SA1235am

syaitan itu adalah
hasutan
rasa tidak sabar
kemarahan
curiga
kebencian
perli-memerli
kutukan belakang-belakang
pujian depan-depan
gah dengan harta
menjadikan diri mangsa keadaan
meminta simpati yang berlebihan
tidak memahami
tidak menjelaskan
terlalu banyak yang diharamkan
terlalu banyak juga yang dihalalkan

syaitan itu
adalah yang memiliki semuanya
dan bangga memilikinya
"Aku saja yang jahat,
jangan dekat"
"Dia budak baik,
tapi aku cemarkan dengan aktiviti yang sia-sia"

syaitan itu
adalah aku yang tidak dapat mengubah apa-apa maka membiarkan semuanya dan memilih untuk duduk di atas pagar dan meraikan kejahilan sendiri kerana menganggap usaha itu hanya patut dilakukan oleh orang yang mulia tanpa ingin diri sendiri menjadi sebahagian daripadanya.

Shah Alam
12.35am

If my life was a musical (tajuk tak actually menunjukkan isi kandungan sebenar)

Aku suka musical. If only the world is like a musical, where you sometimes burst into a song and dance while  you change your clothes, I would be perfectly happy.

*Nurul Syahida sebenarnya kadang2 burst into a song whenever she likes and dance while changing her clothes, so, that's not really an "if only" thing for her...*

Tapi tak semua musical drama aku suka tengok. Aku tak berminat dengan FOOTLOOSE atau WEST SIDE STORY atau HAIRSPRAY... in short, anything that reminds me of John Travolta. I like musicals for the fact that you are blending music with acting, and suddenly songs that doesn't make sense, makes more sense.

Having said that, I hate GLEE. I used to love GLEE, but then five episodes into the first season, I hated it. I have never loved something and then hate it THAT fast. But that's GLEE for you. It's either you hate it, or you love it, or you love it but then hate it in the end.

Actually, aku tak ada apa2 sebab untuk buat entry ni. Cuma aku agak bosan dan letih menengok kerja dan manuskrip, dan I just want to share some of the songs that I liked, until I can get the confirmation bila novel nak keluar.

"Loving that Man of Mine", from SHOW BOAT (1936)



"Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man till I die, can't help loving that man of mine."

"Singin' in the Rain", SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)



While Frank Sinatra is a singing dancing elite, Gene Kelly is like a singing dancing marhaen/working class. And nobody else has THAT kind of graceful legs!

"How Lovely to be a Woman", "BYE BYE BIRDIE (1963)



Bukanlah aku suka sangat lagu ni. Agak membebel. Tapi this is how you sing while changing clothes, if you ask me. Ahahaha.

"I Could have Danced All Night", MY FAIR LADY (1964)



Because it's Audrey Hepburn. And it's the easiest song to sing ever. You can have the worst voice in the world, and you still can sing this and be satisfied with your voice.

"On the Street Where You Live", MY FAIR LADY (1964)



Aku sangat sukakan lagu ni (especially versi studio Nat King Cole) sampai aku jadikannya an important part dalam cerita WULAN, yang bakal dikeluarkan dalam novel trio NS, Zara Amani dan Liza Nur April ini!... kot!..... (iklan, tapi tak sure)

"Something Good", SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)



Apart from all the dances, aku lebih suka lagu ni sebab it was the only mature song dan showcase a great combination antara suara Julie Andrews yang lunak dengan suara Christopher Plummer yang kelelakian.

"Why Don't you Do Right?", WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?" (1998)



I don't think WFRR is considered a musical.... but heck, sape peduli. This is such a cool song.

"We Both Reached for the Gun", CHICAGO (2002)



Ramai yang suka "Cell Block Tango"... I wonder why... but I still think this is the best song and best presentation - with Billy Flynn holding on to a Roxie puppet and the other marionettes, signifying how he is controlling everything and everybody in the situation. Dan Renee Zellwegger adalah sangat meyakinkan sebagai puppet.

"Falling Slowly", ONCE (2006)



Aku tak puas hati YouTube takde the actual clip from the movie, sebab the raw version was better than the original soundtrack. I loved it for the fact that Glen and Marketa sing it together in a music shop with a piano on sale. That was the best thing about the song.

Oh, and I despise every other cover there is. This is strictly Glen Hansard song and should only be sang with that voice.... with the exception of Yusuf Islam, cuz they sound the same.

"Hey Jude", ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (2007)



How can you not love "Hey Jude"? Jude in a form of Jim Sturgess? Amazing.

"Winner Takes it All", MAMMA MIA (2008)



Aku rasa lagu ni macam terpisah daripada the whole movie, tapi sebab Meryl Streep yang nyanyi, it's okay then. And I am biased about this song anyway...

"Rainbow Connection", THE MUPPETS (2011)



Rainbow Connection is a classic. It makes you feel good about life and a nice song to sing baby to sleep. Ahahah.

"In My Life/A Heart Full of Love", LES MISERABLES (2012)



Sebelum tengok Les Miserables, I used to love "On my Own" and "Confrontation", tapi lepas tengok the movie, I fell in love with the mix between the two songs, with Coset and Marius falling in love, while Eponine, who was in love with Marius had to step away. It was a perfect "lovers-friendzonee" song.

THINGS THAT I CAN WATCH/LISTEN AGAIN AND AGAIN ON YOUTUBE

1. Walk Off the Earth rendition of Gotye's "Somebody that I Used to Know"


v

There's a thing about a bunch of musicians gang-banging a guitar. But then again, I shit-seriously love Luminati's voice and his part-hobo look.

2. David Mitchell's Soapbox


v

There is nothing else much more unsexy than listening to a man whining about stuff. But this is David Mitchell we're talking about. I can spend my whole life listening to him ranting and rambling on and on about trivial stuff like marathons, wedding, Gaelic language or signing boobs.

3. IU's "Peach"


v

I used to not understand why the craze about IU. She's cute, that's that. I am not really into cutesy stuff and her songs exude everything that I hate about cuteness. But then I found out that she was the girl who did all those beautiful renditions of songs that I originally hate. Yes. She was the girl who made "Gee" sounds - to a woman who is against cuteness and songs that composed of all saccharine sweetness - bearable. Then I listen to this. The song she composed herself - the song that reaffirm my faith in the importance of learning how to play a recorder during primary school. Also a song that reaffirm my faith in girls with guitars after all the shitty girls with guitars out there on YouTube. 

4. Kina Grannis' rendition of Taylor Swift's "Safe and Sound"


v

Another girl with guitar that I liked, the fact that Kina Grannis has the soothing voice that can turn even the stupidest of songs (Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it Again" to name a few) into a masterpiece made me love her rendition of this Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars song. Kill all the Keshas and the Nicki Minajs. The music world needs Kina Grannis and her lot.

5. Michael McIntyre's standup


v


I love standup comedy. But there is none that can do it like Michael. Sure, Dylan Moran is all about the gloomy-funny side of life, Kathleen Madigan is the funny woman who makes fun of politics (I love that, as most comedienne talk about relationships and reality TV. That's too cliche), Noel Fielding does all the weird things and Stephen Fry is the king. But Michael does jokes from the most random things - like conversations among condiments, about designer labels, his kids, Chinese food, and public toilets. And most of them are things you do and in the end you always laugh while stomping your feet, saying "That is so true!!!"

6. ALi's "Hurt"


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It's a sad sad sad song and I love the arrangements

7. Montecristo73's channel


v

He got all the Japanese horrors out there cramped into his channel. Awesome!

8. TheBlackHoleBowl channel


v

They got every single WOULD I LIE TO YOU episodes there is. Seriously. That's the ultimate show for me. I mean, not only I can watch David Mitchell and Lee Mack all day long, they also invite Brits stars and comedians. I mean, once, there was David Mitchell and Michael McIntyre on one show and they bicker. Heaven. 

That I am not

The more I call myself a writer,
the more afraid I am
Afraid that I will lose my readers
afraid I will lose my fans
afraid to talk with ease
afraid to be blunt again
afraid to voice an opinion
afraid the thoughts of being banned
I'm afraid to be loved too much
As much as I am scared that I will be hated
The thoughts of being criticised gets into my head
The thoughts of being unoriginal crept through my mind
The thoughts that I have to give pleasure
Made me deaf, mute and blind
I am scared that I will be
the ones that write without a feel
the ones that formulate each passing plot
the ones that art don't mean a lot
And as time goes by
I pretend that I
am still the same witty sarcastic writer
that I am not.

NSK
1.25 am
Shah Alam

Puisi Terbaik waktu Hujan

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengansederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu


aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan
awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

Sapardi Djoko Damono

Apa? Hoh, ko sangka sebab aku kutuk 7 PETALA CINTA maknanya aku tak boleh pull this kind of thing on my blog?

Ode to Ayam

dulu ayam itu berkokok
mengejutkan aku dari tidur yang panjang
kemudian dia berkokok lagi
dan baruku sedar pagi yang aku harapkan sebenarnya tengah malam
kali ketiga dia berkokok
aku menutup jendela dengan kebosanan
semalam di Kota Bharu
ayam berkokok lagi
dan baru aku sedar
dia patut disembelih agar kokokannya pudar terus dari pendengaran

monolog 3AM,
kota bharu, kelantan

Shadows

I dream

of a place
of a person
of a time
of a feeling
of holding hands
and smiling faces
of looking down

I wake up

and it's gone
it becomes a blur
it stops being true
it stops being beautiful
it stops being there
it stops being real
it stops you

I sigh.

(a mono.LOG.ue at 11.45pm)

LOL-a-bye

The video up here is the made-up effed-up lullaby I sang for Naurah to get her to sleep. No pics, just voices. Who would want to record a video of herself in baju kelawar anyway?

Dinie kata, "Shai, aku cadangkan ko buat bisnes DVD lagu2 kanak2."
Aku nak buatlah bisnes tu. Nyanyi lagu kanak-kanak yang aku rosakkan. Maybe like,


"Rock-a-by baby on the tree top,
when the wind blows the cradle will rock,
when the bough brakes the cradle will fall,
and mummy will be prosecuted by the justice system."

Or,


"Three blind mice, three blind mice,
see how they run,
they run after the farmer's wife,
who cut off their tails,
with a carving knife,
I bet she maried a tok mudim before that."

Or,

"Old McDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O,
And on that farm he had double cheese burger,
E-I-E-I-O.
With a french fries here, and a milk shake there,
here a carb, there a carb, everywhere carb carb,
Old McDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O"

Or,


"Satu-satu saya sayang emak,
Dua-dua saya sayang bapak,
tiga-tiga saya sayang abang,
satu dua tiga, sayang kapal terbang." <- this ain't new. It was on a postcard of the comic strip "ABE".

Puisi Cinta Tuhan Ibn al-Faridh

Rindu itu kehidupan, matilah dalam cinta; 
Agar bahagianmu kematian dan nescaya diterima.

                                              Dia itulah cinta, terimalah sepenuh hati ; 

dan rindu tidak mudah tinggal dalam hati; 
Sebab pilihannya justeru dikandungnya; 
dan akal budipun miliknya; 
Hiduplah bebas, terhenti darinya itulah derita; 
Awalnya kesakitan dan akhirnya hilang nyawa; 


Tapi kematian yang diwarnai cinta; 
itu kehidupan yang mengutamakan damba; 

Dengan ilmu kerinduan kupesan padamu; 
Bagi penyelisih pilihlah yang menghiasimu; 
Andaikan kau ingin bahagia, 
 matilah

syahid 

dengan 

cinta; 
 Bila tidak, cinta banyak pendambanya; 

Siapa yang tidak mati dalam cinta tidak dimabuknya; 

Dan tanpa luka lebah pun tidak menggila;..........

Killing Me

I'm lying on my side - spacin out...
these thoughts, they stay on replay (they won't fade)
The looks. The words. The fights.
(Is this worth it?)
It's not worth it

I never knew that it would turn out this bad
I never knew words be so wrong
I never knew that trouble had a face
so cut the chase already cuz I missed us
                             
                                                  and I missed me...
                                                          (I missed me)

Sometimes, life just won't give in
Some days, time just keeps on running (keeps running from me)
Take deep breaths now
             deep breaths now
             deep breaths now...
(My head pressed on your left shoulder)

I never knew that it would turn out this sad
I never knew words be so breakable - so brittle...
I never knew that word could stain and I can't erase it
                                                                                  I can't erase it

.......good intentions
Just good intentions for me
Save some good. intentions.
.........some good intentions for me



***Hahaha, okay, fine... main cheating letak lirik lagu instead of actually blogging. It's "Killing Me" by Liyana Fizi and the reason why I put it in that way (with bold, italic, spaces and stuff) is because for me - without music - that is how I would read the lyrics and feel the song. And that's how it became poetry.

Who the hell is Billy Joe?

We were talking about songs and how silly the songs are nowadays. Mum kept berlagak about how oldies have great lyrics and semuanya sweet sahaja.

"Sweet?" aku kata.
"Have you never heard of 1958's Tom Dooly? That song is beyond scary."

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley
Poor boy, you're bound to die
I met her on the mountain
There I took her life
Met her on the mountain
Stabbed her with my knife

"Or that haunting Bobbie Gentry's song "Ode to Billy Joe"? Or "Gloomy Sunday"? Those are not new songs. And they are soooo not sweet."

"But they're not today's songs. Perverse, and hard to listen to." kata mak.

Yes, that is true. Especially when you have to listen to "Shawty go low low low low low..." I would prefer listening about Tom Dooly getting hanged over and over again over a man's foolish obsession over women's ass.

So, here's my most favourite haunting song of the century.

Ode to To

To love and make love
To cherish and make ammends
To stay and to leave in haste
To be and not being
To forget and be forgotten
To reverse and move forward
To think and not to ponder
To feel and not to sense

To you but not to you.

Puisi Jam Three-ga.

malas

nak

layan

otak.yang.kosong.

zombifikasi diri
umpama
batu........................................................

ignorance is bliss, dude
tapi bukan maknanya kena terus jadi jahil

but men.
they don't listen.
they only do.
when they got nothing left to do.
kemudian

merekarasa terpukuldankecilhatidenganpuisitakseberapaini(koma)merasa

kejantanan

merekatercabarlalumenidakkanakudannasihatku.

story of my life, dude. Story of my life.

Ptuih-tis

Dulu banyak yang aku sungguh-sungguhkan.

Sekarang aku persetankan.

Banyak yang aku doakan.

Sekarang aku biarkan.

Banyak yang aku perjuangkan.

Sekarang aku ketawakan.

Banyak yang aku pertaruhkan.

Sekarang aku biarkan tergadai.

Ada yang tidak cukup nilainya untuk dipertimbangkan.
Ada yang tidak cukup nilainya untuk diabadikan.
Ada yang tidak cukup nilainya untuk disimpan.

Sudah hampir dua tahun aku melalak dan melaung di sini
Tiba masanya untuk aku berbicara dengan sepi
Bukan mencari pada yang mau mengerti
Tapi yang mau mengabdi
Soliloqui

Pukul 3 pagi

Akukah yang kalut itu
ketika mencari erti hidup yang sebenarnya
terhanyut dalam impian orang lain
dan terus hilang bersama angan kosong

Akukah si bebal itu
yang fikir dia fahami segalanya
dan cuba lari apabila ribut melanda
dan terus berlari sekalipun hujannya dah reda

Akukah yang tidak faham
bahawa hukum dunia ini sudah termeteri
cuba mencari satu erti
dalam banyak definisi dan interpretasi

Akukah yang lemas itu
dalam lautan yang cuba aku hindari
tanpa pelampung dan tong oksigen
terkapai mencari yang Hakiki

Bukan.
Itu bukan aku.

-Shailaden 0309am-

shetypes

*Edited*

Cuba kau teka warna hatiku
Bukan merah kerana tiada kehangatan di dalamnya
bukan biru kerana aku tidak berduka
bukan kuning kerana aku tidak sakit
bukan putih kerana aku bukan malaikat
bukan hijau kerna aku hanya insan biasa
bukan hitam kerana aku bukan syaitan

Hatiku aku tiada bentuk dan tiada rupa
Hanya ada jiwa

-Shailaden 0340am-