke tepi macam ketam... udah basi, tau nggak?), I have my exemptions.

These are some scary characters yang orang lain tak paham kenapa aku mesti takut, tapi aku still takut. You see, I have my reasons why I hate them with all my guts.

The crazy Rattle Rattle lady

Aku bennnnnci gila dengan pompuan ni.
A. Sebab she's the epitome of a nightmare.
Sometimes bila kita tidor and dalam mimpi kita, we saw some weird scary looking thing and then right then and there in that dream kita terpiker, "Oh, shit. She is going to chase me. I just know it. This ain't a dream. this is a nightmare" and lepas kita piker je, menda pelik tu akan kejar kita sampai la kita terbangun dari tidur, all sweaty and scared beyond all reason. Yes, she is that. And since I always have those kind of nightmare, she freaks the hell out of me. See that face. How can you not be freaked out by that?
B. Her famous words is "Just because."
Dalam citer ni, bila mangsa dia tanya dia kenapa dia asik kejar pompuan tu, dia jawab "Just because." I frikken hate these kind of ghosts. I hate something yang tak ada reason. Anything or anybody that does things for no reason is scarier than murderers with intention. That is why for me, the Columbine shooting is scarier than let's say, Ed Gein, and the Suicide Club in Japan is scarier than wars.

Saeki Kayako

I hate crawling ghosts. Aku rasa aku dah selalu citer benda ni. Tapi masa aku kecik2 dulu, aku pernah demam panas. Masa tengah demam tu, aku delirious and saw kartun gambar penagih dadah baju belang2 lukisan IMUDA crawling down tannga rumah aku. Since then, I hate things that crawls... except babies. Saeki Kayako adalah one of the prominent figures in the scary crawling business. =_=
Tapi sekarang kalau ada lagi hantu yang merangkak, aku akan tutup TV. Bukan sebab takut, tapi sebab menyampah tengok copycats.

The grinning crazy girl in Insidious

Other than crawling creepy things, aku juga benci satu perbuatan ini. MENYERINGAI. Aku tak suka perkataan menyeringai dan apa saja yang menyeringai. Tersengih is just tersengih. Tapi menyeringai is a kind of a sadistic version of tersengih. The thing about grinning is... it means anything. A frown means you're doing something from anger. A grin means you're doing something out of craziness. See that face? She might not just shoot you. She may shoot you, then stab you with a screwdriver, set your cat on fire, skin you alive and make a purse out of it. And then sit down with your corpse and watch WHEEL OF FORTUNE on TV.
Aku tak kisah tengok INSIDIOUS banyak2 kali. Tapi aku tak akan pandang bahagian this girl and her other crazy grinning twin sister. Nnnnope.

The ghost lady looking for her kid

Aku masih membenci adik aku sebab made me watch/read this. You see, filem hantu Korea tak menakutkan, malah menjengkelkan (aku tengok THE CAT dan THE TALE OF TWO SISTERS sampai tertido). But this webtoon.....
A story. Masa aku kat SMKAKS dulu, one night, aku terjaga dari tidur and saw this one girl datang ke arah antara katil aku dan junior bilik aku si Arima dalam gelap. Rupa dia macam Arima, except the fact that masa tu Arima tengah tidur kat katil sebelah aku. Selain itu jugeeee, dia pakai baju tidur yang sama dengan Arima, seluar tidor yang sama dengan Arima dan bertocang macam Arima. Tapi bezanya, tocangnya menegak, as if something invisible is holding it behind her. Dia datang dekat dengan Arima dan dengan suara yang sama macam Arima, she said, "Arima, temankan kita pergi toilet."
Masa tu, aku terfikir, "Kalau Arima tak bangun-bangun, mesti dia akan pusing ke arah aku dan ajak aku pulak pergi toilet. Baik aku pura2 tidor." So, dengan perlahan2, aku pusingkan badan aku ke arah lain.
So, in this webtoon, the ghost tanya the girl "Kau nampak anak aku tak?". Budak pompuan yang ketakutan tu just main tuding je jari dia ke arah mana tah dan hantu tu pergi ke arah yang ditunjukkan. Before the scariest shit occurred yang membuatkan aku terlompat dari sofa, the girl was thinking one thing. "Kalau benda tu tak jumpa anak dia, mesti dia akan datang balik kat aku. Baik aku lari."
The same dialogue in that webtoon reminded me of what I was thinking back in 1999 when I was in dorm 34 di ASPURI, SMKAKS - when that Arima-looking girl was asking Arima untuk temankan dia pergi toilet.

The Visitor bloody woman

She is not THAT scary sebenarnya. Aku just agak overwhelmed by the fact that bentuk rumah budak perempuan yang diganggunya macam rumah aku. Bila lokasi cerita hantu tu menyerupai bentuk rumah anda, you know you are going to think that THAT is going to happen at your own house too.
Stupid bloody woman.

Would I Lie To You vs Betul ke Bohong

Here's my favourite British show - the one where I will rain wrath on anybody who say they hate it

,..



And this is its Malaysian version. The difference being the electric shock and the question asked by viewers.



My opinion?

Of course the Brits version is much more elegant and... well... Brrrrrritish (as Charlie Sheen would put it). And of course David Mitchell's deadpan humour is one of a kind. I guess if the Malaysian stars can be less talkative and ask more questions before answering, I would love it. At least you know Jep and Shuib are kinda really calm, NOT the kind of loud mouth who tries too hard to impress, like those stars on "Kata Kau". I can't stand that show - bising, tak kelakar dan poyo.

You can't really compare, though. Or maybe I can but I just don't want to because I am biased when it comes to Jep Sepah. Ahahahaha.

THINGS THAT I CAN WATCH/LISTEN AGAIN AND AGAIN ON YOUTUBE

1. Walk Off the Earth rendition of Gotye's "Somebody that I Used to Know"


v

There's a thing about a bunch of musicians gang-banging a guitar. But then again, I shit-seriously love Luminati's voice and his part-hobo look.

2. David Mitchell's Soapbox


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There is nothing else much more unsexy than listening to a man whining about stuff. But this is David Mitchell we're talking about. I can spend my whole life listening to him ranting and rambling on and on about trivial stuff like marathons, wedding, Gaelic language or signing boobs.

3. IU's "Peach"


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I used to not understand why the craze about IU. She's cute, that's that. I am not really into cutesy stuff and her songs exude everything that I hate about cuteness. But then I found out that she was the girl who did all those beautiful renditions of songs that I originally hate. Yes. She was the girl who made "Gee" sounds - to a woman who is against cuteness and songs that composed of all saccharine sweetness - bearable. Then I listen to this. The song she composed herself - the song that reaffirm my faith in the importance of learning how to play a recorder during primary school. Also a song that reaffirm my faith in girls with guitars after all the shitty girls with guitars out there on YouTube. 

4. Kina Grannis' rendition of Taylor Swift's "Safe and Sound"


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Another girl with guitar that I liked, the fact that Kina Grannis has the soothing voice that can turn even the stupidest of songs (Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it Again" to name a few) into a masterpiece made me love her rendition of this Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars song. Kill all the Keshas and the Nicki Minajs. The music world needs Kina Grannis and her lot.

5. Michael McIntyre's standup


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I love standup comedy. But there is none that can do it like Michael. Sure, Dylan Moran is all about the gloomy-funny side of life, Kathleen Madigan is the funny woman who makes fun of politics (I love that, as most comedienne talk about relationships and reality TV. That's too cliche), Noel Fielding does all the weird things and Stephen Fry is the king. But Michael does jokes from the most random things - like conversations among condiments, about designer labels, his kids, Chinese food, and public toilets. And most of them are things you do and in the end you always laugh while stomping your feet, saying "That is so true!!!"

6. ALi's "Hurt"


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It's a sad sad sad song and I love the arrangements

7. Montecristo73's channel


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He got all the Japanese horrors out there cramped into his channel. Awesome!

8. TheBlackHoleBowl channel


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They got every single WOULD I LIE TO YOU episodes there is. Seriously. That's the ultimate show for me. I mean, not only I can watch David Mitchell and Lee Mack all day long, they also invite Brits stars and comedians. I mean, once, there was David Mitchell and Michael McIntyre on one show and they bicker. Heaven. 

Their voice... it's in my head now...

My latest craze nowadays is watching THE MITCHELL AND WEBB LOOK, PEEP SHOW and David Mitchell's SOAPBOX on YouTube.

..................wow, it does sound like I'm stalking David Mitchell for some reason.

Well, anyway. Yes, I am upset with the state of the shows on television right now. They have every single crap there is, with all the Kardashians and all those reality TV shows about cake people, cupcake people, housewives brawls, more Amazing Race (I don't know when THAT will ever end), and loads of single-camera mockumentary crap and sitcomes where everybody speaks like they are in a rush (COUGAR TOWN, HAPPY ENDINGS, etc).

And they even stopped showing 30 ROCK and IT CROWD. The only shows I loved in this whole wide world. And no more BBC channel. Isn't it interesting how the country is oh-so proud for using the UK English  (being former commonwealth and all that brouhaha), but then most of the channels on TV are from America? That's like saying, "Hey, we are Malaysian. We speak Malay. Let's watch most shows in Indonesian."

So finally two years ago, I turned to YouTube. It actually started with IT CROWD. And somehow I found "THE BIG FAT QUIZ OF THE YEAR" (and that became my latest obsession, but since they only have it once every year at the end of the year, I will get spider-webbed waiting for those). And true to the normal behaviour of anybody surfing YouTube, I ended up watching Mitchell's "Soapbox" and he mentioned something about "Peep Show" and then I watched that and now I'm watching their "That Mitchell and Webb Look".

And now my head is filled with Robert Webb's "daradan daradan daradan" version of Devil's Gallop and everywhere I go, my head is filled with monologue in the voice of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar.

I love that name by the way. And that was one of my favourite sketch from the show.

The thing about Ye De Di Qi Zhang

Ini adalah kisah lagu Jay Chou yang bertajuk "Twilight's Chapter 7".

Tak payahlah baca beria-ia sangat. Mukadimah je lebih. Ceritanya tak ada apa pun. Aku cuma nak cakap yang setelah bertahun-tahun menggunakan lagu ini sebagai ringtone, akhirnya aku tukar.

Ada dua saja fanclub yang aku pernah join selama aku hidup. Kelab Sahabat M.Nasir dan MyJaysians. Masa tu Jay Chou memang sangat popular, tapi dbukan di kalangan orang melayu. Dia belum jadi pelakon atau mengarah filem, atau berlakon filem Hollywood yang sangat tak best. Masa tu kalau sebut nama Jay Chou, kebanyakan member2 cam "Heh, siapa?". Kalau korang pi website MJS dan tengok senarai member dulu, cuma ada tiga member melayu masa tu. Aku member ketiga dan nombor keahlian aku ialah 91. Hahaha.

Tapi aku selalu dilanda masalah bila menggunakan ringtone lagu ni pada era di mana Jay Chou bukan household name. Contohnya, ada sekali tu aku lupa silent-kan fon masa tengah consult Dr. Ataul Huq, orang tua dari Bangladesh tu hampir sakit jantung bila tiba2 telefon aku berbunyik keluar lagu cina. Hahahaha. masa aku nak trade in phone untuk beli phone Nokia Alien aku, ahmui yang jual kat aku tu periksa telefon lama aku dan pandang aku dengan muka syak wasangka apabila ringtone pertama aku ialah lagu Twilight Chapter 7, lagu kedua ialah lagu Jolin Tsai "Bu La Ge Guang Chang" dan lagu ketiga aku ialah lagu "Ye Ye Pao De Cha". Ahmui tu pergi ke kaunter lagi satu dan berbisik-bisik dengan seorang lengchai/lalachai (bergantung pada pandangan korang. kalau korang suka fashion rambut oren senget2 tutup sebelah mata tu, mungkin dia lengchai. Pada aku yang rasa fesyen tu bodo, dia seorang lala). Dia duk bisik2 dan lepas tu tunjuk pada aku.

Tapi akhirnya dia jual jugak handphone alien tu dekat aku. Balik je rumah dan aku duk main2 phone tu, baru aku sedar ada gambar perempuan bertudung kat taman tema dalam one of the folders yang agak tersembunyi. Dari situ aku sedar, dalam dia pandang aku seolah2 aku telah mencuri telefon bimbit dari seorang peminat Jay Chou untuk ditrade-in, sebenarnya diorang yang jual aku telefon trade-in/curik.

Aku memang tak maafkan ahmui dan jantan lala tu sampai sekarang.

Ya, cerita ni tak ada kena-mengena dengan lagu ni pon. Tapi bselepas bertahun-tahun aku meninggalkan era obses Jay Chou (album terakhir yang aku beli ialah "November Chopin". Jay Chou fans would know which one is that), dan bila aku terbaca news tentang Jay Chou teringin nak jadi seorang bapa sebelum berumur 40 tahun (heh, 6 tahun lepas, masa aku baca artikel fasal dia, dia kata "before 35". Ni dah tambah lagi lima tahun? Dasar....), tiba-tiba aku teringat saat aku disangka pencuri tapi rupanya aku yang ditipu.

Mentang2 dia menang RM350,000

Woi, korang ni melampau betulla. Aku taula brader tu baru menang RM350,000. Perlu ke aku punya blog dan aku punye tracker, tapi "Jep Sepah" je yang banyak korang google untuk sampai ke blog aku?

Kecik ati aku jadi novelis kalau macam ni...

The trans, the rev, the shorties and the long-one

Ini cara terbaru untuk update aktiviti diri sendiri. Semalam sempat la berbual kejap je dengan Shikin (Zara Amani). Budak baru habis belajar sekarang sudah kerja sambil hiking tiap malam. Amatlah susah untuk mengetahui update dirinya. Apatah lagi Cik Liza yang jarang dapat berbual.

Jadi mari kita update status diri melalui kerja.

TRANSLATIONS

Buat masa ni dah sampai ke episod 196. Nak start on episod 197 tapi macam rasa nak merangkak ke ruang tamu dan tengok TV saja. Usaha membuat terjemahan untuk cerita Indonesia ini dah menjadikan aku robotik, tanpa perasaan atau usaha untuk mencari di mana rasionalnya setiap babak dalam cerita. TV Al-Hijrah is airing PARA PENCARI TUHAN. Impian translation aku sebenarnya adalah untuk menterjemah PPT. PPT adalah show berdakwah yang bagus dan sangat basic, tapi dibuat dengan cara yang sangat menghiburkan. Aku rasa perasaan menterjemah PPT pasti sama macam masa aku terjemah "Flag of Truth" untuk Astro Oasis masa bulan puasa lepas. Rasa macam ada sense of existence - macam dah berbuat pahala sebab memudahkan saudara seagama untuk memahami cerita zaman Khulafa Ar-Rashidin.

NEWS AND REVIEWING

Selasa pi tengok "X-Men: First Class", Jumaat pi tengok "Super 8". Company tengah busy dengan Movie Carnival kat IPC Mall so mungkin sebab tu sampai ada dua press preview aku gantikan untuk minggu ni. Sejak menulis gosip Korea, aku juga dah jadi robotik. I love some Korean variety shows, tapi aku memang sangat anti-girl group. Especially the new ones yang lagu tak seberapa, tapi tarian dan pakaian macam minta diri dirogol. It's like, what is the point of your so-called feminisme if Korean young girls are taught to wear porno costumes and to act cute and dumb just to entertain people? Aku tak nak persoalkan tentang kumpulan K-pop fake kat Malaysia ni sebab semua orang pon panggil diorang fake. I am just saying, SNSD restarted the wave again by being just cute. 3 years later, the new ones are becoming fake cute and more annoying. 

Sekalipun aku macam memuji SNSD, ketahuilah bahawasanya aku memang tak minat girl group Korea dan pakaian baru diorang pun menjadi subject of my scrutiny. Nyanyi je tak boleh ke? Kenapa nak jadi poster girl for lonely old men around the world? It's creeping me out.

CERPEN

Ya Allah, dah berkurun tak tulis kot. Aku rasa segan nak jumpa Kak Eton...

NOVEL

Janjinya adalah untuk siapkan pada bulan Ogos, tapi disebabkan kesibukan masing2, aku tak tahu bila agaknya nak betul2 selesai. But anyway. Ini excerpt:

                  Lif tersebut ditutup dan kembali melakukan tugasnya untuk menghantar Wulan ke lobi sementara pemuda itu menekan butang P ke parkir.

                        Pemuda itu menoleh sejenak ke arah Wulan dan memberikannya sekuntum senyuman. Wulan membalasnya dengan senyuman yang pendek. Dia tidak punya keinginan untuk berbual tatkala ini.

                        “I guess you are ballsy.” Ujar lelaki itu dengan perlahan tanpa memandang Wulan.

                        “Hmm?” Wulan tidak pasti dia mendengar dengan betul atau memang itu yang lelaki itu ucapkan.

                        “I said, I guess you are ball-sy.” Ujar lelaki itu lagi, menekan perkataan ‘ball’ dan ‘sy’ itu.

                        “Excuse me?” Wulan merasa agak terganggu.

                        Lelaki itu ketawa rendah apabila menyedari Wulan tidak memahami jenakanya. Dia menudingkan jarinya ke arah beg Wulan di mana stress ball itu masih elok diam.

                        “Ada bola atas beg awak.” Ujarnya, menjelaskan keadaan.

                        Wulan mengekori arah jari lelaki itu dan menyedari kebodohannya sendiri.

                        “Oh! Tadi atas meja. Macam mana boleh...” Wulan tidak menghabiskan kata-katanya tetapi terus mengambil bola tersebut dan memasukkan ke dalam beg tangannya.

                        “Stress ball eh?” tanya pemuda itu. Wulan tersenyum mengangguk.

                        “Tell me about it. Masa pertama kali saya bekerja kat sini, saya pun ada stress ball jugak.” Jelas lelaki itu tanpa diminta. Jelas sekali dia seorang yang mesra sekalipun gayanya tidak menunjukkan dia seorang pemuda yang sedemikian.

                        “It was black with a smiley face on it. Sentiasa tersenyum memandang saya bila saya stress dengan kerja yang banyak, as if it was mocking me.” Ujar pemuda itu lagi.

                        “Buat awak rasa nak remukkan senyuman atas stress ball tu?” tanya Wulan.

                        Lelaki itu ketawa.

                        “EXACTLY.” Ujarnya dengan begitu ghairah sambil mengangkat keningnya. Ada lesung pipit di pipinya apabila dia tersenyum nakal. Matanya turut tersenyum dengan sendirinya apabila bibirnya mengukir senyuman itu, melahirkan garisan halus yang muncul di hujung mata.

                        Entah kenapa Wulan terbayangkan lelaki ini pasti manja dengan ibunya.

                        Lif berhenti apabila sampai di lobi dan membukakan pintunya.

                        “Saya pergi dulu.” Ujar Wulan, memberikan senyuman yang lebih ikhlas daripada yang tadi. Lelaki itu memberikan tabik hormat dengan tangannya yang memegang kot. Kot tersebut menggelongsor ke pelipat sikunya apabila dia berbuat demikian.

                        Wulan melangkah pergi. Kemudian dia teringat bahawa dia belum lagi tahu nama lelaki itu. Namun apabila dia menoleh, pintu lif sudah pun ditutup.

                        “Takpelah.” Ujar Wulan pada dirinya sendiri. Dia meneruskan langkahnya. Dia harus segera ke stesen LRT KLCC sebelum tren terakhir meninggalkan stesen. Peristiwa stress ball itu berlalu dari fikirannya dengan pantas. 

3 Most Annoying...

3 Female Movie Characters yang aku rasa menyemak
i. Megan Fox as what's-her-ass in TRANFORMERS
- I mean, what do I care about a tough chick who paints tattooes on bikes by showing her ass to the camera, eyh?
ii. Gemma Arterton as Tamina in PRINCE OF PERSIA and Io in CLASH OF THE TITANS
- Can you tell me how many annoying pretentiously independent role is she going to take? She is the only thing that tainted PoP and the ultimate menyemak-ness in CotT
iii. Kirsten Dunst as MJ in SPIDERMAN
- How screwed a girl can be if she is captured by three different villains altogether? Is there a mark on her head that says "I AM SHRILLY AND ANNOYING, PLEASE KIDNAP ME"?

3 Most Annoying Food I Have Ever Tasted
i. Spaghetti with Cream Sauce at ICEROOM
- Oh my God. Imagine eating dry spaghetti with that overly thick Campbell's Mushroom Soup with slices of chicken meat. Yes. It feels like eating Slimer in your mouth.
ii. Nasi Goreng Kerabu at RESTORAN PAK MAL
Restoran Pak Mal has the weirdest level of food competency. One day you have all great savoury food, come next day, all of them taste like shit. Nasi kerabu Pak Mal yesterday was extremely berderai, keras and feels like chicken food.
iii. The Most Expensive on the Menu at Kedai Kopi Taman Tasik Shah Alam
It's a spaghetti thingy that can't even stick to your fork. It is so wet that I felt like eating a lubricated noodle.

3 Most Annoying Thing That Can Happen on a Sunday
i. The sound of people mowing lawn
- Why do you even pay people to mow your lawn on a Sunday morning? Can't you ask them to do it on weekdays when they kinda walk around hoping someone would pay them to?
ii. The sound of the reporters on MELODI/DIVA/GALAKSI
- Especially when they ask dumb questions like, "Bila nak berlakon semula?" to a thespian who has quit her acting career to pursue religion. Are you dumb, or are you dumb?
iii. The sound of hammer knocking on the wall
- We used to have this rule where if a neighbour wants to make a noise rearranging stuff or putting stuff on the wall, they should notify and apologise to the other neighbours beforehand. Neighbours nowadays are so lazy to do that. Look, since you don't like to notify us all the noise you're making, I am not gonna notify you when I want to go grunge on my guitar. Deal?

3 Most Annoying Thing on TV
i. Kejora dan Bintang
- They should call it "Janet dan Hanifah" instead, because I think for the most part, they have shown more scenes with the two villains than the titular characters.
ii. Akademi Fantasia
They say stop while you are loved. AF should have stopped when they were on Season 5. If you wanna show some dudes and dudettes singing like they're in a karaoke, please spare us all.
iii. Celebrity Gossips show
We have MELODI, then DIVA, then GALAKSI, then FUHH. How many celebs we have in Malaysia again? Can't you just create one channel for them all and just put everything there like E! did? Then I don't have to bukak channel and tengok cerita Jimmy Shanley yang sama.

Oh by the way, tak elok berbuat aniaya terhadap anak yatim. Bini Jimmy Shanley, suami anda anak yatim piatu, silalah jangan aniaya dia, okay? Do you know how many girls wanted to marry that dude?

Update, up to date, up a date, up on a date

I am getting ready for the talk at Sekolah Convent Klang tomorrow............................................................................... okay, I'm just kidding. I think I'm just gonna throw bullets everywhere, as long as I remember not to say SHIT, or more 18SX cusses around. Then gonna have a date with my fellow single friends cawangan Klang. Hahaha.

Finishing up on english subtitles for BUKAN MALIN KUNDANG, that will be shown on ASTRO Citra I don't know when. MALING KUTANG on the other hand will be shown on 31st March. Yes, Maling Kutang, Malin Kundang, seems like I have a theme, eyh?

I'll update you guys about the talk and will tell you guys if there's any news on my new novel.

Adakah anda cukup INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE...

...to become a writer?

1. Pernahkah anda lakukan sesuatu berulang kali atas alasan yang tak berapa normal?
Saya menonton BODY OF LIES berkali-kali sebab Leonardo DiCaprio berjanggut dan memberi salam dan bukan kerana persoalannya tentang apa yang betul dan salah dalam sesebuah covet operation. Saya rasa itu sahajalah waktunya saya akan mendengar Leonardo memberi salam dan kelihatan seperti seorang Islam. What? A girl can dream, can't I?

2. Pernahkah anda bercakap sesuatu kemudian mengubah topik dengan begitu pantas, peluru juga tidak sepantas itu?
Ya. Tapi saya juga boleh terus diam dan tidak mengubah sebarang topik sehingga keadaan menjadi sangat awkward. Malah adakalanya saya bercakap sesuatu, terdiam dan kemudian mengeluarkan telefon bimbit. Adakalanya itu bukan bermakna saya sedang bercakap dengan orang. Adakalanya itu hanyalah saya bercakap sendiri dengan menggunakan application recording untuk menulis novel. I think most of the medias press previews have seen me talking on the phone every morning while waiting for the movie to start. Yes, sometimes I was talking to people, but kekadang that's just me recording storyline.

3. Pernahkah anda terfikir bahawa mungkin anda sebenarnya gila dan semua yang berlaku dalam hidup anda ini hanyalah a figment of your imagination?
Selalu. Saya selalu terfikir mungkin dunia yang saya sedang jalani ini adalah satu delusi dan saya sebenarnya sedang berada di wad gila melakonkan semuanya. Or di rumah nenek saya, di dalam kandang sementara orang kampung baling batu ke arah saya. Who knows?

4. Anda rasa Lewis Carroll adalah raja segala kegilaan?
He's a fucking genius, excuse my French. Carroll genius dalam erti kata banyak perkara - kegilaannya, penciptaan bahasa malah keupayaannya menjual karya seperti Alice in Wonderland yang sebenarnya hanyalah sebuah jurnal mimpi. If you can sell crap to people and make them analyse your crap, you sir, are a fucking genius. Again, excuse my French.

5. Anda pernah mempercayai sesuatu dengan bersungguh-sungguh dan rupa-rupanya perkara itu tidak pernah wujud?
Saya percaya ada sebuah kereta keluaran Mitsubishi terbaru that is soooooo me, and soooo perfect for my character that I want to buy it by hook or by crook. But yesterday as my mum was talking about cars I realised that kereta Mitsubishi impian saya itu tak pernah wujud, dan ia hanyalah sebahagian daripada scene dalam mimpi saya malam sebelum itu. Bugger.

6. Adakah anda berikan nama kepada semua benda?
Saya rasa semua orang memberikan nama kepada sesuatu yang menjadi milik mereka. Laptop pertama saya bergelar Encik Acer (okay, that wasn't so creative. I just put an Encik in front of its brand). Laptop kedua saya bernama Mr. Vie (hey, penjual tu kata Sony VAIO adalah lebih famous dengan international buyers rather than Malaysian). Gitar saya bernama Glenn (Hansard, bukan Fredly). Dan saya menggelar telefon bimbit saya Two-Face (you should see how terrible it looks. I used to call it The Joker before I replace the name to Two-Face because that suits its ugliness even better)

7. Adakah anda mempunyai imaginary friend?
Nope. I don't go that far, although saya mempunyai satu istilah apabila saya tak ada idea untuk menulis. I call it "Encik Magi Pergi Bercuti di Bali."

8. Adakah anda suka mengumpul?
Banyak. Saya mengumpul buku. Saya mengumpul DVD. Saya mempunyai obsession to update my Flixter with movie reviews dan Facebook with crazy ideas (that is how people have two accounts). Saya obsessed dengan maxi (sebab saya tak suka pakai jeans. To tell you the truth, I don't even like clothes. I must have been a nudist in my past life. Hahahahahaha <- mempercayai reincarnation bukan sesuatu yang patut dilakukan oleh seorang Islam. Amaran).

9. Adakah anda rasa anda patut jadi orang lain?
Tidak. With all my misery and my tortured soul, I love being me. I can't be someone else.

10. Anda rasa...
Sigmund Freud is bull. All his theories are bull. Bull bull bull. Come to think of it, Nietzche juga bull, although I agree with his saying that to live is to suffer but to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. It's a bit classic realism with a tinge of counter negativity but hey...

*** I have been busy translating dongeng Indonesia for the TV for the past two weeks and I think some of the scripts are seriously inappropriate. For example;
1. When the good witch was turned into a snake, she asked the boy:
"Temukan saya dengan tongkat sakti saya agar saya boleh kembali menjadi manusia."
and when he found it she says:
"Arahkan tongkat itu ke arah saya."

2. The boy starts his adventure with an old man who wants to join him. Upon being told that the White Giant that can help them is cursed to live inside a rock and the only way for them to break the spell is to pee on the rock, they go in search of the rock. Then they saw this one huge rock and the old man said.
"Lekas tanggalkan celanamu!"
What the?

.............................................Am I corrupted in some way?

Good versus Evil (Sinetron Style)

Di hari yang mulia ini, dan di ketika saya terlalu banyak menterjemah sinetron Indonesia ke tahap yang membimbangkan (emangnya gue ini udah ga bisa diamankan lagi deh), aku nak kongsi pendapat aku tentang watak baik dan watak jahat dalam sinetron (dengan menggunakan contoh beberapa buah sinetron supaya korang lebih jelas lagi).

1. kalau orang jahat dan orang baik mencari orang yang hilang
orang jahat boleh nampak org yg hilang tu sejauh2 alam. tapi kalau orang baik yang mencari, kat depan mata pun tak nampak.
contoh: KEJORA & BINTANG - Janet dah tiga empat kali jumpa Bintang dan tiga empat kali tangkap Bintang. Kejora tak jumpa2 walaupon dah berkali2 ada babak dia hampir berjumpa. Mana taknya, asik menangis dua puluh empat jam. Mana nak jumpa.

2. Kalau orang jahat nak eavesdropping, dia boleh mendengar perbualan org walaupon di belakang tingkap yang tertutup. Tapi kalau orang baik, org tu belakang dinding pon dia tak dgr apa2.
contoh: SAFA DAN MARWAH - Si Atikah kalau nak menghendap, dia boleh duduk kat kantin dan dengar Safa bagitau rahsia dia pada Marwah padahal orang tu duduk depan kelas. Tapi kalau Atikah tengah buat rancangan jahat, si Safa yang tengah berjalan belakang dia boleh tak dengar apa-apa. Orang baik memang pekak eh?

3. Orang jahat boleh bagi alasan sebodoh alam dan org lain percaya. Tapi bila orang baik kena fitnah, walhal punyela baik sepanjang jalan citer, org lain terus tak percaya pada dia.
Contoh: KEJORA & BINTANG - Si Janet punya alasan bila dia tertangkap punyala mengarut, aku rasa macam pompuan ni mesti bengap gila zaman sekolah dulu. Tapi senang je semua orang maafkan. Kejora kena fitnah sekali je walhal selama ni punyela dia trusted, terus nenek Erlangga tak percayakan dia sampai sakit jantung. Amende jelah.

4. Hal ke-3 itu mungkin disebabkan orang jahat ada banyak alasan (tak kisahlah bangang camana pun) sedangkan watak baik cuma pandai cakap "dengar penjelasan aku." tapi watak hero for sure taknak dengar punyelah.
Contoh: SAFA DAN MARWAH - Alasan Atikah sampai sekarang termasuk:
i. Aku yang temui duit itu, Ham. Aku mahu beritahu sama kamu (bila tertangkap bawak duit curi masuk salon)
ii. Aku cuma mahu berbaik dengan Safa tapi dia yang salah faham. (bila tertangkap memburukkan Safa)
iii. Aku lalu di situ sebab rumah aku ada di situ. (bila orang jumpa ID card dia kat tempat Safa jatuh)
Alasan Safa bila buat salah:
i. Tolong..... tolong dengarin aku, kak....
ii. Kak, bukan itu kak. Dengarin aku dong....
iii. Ibu, bukan itu maksud Safa, bu. Dengarin Safa, bu...
Memang sampai bila2 pun tak ada sapa pedulik, lambat sgt nak explain.

5. watak jahat mesti mekap lebih tebal dari orang baik, sebab dia banyak duit. watak baik biasanya tak secantik watak jahat dan disukai sbb dia sopan santun dan tabah hati. Aku tatau part mana yang dia tabah hati tu sebab kalau ikutkan dari mula sampai abis aku asik tengok watak baik menangis je macam celaka. Pergi selesaikan masalah la, menangis buat apa! Asikla tunggu Baim Wong/Dude Harlino/Rionaldho Stockhorst nak selamatkan.

6. Watak jahat mesti jegilkan mata tanpa sebab sementara watak baik mesti nak menangis setiap lima minit tanpa sebab sambil mengucapkan, "Tuhaaaan, aku harus gimanaaaaa???".
Contoh: INTAN - Setiap episod mesti ada babak Intan menangis sambil kata "Tuhaaaan, aku harus ggimanaaaaaa..." begitu juga dengan CAHAYA, SEKAR, LIONTIN........ senang kata semua cerita yang heroin dia Naysilla Mirdad lah.

7. Watak jahat tak pernah ada penyakit berbahaya tapi watak baik mesti masuk hospital paling kurang sekali. Mungkin watak jahat ni kesihatan dia stabil sebab dia sentiasa ketawa tanpa sebab. Ketawa tu kan ubat.
Contoh: SAFA DAN MARWAH - Safa dah pernah masuk hospital sebab patah tangan, pitam, pengsan, kena langgar kereta, melawat orang2 baik lain yang sakit sementara Atikah tak pernah masuk hospital walaupun sekali. Selama2 dia jadi orang jahat, tak ada sesiapa pernah rompak dia pun.

8. Watak jahat mesti pakai lipstik merah menyala dan watak baik pakai lipgloss warna neutral. konon natural beauty la.
Contoh: SEJUTA CINTA MARSHANDA - Mak Delvin versus Mak (sedara) Chacha. I rest my case. That woman looks so much like Yzma from "The Emperor's New Groove", I nearly choke from drinking at looking at her face.

9. Watak jahat suka cakap sendirian sambil posing dan squinting ala Clint Eastwood, manakala watak baik biasanya bercakap seorang diri dengan tersenyum macam angel.
Contoh: BUKAN DIRIKU - Tak kirelah hensem macam mana pun Bertram Antolin, dia asik squint macam orang sakit mata manakala Baim Wong menggunakan suaranya yang Saif Ali Khan-ish untuk bercakap dengan nada lembut sampai hampir 60% kawan2 aku semuanya dah gila dengan Loki.

Drama melayu dan Filipina toksah gelak2 ingat diorang terlepas. Korang pun sama je klise. Selagi ade la cerita dongeng atau kisah nabi yang boleh korang kerjakan, habis korang jadikan drama. Drama Korea pon sama. Tak habis2 watak "gadis comel kuat makan berjiwa tabah yang berjumpa hero tampan yang sombong dan kaya bagai nak rak". Aku dah naik muak tekak.

rajin gila aku habiskan masa buat benda bodoh ni walhal aku banyak kerja eh?