AWAK SUNGGUH PERFECT - the novel that caused it all...

Oh my God, guys. I am so sorry for forgetting about the blog. I had been busy with work (ada projek translation 30 episod yang telah menyebabkan aku tak bercuti raya dengan aman dan cam, "What? Dah September?"). As soon as I was able to take a breather, I was told that buku baru dah masuk (dan keluar) printer.

Soooo....

Panjang cerita kelahiran buku ni. Asalnya aku nak tarik balik sebab aku nak start projek baru dan aku tak nak ada something looming inside my mind. So I wrote my editor an email untuk officially take the manuscript back, but then Encik Ali email me back saying "permohonan awak untuk tarik balik ditolak."

I was like, What? How can you reject me taking back my manuscript???? But then I decided, o well, let's just see the editor to explain the situation, because he was of the idea that I was trying to send it to other publishers.

(here's the thing, sending my book to another publisher is never something that I had thought about. I would have done that ages ago when I was approached by some of the newer publishers during my PLAIN JANE years. the truth is, I am so comfortable with Karangkraf since I've started with them that changing my publisher is not ideal).

So I explain to him that I plan to stop writing for now sebab aku dah kehabisan idea (at least idea yang publishable. Idea yang merapu dan tak publishable memang banyak) dan the book industry is at its low sekarang since GST and kebanjiran novel dan publisher baru. I wanted my mss back sebab kalau tak dapat publish tahun ni, banyak yang I have to change since there are dates, songs based on those dates, dan event backdrop yang berkaitan the dates. I thought that if diorang taknak publish, then it's better that I take it back so that I can start anew with my project.

Ramai sangka aku merajuk, except my former AKU KAN NOVELIS editor Ecah, who totally understood where I was coming from. She was like, "Yelah, mestilah nak tarik balik kalau nak berhenti kan, supaya tak ada benda tu dalam fikiran". Oh my God, I thank You for Ecah.

So anyway, they decided to put my book in the schedule dan keluarkan tahun ni bulan Julai. And then somehow, tak jadi and delay sampai Oktober. Me being the pessimist who would think worse, decided untuk tak promote langsung before September, sebab aside from busy dengan kerja, I thought it would get delayed again. Tup-tup in early September ALAF keluar gamba kata dah print.

I was like, "What? But I haven't done anything!!!" and cecepat study camna nak guna photoshop (sebab akak yang dah tua ni dah malas nak belajar teknologi zaman sekarang).

So, for now, here's the details: the book is called AWAK SUNGGUH PERFECT, dan dipublish under banner ALAF 21 (kenapa? Sebab skrg Buku Prima fokus only on seram dan thriller.. or something like that). Untuk pembelian, mohon berikan maklumat seperti dibawah bagi urusan pos:
1. Nama Penuh.
2. Alamat Lengkap dan Poskod.
3. Nombor hp.
4. Nama yang mahu dicatitkan dalam buku.
Harga: RM27 + RM6 Kos POS LAJU.
Pembayaran melalui Maybank atas nama: Mohamad Feroz Bin Mohammad Zaini.
Nombor akaun - 112045101747.
Boleh kirimkan maklumat diatas samada melalui PM, sms atau whatsApp ke nombor 019 2254910 (Abang Long)

Setiap pembelian (for now) akan dapat:

sementara stok masih ada

A Portrait of a Cat that Once Lived

2012 to 15 November 2015

(this post is dedicated to my CAT DIARY readers on Facebook. If you're not one of em, feel free to follow me at fb/nsyahidakamarudin.)

Thank you guys for your kind words about Mugabe's passing. Some people might say, "Oh, it's just a cat. Grow up!", but of course, people who say that doesn't have cats/pets, so they don't understand the bond.

Some asked me why I decided not to euthanise Mugabe when he was suffering. That's because I didn't want him to die at an unfamiliar place, a place that he hated so much when he was alive. And although a lot of articles about euthanasia mentioned that cats do not have human emotion and would not understand anything except pleasure and pain (and thus dying at any place won't matter to them), seeing him breathing his last fresh air under the tree with squirrels running around and birds chirping was a picture that I would be happy to remember him by. I am not against people who decided to euthanise their cats, because any choice you have to make for your pet is hard and people do it in the best of intention. Nobody wants to hurt their loved ones. But this was a decision that I made because it felt right. In the end of the day, YOU know your cat. Not the vet, and not other people.

And after a week of force feeding, peeing on the bed pad, needing people to clean him with wipes, spending time watching videos of birds on YouTube, being carried everywhere he needed to go, I think he is all okay now, in his own castle in kitty paradise, boasting around other kitty souls about how he was the prince of darkness in his previous life. That darn cat might be bitching about me being an asshole owner, for all I know.

Of all the cats that I had before, I am more at peace with how Mugabe went. He caught six musk shrews the week before his condition went worse, and he decided to sleep on my bed for the two days before he died. He chose the tree when he knew his time was coming, and he passed away a few seconds before the rain started to pour. He didn't live long, but I am glad he lived a full life. He was the king of the neighbourhood outside, but was an obedient pet at home.

He had always been a sick cat, and I suspected that he had always carried the virus with him since day one (before the vets even knew about it), because he never seemed to be able to get well as quickly as the others. A lot of cats carry coronavirus, but only a percent of them get FIP, and sadly, he was the one percent. Only one percent of an FIP-infected cat survived, and sadly, he wasn't one of them.

Am I not angry at the vets for not detecting it soon enough? No. The disease is not easily detectable, and even when a vet diagnosed it, it's not a "Yes, this is it" kind of thing, but more of a "We have ruled out everything, so this is the only thing left" kind of thing. And unless you did a blood test, an x-ray, a few visit to several different veterinary clinic, chances are, you won't know them too.

Isn't it a waste of money to go to several vets to get their opinion just to have your cat died in the end? No. Because now I know that his death is inevitable, and that I have tried almost everything, and ensure everything before deciding on what to do with his life.

The only thing that I regretted is that I had plans with Mugabe for my new book. I wanted to promote the new novel with him being front and centre. He will be on the free gifts that will come with the book. But he left before it even get to be realised.

I will re-start Cat's Diary soon. Thanks again, guys.

Bye bye, buddy. See you when I see you.

Waiting game

I have skipped a day despite my promise of writing daily.

Meh, it's not like I have a lot of readers pun. Ahahahaha.

But still, yesterday my stress was at all time high. A'a has been missing for five days, and I received a lot of various information about him that it was ridiculous to put it on timeline. I mean, I thank people who gave the information, as they really tried helping (and helping is better than keeping quiet).

However, according to various sources, the timeline of A'a missing will be this way
Sunday: Was seen in Sri Mahligai Section 9
A few days later: Might be dead near the junction between section 11 and 12 (I pray to God this is not it and it's just some similar looking cat)
Tuesday: He was eating at my next-door neighbour's house

So it puts A'a in three different places in the course of five days. Knowing A'a and his lack of attention span, I don't think it would be possible at all.

I have come to the conclusion that if death is not part of it, A'a must have been:

a) kidnapped
- maybe a kid was interested in him (since he was so good at bodek orang) and decided to secretly stash him inside a bag and brought him home, only to get bored after a while.
- some people say that it's illogical that anybody would kidnap a grown cat. but a few months ago, a fellow writer revealed that her cat was stolen by a neighbour who then denied that she kidnapped the cat, saying that she bought it... when it was obvious that the cat, with all his distinctive features known by his original owner, is not hers.

b) unintentional kidnapping
- I have read several instances when a cat is accidentally taken away from its home due to its habit of getting into cars/getting into boxes/getting into bags.
- I experienced this two days ago while looking for A'a. Since my cat responses to finger snapping, I continued to do it while looking for him. Then I hear a cat meowing, so I turned back thinking it was him. Instead, there were three cats who were following me. I was like, "Dude, where did you guys come from? Your owner would panic if they realise that you are missing!" Long story short, I gave them some food at home (because they have been walking with me for a while and must have been hungry), and then put them back in the neighbourhood I found them.

c) A'a just doesn't want to come home
- Maybe he just didn't want to come home and have decided to stay outside instead (this, I assume from my neighbour's statement saying he visited them on Tuesday). I told you before that A'a isn't that loyal. He's like Spongebob's Gary. Maybe he has decided that he doesn't want to be our cat anymore.
- This is not impossible. I used to have a cat called Koyon. He stayed with us for a year, and then one day decided that he wants to be an alleycat and didn't come home anymore. We will see him passing by sometimes, and sometimes he would stand in front of the door and ask for food, but he would not come in and stay like he used to.

In any case, life continues. Mum said that I should take a breather and take care of myself instead. I have done all I could in trying to find him. I have asked for assistance from the Shah Alam Residents forum, I have asked for my post to be shared on FB, I have looked for him every day, day and night.

I guess it's now a waiting game.

Let's Talk About Cats: A'a

First and foremost a disclaimer.

A'a was never ours to begin with. He IS a part of the trio of nincompoops in our house, but the truth is, A'a started off being a penyibuk. He was my neighbour's cat, still is, actually................ It's quite confusing to explain.

He belongs to Auntie Aishah from two doors down. He also frequents our next-door-neighbour Kakyong's house. And he makes our house his own. In short, A'a has three owners. Why I never actually officially call A'a our cat? Because I don't think A'a thinks he belongs to anyone in particular. He's some sort of a me-me-me cat who manipulates human being into thinking he likes them.

Was looking for the cat, when realised
that he was bootlicking someone else

I mean, last week, I saw him being all friendly and manja menggedik with the neighbour from the house opposite ours. I was like, "Look at that scumbag, pretending like that human is the best human of all human beings he has ever known. What an asshole."

I think he was trying to expand his territory his own way. While other cats show brute force and pee around the area to show dominance, A'a is expanding his territory through diplomatic relations. I mean, why bother fighting other cats to earn a territory, when you can melt human's heart into accepting you in, right?

Smart.

Back to the story, he started coming to our house when he was about two to three months old. He was this little twerp who would walk in like he belonged and sniffed around, playing with the fishies in the aquarium, eating whatever food there is in the bowl, and only going home when his mum Mila called him.

We didn't know his name, so for the first few months, we called him 'Si Kecik'.
(ironically, if we call him Kecik nowadays, it's more like us being sarcastic about the fact that he has become a Fatty McFat-Fat).

I also called him Penyibuk sometimes, because that's what he was. He was a penyibuk, yang sibuk-sibuk curi makan makanan Mugabe dan sibuk-sibuk buat rumah orang macam rumah sendiri. Dan dengan muka tak malunya, he made our house his.


People keep asking us if we bought him. Of course not. We don't buy cats. And even his original owner would say no to that. No. He's what you called a jackpot kitten. His mum was an alleycat-turned-domesticated pet, and maybe once upon a time, somebody's American Shorthair (ASH) breed successfully escaped from home and mated with her. And voila, you got A'a with fur pattern yang sinonim dengan baka American Shorthair, but with a habit and demeanour of a normal alley cat.

That is,... if he wasn't doing his "I'm a royal prince of Feline-dom..." routine - where he only wants chicken flavoured snacks, and wet food that has soup in them.

That is also why he doesn't act like an ASH cat.

A true ASH breed is known for its hunting ability. It was believed that early settlers brought it all the way from Europe to America with them on the ship to protect cargo from rats.

A'a, on the other hand, is useless when it comes to things involving hunting. Once, I even caught him staring at a rat stealing his food. I was like, "What the hell, A'a? You let it get away?" (Luckily, I got Mugabe to do the rat hunting for me). He looked at me, and stared at me for about 30 seconds before moving away, as if thinking, "Nnnope. Not gonna discuss this."

"What 'catching rats'? I am too fabulous for that..." 

And that's another thing with that dude. He stares. He can sit straight for a full ten minutes without moving at all, looking at the same thing the whole time, Once, I even timed him when he was sitting straight close to me, and it was like, seven minutes and 30 seconds before he actually did something (that something is actually climbing the sofa and taking a nap).

Other stupid things A'a likes include:

a) Being scratched
He'll sit on your lap and ask you to scratch him all over. And if you stop before he thinks you should stop, he'll make a humph sound. Like, "Humph... you're so lazy, Miss. Come on. My ears are still itchy!"

b) Being the centre of attention
Sure. If you come to visit, no matter who you are, he wants you to recognise how majestic he is. This include sitting in the centre of the living room (often on the coffee table), or suddenly hops on my lap, doing the, "Scratch me, slave!" while I talk to guests.

c) Playing with water
LOVESSSS running water. I mean, if there's a puddle of water on the cement floor on one side, and a dry one on the other, he'll choose to step on the puddle of water. Just because. He will also walk in the rain, and will approach you afterwards, looking at you with his big eyes and whimper slightly (that's A'a's way of communicating, "Miss, please towel me dry").
But then if you take him to the bathroom to bathe him, all hell breaks loose. He will scratch you, and punch you in the face, and runs away like mad. What a weirdo.

Water is awesome. Water is life.

Apart from all the weirdness, and the arrogance, and the failure in catching anything except a flu, I still love that fatso, solely for the fact that he is the opposite of Mugabe. Mugabe likes staying outdoors, he is an indoor cat. Mugabe meows a lot, A'a is very quiet. Mugabe catches mice, A'a catches your attention with his gedikness. Mugabe is not around a lot, A'a is almost always home.  

Don't you love a cat that is always home?

Let's talk about Cats: Mugabe

Mugabe came to me by accident.

No, I mean not actual accident. More like, he emerges out of nowhere and came into my life. It would be more interesting if the word "Mugabe" can be replaced with "Leonardo DiCaprio", but then again, I would not trade Mugabe for anything.

If you're my Facebook friends, you will know how much I talk about the little black terror. It's because unlike all of my previous cats, he came to me. There I was, chatting with my agent, Abang Long while signing some books that were purchased online by readers (you can call/Whatsapp Abang long at 019-2254910, sempat aku iklan), when suddenly a black kitten emerged from the drain, meowing at me and sat next to me.

"Kucing awak ke?" Abang Long asked.
"Taklah. Ini baru pertama kali nampak," I said.

So after he left, I went inside and scooped up some cat snacks for him. I put it on the floor outside the house and he ate it. He never left since then.

That was three years ago, and since then Mugabe has been a part of the family. He was also the first black cat I ever had. I always wanted one.... a black cat, I mean. It's just that I never came across one. I never buy cats (I am more of the adopt strays kind of person, and I prefer adopting cats from my own neighbourhood. I mean, there are a lot of strays here that need care, why would I go elsewhere for it?), and the neighbourhood never really had black strays before.

I always find black cats intriguing, for the fact that it can never charm someone the same way any other cats do. It is well known fact that black cats are the ones who get euthanised the most at the impound because they are always the last choice when it comes to adoption. Maybe because some people still have that superstition about black cats being bad luck (I beg to differ, since Youtuber Steve Cash makes his cash by featuring his talking black cat Sylvester in his videos), or because they are just not the preference.

Being dark-skinned myself, I know that feeling, somehow.

But things are changing nowadays. People are starting to love black cats, and I guess Toothless from "HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON" has something to do with it. But I do have to agree, that black cats are not for everyone. Though not all of them are the same, most black cats are loud. They talk. I mean, meowing is one thing, meowing repeatedly from the front door to the kitchen is another. They're not suitable for people who love peace and quiet.

I love peace and quiet. BUT I also love talking to cats. And Mugabe was perfect for me. I mean, that maybe the reason why Steve Cash's Sylvester was a great choice for talking cats as well. They always reply to you.

This is my daily conversation with Mugabe.

"Bay, ko nak makan ke?"
"Meow."
"Nak makan apa?"
"Meow."
"Itu tak ada. Whiskas je ada. Whiskas nak?"
"Meoooowwww.. Wow wow wow..."
"Yela, aku bagi la ni. Tak payah membebel."
"Wouuuu...."
"Pfft. Tak payah nak merajuk."
"Meow..."
"Lepas makan keluar tau?"
"Wouuu."

It's fun. He always reply. ALWAYS.

Despite their talkativeness ('despite', because most people hate noisy cats, so it's considered a disadvantage, no matter how much I beg to differ), one thing I can say. Black cats are awesome hunters. When Mugabe was around a lot, our house was free from pests. Rats, roaches, lizards, you name it, he caught it. You don't have to wait for him to do it. If you saw a roach on top of the cupboard, you just put him in front of the cupboard, and he will strike. It's like I have my own pest controlling machine, charged only with cat food!

He is also the worst when it comes to self-harm. In only three years, he had:
1. Fractured his hindleg while jumping from the roof (he limps slightly now)
2. Got a hole behind his neck from a fight (treated and cured)
3. Got a hole in his head from another fight (stitched twice, after he tear the first one)
4. Injected to avoid liver disease after licking on white paint, that is after his body was smeared in one
5. Twice being warded for health reasons
6. Numerous vet visit because of numerous other cat's diseases

That time when he got stitches for the hole in his head

That time his fur was shaved after falling into white paint

But he's not around that much anymore. He rarely comes home nowadays. If you try to make him stay home, he will meow his eyes out. Last time, when he was supposed to stay home after getting stitches for his head, he tried to escape the cage by butting his head on the door, and then looked at me, as if saying, "It's either you let me out, or I will make another hole in my head. Choose, bitch."

Asshole.

"I'm amazing and you know it."

Cats and Dogs

Salam Ramadhan y'all..... (dgn suara Britney Spears)

The first day of Ramadhan, aku terbangun lambat sikit. Biasanya mak masak lauk2, aku masak sayur2. Tapi sebab pukul lima baru terbangun, maka terberdosa la beta terhadap ibu yang kena masak sendiri.

Sebenarnya bleh je dia kejutkan bangun, tapi dia tak kejutkan, mungkin sebab aku duk buat translation sampai tiga skrip sepanjang hari semalam.

Today I came across the article about the dog meat festival, which will be held in Yulin - a prefecture in mainland China this weekend. Every year since I started writing entertainment news, I will come across this. And I just can't bear it.

I mean, yes, it may be a tradition, and yes, we have our own food culture, but how can you not feel a little bit of sympathy for the dogs? (recently they also started eating cats... and don't even let me go there. As a cat-lover whose house is always with cats since the day I was born, I can't even begin...).

But of course, every time we talk about it, there bound to be people going (*read it in a dumb voice) "Uhhhh... but people eat cows. Don't they have any regards for cows? So hypocrite...."... *rolleyes*.... Let's just not debate on that whole cows-have-feelings-too thing, because then you get some vegans going "animal torture!" and all that, I just don't have time for that anymore.

(Hey, I have nothing against vegan, my vegan friends are nice people. But there are people who like pointing fingers at you calling you a murderer for eating beef steak. And I hate those people)

All I can say is, we have animals that we eat, and animals we don't eat. Like plants as well. You eat certain kinds of plants, and there are plants that you know you shouldn't eat (if I eat my mum's orchids, know for a fact that I will be hospitalised.... maybe for upsetting my tummy, or maybe my mum beat me to death for destroying her precious orchids).

And speaking of living things.... vegetables are also alive. Just because they don't have eyes or don't scream when they're being plucked from the ground, doesn't mean that they're not a living thing. If we're not eating anything alive, we don't eat anything, okay? So, shut up already. I don't condone people eating pets. I don't condone people eating pest either, but if they want to get sick from rats-related disease, well, silakan menjamu selera.

I mean, yes, Muslims don't really have dogs as pets (and let's not go into detail about it as well... that's another ridiculous debate I don't want to be involved in), but I still think of them as pets for other people. And people love their dogs like family. Seeing people eating dogs is like, seeing people eat a family member. I mean, that's a dog. I would not even want to try to watch any videos where they eat cats.

I have three cats. I don't treat them like my children, but they're my source of joy. I mean, all cats are my source of joy - no matter what shapes and sizes they are. I can't even look at a cat without a leg without going "Oh my God, I want to cry".... let alone THIS.

So of course. It's a practise that has been going on for ages. But so was burning the wife with husband's corpse in India, but that has long been abolished. Why can't we abolish this as well?

Photo from Independent.co.uk
Dogs awaiting to be slaughtered

It's April 2015 and I don't know what I am doing with my life.

Oh my....

Eh jap. Tak supan sebagai orang Islam.

Assalamualaikum.

Oh my.... it has been soooo long since I wrote anything in here. I am soooo sorry you guys. I was too busy procrastinating working. Nowadays I am translating a new anime for ANIMAX, and the format is a tad different than my previous translation work, and it's also used for dubbing purposes, so I was unable to focus on anything else. On top of that, I am also doing AMAYA......

(when I say "I am doing AMAYA", I mean, I am TRANSLATING the FILIPINO TELENOVELA by the name of AMAYA, not "I am doing AMAYA" in the perverse sense. Undirt your head, people!)

...for ASTRO Bella, so that's another thing. In short, amidst the Yahoo thing, and the ANIMAX thing, and the Bella thing, and the SEKOLAH BANYAK PENUNGGU 3 thing, I don't have a life. It's more or less wake-up-solat(kalau tak solat nanti Tuhan marah wehhh)-buat air lemon-sarapan-exercise-kerja-solat zohor-makan-kerja-solat asar-kerja-solat maghrib-kerja-solat isyak-rerun Arrested Development (because my break is solely for Jason Bateman)-kerja-pastikan all my SIMS people still alive-tidur-bangun and the cycle continues.

Why do I have an obsession over Jason Bateman? Don't question my taste in men. I used to have a crush on David Mitchell (the comedian, not the author) too, you know....

Sometimes there's time when the whole routine changes a bit. That is when my cats get sick and in need of the vet's attention, or when my mum is not feeling well and I need to cook instead, or when the kitchen stock habis and I need to spend my whole afternoon kat TESCO atau GIANT. And those are the only times I will be out of my house.

So, in short to the original in short, I will one day die in my own house, head slammed on my laptop, with my eyes being eaten by vultures. How the vultures get inside my house in this very dramatic version of my death? I don't know.

My mum's birthday is today. Yesterday we bought her cake, and today I made her a very simple birthday pizza dish using an instant naan bread. Just slab a lot of tomato puree and sauce on it, some cooked hotdog and portabello mushrooms, and a lot of mozarella, a minute inside the microwave and voila! Faux-pizza!

Then I made lunch. Siakap kukus a la whatever. I am too lazy to snap a photo of it, so just imagine a yummy siakap with a lot of halia and bawang and daun bawang on top with an extremely wangi sauce that consists of stok ayam, kicap cair, pepper and sesame oil with your best imagination.

It looks like this, but this is from nakemah.blogspot.com. I did not make this. Please don't sue me for copyright.

MMmmm-mm-mmmm....

I didn't buy mum anything. I think the only thing she would like right now is a grandchild. Since I can't buy those in stores, there's nothing I can do about it. I think the next best thing would be taking her to lunch at all those places that Razif Hashim from BEST IN THE WORLD went to, since she lovvvveeessss the show very much. She even watches the reruns. Two weeks ago, I had to spend my whole Saturday watching Raz Natt eat on TV, and the whole day my brain keeps humming the Nyan Nyan Cat song.

My. Whole. Saturday.

I was like, mum seriously, we're not going to Johor for the same nasi lemak! Stop watching AFC! I can almost smell the food from TV! I mean, I love the show too, but one per day is enough. I am not binge-watching people binge-eating (well, it wasn't binge eating... but you get my point)

Haih.

I've sent my manuscript last week. It's a story about a girl. And a cat. And betrayal. And more cats. It might have been cuter if the book has illustrations so you can actually see the cats, but then, that would just turn it into a children's book, innit?

I am sooo sorry for taking so much time to finally complete my new book. That's because I have been procrastinating busy. Doing what, I don't even know.

Say, masa cepat berlalu sekarang, kan?

(END BLOG POST SECARA TERGANTUNG SEBAB AKU TAK ADA IDEA HOW TO END THINGS)

The very many faces of Phibun

If you're a constant reader of my blog, you would know that I used to have a blue-eyed Snowshoe buddy (tak beli, his mum was a local typical cat... must've had a Snowshoe dad, I guess) called Phibun. It had been with me since 2008, one of the worst years of my life and had been the most loyal (not so much as 'loyal'... more like co-dependent) thing ever. I took care of it since it was just a teeny tiny little tot. It died last year on this day due to jaundice. I never mentioned him ever again after his death, 'cause I thought talking about him makes me sad. It still makes me sad, even today.

You think, "Come on now. It's just a cat."

But to tell you the truth, this sarcastic-looking thing has been with me through the thickest of the thins. Was there when I broke down circa 2009-2010 and was there when I picked up the pieces in 2011. One day I hope I will get to see him again. Insha-Allah :)

In memory of Phibun Songkram August 2008 - 15 March 2012

  

Goodbye blue-eyed buddy (Phibun, August 2008 - 15 March 2012)

The vet told me it was jaundice.

It's common for a cat four years and above. Especially cats like Phibun - that are not wild yet not that domesticated. We let him go wherever he wanted, and who knows what he ate and drank during those times he was outside.

He was given a shot, pills for the jaundice and pills to increase his appetite, since he's almost skeletal from not eating anything we gave him. The vet told me to bring him back to the clinic in two weeks and see his progress. I left him to sleep on the stairs as I was leaving to Tim's and to help her with the engagement preparation. Told the guy "Please, try to eat something and be healthy again." He blinked slowly, like his usual "What-do-I-care" look and then shut his eyes to sleep.

That was the last time I saw Phibun.

If you asked me if I am upset with my cat's demise, of course I am. Phibun has been part of my life for nearly five years. As soon as I saw his weird brownish white colour and blue eyes when he was just but a tiny little thing, I wanted him to be mine. Phibun was a routine that made me feel sane. He was the one creature I can be mad at, scream at, cuddle, love, hate, all at the same time.

I am a busy person. I am always in front of my laptop, working. The only way to distract me from the laptop was when I saw Phibun outside the glass door, waiting for me to let him in and give him food - mainly his Smart Heart meals. That's the only time you will see me stop working and moving away from all shit I'm working on. If you ever watched THE GOLDEN COMPASS, Phibun was like my very own dæmon. He follows me around that sometimes I just walk in circles just to make fun of him. Every morning I wake up and open the door, making sure that he is outside, waiting for the door to open. He'll have his food and then sat next to me on the sofa while I eat my breakfast and streams tv series online - hoping that I will not finish my food and he can get something from that. Everytime I opened the tudung saji to get lauk, Phibun will climb on the chair and waited for something, anything. He will not try to climb the table or steal the fish, no matter if it was open for his eyes to see.

Sometimes as he waited for me to finish my food in hopes that there is something to eat, I will intentionally eat only half of my fish or chicken or meat so I can give the rest to him. If he's full, he will sit in front of the glass door and clean himself. Sometimes he sat there and looked outside the window, maybe grunted about the squirrels outside that kept stealing his food. Sometimes when he was bored, Phibun would get up and then sleep on my feet. I'll tell him that he's a nuisance, and he retaliates by holding on tighter to my leg while stretching, writhing, yawning and twisting, without moving away from my feet.

During Ramadhan, he will stay by my side while I do my tahajjud prayer in the darkest nights. Sometimes when I was reciting Fatihah, he would lie down on the praying mat and making me recite more surah because I can't do my sujud with him on my sujud position. When he's bored or wanted to go out, Phibun will scratch the carpet with his sharp claws and waited until I opened the door.

Sometimes when I'm mad at something or someone, I will rant it to Phibun. Not like the dude understood anything, but the look on his nonchalant face is just hysterical. Sometimes I rant on Facebook about him, his annoying behaviour, the fact that he just watched the rats walking across him without doing anything and only waste my money on cat food taing care of a lazy pet. But it was just something I do. That's my love hate relationship with my cat. I screamed at him, he tore my skin because he seemed to think he was a tiger, I pulled his ears when he left fish bones on the carpet and I stepped on it, he crapped on the expensive sofa and I give him a piece of my mind.

But now, I don't have a routine anymore. I have no Phibun to scream at, talk to, laugh at, or spend the remaining cents in my account balance buying food for.

This is gonna be a shitty time.

Thank you for the four years, Phibun. You were surely the Frank Sinatra to my Rat Pack.

His favourite thing to do: Rubbin his head on my feet

Every single morning...

A Day in the life of Phibun

Aku tengah bersihkan skrin kamera bila Phibun balik ke rumah. Memikirkan yang aku jarang amik gamba mangkuk ni, aku pun snap la perjalanan dia dari start masuk umah, sampai ke tujuan sebenar kepulangan.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF PHIBUN

Masuk rumah. Muka samseng ini menunjukkan sama ada dia lapar atau dia just nak chill.   Juga muka berjaga-jaga sebab Owen (kucing kakak aku merangkap adik dia sendiri merangkap seteru utama) ada kat umah.

Ekspresi muka: "Jangan cari gaduh dengan gua hari ni, bai. Gua takde mood." (memandang ke arah Owen)

"Pfft, like I care..."

Menuju ke arah tempat mak aku tengah duduk tengok TV. Sempat menjeling tajam ke arah Owen dengan muka ingin melakukan sesuatu tetapi terlalu letih nak carik gaduh.

"Merafak sembah" - yakni aktiviti yang akan dilakukan oleh Phibun di kaki mana-mana insan di rumah aku setiap kali balik ke rumah, adakalanya sambil menjeling Owen as if berkata "This is how you do it, son."

Masih menjeling Owen dengan keinginan untuk mencarik gaduh

Akhirnya membuat keputusan untuk mencuci badan dan delay pergaduhan di lain masa

Tidur di kaki orang, atau bahasa lainnya: "Mintak digaru sampai tertido"

Encik Acer

Laptop ACER aku rosak.

Which means seluruh jadual kerja aku disrupted. 

Aku memang insan yang buat kerja dengan messy sebelum ni. Tapi sejak aku ambil banyak projek, aku hidup berjadual dan menyedari betapa annoying-nya bila sometimes kena deal dengan orang yang tak ada sistem. Ia juga bermakna kalau ada satu benda yang rosak, ia mengganggu pergerakan jadual kerja aku. Benda agak trivial sebenarnya, tapi aku still rasa annoyed.

Disebabkan aku cuma ada 2 free weeks daripada kerja translation, aku dah set the first week for scanning (which aku guna ACER sebab printer/scanner aku versi lama yang tak boleh di-read dek VAIO), while the second week - minggu raya - adalah untuk kerja menulis novel (which aku guna VAIO sebab keypad dia jarang2 dan skrin lebar, syok wooo kalau nak menulis novel, selain daripada main Left4Dead2.... takdela, mana ada aku main game tu. Aku kewanitaan, do). 

Ha? Apa? Jadual untuk cuti raya? Takde. Tahun ni aku raya sampai pukul 1 tengah hari di raya pertama je. Selebihnya aku kerja. Oh, sila ingatkan aku untuk guna free passes TGV aku sebab benda tu expire 31 Ogos. Aku tatau apa jela citer bodo kat wayang raya ni....

Oh, back kepada cerita yang aku je excited cerita tapi takda sape pedulik ni, aku baru nak buat kerja scanning bila tetibe aku mendapati ACER tak  menyala. Mengamuk kot. Aku cuma tinggal 5 buah album je lagi sebelum free from scanning work, tapi laptop plak buat perangai. Tak boleh nak guna VAIO untuk kerja scanning sebab VAIO tak support version printer yg dah buruk tu. Nak repair ACER alang kepalang pulak, memandangkan sebenarnya aku dah tak guna lagi laptop tu.

Lepas mengamuk selama 5 minit, aku putuskan untuk hantar repair jela. Kenapa? Sebab ada banyak document dalam ACER. Ada manuskrip asal AKN dan Plain Jane dalam tu, ada banyak gambar yang aku tak sempat nak pindahkan ke VAIO lagi, ada banyak lagu yang aku for sure tak akan carik semula. ACER was my life. I have 3 years worth of life inside the laptop. So I am repairing it just for the sake of those memories.

Tapi kalau kena reformat balik, aku trade in jela menatang tu untuk beli printer baru. Jadi kalau dia rasa dia tak nak di-trade in, lebih baik dia jangan buat perangai mengarut dan hanya mengalami masalah pin charge je seperti yang dikatakan oleh minah kedai repair tu. Kalau dia nak buat masalah dalaman yang makan lima enam ratus, memang aku tinggalkan je dia kat kedai tu.

Kau dengar tak, Encik Acer? Kau dengar tak ugutan aku ni?

Teacher Shai: Naurah's first lesson about the real "Hantu"

Naurah got her first lesson from yours truly about ghosts. Real ones. Look, everybody can teach kids ABC and 123. But only "Auntie Shai" teach you the facts of life. Hahahahahaha.

Do not worry. As far as Naurah is concerned, she thought I was talking about real ghosts in my neighbourhood.

Jerut, cerut dan carut

Aku moody apabila:

1. Jadual aku disrupted
2. Orang buat aku menunggu-nunggu
3. Kerja aku berlambak tapi orang asyik desak aku macam aku ada masa yang sangat banyak di dunia ni
4. Aku terpaksa menghubungi orang yang sepatutnya menghubungi aku *ini kepantangan nombor satu*
5. Mangkuk2 ayun nak buat lawak bangang kat Facebook aku apatah lagi masa aku tengah stress dan hanya nak luahkan kat FB
6. Laptop aku buat hal masa kerja aku stacking
7. Aku memudahkan kerja orang dengan menyusahkan diri aku, tapi in the end orang cuma makin menyusahkan hidup aku
8. Orang masuk campur hal peribadi aku
9. Orang masuk campur hal peribadi aku
10. Orang masuk campur hal peribadi aku

Minggu lepas hidup aku penuh dengan sepuluh perkara di atas. Minggu ni kalau ada lagi antara di atas berlaku, aku memang sacrifice-kan kenikmatan Ramadhan dengan mencarut di FB/email/telefon orang2 berkenaan.

How I wasted my saturday

Phibun came into the house and I had enough.

He stinks. He smells like a moving drain. Like a bag of poo. Like the bottom of a mouse hole. Like how a zombie would smell if you ever encounter one. Like how Sylvia Ganush would have smelled when Christine dug her grave in "Drag Me to Hell."

So I pick him up, brought him upstairs.

He saw the door shut behind him and he started to struggle free. Yes, if there is one thing in Phibun Songkram The Cat's instinct that is always correct, its "Door shut means bath." So I put him in the bathroom, shut the door and he started to scream on top of his lung and I swear to God, it sounded like "Hyelp! Hyelp!"

Washing Phibun is always like battling a tiger. He scratched, he clawed, he bit, he tried to slide his way out like an eel, anything. Everytime the cat's getting a bath, all shampoos, creams, soaps, anything will fall on the floor because he will try to hold on to them while getting sprayed by water. It's annoying but had to be done.

As I was drying him up, he looked at me with that death stare, and it is almost as if he's plotting to kill me the least I expected.

2 hours later, he went out. And that's how I waste my time trying to make a tomcat clean.

"Whatev, mam. I don't give a f-."

Phibun at 5.55am

Jadual hidup Phibun:

5.00am - balik rumah dan mengiau suruh orang bukak pintu. loosely translated as : "Assalamualaikum. Tuan. Saya dah balik. Lapar. Come on, man. Open up!!! I smell fried fish!"
5.30am - Orang sahur, dia pun sibuk makan. Gaduh dengan Owen.
5.55am - Main. "I don't care diorang nak solat ke apa ke, this is playtime!"

That creature... dia bukan cakar, dia hook your skin with his claws and rip it. Often I bleed. Sometimes I wonder if I am adopting a cat or a tiger in disguise.

Orang nak masuk bilik, sibuk nak ikut. Orang sibuk, dia nak keluar. Nasib baik binatang kesayangan nabi, kalau tak aku pijak macam lipas.

Kata Eva Longoria, "I'd rather tame a tiger than paint stripes on a kitty cat."