Lapan Watak Heroine Novel Yang Bagi Aku Inspirasi

1. Aisyah
("Aisyah",)
Masa aku baca "Aisyah", aku memang tak boleh nak letak buku ni. Sepanjang hidup aku yang singkat ni, aku assume buku tu tulisan Khadijah Hashim sebab aku rasa macam KH yang tulis. Tapi bila aku check balik KH punya biografi, tak ada plak buku tajuk ni. Heran. Oh well, aku baca masa darjah enam. I must have been dreaming it.

2. Elizabeth Bennet
("Pride & Prejudice", Jane Austen)
Orang kata the beauty of Lizzy is the fact that setiap wanita yang membaca P&P akan rasa ada kualiti Lizzy yang ada pada diri diorang. It's true. For me, aku suka the fact that Lizzy tak actually berfikir di luar kotak. Dia selalu make fun of her mum who keeps trying to find suitors for her and her sisters, but at the same time dia menghargai the tradition of her era. She has her views and question things but she's still a normal girl. Kebanyakan heroin novel yang aku cipta, aku sentiasa cuba maintain that main quality of Lizzy - yang berfikiran jauh tapi tak go against the norms and tradition, as in independent but not rebellious. She's not trying to change the world, she just wants to live in it in peace. I mean, a lot of women characters tries too hard to be free and doing things overdramatically and is always right. But Lizzy is human. She makes decision, she voices her opinion and she admits it when she's wrong. And that's what I love about her... (and of course what Mr. Darcy loved about her).
Oh, dan aku paling suka Jennifer Ehle's interpretation of Lizzy sebab that's how I interprete Lizzy. Keira Knightley's was okay, cuma her proportion is ridiculous for a girl living in the Regency Era. I hate the Bolly version with Aishwarya Rai the most and Gemma Arterton's version doesn't help anything.

3. Alice
("Alice in Wonderland", Lewis Carroll)
Hardly a heroine, but still... Wonderland is the realm of dream. It was written as a place you go while you were sleeping. That's the whole spiel and the reason why everything is so LSD-ed dan pelik. Aku bukan suka Alice sebab dia heroic or buat apa pun dalam AIW. Aku suka the fact that Alice seorang yang curious dan sentiasa ingin tahu (hence the trademark "Curiouser and curiouser"). Aku seorang yang curious- which makes me bad at math because nobody pernah boleh explain pada aku why a formula is a formula. Jadi aku sangat suka Alice in that sense. She's curious and ridiculous - which is how I would love to describe myself. Akaka.

4. Scarlett O'Hara
("Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell)
A belle and a bitch - that's how I would describe her. Scarlett tak ada bezanya macam bos perempuan yang menyakitkan hati korang sebab kedekut tapi demand a lot, flirtatious dan sangat workaholic. Setiap perkara yang Scarlett buat ada sebabnya, even after marrying Rhett. A bit Machiavellian sebenarnya, but still, aku rasa watak Scarlett memang a breathe of fresh air sebab I think she is the very first character yang aku suka dan aku benci dalam masa yang sama. You applaud her survival instinct but you're horrified at the extent of things she would do to survive. She's proud, stubborn, opinionated and doesn't care.

5. Anne Shirley
("Anne of Green Gables", L.M. Montgomery)
Aku start liking AOGG through the Canadian TV series in the 80s, played by Megan Follows. Then aku start baca buku2 LM Montgomery. She's an icon for girls everywhere. What I love about Anne is the fact that she has a large scope of imagination. Nothing is truer when she said, somewhere along the line of "I pity the rich, because you can have everything that you have no scope of imagination". Imagination comes from the nothing. Anda tak bermimpi untuk one day boleh mandi dalam swimming pool all day long when you already have that in your house. Anda tak bermimpi tentang pakaian yang mahal dan majlis yang mewah bila anda boleh attend those things and wear those clothes bila2 saja. Anne Shirley's dream was to become a writer. As a girl growing up desiring to be a novelist, I can relate to her. Even bila dia akhirnya berjaya jadi novelist, I still can relate to her.

6. Judy Abbott
("Daddy Long Legs", Jean Webster)
Sebenarnya Judy Abbott pun tak banyak beza dengan Anne. Aku suka Anne, Judy dan Jo March for the exact same reason - that they all wanted to become a writer, and each and every one of them went through different kinds of hardships to get to where they are. For Anne, it's rejection. For Judy, it's her life as an orphan. For Jo, it's the hardships of the Civil War. For me, it's to convince that a story doesn't need a formula to work, it needs honesty.

7. Josephine 'Jo' March
("Little Women", Louisa May Alcott)
Like Judy and Anne, aku sukakan watak ni sebab she has a dream to become a writer. Suatu masa dulu, aku pernah terfikir, kalau aku nak menulis, aku nak guna pen name "JoAnne Shai Laden" - as a tribute to Jo March from "Little Women" dan "Anne" of the "Anne of Green Gables". Poyo tak? Wakakakaka. Aku suka Jo sebab aku rasa aku dengan dia banyak persamaan. We're both second child. We're both stubborn. My dad  always let me do stuff he won't let my sister do because he thinks I have that boyish side to me, just like Jo. We're both clumsy and opinionated. We both have bad temper and both of us are not interested in the typical "schoolgirl crush" and have this thing about older intelligent men. Hahahahaha.

8. Irene Adler
("Sherlock Holmes", Arthur Conan Doyle)
Although I hate how Irene was portrayed in the SHERLOCK HOLMES movie, aku still suka the actual Irene Adler as Arthur Conan Doyle wrote it in "A Scandal in Bohemia". Irene as Doyle created sangat feminine tapi sangat cunning. I mean, as the only woman Holmes thought of as worthy of his greatness.  I hate it when a feminine character uses her sex appeal to get ahead. But Irene does it in the most ladylike manner, I just couldn't hate her.

Shit my dad says... (sempena hari bapa)

Instead of going the usual way, I am going to list down the coolest shit my dad said over the years:

1. "Ayah tanya orang buta tu, tak susah ke jalan malam2 ni. Orang buta tu menyindir, "Orang buta macam saya ni tak ada bezanya siang dan malam, encik". Ayah tanya sebab risau, kalau dia jatuh masuk longkang ke, takde sapa nampak dan tolong sebab dah malam. Dia sindir ayah pulak. Kang ayah tendang orang buta tu kang, baru dia tau." (my dad's rant regarding this one blind man he met).

2. "Hang Tuah bawak lari Tun Teja untuk sultan, naik kapal selama 40 hari 40 malam. Dia kan lelaki. Apa benda lagi dia nak buat dalam kapal selama 40 hari tu berdua je dengan Tun Teja? Main dam?" (my dad's suspicion regarding Hang Tuah and Tun Teja's relationship)

3. "Dalam nursery rhyme, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Dalam gambar nursery rhyme tu, Jack dengan Jill panjat bukit ke arah perigi kat puncak. Sape orang bodoh buat perigi atas puncak bukit? Tipu je semua ni." (my dad's opinion about nursery rhymes and their stupidity)

4. "Dulu dia jual sabun ni dulu harga RM9.90. Lepas tu dia buat sale, tulis SALE 20%, dari RM11.90 jadi RM9.90 walhal RM9.90 itulah harga asalnya. Habis je sale, tiba2 sabun tu harga RM11.90. Pandai betul GIANT ni nak naikkan harga barang." (my dad's rant about how hypermarkets do business).

5. "Aku tengok je semut tu check lalat mati tu. Lepas tu dia lari balik sarang, mesti nak bagitau yang lain ada lalat mati. Jadi aku amik lalat mati tu dan letak tempat lain. Tak lama lepas tu aku nampak ada segerombolan semut datang kat tempat asal lalat mati tu dan tercarik2 lalat yang dah takde. Aku rasa lepas ni mesti semut tu sume balik sarang dan belasah kawan yang bagi maklumat tadi sebab bagi maklumat salah." (my dad's past time favourite - bullying ants)

6. "Kereta proton ni macam perempuan jalang. Cantik kat luar, buruk kat dalam." (my dad's philosophy about cars part 1)

7. "Kereta kancil ni macam kotak mancis letak atas tayar." (my dad's philosophy about cars part II)

8. "Kalau orang ajak berdebat, bagi dia fakta. Kalau dia masih lagi berdegil dan tak mengaku kalah, jangan gaduhkan lagi. Orang bodoh memang tak boleh diajar." (my dad's philosophy about stupidity

9. "Kalau beli kuih, bawak duit syiling je. Lepas tu carik gerai yang kuih dah nak abis. Kalau ada lima biji karipap, beli je empat. Kalau orang yang jual tu kata, "Bang, beli lima teruslah, ni yang last." cakap kat dia "Saya ada duit cukup2 untuk empat bijik je." Lepas tu mesti penjual tu kata, "Takpe, bang. Saya bagi free je sebijik lagi." Sekarang kita dapat lima biji karipap dengan harga empat." (my dad's other past time, psyching penjual kuih just for the sport of it)

10. "Kaklong, belikan ayah kuey tiau goreng. Ayah kan anak yatim piatu." (the first thing my dad says after we return from burying arwah uwan Maliah. He didn't say anything to us on the way balik kampung, during the ceremony nor on our way back.)

Everybody thinks their dad is the coolest for various reasons. I think my dad is the coolest just for being who he is. He never finishes his studies in Jakarta. He sacrifice his dreams and work as a clerk in SIRIM to raise us - always busy and coming home in the wee mornings to get more money from the overtime. He smokes and cusses and always say the weirdest shit that ends up making you rolling on the floor laughing. He never ask for anything, but we always follow what he says because he kinda do the psychology thing where he will sit down and not say anything with a sad face and make us feel like we are going to hell for not obeying. People love talking to him, because they always wait for the funniest craziest shit about politics he will utter, always think that for just a clerk in SIRIM, he's a frikken genius.

In my opinion, of course I think my dad is a frikken genius. Love you, ayah... though I never say it out-loud.

Would I Lie To You vs Betul ke Bohong

Here's my favourite British show - the one where I will rain wrath on anybody who say they hate it

,..



And this is its Malaysian version. The difference being the electric shock and the question asked by viewers.



My opinion?

Of course the Brits version is much more elegant and... well... Brrrrrritish (as Charlie Sheen would put it). And of course David Mitchell's deadpan humour is one of a kind. I guess if the Malaysian stars can be less talkative and ask more questions before answering, I would love it. At least you know Jep and Shuib are kinda really calm, NOT the kind of loud mouth who tries too hard to impress, like those stars on "Kata Kau". I can't stand that show - bising, tak kelakar dan poyo.

You can't really compare, though. Or maybe I can but I just don't want to because I am biased when it comes to Jep Sepah. Ahahahaha.

8 Most Annoying Things You Can Say to a Single Woman

(put some introductory words here, some so-called academic research and whatnots here, some scenes and situations that prompted the writer to be writing this piece. I have been writing too many introductory note for Tupai articles, I am too lazy to do so here.)

Moving on....

1. "Takpe... adelah jodoh tu nanti"
Yes, kadang2 aku tend to write stuff like "Huh, mentang2 la dia ada suami nak buat semua tu. Ko tengokla bila aku kawin nanti..." in my FB status, but its meant to be funny. Let me teach you the best way to reply to this kind of update: "Hahahahaha. Mengong."
Yes, sometimes, when people wrote stuff like that, it is meant to be taken as a joke. I already have a mum and even my mum never say those kind of cliches. My mum is cool enough to say stuff like, "Pfft... kahwin konon." or "Cakap je lebey". She doesn't do the pity-reassuring-talk.

2. "Aku tau sebenarnya walaupun kau nampak happy, tapi kat dalam Tuhan saja yang tahu."
Nope. Bukan Tuhan saja yang tahu. Semua orang tahu. Aku bukan jenis senyum di luar, merana di dalam. The last time I did that, I feel like a total shit. Nowadays, when I am happy, I show it. When I am not, I show that too. But you don't know that, because I have this poker face/monotonous look. Even my former boss once said that I aced the poker face look. Nobody in MBO realised that I never understood what the hell they were talking about... Dual Speaker shit and stuff.
And anyway, it is really annoying when people seemed to think they know what you are going through, especially when you're not going through anything at the moment. I call this the "Pretentious Sigmund Freud" syndrome (ok, I don't. I just made that syndrome name up two seconds ago). They kinda shove their life experience in your face, doing the "I know how you're feeling. I experienced that once."
What feeling? Bored? Because at that precise moment, that was what I felt.

3. "Single bukan bermakna alone. Single means independent."
Oh, shut up. Stop giving me those corny words of wisdom. What am I? Seventeen? Stop all those cheesy helvetica/italic words of wisdom written on pictures of clouds, stating the reason why you choose to be alone. If there is something that says "I AM LONELY" in capital letters, it would be motivational posters. The most annoying quote I have ever read was "Bersendiri bukan kerana tiada yang sudi. Bersendiri kerana ingin menyimpan hati buat yang terbaik".
*MUNTAH DARAH*
Seriously. Stop making those motivational posters. It's so cheesy, it makes me wanna get married.

4. "Bila nak kahwin?"
I know. I know. This is the most popular annoying phrase of all time. I reckon this question was first asked by a giddy princess to another giddy princess who just been courted by a prince in the 15th century during their stroll along the forbidden lake (I don't name names). It was meant to be answered in that giggly girly way and proceeded by a long speech about "Lelaki idaman beta ialah..."
Not a question you should ask someone who came to a wedding with her other single friends. Are you blind? If I have an answer to that, don't you think I will be parading my soon-to-be husband for all my mutual enemies to see?
And it's not that I hate the question because I am single. I just hate cliches. I hate the sentence "Bila nak kawin?" as much as I hate those guys who PMed me going "Hye... wat per tu..." or "Leh kenalan. Awq writer yerrrr...", or those girls who kept saying "Aku dah move on dan tak peduli lagi apa kau nak buat" and yet still talk about it as if she is talking to that guy. Yeah, "Bila nak kahwin" is in the league of those extraordinary cliches. If you really want to make a conversation with me, try: "Shai, kau rasa apa akan berlaku pada kau dulu, kahwin atau mati?"
THAT would be creative. I would wanna answer that with enthusiasm.

5. "Takpe, single lagi best. Percayalah."
What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying that you would rather be single than being married? Is that supposed to console me in any way? Here's the thing about consoling a single woman. Don't. You know why most single woman in their late 20s, 30s, 40s and even 50s turned into these biatch spinsters who are angry all the time and seemed to be angry with everybody? It's because of people's sympathy. Here you are, happily living your life, and then suddenly "BAM!" - the Association of Concerned Married Citizens came knocking at your door preaching why you should be happy being single and don't have to concern yourself to be married. Among the facts given include: 
"Susah bila dah ada anak ni. Lebih baik kau buat apa saja kau nak selagi kau masih single."
"Kalau ko dah kahwin, responsibility dia lain."
Really? Aren't you the same people who preaches "Tak elok kawin lambat sangat" and "Jangan memilih." to me like, last week?

6. "Kau tu memilih sangat."
Yeah of course. Everybody should. But then, I am not like, pilih harta, rupa, nama and all those shit. Memilih in this sense is making sure I want to commit to that said person until I die. Do you know how hard it is for me to really want to commit to anything? Just last week I was thinking of resigning from becoming a novelist due to some inexplicable reasons. I will get married when I will get married. If not, then I don't. No biggie.

7. "Single is the best!"
Again, stop trying to motivate single people. Or at least, stop motivating me. It's annoying. No matter what I do, people will think that I need to be motivated by the coolness of being solo. Dude, let me be single with dignity.

8. "Janganlah piker cerita dulu. Kahwinlah."
This is for the men in one's life who thinks that the reason that you are still single is because you are still in love with them. If this is mediaeval Europe, I would gladly lock myself with a chastity belt hearing that kind of self-obsessed point of view. And when one say "Okay....", it is meant to be taken as sarcasm. But then again, who would want to remain single and still think about an idiot who can't even understand the simplest rule of sarcasm?

Julie Andrews sings, "These are a few of my favourite men..."

I never liked handsome guys.

Handsome in this sense, is the type where you go "Sigh....... you handsome handsome man you..." The type like Brad Pitt, or Orlando Bloom post LOTR, Jimmy Shanley, Aaron Aziz, the English dude who was listening to Nik Aziz' Friday sermon that I saw in a photograph posted by the admin in Nik Aziz' facebook.

Or at least, something equivalent to that.
Because that's not love. That's lust. Okay, I love Leonardo DiCaprio but then again, I never loved him when he was that dreamy Jack Dawson-kind with Nick Carter's hair. I liked him when he was the miserable Frank Abagnale Jr. - the time when I realised that this dude is not just some pretty face cashing in on the pretty-face money. He's actually serious about acting, and the environment, and tigers.......

.... not so much keen about the women in his life, but tigers, hell yeah.

Liam Neeson, Bront Palarae, chubby "30 Rock" Matt Damon, Jep Sepah, Alan Rickman, David Mitchell, Glen Hansard, red-haired G-Dragon, Jay Chou (only Jay Chou in 2006 when he rocks the beard look. Other than that, nehhh), Giring Nidji, Sofi Jikan. These are the men that are interesting in my eyes. It's that 'je ne sais quois' they exude.

To tell you the truth, that is the type that inspire me to write. The type you don't actually turned your head to have a second look. It's the type of guys that kind of influenced your head little by little like some kind of drug. You don't really know what it is, but that person is influencing your every move. It's the type where one day, as you talk to them, you realised that their eyes lit up when they laugh or they have a little mole under their lips or that they kinda make sense in the weirdest way possible but it's positively endearing and then you go, "Oh shit, now I see something interesting. Now I am attracted. No! This can't be happening! This is ridiculous!"

So yeah, you will not get a good-looking rich dude in my novel (except for Zaniel, because I was proving a point in PLAIN JANE). I don't go to those kind of "wealthy playground". I don't dwell with the rich bachelors. I meet normal average guys with mamak-tea belly that is extremely not gentleman towards you, calling you "makcik" and laugh at your problems instead of solving them, yet they are there for you to talk to when you're feeling down and treat you to an iced tea while screaming "Fuck off, Lampard!" at the big mamak TV screen. Those are your staple malay men. I can't write a highly-romanticised character. I can't write your usual Korean men staples - the type who cries with you, do everything for you, fight for you, looking like Park Yoo-chun and have the wealth of Lee Ka Sing (again, I am making this reference because I watched too many Stephen Chow's movies since I can read, not because I know the guy). Because I never met these type of guys.

Bear with me and let's make sense of what we have around us, yeah? There are more guys that looked like Zahid AF and Khir Rahman than Fahrin Ahmad in Malaysia anyway.

THINGS THAT I CAN WATCH/LISTEN AGAIN AND AGAIN ON YOUTUBE

1. Walk Off the Earth rendition of Gotye's "Somebody that I Used to Know"


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There's a thing about a bunch of musicians gang-banging a guitar. But then again, I shit-seriously love Luminati's voice and his part-hobo look.

2. David Mitchell's Soapbox


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There is nothing else much more unsexy than listening to a man whining about stuff. But this is David Mitchell we're talking about. I can spend my whole life listening to him ranting and rambling on and on about trivial stuff like marathons, wedding, Gaelic language or signing boobs.

3. IU's "Peach"


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I used to not understand why the craze about IU. She's cute, that's that. I am not really into cutesy stuff and her songs exude everything that I hate about cuteness. But then I found out that she was the girl who did all those beautiful renditions of songs that I originally hate. Yes. She was the girl who made "Gee" sounds - to a woman who is against cuteness and songs that composed of all saccharine sweetness - bearable. Then I listen to this. The song she composed herself - the song that reaffirm my faith in the importance of learning how to play a recorder during primary school. Also a song that reaffirm my faith in girls with guitars after all the shitty girls with guitars out there on YouTube. 

4. Kina Grannis' rendition of Taylor Swift's "Safe and Sound"


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Another girl with guitar that I liked, the fact that Kina Grannis has the soothing voice that can turn even the stupidest of songs (Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it Again" to name a few) into a masterpiece made me love her rendition of this Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars song. Kill all the Keshas and the Nicki Minajs. The music world needs Kina Grannis and her lot.

5. Michael McIntyre's standup


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I love standup comedy. But there is none that can do it like Michael. Sure, Dylan Moran is all about the gloomy-funny side of life, Kathleen Madigan is the funny woman who makes fun of politics (I love that, as most comedienne talk about relationships and reality TV. That's too cliche), Noel Fielding does all the weird things and Stephen Fry is the king. But Michael does jokes from the most random things - like conversations among condiments, about designer labels, his kids, Chinese food, and public toilets. And most of them are things you do and in the end you always laugh while stomping your feet, saying "That is so true!!!"

6. ALi's "Hurt"


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It's a sad sad sad song and I love the arrangements

7. Montecristo73's channel


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He got all the Japanese horrors out there cramped into his channel. Awesome!

8. TheBlackHoleBowl channel


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They got every single WOULD I LIE TO YOU episodes there is. Seriously. That's the ultimate show for me. I mean, not only I can watch David Mitchell and Lee Mack all day long, they also invite Brits stars and comedians. I mean, once, there was David Mitchell and Michael McIntyre on one show and they bicker. Heaven. 

The Wedding, The Trial, The Lawyer

Sorry.

Dah lama sangat tak menulis kat blog ni. Banyak sangat benda yang perlu difikirkan, perlu dibuat, perlu dikaji. Sepanjang dua tiga minggu ni sibuk berulang-alik ke Ampang untuk jumpa lawyer, di samping menyiapkan kerja translation, news dan articles yang bertimbun yang perlu disiapkan sebelum perbicaraan kes kitorang bermula. Sebelum kes pulak, kawan baik aku kawin. Jadi banyak jugak habiskan masa membantu sikit2, almaklumlah, orang keje kat Sabah, kawin orang Kelantan, majlis kat Shah Alam.

LAWYER(S)

Aku rasa dalam tiga minggu ni dah entah berapa kali to and fro pejabat lawyer, email lawyer atau call lawyer. Aku dan Mun buat lawak, "While orang lain ada husband pada usia 29 tahun, kita pulak ada lawyer." In ironic sense, it is indeed funny. In another part of our ridiculous brain, it made us feel older, wiser and "sooo matang!" (bak kata member aku) for having a big case using a big shot lawyer. But in all seriousness, in my perfect life, I would never dreamed of hiring a lawyer for a lawsuit. As mature as it sounds, needing a lawyer means your life sucks.

But anyways, we do love our lawyers. Yes, two lawyers and a lawyer in training - which means we have three. They are the coolest bunch ever. Despite the rocky start, we don't treat them like a lawyer, tapi lebih kepada macam sisters dan abang sendiri. You don't know how much it means to us to have someone who knows the ups and downs of a legal case tells you "No worries." So, to our lawyers, you guys are the bomb!

TIM KAHWIN

Alhamdulillah, lepas banyak dugaan yang dihadapi, lepas naik turun emosi, lepas konflik selama dua tiga tahun, akhirnya Tim jumpa jodohnya. Tuhan tu memang Maha Adil sebab bila sampai je waktunya untuk seseorang tu berkahwin, sekejap saja jadinya dan mudah saja nak sampai. Aku rasa the first time Tim cerita fasal seorang ustaz yang baru jadi guru kat sekolahnya ialah pada Disember tahun lepas. Masa tu belum ada apa-apa lagi. Baru hint2.

Then macam kilat, Tim terima Ustaz Adnan, bulan March diorang bertunang dan bulan Mei diorang kawin. Sebagai someone yang kenal Tim sejak berusia tujuh tahun, hal tu belum sink in dalam otak aku. Aku belum betul2 churn the fact that Tim dah kawin. Mungkin little by little aku akan masukkan dalam otak yang kini bestfriend aku isteri orang dan kalau something happened to her, aku akan belasah Ustaz Adnan.

Ahahaha, jangan risau. Aku tau Ustaz Adnan yang gentleman itu tak akan hurt kawan aku. But just in case, ustaz, saya ini pemegang tali pinggang hijau Silat Gayong. Remember that. (Ceh, baru hijau dah berlagak).

Anyway, dari Jumaat, Sabtu sampai Ahad lepas, aku sibuk menolong2 kat rumah Tim, carikan tudung kawin (minah ni nak kawin, tapi banyak lagi benda tak selesai). Then aku dan Nad carik lagi kain untuk buat tudung kawin, belikan veil untuk dia, Nad plak hantar kain tu untuk jahit buat tudung, Mun pulak jadi mak andam secara tetibe (sbb Tim tak upah mak andam). And antara kitorang tiga orang, entah sapa entah yang jadi pengapit pun aku tatau.

Tapi hari Ahad tu agak susah nak bagi sepenuh hati sebab risaukan trial esoknya. Ha'ah, esok trial, hari ni Tim kahwin. That's how we roll. Berbulan madu dalam court. Ada sesapa berani buat? Hanya Timah. Hahaha.

Walaupun risau tu, sempat pergi Bangi untuk sambut besdei bulan Mei. Sedara mara aku ramai yang besdei bulan Mei, so paklong aku memang akan buat serentak untuk semua orang. Nana, cousin aku yang nak kawin akhir tahun ni nak suruh aku jadi emcee wedding dia dengan Shasha. Aku tengah piker alasan untuk tak jadi emcee, tapi rasa berdosa plak kalau tak emcee sbb ni wedding dia. Oh aku stress. Hahaha.

Tapi semua orang sangat snagat encouraging dan mendoakan kitorang berjaya dalam court. Paling terharu bila uwan kata, "Tak apo. Uwan doaaaa yo kokngah dapek." Paklong dan Pakkak pun encourage bersungguh2 and kata "We support you. We support you. We support you." Well, Paklong and Pakkak pun tengah menyaman orang. Huhu.

COURT TRIAL

Kalau anda nak tahu perasaan pergi court........................ camharam.

Perasaan a week before, camharam. Perasaan three days before, camharam. Perasaan bangun pagi solat hajat, rasa macam nak menangis keluar air mata darah. Perasaan panjat tangga Batucaves court Shah Alam, camharam dan exhausting. Perasaan tunggu giliran untuk jadi witness, camharam. Perasaan bila bailif panggil Mun untuk ke kandang saksi, camharammmmm sangat. Perasaan bila Mun keluar dan sengih?

Lega nak mamposssss.

Bukan semua orang yang naik ke kandang saksi. Mun sorang je yang wakilkan kitorang semua. Aku rasa kesian dengan dia, tapi she is the best choice there is. Kalau ada antara kitorang yang paling cautious, paling careful dan paling into details, Munlah orangnya.

Kalau ada yang belum tahu apa kes kitorang, well... senang kata kami adalah pihak plaintif. Kami yang menyaman. Itu saja yang dapat aku jelaskan buat masa ni sebab walaupun trial habis dalam dua hari instead of three, decision hakim hanya akan dibuat pada bulan Julai so in the meantime, tawakkal Alallah saja. Kitorang dah go through hell and back sepanjang tiga tahun ni, kitorang dah buat segalanya untuk work things through. Lawyers pun dah buat yang terbaik, jadi tak ada apa lagi yang boleh dibuat selain daripada bertawakal dan berdoa. Kalau menang, itu rezeki dari Allah. Kalau tak, itu cobaan dariNya.

Tapi the trial is a bittersweet experience. Do I want to go through with it again? HELL NO. Ko pernah rasa perasaan lima minit terakhir dalam dewan peperiksaan? Perasaan putus cinta? Perasaan bila ko bukak surat dan diberitahu yang jawatan yang kau pohon tu kau tak dapat? Perasaan menunggu doktor bagi keputusan diagnosis? Perasaan bila tengok musuh ko kena tampar? Think of all that and roll it into one. Macam tu la rasanya setiap kali ada saksi baru masuk. Perasaan risau bila kawan kau masuk kandang saksi, perasaan marah bila defendan putar belitkan fakta sekalipun dah bersumpah depan hakim, perasaan puas bila lawyer ko berjaya buat defendan stutter, perasaan bila lawyer ko datang dan jelaskan apa yang baru berlaku like some kind of sports commentator menerangkan cara Yaya Toure menjaringkan gol.

It's an experience yang aku cherish but I don't want to go through again. Kalau aku nak tulis novel tentang situasi dalam court, I would be able to as I am in it first hand. Ia buat aku lebih mengharga tugas seorang lawyer - banyak yang perlu diorang faham, perlu diorang teliti dan fikir on the spot. For me, it's like a creative science, a polished skill of deduction.... or at least, that's how our lawyers made it seemed to be. Diorang punya sistem macam sistem dalam improv - kalau nak dilihat dari sudut sains comedy. Ada feeder, dan ada killer. I love the fact how one of them feeds and the other one kills it. It's an extreme sport of social science. It's nothing like in the movies - the reality of a court is very boring. Bukak satu page, baca. Bukak page ni baca. Lawyer berfikir panjang........................ sangat sebelum tanya satu soalan. Tunggu pulak saksi bukak dokumen dan baca. Oh, sangat boring. But as soon as it's time for the kill, it's like "Dude, this is awesome."

I mean, memang keputusan belum keluar. Kitorang tak nak terlalu yakin dengan apa yang dah berlaku. Anything can happen. Sakit jantung tu masih ada, walaupun sekarang dah makin surut. Tapi yang penting, right now it feels so good to see these people yang dulunya tanak jumpa kitorang, anggap kitorang tak penting, pandang kitorang dengan mendongakkan kepala penuh kesombongan dan anggap kitorang bodoh sebab tak boleh selesaikan masalah yang kononnnya trivial, kini stutter depan hakim, kini tunduk asyik menjawab "Saya tak tahu" dan "Saya tak pasti" dan kena marah dengan lawyer kitorang sebab jawab tepape.

Oh, if only she knew. If only she knew how her colleagues and her boss yang selama ni dia puja dan dia agungkan semuanya meletakkan kesalahan atas bahu dia. Semua orang sebelumnya bersaksi yang mereka tak tahu dan mengatakan dia yang bertanggungjawab. Bila sampai ke gilirannya, dia yang dibombard dengan soalan, dia yang dimarahi lawyer sebab tak faham soalan, dia yang kena jawab semua soalan sebab dia tak boleh jawab "Tidak tahu" macam orang lain. Dia yang diperbodohkan.

Aku tak nak jadi orang yang berdendam. Tapi sebagai manusia, aku tak boleh deny yang sekurang-kurangnya aku rasa it's a poetic justice. Whatever happened in the next two months, at least I have seen them lost their prestige in the face of adversity.

Terima kasih buat semua yang mendoakan kami. Terima kasih buat saudara-mara yang memahami. Terima kasih kepada Yeh dan kakak aku yang sudi datang untuk melawat kami di court. Terima kasih semua yang SMS, PM, call dan ucapkan good luck. Terima kasih buat ibu bapa kami yang memahami dan bersama kami through and through. Thank you sooo much for Nad, Mun dan Tim. I thank Allah that I am blessed with the best of friends. THE BEST. I don't think I would ever find such friends like them again. Anda tahu bila anda senang dan susah bersama dan tidak sekali2 pun cuba bail out, that you are going to be the best of friends fid dunya wal akhirah.

Dinie, don't ever think I forget to include you too.

Insya Allah.

Oh, aku rasa sebak pulak menulis tentang kawan2 dan family aku. Cis, emoshenel brat. Semalam Tim dah buat statement sebak dah:
"Aku rasa bersyukur kita dapat Karamjit."
"Aku bersyukur Allah bagi kita Karamjit."
Uhuhuhuhuhuhu..... sebak weh.

The people who taught me

Kalau aku nak ucapkan SELAMAT HARI GURU kat Facebook, memang tak cukup. Aku ada ramai cikgu. Cikgu di sekolah, cikgu di U, cikgu di rumah, cikgu di merata2 tempat. So, lebih mudah untuk aku tribute an entry to them all.

Thank you:

Sekolah rendah (SRK Raja Muda & SRA Seksyen 3):


Cikgu Rosmiah (masa darjah satu aku tak pandai membaca lagi... yela, aku tak tadika dan cuma suka melukis. Bagai nak rak la dia mengajar aku membaca. TRIVIA: perkataan pertama yang aku berjaya eja ialah RUMAH). Cikgu Rohaya, Puan Ramlah, Puan Ng (masa darjah empat, aku dapat 100/100 dalam Muzik, aku rasa cam music maestro wooo dan aku tak pernah sebut nama dia sebab aku skema, berusaha nak sebut nama dia as Ng tanpa berbunyi Eng....), Cikgu Maimoon (aku sangat takut tahap gaban. Aku pernah kena tengking sebab tanya soalan bodoh/ aku dan Budiman pernah kena berdiri dalam kelas sebab buat lawak sesama sendiri pasal baju dia/ aku, Yoong, Usamah pernah kena berdiri di luar kelas, bersila luar kelas, dan macam2 aktiviti hukuman di luar kelas/ komik aku kena rampas dengan dia. Baik, memang aku yang selenge dalam hal ini), Ustazah Maimunah (yang tolong aku dengan esei untuk masuk asrama), Ustaz Rosli (yang panggil aku "Fauziah Latiff" dan perasan hensem...), Ustaz Mohd Don (oh, crush!), Ustaz Nasir (aku takut gila dengan dia. Dahla dia jiran belakang umah kitorang), Ustazah Zainab, Ustazah Azlili (aku memang sentiasa ingat nama2 yang garang), Ustazah Salbiah, Ustazah Sabariah (macam filem "Ibu Mertuaku" plak, kan?).

Sekolah Menengah (SMKA Kuala Selangor)
Cikgu Saleh (yang berusaha nak bagi aku faham Add Math walaupun otak aku dah shut down. Suruh aku beli tiket balik Kashmir bila tak lulus add math, panggil aku "Juhi"), Cikgu Zaleha (pernah sebat tangan aku dengan pembaris. Seharian tangan aku bau wangi, most probably sbb Cikgu Zaleha mmg sentiasa berbau minyak wangi), Cikgu Rokiah (di mana aku belajar Sejarah dengan jitu dan juga seni sarcasm yang jitu), Ustaz Ghazali (yang makin popular sekarang, tapi suatu masa dulu tempat aku mengadu sampai meleleh2 air mata. Wahahaha), Ustaz Ziyad dan Ustazah Uraidah (couple yang sangat cute), Ustazah Ann Surina (yang suka gelak bila aku cakap apa pun dan buat aku sgt faham dan suka subjek Bahasa Arab), Cikgu Shamsinar (yang pernah datang mengajar kelas malam dan bersalin pada hari yang sama, sungguh berdedikasi), Ustaz Sariman (seorang lagi yang mengajar aku seni sarcasm dan loyar buruk), Cikgu Azizi, Cikgu Wan Ramlah, Cikgu Ismail (Sains Tingkatan Tiga... awkward times), Ustazah Mahfuzah (yang sentiasa cheerful), Ustazah Naseemah (maafkan saya sebab sentiasa tidur dalam kelas), Cikgu Yusof, Cikgu Norliza, Ustaz Ezani, Cikgu Aida (yang sentiasa berusaha buat kelas Pendidikan Seni interesting), Cikgu Zul (yang pernah jerit kat aku, "Mak cik! Larilah! Bontot berat!"), Cikgu Noorazman (yang sangat cool bila happy, sangat scary bila mengamuk), Teacher Noorul (teacher paling cantik pernah aku jumpa seumur hidup), Teacher Elina (yang paling banyak tolong aku develop english aku), Kak Miha (yang akan bebel "Kamu tu tak pandai!" kalau kitorang buat kerja memandai2)

UIA Matrics
Ustaz Nasser (lecturer Chinese Muslim yang bagitau aku, "You're unique, Syahida. It's just you don't know it yet" dan somehow mengubah aku jadi siapa aku sekarang), Ustaz Yasin Mohd Yasin dari Sudan (yang berjalan sangat laju sebab pakai kasut cheetah print dan sangat ditakuti, tapi sangat humorous bila the first BM word dia belajar dari kitorang ialah "Berambus"), Ustaz Zairul dari Kelantan (sangat hensem, sangat distracting), Ustaz Fairuz (sangat hensem, sangat distracting, sangat mudah untuk dibuli), Mr. Rasyad Bakashmar (aku curik ayat dia jadi catchphrase, "Takoot aku, ustazzzz"), Ustaz Maszlee Malik (yang sekarang dah jadi penulis terkenal. Dulu bila aku kata aku minat Leonardo DiCaprio, dia balas, "Apa? Suka Paprik? Shai, likes to drink tea and eat nasik paprik."), Ustaz Khalid dari utara (OMG, sangat sangat sangat rindukan Ustaz Khalid yang panggil aku dan Izza "Naqibatain" (dua orang Naqibah), panggil aku Shushu, dan selalu sebut benda yang salah sebab duduk Arab Saudi lama sangat).

UIA Main Camp
Dr. Alfateh Abdullahi Abdel Salam dari SUdan (aku paksa diri amik lima kelas dengan dia, sbb dia advisor aku dan sebab dia susah sgt nak bagi aku A. Selagi tak dapat an actual A, selagi tu aku amik kelas dengan dia), Dr. Wahabuddin Ra'ees dari Afghanistan (sangat terkenal sebab hensem dan ada aura Afghani warrior or those kind of thing, dan ramai org suka dia sbb dia paksa kitorg berfikir macam scholars), Mdm Zeenath Kauthar dari Bangladesh (the best untuk political philosophy dan anything regarding feminism, and akan tolak markah ko kalau ko punya grammar tak betul), Dr. Garoot from Sudan (aku salu berangan je dlm kelas dia sbb dia bagi nota power point. Aku jadi dumb kalau lecturer bagi nota), Dr. Ishtiaq Hossein from Bangladesh (who taught me that you have to know all the points, not just one opinion and one view. Lecturer yang buat aku jadi rajin baca paper and political books, journals and stuff), Prof. Ataul Huq Pramanik from Bangladesh (sangat garang sampai ada budak kena heart attack dalam kelas dia, seriously. Tapi sebenarnya dia just one of those sweet old man yang you just have to know how to talk to in order to understand him), Dr. Osman Chua (semua orang join kelas dia sebab senang nak dapat A), Dr. Rahman Tang, the blind Chinese wiseguy (who taught me to make fun of every misery. aku sangat suka dia sebab he says the funniest things about his condition, from Anita Sarawak pakai botoks "Saya yang buta ni pun tahu" to kenapa dia tak akan dapat kahwin dengan Siti Nurhaliza, "Saya ni cina, buta pulak tu" to pink toilets equals gay, "Kalau kamu tengok orang lelaki tu rumahnya kaler pink, apa maknanya tu? Kalau saya takpe, sebab saya buta, saya tak nampak warna apa saya pilih".

SELAMAT HARI GURU!!! You guys are the best!      

Regarding the reason why I don't have that kind of dream...

I was reading a friend's FB status (because a lifeless body pretending to be human such as myself have no other means of communication other than FB), and she was thinking about buying a practical ride versus a cool head-turning bike.

Then I realised something. All this while, I never had any "dream car" or "dream ride". Yes, I once wanted to buy a Mini Cooper, but I guess that was just wishful thinking because I just watched THE ITALIAN JOB at the time. I think subliminally, I actually wanted Mark Wahlberg, not the car he was driving in the flick. And the car's back seat is so sempit, it's ridiculous. Then I wanted a Kelisa. That was also because it reminded me of local version of Mini Cooper, or subliminally, I was just hoping that I would meet a local version of Mark Wahlberg....... which is like finding a sexy needle in a haystack filled with mamak-tea drinking Malay men.

And yes. I have no dream ride. Maybe that is because I don't have a driver's license and will someday die of a heart attack while trying to hit the 999 button alone in a house filled with books (in my mind it sounded like the death of a hot librarian. In yours, that is just sad). But more than that, my friend Dinie once told me that before she got her Mitsu Lancer, she changed her laptop wallpaper to a picture of the car in order to remind herself that she will work hard to be able to buy the car. While she was saying that, I didn't picture any car model to be my laptop wallpaper. 

I was imagining a picture of Keira Knightley in a Regency dress, walking across a large field with one big tree near the end.

Yes, I was thinking of THIS picture!

I love walking. I'm a walker (not in THE WALKING DEAD zombies kind of way). I have no issues whatsoever with walking because that's the best way for you to muhasabah diri and observe your surroundings. The issue is that I was born in this panas-dan-lembap-sepanjang-tahun climate (to quote grography text book) and walking equals to misery. One moment you are all sweaty from the hot sun, and before you know it, you're all wet from the rain. You can never walk comfortable without thinking that you should bring your umbrella with you but every time you remembered bringing the extra baggage to your already full handbag, there was no rain and the sun was not as hot. Every day is a "will it or won't it" mystery even worse than waiting for a marriage proposal. I love my country in that less-bencana-alam kind of way. But the climate is not tailored for someone who loves nature such as myself. I guess, I should just move to FRIM, or Janda Baik, or Genting Highlands....... no, not Genting Highlands. That's like moving to mini Las Vegas.

So yes, in a way, I don't have my own transportation dream (that sounds so governmental). I guess the mode of transportation of my choice, if given any, is walking - with a book in hand - in a Regency dress - on a warm breezy morning - in the heart of Hertfordshire - at the turn of 19th century. THAT of course will never be realised. Because other people might only need a lot of cash to buy their dream ride. But, I have to find a time-travelling machine to get to that certain time and era, and turn myself into a white British Lady (not just a lady, but a "lady of the house", or I will end up turning into their scullery maid. And that's not pretty).

Yes. A time-travelling machine, like Doc Brown's DeLorean in BACK TO THE FUTURE.

Maybe that should be my dream car.

I put the Busy in Business.... no, that's not how it works

Here's my week.

My busy busy week.

Three new episodes of "Princesa Ng Banyera" with the deadline going from 24 to 25th April. "Secret Service" for 30th April - which also means that I have to finish it this week because I will be busy not-caring and not-giving-a-damn about work as it's KLIBF. KLIBF is like Writers' Week. I mean it IS Writers' Week of some sort. It's the time to meet everybody and I mean everybody.

Oh of course because it's my birthday this Friday. I don't usually care about it before, but I feel like a winner this year and it's my last year in my twenties... ok, not like I am giving a damn about the latter. But, yeah. When your birthday is the first day of KLIBF - which no matter if you have new book or not, still matters to you, it sure is damn great. It feels like the whole country is celebrating it.

That's just me being super-positive and super-annoying.

Oh, to continue my pointless meager writing, I also have to translate "Pawn Stars" for early May. I heard that they are making a sinetron for "Dalam Mihrab Cinta". So, if I try impress my boss hard enough, I may be able to get to translate that. That is why even with that ludicrous deadline, when they asked me to make an urgent translation for one episode of PNB for a rush cue to be sent 12 pm tomorrow, I said yes. Yes, it is very important to make your boss see that you can translate a bulk of series at one go. That's how I get "Dari Sujud ke Sujud".

Why the Indonesian sinetron you ask? Because it's a bonus work. One, we're kinda responsible for anything on PELANGI and BELLA channel (not all, but half of them) and they are easier to deal with than those documentaries. I mean, I love documentaries, don't get me wrong. But I love watching them rather than translating them. Two, it makes my dad proud to have a daughter who he can relate to. Sometimes I pretend not to know a word just so I can ask my dad and see his eyes lit up talking about them. Come on. Seriously. What's the point of being a translator if I don't know what "norak" means.

So, in conclusion (I am sorry for writing stuff not following the rules of writing), I have not written anything and my latest manuscript is still collecting dusts. I won't be as free next month, what with the thing and that I will start writing for Tupai again (I am on holiday from that right now, since my editor was on holiday the whole month). My fingers are starting to cramp up from too much typing.

Oh yeah, yesterday, Mun, Dinie and I went out for a cuppa at this restaurant where old government servants usually hang out to drink coffee. Kinda spent the hours talking about investments and buying gold and real estates and stuff. I think hanging out at a men's place kinda makes you think and speak like a forty year-old oil tycoons.  

I am also sorry for writing in this whatever language. Aku ingin menulis dalam bahasa ibunda, namun sayangnya fikiranku dipenuhi terminologi dokumentari.

Add: Here's the list for KLIBF. Ya, buat kali pertamanya, saya berada di dalam kategori "Novel Kanak2 dan Remaja" instead of the usual adult section of stuff. Teeheee (perlu ke gelak pura2 cute semata2 sebab masuk kategori baru?)

Tarikh/ Hari	Pagi (10.00-1.00)	Petang (2.00-5.00)
27/ 4 Jumaat	Roziah Adama	Roziah Adama
	Nurul Syahida	Hazrul Hafizi
28/ 4	KAKA	KAKA
Sabtu	Wardah Munirah	Wardah Munirah
29/ 4 Ahad	Hariz Norman	Hariz Norman
	Harleem Dayam	Harleem Dayam
1/ 5 Selasa	Dinaz Salsabila	Dinaz Salsabila
	Asnidar	Asnidar
5/ 5 Sabtu	Reyna Syuzam	Ebriza
	Hanna Johan	Hanna Johan
6/ 5 Ahad	Nisah Haron
	Umi E.Na