The only way for them to cut my belly is by a sword... (my hospital story Part 1)

Pada asalnya aku tak nak menulis pasal surgery aku. I mean, fine, when it was about my dad, I have no issue writing about him because writing about my dad's CKD and sharing his photos on Instagram tak ubah macam satu terapi untuk aku. In the future, I want to go back and think about it with fondness, and to see all the photos, to see how much we have gone through on the road to his recovery.

When it comes to my own health issues, I would rather keep it to myself.

Tapi bila aku fikir balik, masa aku duk Google pasal treatment aku, aku tak jumpa banyak blog yang cerita pasal benda ni, at least bukan blogs yang ditulis oleh someone in Malaysia, yang boleh aku jadikan rujukan. Kebanyakannya ditulis oleh orang luar, yang dapatkan treatment hospital luar. Jadi aku piker, tak apalah. Let's share this, since whenever my friends sent me texts asking me about it, they all have the same question : How did you detect it? How can I detect it?

So first and foremost, why was I in the hospital? Oh, it was something trivial. It was ovarian cyst. To describe it further, it was a 10-cm ovarian cyst the size of a blood orange (I have thought of other fruits, but I just think that the word "blood orange" is most suitable for it ahahaha).

Let's go back to the start.

For the past few months since late 2018 aku memang ada syak something wrong. I would have this throbbing contracting pain on my lower left side. Sakit tu datang macam dua ke tiga jam, excruciating throbbing pain macam something menolak2 atau mengembang. Tapi masa tu bapak aku asik ulang alik hospital, jadi aku macam malas nak deal dengan penyakit sendiri. Kalau dibuatnya gi doktor dan dia kata kena warded, pening kepala family aku nak ulang alik dari satu hospital ke hospital lain. I would take ENO, lepas tu tidur, dan it would go away.

On 8 February 2019, I started to feel that throbbing excruciating mind-numbing pain again. Aku cuba ENO, tak jalan. Tapi tak berani amik painkiller sebab aku syak it got something to do with my kidneys (bila bapak ko CKD, kau jadi hyper aware dengan kesihatan buah pinggang kau). The same day, kucing aku mengamuk dan gigit tangan aku, dan it went numb. So memang makcik terseksa weh. Perut belah kiri sakit gila, tangan kanan tak boleh genggam. Sepanjang waktu tu duk Google penyakit, walaupun kau tahu jawapan kepada sakit ialah "jumpa doktor". A slew of results came out for "excruciating lower left abdominal pain". There were diverticulitis, appendicitis, batu karang, CKD, ovarian cancer (but of course, all roads to health-related Google will end up to with the C-word).

Sabtu 9 Februari. Sakit tak hilang, so aku pon pergi AVISENA. Bukan sebab aku kaya, tapi sebab tak tertampung sakit ni nak tunggu orang ramai kat hospital kerajaan. Buat urine test, doktor kata okey je. Dia bagi ubat untuk buang angin, tetanus shot for my numbing hand from the cat bite, and antibiotik (itu pun untuk cat bite). Bam, RM210 dia charge. Balik rumah, makin sakit lagi ada la. At 4.30pm, I could no longer hold it, so I asked my sister to take me to AVISENA again. This time to the ER.

Blood test, urine test again. Doktor kata ada blood in urine. The last urine test probably silap sebab diorang tak explain betul2 how it should be done. You actually have to pee a bit, stop, then pee again. The second part baru kumpul. Don't ask me why that is. That's what the doctor told me. Doktor kata suspect batu karang.  Ironiknya, dua minggu sebelum tu, kitorang baru melawat Kakdik, jiran kitorang kat AVISENA yang kena undergo surgery batu karang. Tapi a call with my aunt, who said that she had a cyst and it was the same symptom, made me believe the latter. Truthfully, aku lebih prefer the latter, sebab batu karang is a nuisance.

Went for X-ray dan CT scan. Akak aku uruskan kemasukan wad. I have two takafuls. Prudential and Ikhlas (yes, hidup makcik terseksa nak bayar insuran, tapi at least makcik ada dua insurans. ahahah). Fortunately, with Ikhlas, aku ada medical card, which means that I can just get hospitalised tanpa perlu piker pasal nak bayar macam mana. Amik bilik sorang, RM195 per night (takaful cover), , deposit RM500 . Yang kelakarnya, sebelum ni jiran aku dapat bilik 317. Aku dapat bilik 316. Even kat hospital pon, bilik kitorang berjiran.

My room. Meja untuk makan dah jadi meja untuk laptop sebab takde makna aku nak baring je tak buat kerja

The first night, Dr Jamil from gastroenterology datang. He explained that I have bacteria in my urine and low red blood count. Scan showed inflamed ovaries blocking the view of my bladder. Jap... dalam BM - "ada bakteria dalam air kencing, kurang darah merah, ovari bengkak menyebabkan dia tak nampak pundi kencing dan tak boleh nak decide sama ada batu karang ke bukan batu karang." Jadi kena la buat test lagi sekali dan ada gynae akan datang untuk check about the ovaries.

10 February. Tim dan Nad datang melawat kat hospital. Dinie, who is also my Takaful agent (haha) datang melawat malam tu dan gave me some tips. Dr Norleen from OB/GYN datang check perut, tekan2 tapi tak rasa macam ada something wrong. But she still scheduled me for an appointment on Monday. Dr Jamil datang lagi dan kata aku kena CT scan sekali lagi.
***Katering datang hantar makanan dan menu untuk esok. I was like, cool, a menu. Otak kekonon nak makan apa aje yg ada, tapi tetibe rasa pretentious gila jaga kesihatan dan pilih makanan yang rendah kalori. Hipokrit nakmati.

11 Februari. Pagi tu ultrasound with Dr Norleen in the morning. Katanya cyst in my left ovary 7cm. Let me tell you something. Aku sangat tak suka pergi Gynae clinic as a single woman who is diagnosed with cyst. Pregnant people annoy me with their happiness. One girl was trying to chat with me, and all I could think of was "Oh my God, get away from me you happy woman!" (I was in pain, I was annoyed that I have to take a break from work walaupon aku ni seorang freelancer yg kais pagi makan pagi, aku rimas dengan branula kat tangan. Happy pregnant women are the most annoying thing I could ever see at that moment. I know she wants me to ask her about her pregnancy, but my evil mind was like, "No, I will not give you the satisfaction". It was really mean, I know. It was the painkiller, I tell you. It makes me an evil person (alasan)).

Dr Norleen tanya nak balik rumah bincang dengan family dulu ke nak surgery terus. Bincang? For what? Surgery terus! scheduled for me to have a pelvic CT scan with another doctor. Dr. Thanee, at 12pm. He checked. It was 10cm. And then he laughed about it, so I laughed about it, and feel okay again. I mean, I guess that's all I needed at the time. Someone to make a joke about it. He asked me nak surgery esok ke lusa. Aku nak esoknya, tapi OT penuh, so dapatla Rabu. I was not happy, because it means that I have to stay one more day. He asked nak laparoscopy ke laparatomy. Laparascopic cystectomy bermaksud dia akan tebuk empat lubang around my stomach, dua bahagian untuk masukkan the knifey thingy amendetah (makcik bukan doktor, tak kuasa nak explain), dan untuk masukkan kamera. They will pump in gas, he will cut the cyst sikit for biopsy, and selebihnya dia akan pecahkan, siat keluar daripada ovary, clean everything up, jahit balik, masukkan the remaining cyst inside a plastic and keluarkan. It would take shorter time to heal, boleh keluar hospital in one to two days, but it would cost dalam RM23-25k.

Below is a whole video of how a laparoscopy is done if you're that sort of people - like me - who likes to torture themselves.

Laparotomy is... well, belah perut, keluarkan cyst. The healing time would take a lot, like maybe two weeks more of ward time, dan a month of recovery. But it costs less. Dalam RM10k.

Adakah aku yang kena risaukan berapa harganya sedangkan aku dah beberapa tahun terseksa bayar insuran? Of course not. I let Takaful Ikhlas deal with that. So I said yes, a thousand times yes, to laparoscopy. The only people I would let cut my stomach would be a) a doctor getting a baby out or b) Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as Jaime Lannister slashing my belly with a sword. I would die for Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. I don't mind.

Tim datang melawat lagi lepas habis waktu sekolah. That's how I know I have the best of friends.

Puasa sampai pukul 3 sebab kena buat CT scan lagi sekali. A special one at that - 3D scan yang lebih jelas. This time, kena minum setengah jag oral contrast. Anggapkan oral contrast ni macam sejenis "water colour" untuk warnakan organ2 kau supaya bila doktor tengok, diorang boleh nampak ketidaknormalan isi dalam kau dengan lebih jelas.

Apa rasa oral contrast? Macam lemon-infused water. Satu cawan is fine, tapi setengah jag tu macam satu seksaan. 30 minutes later, masuk bilik for CT scan, diorang shoot lagi oral contrast ke dalam branula (which made my arm all numb and cold). Lepas tu, halfway through the scan, masuk lagi ubat lain plak dalam branula, This time it stings! Dah tu nurse pulak tetiba kata, "Nanti badan akan rasa panas tau. Jangan panik tau."

Hakak, kalau taknak saya panik, janganlah sebut perkataan panik...

Ubat yang masuk kali kedua tu memang buat bahagian dalam badan kau rasa panas, seolah2 organ2 kau dipanaskan dalam microwave. Tgh scan tetiba rasa nak terkencing sangat. Adalah sesungguhnya perasaan nak terkencing while kau atas mesin CT scan itu adalah seksaan sesungguhnya.
Balik ke bilik, bilik penuh dengan sedara mara. Ahahaha. With my grandma, and my paklong and maklong, and makkak, Liliee and her three kiddoes (my beloved nephews Uwais and Uqail and lovely niece Layla). Diorang tengok aku balik ke bilik dengan muka relax, sume cam konpius, "Ni sakit ke tak ni?"

These two weirdos are the light of my life. 

Masa tu memang tak sakit, sebab berapa tan painkiller pulak diorang dah bagi aku. Pills, shots. It was like a rave party in muh body............ that sounds terrible.

Dr Jamil datang sekali lagi, confirmkan yang aku akan undergo surgery Rabu under gynae. Dia kata dia akan confirm balik sama ada aku ada batu karang ke tak. I said "Okey!" dengan penuh riang, and he was like... mengapakah perempuan ini terlalu riang ria nak surgery?

Oh, and my sister was taking care of me the whole time (I mean when she was not at work), even berkampung kat hospital. Partly sebab aku meyakinkan dia yang it would be more peaceful to sleep at the hospital daripada dia duduk rumah menghadap pergaduhan harian mak bapak aku ahahahaha. Kat hospital boleh mandi air panas and boleh pergi beli ice blended coffee kat Gloria Jeans bebila aje nak, atau jalan kaki pergi menyeberang ke Vista Alam untuk makan Cibiuk atau mee goreng mamak. She was influenced. Heck, kalau aku pun aku akan pilih untuk jaga aku daripada duduk rumah. Ahaha.

To be continued....

As Aretha Franklin would put it...

"Respect is earned, not given".

I find that people who keeps using this mantra to be assholes who wants to justify their assholeness.

I read a skewed version of this mantra on someone's comment about proper attire. In an article about certain people who disrespects weddings by attending it wearing their lazy Sunday clothes, someone stated that "respect is earned, not given". What a load of crap. Are you asking that the people, who cordially invited you to eat for free at their house, needs to respect you before you can wear something proper to their event?

I mean, I grew up being taught that you should respect everybody, that respect is only lost when a person does something to lose it. Not the other way around. How do you function the other way around anyway? Are you going to be rude to everybody until you get to know them and realise that they are nice, and THEN start to respect them? That's just bogus.

No, I get what you mean by respect should be earned. But I think the correct way to say it is that you should be respectful to others if you want them to respect you.

Or yet : Courtesy should be given, respect should be earned. Yes. But what is respect anyway? People nowadays actually took the slogan literally and think that they can be assholes to just about anybody, while at the same time think that people should earn their respect.

Here lies the issue with young people nowadays. I know, I am just 32, who am I to talk like some veteran soldier being harassed by teenagers, right? But this slogan seemed to have skewed a lot of people. And anyway, losing one's respect to someone doesn't mean one should be rude to him or her either. That's what differentiate one from a monkey. A monkey whose banana was stolen by someone would retaliate by throwing rocks to said person. An actual man with sound mind would be courteous and find solution to the issue.

But if your solution to someone being disrespectful too you is by cussing them, making fun of them, threatening to kill them, stalking them, and making their life a living hell, you sir, are worse than a monkey.

I quote a comment made by a Facebook user by the name of Balasubramaniyan from an article I read a few days ago, who said (and I paraphrase), "Some people now thinks that they can be disrespectful to people of any race, belief, and culture just because they do not hold the same belief with them. They think that a person should not be angry if they were slighted, if their belief is being mocked by someone, as long as that someone doesn't share the same belief with them. They blame the group as a whole for the mistake of one, but they themselves create a mob mentality in accusing others. They want you to earn their respect, while at the same time, get angry when you disrespect them. Trolls, are what they are."

Nope. Trolls are nicer. They guard bridges. These people on the other hand, burn bridges with their scumbaggery.

Oh, anyway, here's an additional message:

Hikayat Raden Juli Adjeng Monita... in hicolor

Sementelah kehadirannya di situ mewarnai agung pawarna, Raden Juli Adjeng Monita bagaikan tidak bisa percaya tuah yang hadir dalam rona......

....okay, I was just spewing words with no sense... because I'm too lazy to find words for the introduction.

Okay, sebenarnya aku bukan nak letak gambar ni. Aku click gambar lain, tapi komputer aku load lambat, so bila aku click, tetiba gambar ni intercede... aku tau aku boleh remove, tapi oh what the heck... Alang2 iklankan sekali Harry Fear kepada orang. Ini Harry Fear. Do check his website and LIKE his page.

Ha, ini tujuan asal. Ini senarai para penulis BUKU PRIMA yang akan hadir masa Karnival Karangkraf hujung minggu nih. Aku akan ada kat sana pada hari Sabtu dan Ahad jam 2-5 petang. Janga carik awal2 sangat, sebab surely tak ada. Rumah saya dekat, so saya memang bertolak lepas Zohor punye...

Aku nak kata setiap pembelian SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU membolehkan anda mendapatkan token istimewa penulis, tapi masalahnya token istimewa penulis tu sampai hari ni tak jugak sampai2 ke rumah aku walhal janjinya hari Selasa. So takleh nak confirm.

Huh, janji melayu.

SBP: the History, the Memory, the Book

Aku tidak kenal apakah itu teenage angst. Aku tak pernah faham apakah itu "naluri remaja untuk memberontak" atau "YOLO". Aku tak tahu apa yang berlaku di Shah Alam mahupun di Kuala Lumpur pada pengakhiran era 90-an. Sebab aku habiskan lima tahun usia paling penting aku untuk rasa semua pemberontakan dan angsty feelings tu... di sekolah aku (yang tak perlulah aku namakan di sini sebab memang dah selalu pun aku sebut).


Sekolah aku bukanlah sekolah tua, malah it was first open in the 90s. Aku adalah batch ketiga sekolah aku, bayangkan betapa barunya tempat tu. Masa aku masuk, semuanya masih berbau fresh. Tapi sekolah aku, sekalipun baru, letaknya di tanah yang lama, yang dah lihat banyak peristiwa dalam sejarah dan pertempuran. Tanah bekas pelabuhan penyamun dan tanah kelahiran pendekar.

Orang mungkin mengingat sekolah dalam macam-macam cara. Tapi aku mengingat sekolah aku dalam cara yang paling aku tahu. Sekolah aku ajar aku agama, erti persahabatan...

...dan juga cara untuk membiasakan diri dengan kejadian2 aneh. 

Aku dedicatekan kisah2 aneh tu dalam SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU. Adakah aku tak sayangkan sekolah, sebab tu aku bagaikan menakut-nakutkan orang supaya tak tinggal di asrama? Tak. Sebab bagi aku, semua tu pengalaman yang aku tak akan dapat di tempat lain. I mean, those feelings, bila kau pergi toilet pukul 2 pagi sementara orang lain tido, ko tak fikir apa-apa sebab kau tak tahan nak kencing. Tapi as soon as ko lega je, tetiba ko tak paham camna ko boleh memberanikan diri keluar dari bilik dan pergi toilet (yang mana untuk ke sana, ko akan nampak ladang kelapa sawit dan tanah yang luas di belakang asrama). Then bila ko keluar, otak kau asik piker, "Hantu, kalau kau ada, keluarlah sekarang!" sementara bahagian otak lain kata, "Kau gila ke apa, jemput hantu keluar?", so ko jalan laju-laju balik ke bilik tapi ko tak lari sebab lari means ko takut dan benda halus akan kacau orang yang takut.

That is the best feeling in the world. Okay, exaggerate. Tak la best feeling pon, tapi, it's one of those things, you know....

So, aku compile kan semua perasaan tu. Perasaan berkumpul waktu malam dengar cerita hantu kakak senior dalam gelap gelita, perasaan membasuh baju pada waktu tengah malam, perasaan ngeri setiap kali lalu power house sebab otak ko mula membayangkan macam2 benda kat dalam tu, perasaan letih setiap kali air tak ada kat asrama dan ko kena bawak baldi pi mandi kat toilet sekolah, perasaan bila ko dipanggil untuk membantu kawan ko yang kena histeria dan perasaan bila ko nampak sesuatu dan ko tak bersedia nak 'nampak' sesuatu tu.

Aku compile kan juga beberapa urban legend yang aku pernah dengar masa aku di asrama dan yang aku alami sendiri dan yang kawan2 aku alami. Tapi tak semua pengalaman aku masukkan dalam ni. If there is a need to write another book of this kind, then I will write them again. It's important to keep some of the stories, especially the ones you experience yourself, remain intact. Pada awalnya, aku tulis dalam bentuk cadangan filem, tapi the production said that they don't want a story about hostels. They want to produce horror-comedies yang ikut trend - you know, like gabungkan hantu dengan rempit atau hantu dengan gangster. I can't do those things because I hate those things. So aku ubah cadangan filem tu ke bentuk novel - the only way I know how dan Alhamdulillah, editor2 di Unit TeenPrima (Kak Siti, Pn Ecah, Nine, Shida, Pooja,... including En. Ali & Kak Sri) sangat supportive untuk publish it. And the cover designer and illustrator pun sangat rajin untuk hasilkan artwork yang aku sendiri tak boleh nak pikerkan, so kudos to them too...

Of course sesetengah cerita tu aku tambah2 sikit, sebab kalau ko nak buat cerita yang memang stay truthful to the feelings, memang tak menakutkan - itulah masalah dengan buku. It doesn't have a voice except your own, and that feeling can only be conjured up through a good reading and story-telling.

Dalam SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU, aku dedicate-kan kisah2 yang aku enjoy ceritakan pada orang lain ever since aku tinggalkan sekolah. Bila adik2 sedara aku mintak diceritakan cerita hantu asrama, kisah2 ni yang aku keluarkan. Dan sekarang aku nak keluarkan kisah2 yang aku dengar first hand dan aku alami sendiri ni dalam bentuk yang boleh dibaca oleh semua orang.

SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU merupakan kisah tiga orang pelajar junior yang dihimpunkan oleh dua pelajar senior dan dipaksa mendengar cerita2 hantu sekolah mereka. Ada lima kisah semuanya, dan sebuah kisah bonus. Setiap kisah penting bagi lima insan tersebut. Lima kisah ini juga penting bagi aku (sekalipun salah satu daripadanya hanyalah rekaan semata2 untuk menjadikan novel ini satu koleksi lengkap dan ada kesinambungan kepada semua watak2 utamanya).

Aku banyak guna nama2 yang korang boleh jumpa di Facebook aku, sebab kebanyakan nama2 tu adalah nama2 alumni sekolah aku (meskipun aku letak merata2 je, dan tak semestinya mereka2 tu yg mengalami kisah2 ni), macam Dinie, Kak Umie, Deqnor, Asyran, Pailang dan Cikgu Zul.

SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU mungkin bukan kisah Roul atau Apis Milo, atau kisah cinta sarkastik yang biasa aku buat, tapi inilah novel yang aku impikan, who I really am inside (horror story lover who writes love stories), and an experience that I love to tell... Aku tau ada sesetengah pembaca macam agak kecewa sebab the first book after setahun setengah aku in hiatus bukan AKN2 atau some other rom-com novels. Saya mintak maaf banyak2. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, I also want to make a journey in other genres that I have passion for. Itu sebablah senarai buku Neil Gaiman dan Stephen King aku lebih banyak daripada Cecilia Ahern. Ahahahahaha. Tapi jangan risau, masih ada novel dewasa yang akan keluar tak lama lagi. Meanwhile, enjoy SBP!!

P.S: SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU akan keluar 1 Februari, tapi boleh dibeli pre-order melalui ejen saya, Abang Long di Arrazi Network. 50 pembelian pertama akan mendapat tandatangan/ucapan saya (kalau korang nak la, tanak pun takpe) dan token istimewa yang saya sendiri mintak Mun design-kan (bukan sendiri design, mintak Mun design. Mun la design baju aku, Mun yang buatkan stroberi coklat yang aku jadikan token masa musim VALENTINA NERVOSA dulu... sampaikan nak buat token untuk buku ni pun, Mun jugak. Aku harap usaha aku mempergunakan persahabatan aku ini akan membawa keuntungan kepadanya di kemudian hari. ahahahaha).

Saya juga akan menghadiri KARNIVAL KARANGKRAF pada 2 Februari ini bersama Kak Syikin Zainal dan Ebriza Aminudin, dan menyibuk juga pada 3 Februari bersama Zara Amani dan Liza Nur. SEE YOU THERE!

Things I Like Part 4

Maafkan aku sebab asik update blog dengan benda2 ni. Selain daripada aku tidak punya idea untuk menulis tentang hal lain (yang berkemungkinan disebabkan aku tak ada life masa), malas pun ada jugak... which is really ironic, sebab setiap kali aku kata aku novelis, mesti yang akan kata, "Rajinnya nak menulis sampai 500 page..."

Kalau aku rajin, aku kerja pejabat atau bukak bisnes jual tudung Fareeda/Premium Beautiful/kedua-duanya sekali. Sebab aku malas la aku jadi novelis. Bukan malas nak buat kerja, more like malas buat kerja ikut timing orang lain. Jadi novelis ikut timing aku je.

Anyways.... favourite stuff on the internet part four. Aku cuba berjanji untuk tak buat lagi next time ("cuba berjanji" tau, bukan "berjanji").

Oh, memang sangat annoying. I mean, kalau sekarang ni ada dua jenis muzik yang buat aku sangat-sangat rimas. 1. Jingle bells, 2. Gangnam Style. Somehow, kalau ada popup ad yang keluar (sekalipun Google selalu kata diorang block popup ads, that's not entirely true), mesti dua lagu ni. The Christmas song somehow adalah one of those iklan "Tahniah, anda berjaya menang whatever" and that Gangnam Style tu just.... I don;t really know what it is. Aku terlampau annoyed that I just remove it without even checking. Don't get me wrong. Masa GS keluar, I kinda like that song. What annoys me is that four months after that, people still think it's a fun thing to do in award shows. It's not. 

Aku takleh mewakili semua penulis, tapi masa tengok SHERLOCK and sampai ke babak ni, aku gelak guling-guling. The scene was, Sherlock halau semua orang dalam lab sebab dia nak berfikir dengan lebih mendalam, which means, search inside his brain like some kind of database... or in Sherlock's term, "Mind Palace". Kenapa aku gelak? Sebab "Mind Palace" is not something only Sherlock does. As a writer, sometimes I do that too. I kinda push everything away, and then start to link stuff that is already inside my head. People think when I do that, it means aku "berangan", which is not. I am storing and checking the inventories in my brain. I mean, you can't really berangan about the link between the word "Anne Boleyn" to "Kedai Farmasi Watson".

(*How you link Boleyn to Kedai Farmasi Watson? -> Answer: Anne Boleyn was the King Henry VIII's second wife. Boleyn somehow sounds like Bolero. Is that a song by Chayanne? Nope, that's "Torero". A latin song, like Shakira's. She can really shake, and Beyonce is nothing compared to her. Beyonce sings "Single Ladies"... apa liriknya? "If you like it then you shudda put a ring on it"... Ring... the best would be diamond from Winston's. The same name dengan Sherlock's sidekick. Nope, that's Watson, like Kedai Farmasi Watson.")

If only I can say this to some people. I really don't hate you. I just think you always have the bad luck of saying something to me masa aku bad mood. 

Every day.

Masa baca benda ni kat FB, aku teringat lecturer aku, Dr. Marcinkowski. He once told me the story of Columbus. It's true - they were looking for India. Or more correctly, they wanted to get spices (which is of course one of the reasons of their occupation in several places), and they know India ada banyak spices. However, Columbus tersilap arah and found America instead. Tapi dia sangka dia dah sampai India and the place IS India. Masa kat sana, they saw tanned tribal men. They thought these people were Indians, but they were covered with tribal paint, which is red (in other stories, their tanned bodie/hairs nampak perang instead of gelap, which to them looks red).

And that's how the name RED INDIAN came to be and why Native Americans are called exactly that.

Now, don't quote me for it. This is like "legend has it that..." rather than "This is fact..."

Yeah...... and pernah tak anda hampir disaman disebabkan sarcasm anda? I have. Sounds like a cool shit, but it's not. Not unless you're Sultan Brunei. 

Ahahahahaha.

Memang sebenarnya ini yang aku dengar the first time Alicia Keys nyanyi korus lagu NEW YORK tu.

This is my wallpaper. I just want to share it with you.

It's David Mitchell as Mark Corrigan in PEEP SHOW, which is the funniest most uncomfortable experience I have ever watched. It's the type of funny where you go, "Oh, oh jangan buat camtu. Jangan. Tolonglah jangan.." but the character would of course do it, and you'll be like.... haih. And it also felt really close to my heart because there are things that Mark think or did yang sebenarnya truly apa aku sendiri pernah fikir dan buat - the awkwardness in social setting, the faking confidence in front of people, the constant thinking about people's ideas about you and takut being misunderstood. 

I adore Liz Lemon. In one way or another, she is my idol. Yes, adakalanya she's genius bordering to lunatic, but the things that came out of her mouth adalah sangat clever that it makes you wish you have that kind of thinking. There was a time that I was so obsessed with Liz Lemon's character, aku tersedar yang I had her hairdo, my wardrobe dipenuhi t-shirt belang2 and I kept using her catchphrases. What the whakk...

Nope. Actually you just have to be a fan of Richard Ayoade if not IT CROWD/Moss to know Tnetennba. Or, if you just watch this clip...

Is there a fan of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT out there, who like me, feels that they are so dumb to cancel this show but reality TV shit is all over the network? I love shows like WONDERFALLS, 30 ROCK, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT... they're really funny in not that obvious kind of way. But somehow, people don;t like meta-humour that much. They like things yang tak perlukan diorang memiliki asas pengetahuan umum untuk faham. So, we get shit like 2 BROKE GIRLS, but great shows like these kena chop off. I mean, even 30 Rock pun dah masuk last season cuz ratings weren't that great.

Oh anyway, this girl, (actress Alia Shawkat) is the daughter of Tobias and Lindsay in the show. And her name is Maeby. Now, dah faham dah lawak meme ni? 

Things I Like Part 3

Yay, it's time for THINGS I LIKE PART 3!!! (Is it Part 3? Or Part 4? I can't remember).

Aku terbaca comic strip ni dalam newsfeed, someone tagged my reader. Kadang-kadang kebaikan accepting a lot of people in FB is seeing things on your newsfeed. Ada yang bangang (macam orang yang amik gambar selaput keputihan untuk buktikan keberkesanan jamu diorang.... stop it. You're not a health clinic. They are the only ones who are permitted to show anything vagina related). This is of course, a commentary on the Israel-Gaza/Palestine conflict.

They should also make a poster on We need to teach our SONS that it doesn't matter how hard you try, some women are just not worth your time. So stop wasting your parents money on gifts to her.

You will only understand this if you're a fan of 30 ROCK. This is Liz Lemon's Points System for her boyfriend Criss (last name Cross). Cracks me up all the time.

True that! In Malaysia, the many reasons for people needing bantuan AKPK adalah kerana hutang kereta. Tapi the actual meaning of this poster is that, negara yang maju mempunyai perancangan bandar yang baik, perkhidmatan awam yang berteknologi (yg also affordable) dan penduduknya tidak perlu bekerja jauh disebabkan tidak mampu beli rumah berdekatan dengan tempat kerja mereka. 

This what started my annoyance towards people's undying obsession with Gangnam Style and the fact that people kept trying to be funny on 9Gag. Kids now think that they don't have to study and just try humour. Kids, a piece of advice. Comedy is not for everyone. 

Suddenly aku teringat tentang something yang unrelatable. I read this one famous girl blogger's writing, yang kata kita tak patut bandingkan negara kita dengan negara maju sebab diorang bayar cukai lebih banyak. Are you that dumb, kiddo? You think taxes is the only source of a state's revenue? Haven't you heard the unwritten rule that if you can't raise the tax, raise other things? Finish your studies first, then you can write dumb opinions.

This is actually what I do... especially kat Seoul Garden. Why especially Seoul Garden? Sebab we add more plates and bowls to our table and usually make a hell of a mess with our made-up recipes and experiments. I think if we try these small things, in another part of our life, someone else will ease our life too.
(*maafkan jela ejaan restaurant yang salah tu. Not a big deal.*)

Their actual sin is of creating obesity

In questioning sama ada aku boukot McD atau tak... here is my answer to an FB status of a friend of mine.

Aku rasa kesilapan org ialah memahami benda tu sebagai isu halal dan haram instead of understanding that boycotting the product is more of a socio-political stand towards the issue. Not using a product is an economic boycott, not unlike demonstrasi, (atau suatu masa dulu boikot dengan berlapar depan kedutaan). Boycotting something is part n parcel of making a statement towards certain political authority or multinational corporations yg bukan je khusus untuk org Islam atau org Melayu je, but to anybody yg nak make a stand on something (like those people in Wales yg buat demo depan TESCO or the guys in McD UK). 

Masalahnya, again, kita sbg org Melayu selalu salah concept sebab kita nampak the atrocity occurred towards Muslims. Ada yg terlebih2 sgt sampai mengharamkan benda tu. Ada pulak yg memperlekehkan usaha org lain.

Senang kata, in the end, we shud all do our part in our own way, not belittling people yang nak berjuang dgn cara sendiri and at the same time, tak menghina org lain yg tak follow cara perjuangan diorang.

In the end, ada org nak boikot, ada org taknak. Org yg boikot, takyah menghina org yg taknak, org yg taknak, toksah memperkotak-katikkan usaha org yg nak.

Bak kata Rabiey, (aku conclude) : it's more towards YOUR OWN stand. YOUR OWN principle towards this atrocity towards HUMANITY.

Ya, banyak sangat company kalau ko nak crush, tapi a) you have to realise beza Zionists and Jews, b) you have to really really know what company is contributing. Pada aku keberkesanan memboikot ni lebih kepada sending a message that if you could crush other people's country, I can crush your economy. But then again, kita pun ada spesis overly optimistic and sangat eager sampai lupa nak jaga santun kita dalam usaha nak memboikot, ada pulak pesimistik sampai rasa sume ni pointless.

As for me, I do what I can with the thought : Kalau negara aku kena serang, apa perasaan aku menengok orang lain bergaduh2 tanpa sebab, makin bertelagah sampai jadi dua faction tapi tak membantu apa2 dalam perjuangan langsung. Aku boikot McD tak? Aku memang dah dua bulan boikot McD for personal reasons (hipster Shai), so this is like a continual to my personal boycott against their saturated oily fatness. Lagipun ramai pilih McD ni sebab McD ni senang nak diboikot. Tak jual makanan yang menyihatkan dan seriously, bukannya mati pun kalau tak makan McD. Ahahahaha. Adakah aku boikot benda lain? Kalau aku mampu, insyaa Allah. Adakah aku rasa orang lain yang tak boikot tu lemah? I don't even know what else they did, how can I judge them? Maybe diorang tak boycott barangan Israel tapi diorang belanjakan duit yg sangat banyak untuk didermakan atau diorang habiskan sepanjang malam berdoa dan buat solat hajat untuk kesejahteraan org Palestin... God knows best. I am no judge of people's character.

Cuma kadang2 ada sesetengh orang tu aku kritik jugak, tapi sebab aku paham perangai diorang camna. Like this one dude, yang asik mengomel itu ini, bukan pasal is Palestin ni je tapi pasal sume bende (spesis yg marah orang Bersih buat demo sebab buat jalan jem tapi bila gomen naikkan harga barang pun dia marah jugak, dia kritik sume bende yg wujud di muka bumi and harap org lain untuk buat sth tanpa dia perlu buat apa2). Tapi itu kritikan aku pada dia as a person yg aku kenal perangai dan tingkah lakunya n mmg aku anoyed sejak dulu, bukan to the whole community of people with different views.

Pesan Imam Ghazali, (this is a paraphrase, dun use this sentence and please find the actual wording) ada dua jenis manusia yang akan menghancurkan agamanya. Satu, yang memang berniat untuk menghancurkan agamanya, dan kedua, yang terlalu ekstrim dalam berdakwah sampai menjauhkan orang lain dari agamanya.

Let's do our part, let's not condemn others. Yay!

**Putting Gaza issue aside, sedar tak apa masalah sebenarnya kita ni? Bukan masalah boikot ke ape ke... tapi more like, ekonomi orang Islam ni sangat suck, sampaikan bila masa nak boycott, susah sangat nak buat. So marilah kita bersama2 membangunkan ekonomi orang Islam. Hayya hayya ya rijal!

That VP cause I urge you to join...

First thing first. look at the picture below. Ask yourself, "Have I?" If your answer is "No", you still have a few days to do so. Not compulsory though, but would appreciate it if it is passed around. It is one of the causes that I believed in... not that I don't believe in any causes, just... VP sentiasa inform you what they did with the donation they get, through email. And usually they do tremendous jobs. I mean, I don't believe in those "Berhibur sambil beramal" or "Charity Events", those things where the event itself makan banyak duit yang tak perlu dibazirkan.

By the way, Seff inform me on Facebook yang dia baru tengok last year's SAFIYYA feature (yang ada aku dan Damya Hanna) kat TV Suria Singapore.

That's like being told, "Remember that time when you don't have fashion sense (as if I do now) and bloaty face, and you went on TV and you blurt out words like crazy, regret it and hoped that it will never be seen again? Yeah, it's in Singapore now."

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ha... ha...

Sigh.

Pretty Ugly

Dah lama aku tak dengar isu cantik atau tak sebab dah lama aku bolayan subjek tu. But two days ago, member aku tanya pasal isu tu.

Isu apa?
If the world rate you on your looks.

To some extent, yes. Because as much as pretty people hate it when we said, "Kau cantik, senang dapat apa-apa," it still is true. Aku dah selalu berada di keliling ramai pompuan cantik dan tengok lelaki buat keje2 bangang untuk tarik perhatian diorang. Ada sorang tu siap tak belajar dan serenade member aku dengan gitar thru phone walhal esok ada exam penting, tak ke bangang?

But suatu masa dulu, sebagai perempuan biasa yang tak membuatkan orang lelaki menoleh untuk kali kedua bila ternampak aku, mungkin aku mudah terkesan bila dibanding-bandingkan dengan kawan yang lebih cantik. Itu dulu. Sekarang ni, it doesn't matter to me. Being a writer really made the difference sebab kalau kau cantik macam angel tapi tulisan kau crap, kau masih dianggap writer yang crap. Kalau kau engineer yang cantik, mungkin engineer lain masih layankan kau walaupun kau crap. Kalau kau cikgu yang cantik, bebudak lelaki masih suka nak ngorat2 kau walaupun ko ajar entah apa-apa. Tapi kau tetap tak boleh menjadi penulis kalau kau tak ada bakat. Sebab buku tak menipu. Buku tak visualise wajah kau tapi apa yang kau fikir.

But anyway. Aku ada sebuah kisah yang berlaku masa aku di sekolah menengah dulu. Kisah ni aku jadikan aku punya "Text book sedar diri". Sebab setiap kali aku cam terasa nak berlagak atau memperkotak-katikkan orang lain, atau perasan diri "the great writer" and all that shit, aku akan ingat semula apa yang berlaku kat sekolah menengah dulu untuk sedar diri. Aku ingat dulu, ada orang beritahu aku yang Allahyarham Ustaz Asri RABBANI pernah kata setiap kali dia rasa proud atau berlagak, dia akan cuci toilet - reminding himself yang sehebat mana pun dia, dia masih kena cuci taik sendiri (sth like that la, aku paraphrasing je ni).

Ini kira aku punya version of cuci toilet.

Masa aku tingkatan empat, (or senang kata masa aku sekolah menengah), aku budak perempuan yang tak ada apa-apa. Kurus kedengking tahap papan, kulit gelap yang dienhance kegelapannya disebabkan selalu kena berjemur, sarkastik, dan mempunyai sense of fashion yang sungguhla tepape (tudung keras, selekup tebal, baju gedebeh, seluar gedebeh, kasut second hand). Aku bukan macam Pa'ah yang cute, ramah dan likeable. Aku bukan macam Ismah yang cantik. Aku bukan macam Masitah yang have that boyish charm. Aku cukup skema untuk ikut peraturan dan enjoy being the wallflower yang tak ada sesiapa nampak atau peduli bila diorang lalu.

Anyway, penerangan kat atas ni tak membawa kepada kisah dramatik apa pun untuk cerita yang seterusnya. Aku cuma nak kata, aku sedar aku bukan sesiapa. Aku dah accept sejak usia tu lagi yang aku tak akan jadi someone yang diingati kerana rupanya. Tapi it's different when we realise it ourselves, than having people tell it to us. So aku agak terkejut that particular day. Aku tengah on the way nak pergi kantin. Masa tu waktu co-cu. I just got a new pair of shoes dari makcik aku, berwarna coklat. Cantik. Import dari US. Tengah berjalan ke kantin tu tetiba ada budak laki sorang ni yang cakap,

"Cantik kasut."
Aku senyum jela. Aku tak tau nama budak tu. Tapi aku tahu dia budak junior form three.
Then dia sambung.
"Sayangnya, tuan empunya kasut pulak buruk."

Macam PANGGGG satu kat muka. Sapa mangkuk sial ni, yang aku tak tahu pun namanya, tetibe je buat statement maha dahsyat, the cruellest thing you can ever say to a girl. I mean, even pada waktu di mana aku sedar aku memang bukan minah yang cantik pon, that hurts. Masa tu rasa macam nak menangis kot.

And then masuk UIA pulak, menggemuk dengan jayanya sampai orang kata "Shai, gemuknya kau!" Pastu berkawan baik pulak dengan Iza dan Chaq yang memang jadi rebutan ramai. Kalau nak kira penurunan self-esteem ikut statistik, memang dah menjunam tembus melebihi graf horizontal.

But that was then. This is now. Sekarang bila teringat semula, aku rasa bagus jugak ada orang tak berperi kemanusiaan cakap macam tu kat aku. At least, statement tu TAK menjadikan aku spesis wanita yang rasa terover best sangat bila dipikat. Statement tu jugak aku jadikan the official statement that makes Shai sedar diri. I mean, kadang-kadang bila rasa terlebih bangga bila orang puji hasil kerja aku, atau excited bila orang puji gamba yang sebenarnya dienhance sikit oleh mekap (dengan the right mekap, keldai juga boleh jadi Miss World), aku cuma perlu ingat bahawasanya aku adalah that girl - the girl yang suatu masa dulu kasutnya lebih cantik dari mukanya. Ahahaha.

What I'm saying right now is, Tuhan tak jadikan orang tu untuk diukur dari sudut rupa parasnya. "Allah tu indah dan suka yang indah" tak refer to rupa paras orang. Cantik padaNya means akhlak, budi, iman, taqwa seseorang tu. Kalau orang tu solatnya cukup, tutur katanya lemah lembut, tak menilai orang lain, sedar kekurangan diri, tak sarcastic (sbb tu aku blom bleh masuk list ni. hahaha), cuba menjadi manusia yang terbaik, itulah yang paling indah. Kalau ada sepuluh orang lelaki kejar kau tapi Allah tak pandang kau sikit pun, apa pun tak guna.

So to all of my friends, adik2 yang rasa low self-esteem sebab rupa paras, ingatlah seperti yang dikatakan oleh Encik Saharil of saharil.com, "Jenazah perempuan cantik yang dikafankan dan dilihat dari jauh, nampak macam ulat." Jenazah pompuan tak cantik pun akan nampak macam ulat. Semua jenazah yang dikafankan dari jauh nampak macam ulat regardless dulu ko Miss Universe atau Betty La Fea pre-makeover. A time will come when looks tak memainkan peranan apa-apa pun dalam kehidupan anda. So, jangan salahkan fortune orang yang cantik atau kutuk diorang sebab diorang cantik. Ff you're not pretty, be happy, be proud and find your skill, find the thing that will increase your confidence and make you feel beautiful. I've found mine.

Of course, memang added bonus la kalau ko cantik. But don't make it your only virtue.

Things I Like, Part 2

Perasan tak, I kept making etries with the word "Part 1" tapi tak muncul2 "Part 2"? Ha, kali ini aku memunculikan inyenye (bak kata Ah Cai).

I went to SHS' website whenever I feel bored. Banyak interesting thing there. Tapi this one yang paling attract attention aku. Interprete la sesuka hati korang ttg gambarajah berikut (gambarajah?), aku ada interpretation sendiri. Cukup.

"Mak, mak! Apa duit kertas buat dalam gambar ni?"

Agak terasa kena kat batang hidung jugak sebab arituh tak jumpa parking untuk masuk masjid untuk terawikh, aku dengan member2 pegi shopping kat Alam Sentral. In my defense, takde diskaun arituh. Kitorang just pegi sebab masjid penuh. Macam agak bengong jugak. Tapi itu jela sekali kebengongan tu.

Ahaha aku tatau la sape yang emosi sangat buat mende nih. Tapi aku memang tak setuju boleh bawak henpon pi sekolah. Baaaaanyak cantik. Here's an idea. A yellow boxy steel thing yang makan duit kau, dan susah nak jolok amik duit baki. Namanya "phone booth awal tahun 90-an."

Ahahaha memang kelakar. I'm not sure that screen cap dari filem apa. Padaiyappa I suppose kalau ada Vadivelu there. But then again, Vadivelu is everywhere! Aha.

Lawak loghat Negeri. Always funny in my book.

Aku bukan suka benda ni. Aku rasa ayat ni cheesy. Aku cuma letak sini untuk point out kesilapan translation ("Translating Nazi" in the hauuuus). In english, it's something like, friends are like seesaws, when they're not there, I'm down atau when I'm down, they will jump on the other seat and you're up again... something like that. "Down" in this sense bukan "bawah" tapi "rasa sedih" atau "rasa murung" atau "rasa kekosongan". Don't translate it if you can't and this is not the kind of wordplay you can do both in malay dan english. Dah la salah translate, takde maksud plak tu and it's all over the place on FB. It annoys the shit out of me. 

Happens all the time.

Yup. They do. This, my friend is the art of paraprosdokia. Seni penulisan kreatif/humor yang aku paling suka dalam dunia dan I wish to master it, like the masters, such as comedian Jay London and Jimmy Carr. Google it if you don't know. Aku malas nak explain.

Walaupun dari 9Gag (and maybe actually from 4chan or entah mana lagi), I actually saw this on Nad punya FB. Aku tengah makan biskut raya masa baca ni. Terus tersembur. I'm a beautiful monkey, yo! Sing the beautiful monkey song! U-u... A-a-a...!

Aku tak ingat sangat apa maksudnya, tapi something like alangkah sedihnya bila orang lain sibuk membuat keajaiban, tapi kita sibuk mencari keajaiban di atas telur dan tembikai. 

Memang sangat betul sebab inilah dilema orang Islam zaman sekarang. Kita terus banggakan zaman kegemilangan dulu, kita asyik sibuk sebar tentang konspirasi tanpa berbuat apa-apa dan kita sibuk highlight-kan penemuan2 miracle. Tak salah, tapi agak memalukan bila orang lain bergerak ke depan dgn all the gadgetry, all the state of the art things, meanwhile, kita masih lamenting on the days of old, the days of Ibnu Sina dan Ibnu Rusyd. Ini cam peringatan untuk aku jugak. 

I have been thinking about this for quite a while, sebab memang sesetengah fesyen tudung tu (aku pun penah buat) memang menyerupai rambut, atau memberikan bayangan rambut. Aku tak kata salah untuk bergaya, tapi kalau dah sampai tahap tudung yang buat orang lain mengumpat tu (turban la bagai siap ada tiara kat belah atas dan berjumbai2 kat dahi), memang sah2 la salah. Bukan nak mengharamkan itu dan ini, cuma berpatut2 la sikit dalam apa pun. Meh saling mengingat!

I think I'm a dork more than anything. I'm a Dorky McDorkerson!

That raya entry before balik kampung

Maafkan aku.

Hari ni aku check extreme tracking aku dan mendapati:

Setiap kali aku mendapati orang carik buku aku yang latest, aku rasa sangat bersalah sebab tak ada buku latest. But sekali lagi diingatkan, bukannya aku tak tulis apa-apa tahun ni. Ada. Tapi editor kitorang tak ramai, penulis sangat ramai, manuskrip sangat banyak, dan last time aku tengok worklist editor aku, diorang dah full sampai akhir tahun. Itu worklist editing ye, bukan jadual publishing.

So... maafkan aku atas masalah-masalah teknikal yang tak dapat aku selesaikan.

Aku balik raya esok. Aku tak perasan apa yang dah berlaku dalam dunia sepanjang minggu ni sebab aku sibuk top up kerja. Nak kata "aku sibuk top up ibadat" macam sangat over the top je. Maklumlah, berbeza dengan orang kerja opis, bila aku tak kerja aku tak dapat duit. Sistem kais pagi makan pagi la katakan. Haha.

Right now tengah busy trying to finish AKN2. Sebenarnya nove lagi satu tu dah nak siap, tapi upon editing aku rasa cam, "THIS IS SHIT!!!"... so aku tinggalkan buat sementara dan siapkan AKN2. I will tweak the other one later on... if I feel like it. The worst would be leaving it until next year or next next year. Dalam otak aku ada ratusan plot cerita, tapi tak ada satu pon yang membolehkan aku tulis sebanyak 500 mukasurat  over. I think I should make a novella, like Stephen King's "Secret Window Secret Garden"... empat cerita dalam satu and those kind of things. I think I work better when I am not stressed down by the number of pages I have to work on.

But anyways... aku mintak maaf sebab tak dapat tunaikan hajat nak buat kad sendiri lagi tahun ni dan tak berkesempatan nak even create a Facebook banner or a blog bunting untuk mengucapkan selamat hari raya kepada semua readers yang sangat mengebest. Aku rasa sangat malu sebab masih menggunakan ucapan yang dibuat pada tahun 2010 ini untuk wish my readers SELAMAT HARI RAYA.

I know it's cliche, but still... maafkan semua silap dan salah. Bukan sebab kena sambut raya jadi kena mintak maaf, tapi sebab kita tak tahu apa yang berlaku dalam perjalanan kita balik ke kampung atau apa yang akan berlaku sepanjang musim perayaan. Jadi maafkan aku kalau ada tersilap kata, termenggunakan perkataan shit lebih dari jumlah yang sepatutnya digunakan oleh seorang wanita, gelak berlebihan dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Love you guys. See you next week, insya-Allah!

Things I like. Part 1.

Memes, motivational posters, words of wisdom, pretentious words of wisdom.

It seems that FB sekarang dipenuhi dengan semua tu. Some are inspirational, while others are just plain ridiculous. However, I have this "hobby", you might call it, where I save the ones that I love or I like. And Imma share it with you. Why? Because I have to keep this blog active or nuffnang ain't givin me any ads.

To some of you, it is just a simple message that "Looks deceives". For me, it's like a life motto. One day when I own a house, this will be hanged in my library in a beautiful silver frame.

Because if you wanna work freelance, this is the correct formula. I vouch for it.

I think the person who made this is the coolest person on earth. Rather than a long explanation of things inside a book, the picture conclude altogether the things you have to do in Hajj. And for someone who has never been there, like yours truly, this picture tells it all.

I made this as my wallpaper just so I can remember it. I mean, Copy paste mende nih dan jadikan wallpaper laptop... 

Kali pertama aku baca, aku gelak. Sebab aku jumpa mende ni kat 9Gag pada waktu aku betul-betul decide to let bygones be bygones and let all the shitheads in my life just go on living their life. If they want to disturb mine, let them. Disturbin mine, means theirs sucks. And I dun give a. Although mentioning it now seems a bit spiteful, ainnit? ahaha

True yo.

To others, this is King dissing TWILIGHT. To me, it is King telling people the difference between starting a trend and following trends.

Right on. And that is why sometimes certain people's ideas on Facebook about governance makes you go, "Really? Five years tertiary education, a semester on critical thinking and this is your take?"

I laughed not because it's funny. But because, sad to say, this is not just "Asians according to Americans". I mean, ignorance is a global pandemic. In high school, some of my peers thought that  Canada is in Europe. Pre-millenium facepalm!

I no longer need this on my wallpaper since it is already embedded in my head. Which is good, sebab sekarang aku boleh beritahu orang, putting this as your laptop's wallpaper memang sangat berkesan. You're not gonna forget it.

Again, aku sangat berterima kasih kepada orang yang buat benda ni sebab aku selalu confuse dengan tanda berhenti ni semua. Aku tak sure sama ada subjek PAQ dulu tak ajar benda ni, atau ko kena masuk kelas KAQ dengan Ustaz Ghazali untuk belajar benda ni, ataupun memang ada dalam chapter PAQ tapi aku tido. Everybody sleeps in my school.

A bit spiteful, but it made my day anyway. Hahaha.

Again, only plain janes that have to listen to their pretty friends' (or frienemies') same-topic whine would understand this. But girls do it all the time - talking about some guy's compliments continuously, I mean. I think I may have done it on one occasion, although I doubt it, since 80% of the men I knew usually treats me  like I'm some kind of sarcasm machine, spewing ironic sentences for their enjoyment. Last time aircond aku rosak, you would think they would help you, kan? Nope. Diorang gelak and say "Campak jela dalam longkang." Those assholes.

This is partly because the pic is pretty and because it kinda answers my question about my constant waking up in the middle of the night.

This is the truest shit I ever found on the net. I can't say which one is truer, because everything above memang betul.

Cik Fad tag aku pada gambar ni. Aku try jadikan wallpaper, tapi seriously, no avengers can make me write when I dun feel like it.

Adakah ini memang kata2 hikmat Salahudin Al-Ayubi? Aku malas nak research betul2. Nowadays orang ramai sangat buat benda ni sampaikan ada masanya diorang main letak je apa diorang jumpa kat internet tu, sampaikan hadis dhaif pun sampaikan kat orang. Bahaya betul. Tapi kalau yang ni tak kisahlah betul atau tak... the important thing is apa yang disampaikan.

Yes. Thank you. Somebody has the guts to give golongan ini nama yang sesuai. Mintak nasihat tu satu hal. Tak nak ikut tu satu hal la, sebab decision kau adalah decision kau. Cumanya, bila kau dah pilih decision kau tu dan it turns out to be the wrong one, toksah datang balik kat aku dan mintak nasihat percuma dari aku cara untuk betulkan balik. Didn't I tell you NOT TO in the first place?