2012 - The Memoir of a Writer's Life in Summation

Another pretentious way to conclude 2012 after blabbering the significance of my life in 2012 that is insignificant to others in any way possible.

September 2012 - How she found her true love

I have always loved this picture. Us 22 years later.

My cousin Nana weds her beau whom she has been keeping mum until 2009. Nana - who has always been choosy when it comes to anything and everything, chose John (real name Feisal, don't ask me how "john" happened) to be her life-long partner. You know your cousin is serious and not in any way intended to tie the knot because it was the trend when she used the word, "I have to think carefully. This is not a short term thing. This is for life!"

I mean, it is the trend to get married early nowadays. I guess the trend happened to people born 1985 and below. Most of my friends born in 1983 don't actually have marriage in mind when they were just 23. 1983 people are hotheaded, career-minded and apt to not get along with employers - that's evident with the fact that most of my friends and people my age are into business and freelance)

Nana's nikah was on 7/9, Dinie held Naurah's birthday on 8/9 but I wasn't able to go due to Nana's reception on 9/9 in Kompleks Perbadanan Putrajaya. I didn't eat much despite the catering was amazing, since I had to protect the sanctity of the goody bags with Nana's paternal cousins, Shasha and her then fiance, King.... ("sanctity of the..."... exaggeration alert!)

Oh, and Mun was my tailor for that dress.

October 2012 - Month of Work and Work-related Stuff

Zara Amani and I went to Buku Prima to discuss about our project and our ideas about the book cover. It was also my dad's birthday so remembering how my dad kept talking about wanting to buy the remote-controlled helicopter, I bought him one. I, of course, forgot that I have two brothers... so they ended up playing with that thing until the battery depletes. And of course, being guys, they never thought about replacing them batteries.

Ajik bought a new car, but stupid car dealer can't even do his job right, so we sack him instead.
Oh, and Karangkraf held Aidil Adha's feast. I couldn't stay long due to massive translation workload but boy was I extremely full.

Gabe's obsession with the aquarium begins from day one

One day, I was talking to Abang Long, my agent, in front of the house when suddenly, out came a black kitten, mewing his heart out at me. Abang Long asked me whose cat it is. I have no idea. But feeling sympathy for its sickly look and desperate eyes pleading for food, I took it inside after my agent left. Gave him some food and let him out again.

But he didn't leave. He stayed. He stayed every day. So I called him Mugabe (because I like my cat with a little bit of dictatorship in it), and he has been mine ever since. I've always wanted a black cat anyway. A writer should always have a black cat since it has this aura that injects creativity....... nahhh. I made that up.

According to an article I read, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) had an Angora cat, a white one called Muizza. Just pretend like I have the opposite - a black cat named Mugabe.

November 2012 - Receptions and Reunions

Mun and I also had to meet the lawyer, after several months of no legal discussions. Our legal rep (I just wanted to use the word so badly) told us that we will be having our damage assessment in November, but the other party has decided to appeal the case in January. So we decided to postpone the assessment to another date. I knew dreams-come-true always comes with a delay.

But do pray for us. And do pray that they will end all of this as soon as possible.

Rahmah got married and we went to Kuala Selangor to celebrate it. We also went to our old school to see how it has changed over 12 years. A lot of change. I just pity the students now. They would not be able to enjoy the school as we had. Once upon a time, when it rains, you can see fishes swimming in the grass and egrets and cranes flying from Taman Alam to the fields, looking for the fishes in the grass. Wak Jazz will be out there with his pail and his net, trying to catch them (the fishes, not the egrets). Now where it used to be a huge field, two additional buildings stood uglily (that's a legitimate word).

We also went to Masitah's house and had a good chat.... and robbed the mangoes from her family's mango tree. Muahaaha.
 
Ajik had his convocation in Terengganu. I couldn't come, so I stayed home for three days and cleaned the whole house up. Now I know what I will actually do when there is nobody around - I am one of the members of the cleaner tribe.

November was also a great month in a sense that two people that has been MIA for a long time suddenly reappeared. One is Fer, my best friend in SMKAKS. To tell you the truth, I don't have a lot of male friends in high school. A) because I am just not that friendly, B) I don't really understand boys that much, and C) I just can't be bothered. But Fer was one of the guys that I was close to, due to the fact that we almost always involved in the same societies and almost always fighting.

We fought at gelanggang silat when we were both the committee members, we argued about Persatuan Bahasa Arab's budget when he was the president and I was the treasurer, we argued during Rumah Hijau's meeting with no reason at all, and we argued in class for the pettiest things. Arguing was like our thing. There was even a time that we had a relay-argument - where I stated my case, Che' Wan sent the message and Fer replied. I don't think I have ever met any better arguing partner in my life after Fer. Everybody else admits defeat far too quick, it's no fun.

But after SMKAKS, there was no news about him at all. I had to wait 12 years before he sent a message on Facebook in November and asked me if I remembered him. The guy is now married with two kids. Nothing makes me feel so old as browsing through pictures of Fer's two little clones. Ahahaha.

The next day, Uncle Kirby add me on Facebook. Have I ever told you that I have a foreign uncle? Married to my paternal aunt, he's American and now works as a Semiotics professor in Akita University. I haven't seen him since....... I can't remember, because I think the last time I saw him, I was too little to remember anything. But I was ecstatic when he sent a message on Facebook, because I have heard a lot about him and I love reading his book of poetry, "A Geography of the Soul". I used to Google his image on Facebook, just to know how he looks like, but now he's on Facebook and I can actually talk to him. It's really good to have that.

December 2012 - All the Trips and Flat Tyres

Our friend Fiza got married and her wedding turned into some kind of SMKAKS reunion (they call the school KUSSIS now, but I refused to do so. I will always be SMKAKSian, heart and soul). Cikgu Zaleha still looking svelte and slim after all these years, much to our chagrin. Ahahaha.

Repaired the aircond after three years. Our new aircond-man, Mr. Tsai is a weird man, but then again, so was our old aircondman, Steven. I guess all aircond-man are peculiar, but then again, that's just generalisation.

Nana's sister, Liliee is getting married in January, so we're busy with that too.

Julia, Mas and I had another vacay, this time to Kulai, Pengerang and then Universal Studio, Singapore. It was planned earlier in October. We planned it all out but then I forgot about the migraine that cannot be unplanned in any way. Safe to say that I don't think I am suited for Universal Studio's rides. I mean, the weather is quite hot, but the rooms where people queued are air-conditioned  The rides were extreme, especially the Transformers ride. THAT you have to wear 3D glasses - the most hated technology of all. Then after the ride, you get out to the hot sun to a crowd of people. Then it rains suddenly, sun again, aircond, ride, sun, rain, crowds..... that's just the perfect recipe for a level 3 migraine.

But I am so grateful for Mas' hospitality, as well as her brother and sister in-law's kindness in taking us in.

Tim was home for the school holidays and four months pregnant, so we all went out to Big Bad Wolf and a dinner at Nad's. I went to BBW with my family the next day. The thing with BBW is..... it's not enough for me. You know how some people go crazy hearing the word "Shoe Sales" or have sugar rush after eating lots of candy?

That's how I feel being there, in a hall filled with books. At one point, I almost wanted to live there, thinking heaven would be me in a huge auditorium filled with books and smell like freshly printed newspapers. I think that was what inside my dad's head at the same time. If I let him go on for another hour, I will have to sell my laptop to pay for his books.

We also went to GM Klang two days later, but it was just okay, except for the time when Mun had a flat tyre and we were stranded in front of the bus stand in Section 7, and waited for Tim, her husband and her dad to help us while having a karaoke session at the side of the road at 11pm.

Flat.... like supermodel boobs.

And that's how I feel about my whole 2012 - like a stranded stranger on the side of the road, singing songs of happiness, of sadness and woes, waiting for someone or something to take me to the next stage of my life. The bus may come later on, or I may be singing more songs, may be singing it alone, maybe someone will be playing the guitar for me while I sing, or my friends will come and sing with me together. But we will all be sitting at the side of the road while cars pass us by, waiting and anticipating, whether a bus, a taxi, a bike, a van or just someone to walk us along.

2012 is another bus stand in my journey, with God watching me every step of the way...

2012 - The Memoir of A Novelist's Life in the Middle

That's just a pompous way to say "Memori May - Ogos"....

May 2012 - My Bestfriend's Wedding

Tim got married in May. Tim, who was with me through thick and thin since we were just seven, finally found her soul mate (in a rapid courtship) and we were there to celebrate her day with her. Nad bought a green fabric to be made into a scarf and we spent quite a while in Jakel doing so. That was on the 25th. On 26th, we went to find some last minute stuff for the wedding on 27th.

To tell you the truth, as much as we were extremely happy for her, we were still very conscious about an important thing - the fact that the next day, on 28 May, we were to attend our court trial. I mean, Mun was part eating, part studying her witness statement. The trial went for two days instead of three since the judge felt that more witnesses were not needed (as the case was very clear). Tim went to trial, despite being married for only a day. How many people can say that their very first two married days were spent in court?

But Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Everything went well at the time.

Oh, and May was the month that a kitten came to our house. I was extremely surprised because from the back, I thought it was Phibun, back from the dead, like in Stephen King's "Pet Sematary". At first, the kitten just came and went as he pleased, but little by little, he kinda turned our house into his own. With his stupid expression and weird things he does (like playing fetch), mum called him "Koyon" - short for Mangkuk Ayun. Yeah... trust mum to give embarrassing names.

June 2012 - Death and Roller Coasters

I had a short vacay in June - went to Genting Highlands with Mas and Jue, whom I haven't seen since IIUM, I think. It was part fun part scary trip. The scary part was that we were an intelligent being (*read sarcastically*). Instead of a safe return when it was still day, we decided to return after dark. The whole of Genting was filled with fog, Julia can't see anything while driving. We relied solely on the brake lights coming from the car in front of us. The only car in front of us.

To say that I was scared, not so much. I had the same experience back in 2010 while I was on a trip with Tim and Nurul in Kundasang. Same situation, same fog, but smaller and steeper road, no lights whatsoever. I had to put my head out and squint my eyes to make sure we didn't fall down the cliff. At one point, Tim's car was exactly at the edge of the cliff. THAT was shit. But in Genting, I had a different reason to fear. I mean, it was Genting. I don't want to die and have my story to be "dead. fell down the cliff back from Genting, the gambling city of Malaysia".

Realising that, I think I am not going there any time soon. My death story should be something like, "Died during sujud" or "Died after trying to save children from war-mongers".

July 2012 - The Prints, The Victory and the Deejay

I got my first agent in July. Yay! Met Abang Long at Pesta Buku Selangor and I was extremely thankful that he was there to help me. I mean, it's really hard for readers to find my old books in stores, and making it harder still is the fact that even nowadays you can't find it during book fairs. I mean, it's not even in Karangkraf Mall's list at one time. It's like playing "Where's Waldo" with my book, especially PLAIN JANE. With Abang Long and his website Arrazi.my, buying it online was made easier.

In July, I also had an interview with Berita Harian. It's actually for my good friend, Chaq's column. Every time people congratulate me for the article, I felt like I wronged them a little even if I explained it later because it was of course, Chaq's. But to tell you the truth, I LOVE being interviewed by own friend. It kinda made me feel so mature, not in the sense of being interviewed. More like, "Oh, look at us. You're a journalist and you are interviewing me, a novelist. We have actual jobs! Yay!"



Then I had my first interview on radio. It was not my year resolution or anything, but I finally done them all - TV, paper, magz, online TV, radio. If not for the fact that ibadah aku masih kurang, I can now die in peace. It was another type of experience. I mean, I have went to a radio conti before, back in IIUM. I accompanied a friend for UIA deejay audition and while waiting, I was like, what the heck, let's just try for the sake of it. Of course we were not picked. I sounded like a squirrel, and still do. That's not radio-friendly. But to be interviewed on radio is quite weird. You hear songs and your own voice combined in perfect (and squirelly) harmony.

And it was hard to keep focus when the deejay looks like someone I know. Oh, and sempat pergi lunch with Hani MJ, my junior in SMKAKS.

Oh and the best part of July was the last day, when Miss Shireen called us and said we won the case. After all the pain and suffering for the last three years, it was the best feeling in the world. I hope that we can feel that again this January after the appeal. Amin.

August 2012 - Ramadhan's Happiness and Syawal's Tragic Comedy

Ramadhan and Syawwal came in the same month. Mun and I was stuck in a bad traffic on 8th August while trying to get to IIUM. Why? Because I wanted to break my fast in IIUM and Mun once said that "If we win, I want to do tarawih at IIUM mosque." We went out at five, arrived around 8.30pm. No breaking the fast for me, but Mun resolved her nazar.

Then she left her water bottle. Never a day goes by whereby Mun remembered to take her water bottle home.

Lots and lots of iftar.... okay, I lied. I was busy in August, so we just had one iftar with Dinie, Mun and Deqnor. Wanted to try the Arabian cuisine but end up eating at Pak Long Steamboat. Nah, it's fine.

On Hari Raya, my lil cousin Ejal fell into the septic tank. Or, in layman's term, tangki taik. All deep in faeces, after the tank's cover broke. It was lucky that he fell into the shallow part of the tank and not the middle part. That would be a tragedy. But since it was not a tragedy, he grabbed the top spot in "Haji Wahab's Wall of Shame", and would be for a long time. I mean, how can anybody defeat the boy who fell into a pool of shit, aye?

To be continued on September's love, October's expenses, November's reunion and December's summation...

2012 - The Memoir of the first four months in the life of a novelist in solitude

Saje je bagi ayat poyo nak mamp.

I should be writing something, should I?
Something about 2012 closing its curtain and all that jazz.

So okay. Let's do this shit.

January 2012 - "The Beginning of an Era"

Started the year with a fizz, not with a bang. Because I was already 28 goin on 29 at the time, any attempt to be pretentiously cheerful and motivated will just be the act of... denial? pretension? desperation?... maybe all but none of the above. But I started 2012 with Karnival Karangkraf, which I guess, MAY be the only interesting thing in January because my journal said nothing about anything else except the word "27 Jan - Karnival Karangkraf".

I was not there as adult writer... (sounds as if I wrote porn), but as a member of the MCK group. I think the whole thing was a bit blur to me. Firstly, I didn't wear the official colour. Secondly, I spent quite a lot of time gossiping with Kak Sha (Shahriah Abdullah), whom I have not seen since 2010 and her involvement in "Masterchef'".

But our booth is extra pretty and I love all the details of the characters from the projects that was illustrated as the wallpaper (as you can see behind us in the pic).

February 2012 - "The Vacation"

Vacay at Grand Lexis, PD. Usually extremely expensive, but was on hot deal at the time, so Dinie suggested that we took it. Was the best decision ever. You can see the water and fishes swimming from the glass floor (okay,not whole floor, just a segment of the floor), your own private pool and all that. We ended up didn't go anywhere (except dinner at a seafood restaurant) and spent the whole vacay in the pool. I mean, the sea was not at its best, anyway. 

I kinda miss this kind of impromptu vacay. Afterwards, the year has been filled with lots of weddings and wedding preparations (not mine though). Have to do it again next year (not the wedding, the vacay!).  

Other than the vacay, we spent most of February in our lawyer's office, having heart attack over claims and counterclaims. Want a real adrenaline rush? Don't try bungee jumping. Try suing!

March 2012 - "The Engagement and the Loss"

March was a week of everything and nothing. I had a booksigning at UMW, Shah Alam with Kak Kamsiah Abu and Damya Hanna. Nobody actually approached us. Not even for Damya Hanna. It made us question the reason we were there and ended up chatting among ourselves in the end. Ahahaha. My cousin Dila got engaged to her beau, Khairi in an engagement event that was held at granma's house in Sri Menanti. It was me, her and Ikah to deal with all the work, since my sister was doing umrah at the time. But that was a few weeks after Tim's engagement.

Now, Tim's engagement to Ustaz Adnan was a quick one. They met each other around November/December, decided to get engaged in March and married in May. Why the rush, you asked? Heck, at 29, that is not a rush at all.

That month, I also had a lepak-activity with Zara Amani and Liza Nur at Liza's house in Ampang. In just two days, we planned a new novel, slept through the afternoon, had a karaoke in Semenyih, watched skydiving at Dataran Merdeka, and entah mana tah lagi.

Phibun in his heydays

But it was also a sad day for me, mainly because it was the same day I lost Phibun, my snowshoe buddy since 2008. Phibun was diagnosed with jaundice and there was nothing that we could do because it was already too late. I just regret the fact that I was not there to say goodbye.

To tell you the truth, I have not been browsing Phibun's pictures in ages, since it kinda makes me sad. I think that is why, Allah has been very kind to me when He gave us Koyon two months later - a personification of Phibun in various ways. Albeit weirder. I mean, the cat suddenly came to our house and made it his own dengan muka tak malunya.

Koyon, the stupider, sillier version of Phibun

April 2012 - "Being 29"

My birthday. And KL International Book Festival on the same day. I went to KLIBF four times, buying nothing. I don't like buying books at KLIBF. The queues are too long. I consider the extra I have to pay for the books at the store to be the amount of patience I have none, to be waiting in line.

Met a lot of readers, including Hana and Maryam (who wrote the first review for VN last year), Mia Kaftiya, also Moon Leya Zafrina, who will be making her debut early next year.

I was there again as one of MCK members instead of my individual books. I mean, the last book I wrote was Valentina Nervosa and that was in 2011. I wrote a lot of things in 2011 that I already planned for a break in 2012, but somehow none of them made it for 2012 publishing, and delayed to 2013. So, I guess we'll see about 2013, aye?

Then my besties for life, Nad and Mun decided to throw me a birthday celebration, which consists of lunch at San Francisco (the restaurant, not the city/county with the bridge on its merchandise), a plate of my favourite choc volcano cake (has ceased to be my favourite since its effect on my weight) and three different types of Secret Recipe cheesecakes. Nad also gave me a khat illustration thingy and a new tudung from Baheera.

I guess, being 29 has no definite meaning in my life. I have long stopped counting my age (I stopped at 23 and couldn't care less about it, until people kept asking me "What do you feel now that you're 29?".... "Err... like how I normally feel? Or should I start panicking about life in as dramatic way as possible?"

I mean, I consider myself blessed. I have great friends (I mean, we have been extremely destroyed by our business together, and yet Alhamdulillah, we're still together), I have a great family, I am already doing my dream job, I escaped bad relationships, I have my readers and I have never regret ever resigned from my permanent job. At 29, I already half way through my dreams. It's easy for us to overlook all the nikmat and talk about the things we have yet to achieve, but if you look back, everything was meant to be and I would not want my 29 to be anything less.

Except for the court case, I guess.

To be continued.... 

Things I Like Part 4

Maafkan aku sebab asik update blog dengan benda2 ni. Selain daripada aku tidak punya idea untuk menulis tentang hal lain (yang berkemungkinan disebabkan aku tak ada life masa), malas pun ada jugak... which is really ironic, sebab setiap kali aku kata aku novelis, mesti yang akan kata, "Rajinnya nak menulis sampai 500 page..."

Kalau aku rajin, aku kerja pejabat atau bukak bisnes jual tudung Fareeda/Premium Beautiful/kedua-duanya sekali. Sebab aku malas la aku jadi novelis. Bukan malas nak buat kerja, more like malas buat kerja ikut timing orang lain. Jadi novelis ikut timing aku je.

Anyways.... favourite stuff on the internet part four. Aku cuba berjanji untuk tak buat lagi next time ("cuba berjanji" tau, bukan "berjanji").

Oh, memang sangat annoying. I mean, kalau sekarang ni ada dua jenis muzik yang buat aku sangat-sangat rimas. 1. Jingle bells, 2. Gangnam Style. Somehow, kalau ada popup ad yang keluar (sekalipun Google selalu kata diorang block popup ads, that's not entirely true), mesti dua lagu ni. The Christmas song somehow adalah one of those iklan "Tahniah, anda berjaya menang whatever" and that Gangnam Style tu just.... I don;t really know what it is. Aku terlampau annoyed that I just remove it without even checking. Don't get me wrong. Masa GS keluar, I kinda like that song. What annoys me is that four months after that, people still think it's a fun thing to do in award shows. It's not. 

Aku takleh mewakili semua penulis, tapi masa tengok SHERLOCK and sampai ke babak ni, aku gelak guling-guling. The scene was, Sherlock halau semua orang dalam lab sebab dia nak berfikir dengan lebih mendalam, which means, search inside his brain like some kind of database... or in Sherlock's term, "Mind Palace". Kenapa aku gelak? Sebab "Mind Palace" is not something only Sherlock does. As a writer, sometimes I do that too. I kinda push everything away, and then start to link stuff that is already inside my head. People think when I do that, it means aku "berangan", which is not. I am storing and checking the inventories in my brain. I mean, you can't really berangan about the link between the word "Anne Boleyn" to "Kedai Farmasi Watson".

(*How you link Boleyn to Kedai Farmasi Watson? -> Answer: Anne Boleyn was the King Henry VIII's second wife. Boleyn somehow sounds like Bolero. Is that a song by Chayanne? Nope, that's "Torero". A latin song, like Shakira's. She can really shake, and Beyonce is nothing compared to her. Beyonce sings "Single Ladies"... apa liriknya? "If you like it then you shudda put a ring on it"... Ring... the best would be diamond from Winston's. The same name dengan Sherlock's sidekick. Nope, that's Watson, like Kedai Farmasi Watson.")

If only I can say this to some people. I really don't hate you. I just think you always have the bad luck of saying something to me masa aku bad mood. 

Every day.

Masa baca benda ni kat FB, aku teringat lecturer aku, Dr. Marcinkowski. He once told me the story of Columbus. It's true - they were looking for India. Or more correctly, they wanted to get spices (which is of course one of the reasons of their occupation in several places), and they know India ada banyak spices. However, Columbus tersilap arah and found America instead. Tapi dia sangka dia dah sampai India and the place IS India. Masa kat sana, they saw tanned tribal men. They thought these people were Indians, but they were covered with tribal paint, which is red (in other stories, their tanned bodie/hairs nampak perang instead of gelap, which to them looks red).

And that's how the name RED INDIAN came to be and why Native Americans are called exactly that.

Now, don't quote me for it. This is like "legend has it that..." rather than "This is fact..."

Yeah...... and pernah tak anda hampir disaman disebabkan sarcasm anda? I have. Sounds like a cool shit, but it's not. Not unless you're Sultan Brunei. 

Ahahahahaha.

Memang sebenarnya ini yang aku dengar the first time Alicia Keys nyanyi korus lagu NEW YORK tu.

This is my wallpaper. I just want to share it with you.

It's David Mitchell as Mark Corrigan in PEEP SHOW, which is the funniest most uncomfortable experience I have ever watched. It's the type of funny where you go, "Oh, oh jangan buat camtu. Jangan. Tolonglah jangan.." but the character would of course do it, and you'll be like.... haih. And it also felt really close to my heart because there are things that Mark think or did yang sebenarnya truly apa aku sendiri pernah fikir dan buat - the awkwardness in social setting, the faking confidence in front of people, the constant thinking about people's ideas about you and takut being misunderstood. 

I adore Liz Lemon. In one way or another, she is my idol. Yes, adakalanya she's genius bordering to lunatic, but the things that came out of her mouth adalah sangat clever that it makes you wish you have that kind of thinking. There was a time that I was so obsessed with Liz Lemon's character, aku tersedar yang I had her hairdo, my wardrobe dipenuhi t-shirt belang2 and I kept using her catchphrases. What the whakk...

Nope. Actually you just have to be a fan of Richard Ayoade if not IT CROWD/Moss to know Tnetennba. Or, if you just watch this clip...

Is there a fan of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT out there, who like me, feels that they are so dumb to cancel this show but reality TV shit is all over the network? I love shows like WONDERFALLS, 30 ROCK, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT... they're really funny in not that obvious kind of way. But somehow, people don;t like meta-humour that much. They like things yang tak perlukan diorang memiliki asas pengetahuan umum untuk faham. So, we get shit like 2 BROKE GIRLS, but great shows like these kena chop off. I mean, even 30 Rock pun dah masuk last season cuz ratings weren't that great.

Oh anyway, this girl, (actress Alia Shawkat) is the daughter of Tobias and Lindsay in the show. And her name is Maeby. Now, dah faham dah lawak meme ni? 

Things I Like Part 3

Yay, it's time for THINGS I LIKE PART 3!!! (Is it Part 3? Or Part 4? I can't remember).

Aku terbaca comic strip ni dalam newsfeed, someone tagged my reader. Kadang-kadang kebaikan accepting a lot of people in FB is seeing things on your newsfeed. Ada yang bangang (macam orang yang amik gambar selaput keputihan untuk buktikan keberkesanan jamu diorang.... stop it. You're not a health clinic. They are the only ones who are permitted to show anything vagina related). This is of course, a commentary on the Israel-Gaza/Palestine conflict.

They should also make a poster on We need to teach our SONS that it doesn't matter how hard you try, some women are just not worth your time. So stop wasting your parents money on gifts to her.

You will only understand this if you're a fan of 30 ROCK. This is Liz Lemon's Points System for her boyfriend Criss (last name Cross). Cracks me up all the time.

True that! In Malaysia, the many reasons for people needing bantuan AKPK adalah kerana hutang kereta. Tapi the actual meaning of this poster is that, negara yang maju mempunyai perancangan bandar yang baik, perkhidmatan awam yang berteknologi (yg also affordable) dan penduduknya tidak perlu bekerja jauh disebabkan tidak mampu beli rumah berdekatan dengan tempat kerja mereka. 

This what started my annoyance towards people's undying obsession with Gangnam Style and the fact that people kept trying to be funny on 9Gag. Kids now think that they don't have to study and just try humour. Kids, a piece of advice. Comedy is not for everyone. 

Suddenly aku teringat tentang something yang unrelatable. I read this one famous girl blogger's writing, yang kata kita tak patut bandingkan negara kita dengan negara maju sebab diorang bayar cukai lebih banyak. Are you that dumb, kiddo? You think taxes is the only source of a state's revenue? Haven't you heard the unwritten rule that if you can't raise the tax, raise other things? Finish your studies first, then you can write dumb opinions.

This is actually what I do... especially kat Seoul Garden. Why especially Seoul Garden? Sebab we add more plates and bowls to our table and usually make a hell of a mess with our made-up recipes and experiments. I think if we try these small things, in another part of our life, someone else will ease our life too.
(*maafkan jela ejaan restaurant yang salah tu. Not a big deal.*)

Supermellow is muy molesto!

"I'm not hostile. I'm annoyed." - Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

I think I have turned supermellow.

Not just mellow. No, mellow is normal. Mellow is like an old orange (jangan tanya apa maksud aku). I am now supermellow, the kind of extreme mellowness (is that a word) that makes you almost unbearable to yourself.

I think it started with my new year's resolution 11 months back. I told myself that I wouldn't be sarcastic anymore. No. Sarcasm in your early 20s is just funny. Sarcasm in your late 20s as someone with a career and family is just experience taking a shit on amateur's back..... (why is experience taking a shit on amateur's back? That just doesn't make any sense...... what is happening with my analogies?). But being sarcastic in my late 20s is just like asking myself to be called 'that spiteful woman'.

Okay, that's not the real reason. I wanted to stop being sarcastic because I seemed to have taken it to a new level, where it actually feels like I am punching you in the face and I am not apologetic by it. I just don't want to be that person, not because I care about the person I hurt (heck, he can die and live again and I am still not apologetic about it), but because I don't want to ruin my book of deeds. I think semua pahala aku hilang mostly on that part. Hari ni derma RM10 kat orang miskin, esok make fun of my former colleague's delusion of grandeur, lost that RM10 pahala (this is just an example).

But in trying to not being as much biting as I was before (oh, I snide some... just occasionally), it makes me more attune to what I write. "Oh, I shouldn't write this. People will get hurt by it!" Once upon a time, kalau aku terfikir macam tu, my other self will say, "Oh screw them all..." and I will keep on continuing my quest through my mordant path. Sekarang tak boleh. It even affected my writing sedikit sebanyak. Aku jadi macam sangat aware dengan apa yang aku tulis dan impak terhadap masyarakat dan diri sendiri.

This is muy annoying.

Aku harap my old self will come back. No, not so I can hurt that worthless piece of shit-with-a-dick again, tapi supaya aku boleh jadi diri sendiri dalam penulisan aku. Dahlah sekarang ni aku sangat attune to grammar. Bukanlah aku nak kata tak elok kalau nak jaga tatabahasa, lebih baiklah tatabahasa tersusun. Tapi aku rasa penulisan aku jadi lambat nak siap sebab aku asyik check every other word untuk pastikan betul. Daripada ayat tu normal, dah jadi macam surat rasmi kerajaan Malaysia. Siapa nak baca? I mean, ko baca tak surat pekeliling kerajaan?

I rest my case. 

Their actual sin is of creating obesity

In questioning sama ada aku boukot McD atau tak... here is my answer to an FB status of a friend of mine.

Aku rasa kesilapan org ialah memahami benda tu sebagai isu halal dan haram instead of understanding that boycotting the product is more of a socio-political stand towards the issue. Not using a product is an economic boycott, not unlike demonstrasi, (atau suatu masa dulu boikot dengan berlapar depan kedutaan). Boycotting something is part n parcel of making a statement towards certain political authority or multinational corporations yg bukan je khusus untuk org Islam atau org Melayu je, but to anybody yg nak make a stand on something (like those people in Wales yg buat demo depan TESCO or the guys in McD UK). 

Masalahnya, again, kita sbg org Melayu selalu salah concept sebab kita nampak the atrocity occurred towards Muslims. Ada yg terlebih2 sgt sampai mengharamkan benda tu. Ada pulak yg memperlekehkan usaha org lain.

Senang kata, in the end, we shud all do our part in our own way, not belittling people yang nak berjuang dgn cara sendiri and at the same time, tak menghina org lain yg tak follow cara perjuangan diorang.

In the end, ada org nak boikot, ada org taknak. Org yg boikot, takyah menghina org yg taknak, org yg taknak, toksah memperkotak-katikkan usaha org yg nak.

Bak kata Rabiey, (aku conclude) : it's more towards YOUR OWN stand. YOUR OWN principle towards this atrocity towards HUMANITY.

Ya, banyak sangat company kalau ko nak crush, tapi a) you have to realise beza Zionists and Jews, b) you have to really really know what company is contributing. Pada aku keberkesanan memboikot ni lebih kepada sending a message that if you could crush other people's country, I can crush your economy. But then again, kita pun ada spesis overly optimistic and sangat eager sampai lupa nak jaga santun kita dalam usaha nak memboikot, ada pulak pesimistik sampai rasa sume ni pointless.

As for me, I do what I can with the thought : Kalau negara aku kena serang, apa perasaan aku menengok orang lain bergaduh2 tanpa sebab, makin bertelagah sampai jadi dua faction tapi tak membantu apa2 dalam perjuangan langsung. Aku boikot McD tak? Aku memang dah dua bulan boikot McD for personal reasons (hipster Shai), so this is like a continual to my personal boycott against their saturated oily fatness. Lagipun ramai pilih McD ni sebab McD ni senang nak diboikot. Tak jual makanan yang menyihatkan dan seriously, bukannya mati pun kalau tak makan McD. Ahahahaha. Adakah aku boikot benda lain? Kalau aku mampu, insyaa Allah. Adakah aku rasa orang lain yang tak boikot tu lemah? I don't even know what else they did, how can I judge them? Maybe diorang tak boycott barangan Israel tapi diorang belanjakan duit yg sangat banyak untuk didermakan atau diorang habiskan sepanjang malam berdoa dan buat solat hajat untuk kesejahteraan org Palestin... God knows best. I am no judge of people's character.

Cuma kadang2 ada sesetengh orang tu aku kritik jugak, tapi sebab aku paham perangai diorang camna. Like this one dude, yang asik mengomel itu ini, bukan pasal is Palestin ni je tapi pasal sume bende (spesis yg marah orang Bersih buat demo sebab buat jalan jem tapi bila gomen naikkan harga barang pun dia marah jugak, dia kritik sume bende yg wujud di muka bumi and harap org lain untuk buat sth tanpa dia perlu buat apa2). Tapi itu kritikan aku pada dia as a person yg aku kenal perangai dan tingkah lakunya n mmg aku anoyed sejak dulu, bukan to the whole community of people with different views.

Pesan Imam Ghazali, (this is a paraphrase, dun use this sentence and please find the actual wording) ada dua jenis manusia yang akan menghancurkan agamanya. Satu, yang memang berniat untuk menghancurkan agamanya, dan kedua, yang terlalu ekstrim dalam berdakwah sampai menjauhkan orang lain dari agamanya.

Let's do our part, let's not condemn others. Yay!

**Putting Gaza issue aside, sedar tak apa masalah sebenarnya kita ni? Bukan masalah boikot ke ape ke... tapi more like, ekonomi orang Islam ni sangat suck, sampaikan bila masa nak boycott, susah sangat nak buat. So marilah kita bersama2 membangunkan ekonomi orang Islam. Hayya hayya ya rijal!

You can't do this to me, Google!

Sorry for the weird wormy thingy on the last entry. It's not a worm. I was just trying to (amateurly) verify my blog on Webmaster Tools and that stupid thing said "Upload it to your blog"....

Upload it on what???

But then I was finally able to do so (by googling, since blogger doesn't help at all). I don't know if - like me -you guys can't open my blog and was blocked with a warning from Google saying that the blog may be harmed with malware from emmagem. The problem is I never even went to emmagem, upload anything from it or know what the hell emmagem is.

So I checked on Webmaster tool and it said the blog is safe. I tried with Google Safebrowsing and it said the blog is safe. Heck, I even scanned it with Sucuri and it said the blog is safe. Yet, the stupid warning is still out. So all I'm saying is that the blog is safe. It's just Google being overly protective.

Then I found out, even my Template page on Blogger has been blocked. Now, I can't check that with sucuri or webmaster tool or Google safebrowsing, since that is Blogger's responsibility. So I will wait until Blogger is responsible enough to clean out their own closet.

I still can't remove the warning thingy and I am sick of reading every single piece of advice and how-to out there. So, I will just wait until Google decides to stop blocking my path to my own blog.

Ya hear me, Googly?

 

Those songs... Part III (HIgh School Musical?)

Pergh, the third version datang lambat gila. Ini disebabkan aku terlalu sibuk dan terpaksa bagi laluan pada entry yang tak embed with Youtube vids supaya blog aku ni tak hanged.

Anyways, ini lagu2 yang mengingatkan aku tentang zaman2 remaja di SMKA Kuala Selangor

RABITAH HATI



Maaflah sebab suara yang menyanyi ni ada lari key kat second verse (and almost every verse). Tapi masa zaman sekolah, kitorang lebih menganggap lagu ni macam lagu sekolah berbanding our actual lagu sekolah sampai komposer lagu sekolah kitorang kecik ati. Ahahahaha.
Eh, sape yang nyanyi kat Youtube ni? Maghfirah la, bukan maghrifat. Apakah itu maghrifat? Cheh.

TEMAN - XPDC



Tapi lagu ni memang cam lagu yang sangat popular masa aku sekolah menengah. Semua orang kalau dengar lagu ni memang akan tunggu bahagian "ku nanti nanti nanti nanti sendiri lagi".

WINDS OF CHANGE - SCORPION



Apalah bebudak remaja ini faham tentang the fall of the Berlin Wall atau signifikan lagu ni dengan peristiwa tu. Pada kitorang, lagu ini adalah lagu yang kitorang akan dengar setiap pagi sebab pekerja dewan makan akan bukak radio dan main lagu Scorpion. Setiap kali dengar lagu ni, aku teringat era form one. Aku sangat tak suka era form one. Asik jadi bahan buli orang je.

STANDING IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD - ELLA


Of course kitorang sangat ingat lagu ni sebab masa kitorang form three, kitorang perform lagu ni masa jamuan akhir tahun ASPURI. Tapi kitorang buat versi nasyid. Masitah was the solo singer. Aku ingat aku tgh tido dalam bilik waktu tengah hari sebab migrain, bila suddenly bebudak bilik aku kejut and kata, "Weyh, kitorang nak buat nasyid untuk jamuan aspuri. Lagu Standing in the Eyes of the World". Asalkan tak suruh aku yang jadi solo, aku ok kan je. Ahahahaha.

SENJA NAN MERAH - AWIE & ZIANA ZAIN



Aku sangat ingat lagu ni sebab dulu ada sorang senior kitorang mengorat Masitah dengan lagu ni. Setiap kali si Mas lalu depan kelas diorang, dia akan panggil, "Masitah!", and then bila minah tu menoleh, dia sambung "...kita termangu di bawah pepohon..." seolah2 dia sebenarnya sebut "Masihkah" dan bukan "Masitah". Kalau bukan disebabkan dia memang buat lawak yang sama every single day, kitorang tak perasan pon dia tengah mengusik si Mas.

SALAM TAJ MAHAL - UMIE AIDA



Zaman2 sangat obses dengan M.Nasir, aku tengok filem yang sebenarnya tak best mana ni disebabkan M.Nasir berlakon jadi watak Masterji, siap curik tengok kat kantin sekolah waktu riadah. Pastu hari-hari nyanyi lagu ni, although sebenarnya lagu ni tak sedap pon. Ahahahahaha.

PUJI-PUJIAN - RAIHAN



Masa aku form two, suddenly Malaysia was exploded with the nasyid revolution. It started with Raihan and this song. Masa album ni keluar, aku pesan kat Redzwan Shah (Motot) untuk belikan kasetnya (ya, kaset. Sungguh antik. Ahahahha) kat Tanjong Karang. Bila gotong-royong je mesti main lagu ni. Bila nasyid jadi satu in-thing masa tu, bebudak yang sekolah agama suma rasa cam best and sangat advance in the trend. Suddenly semua orang pun minat bebudak nasyid. Ahaha.

KESILAPANKU KEEGOANMU - SITI NURHALIZA



Ya, zaman aku adalah zaman kegemilangan Siti. Aku tak minat Siti, sebab masa tu aku rasa aku terlalu cool dan cuma dengar lagu M.Nasir je. Aahahahaha. But aku ada seorang senior satu dorm. Katil dia sebelah katil aku dan kekadang bila kitorang boring, dia memang sangat suka Siti dan akan menyanyi lagu ni. Then dia tak sambung belajar kat SMKAKS bila masuk form four. Then I heard she joined BINTANG RTM. Tak lama lepas tu dia join MALAYSIAN IDOL Season 2. Tak lama lepas tu dia join GANGSTARZ under the group AKASIA. She was then known as Oya Akasia. But during those time I knew her, she was only known as Kak Suria.

AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME - BACKSTREET BOYS


Zaman aku remaja, the world was all about boybands. One of the most popular song at the time was ALAYLM. Masa tu BSB macam the pioneer to other boybands with cheesy dances and stupid sing-along lyrics. Unbeknownst to me, when I am at the age of 29, the world is again under the helm of cheesy dances and stupid sing-along lyrics. And it's called K-Pop.

BISO BONAR - HATTAN



Oih, orang kampong den. I love this song, but the bus driver yang bawak bas Metro Kuala Selangor - Klang suka sangat bukak lagu ni time kitorang balik dari asrama atau dari rumah nak balik asrama, sampai setiap kali aku dengar lagu ni, aku teringat bau bas, its constant brake dan suara announcement "Satu ringgit satu ringgit. Kain murah satu ringgit!" kat Ocean Klang.

JIKA - MELLY GOESLAW



Lagu pertama Indonesia yang jadi sangat hit kat Malaysia pada tahun 1999 sampai menyebabkan hampir bertahun lamanya radio Malaysia filled with Indonesian songs. During that time, aku tingkatan empat. Khaty (Faizatul Ismah) suka buat konsert kat barisan belakang dan nyanyi lagu ni time perhimpunan whilst waiting for perhimpunan dimulakan.

DENGARKANLAH - AMY MASTURA



Masa aku form four, budak bilik aku si Yak suka menyanyi lagu ni sambil meniru gaya Amy Mastura menyanyi. Kitorang suka stack tilam tinggi2, and then jadikan pentas, and she would be singing it sambil gayakan fesyen rambut Amy Mastura at that time. Yes, we were in need of entertainment at that time. Yak je sumber entertainment kitorang. Ahahaha.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW - GIL & THE MOFFATS



Lagu favourite Zunn masa form four. The Moffats was the 90s Jonas Brothers.


 

PET PEEVES: Resurrected

"I got pet peeves. You got pet peeves. He got pet peeves. We all got pet peeves," to quote Gyp Rosetti.

I lied. Gyp Rosetti said, "I got a gun"... but, oh well...

And ini semua pet peeves aku. And if you don't know what pet peeves means, bukak dictionary atau google it, sebab my other pet peeve is people yang malas nak cari info sendiri dan asyik mengharapkan ia dihidang on a silver platter. Ahahaha.

But anyway, aku tak kata benda ni bodoh (aku bukanlah macam ada seorang student pascasiswazah yang tak suka novel melayu tu based on a very detailed research on various literature... and when I said based on detailed research, I mean 'kutuk semberono'... *aku saja control perlian aku selama seminggu lebih just so Zara Amani baca that popular blog and then we can make fun of it together*). Apa aku maksudkan ialah, benda2 ni mungkin orang lain tak kisah, tapi agak annoying pada aku. Sesetengahnya tak worth untuk dijadikan isu pun, cuma aku sorang je ada isu dengan benda tu.

And here's some of it:

The saying,"Haters gonna hate".

Apa maksudnya tu? What is "haters"? Adakah sejenis profesion? Adakah satu golongan manusia yang membenci? Bukankah itu bermakna semua orang juga haters sebab semua orang pun akan membenci sesuatu? Apa antonym untuk haters? LIKERS? Will there be "Likers gonna like"? Or "Lovers gonna love"? "Eaters gonna eat"? "Syahida gonna syahid"? 

That's like saying, "Saya tak ada concrete comment or anything to back me up, so.... haters gonna hate yo!!"
Saying 'haters gonna hate' pada aku seperti mengundang orang untuk bertambah benci. I especially hate it sebab kebanyakan orang yang guna ayat ni adalah reality TV stars yang memang sengaja annoy orang lain for them to be able to say that. Nicki Minaj adalah antara artis yang paling suka menggelar orang yang tak suka dia sebagai haters, so setiap kali anda guna "haters gonna hate", you are only reminding me of how much aku tak suka Nicki Minaj.

Comic sans

There is nothing truer than what David Mitchell said in the clip below:



"You're just jealous"

As in, for example, when you watch HyunA on YouTube and think "This is crass. That girl tries too hard to be sexy and she's too young to do that move" and saw someone saying the same thing in the comment section, and someone else will be like, "You're just jealous because you can't do it like her" or "You're just jealous because she's popular." Are we in primary school? Why is being concerned with the world's definition of morality nowadays equals to "being jealous" of someone's asset, i.e, boobs (or the lack of it), ability to dance, ability (or imaginary ability) to sing, bum and fake tan?

Penggunaan "Gonna to"

Aku bukan grammar nazi, far from being one. Kalau aku gelar diri aku macam tu, aku kena pastikan aku tak buat walau sikit pun kesalahan tatabahasa (kalau tak nanti orang persoalkan pulak), dan itu agak menyusahkan hidup. But seriously... gonna is short for "going to". Saying "I'm gonna to" is saying, "I am going to to". Aku sangat annoyed setiap kali muncul ayat macam tu. It's not even grammar thing for me. It's more "logic" and "common sense" than grammar.

The other one would be "wanna", like "I wanna to go to the concert". Kalau dah kata "wanna", tak perlu tambah "to". That's like saying "Saya NAK HENDAK pergi konsert."

Meanwhile, my bestfriend Mun's pet peeve is using "wanna" in this sense:
"I wanna ice cream".
What? You want to ice cream? Sejak bilakah ice cream jadi verb? "I want ice cream", that's how you say it.
Nad's pet peeve pulak ialah salah ejaan, macam "patient" jadi "passion" atau "message" jadi "massage" sebab those are the kinds of ejaan yang kalau ko salah eja akan jadi maksud lain. Although,... aku pernah terbuat jugak. Aku tulis peasant (orang) as pheasant (burung). That's how lecturer aku bagi aku a big X masa test. Hahahahaha....

Oh, dan aku sangat annoyed bila orang nyanyi lagu BSB tu, "If you wanna be a good girl, get yourself a bad boy." That doesn't make any sense. It's "If you want IT to be good (ada koma di sini) girl." 

Jangan suruh aku explain apa maksudnya. I'm a good girl who doesn't want any bad boy just for IT to be good.    

Komen "Nerakalah tempat kau"

Oh, awak tu alim sangat ke sampai nak troll orang dengan ayat macam tu?
Ya, saya faham. Mungkin orang tu buat salah atau orang tu cakap benda yang tak sepatutnya. Mengapakah sebagai orang Islam, your instinct is to kick people into hell? Imam Ghazali pernah kata, there are two types of douchebags (he didn't use that word. I did). Satu, yang mengajak kepada kemungkaran. Dua, yang mengajak ke arah kebaikan dengan cara yang tak betul sampai orang menjauhkan diri dari agama.

Let's change for the betterment of society. Let's not hukum orang macamlah kita ni sah2 masuk syurga, shall we?

Filem dengan tanda kolon (atau maksudnya tanda : or =)
Especially filem orang putih. Tajuk aku tu (sila lihat tajuk entry ini) adalah the epitome of my annoyance. "Silent Hill: Revelation", "Resident Evil: Retribution", "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift". Tapi itu less annoying pada aku berbanding yang ni...

Penggunaan perkataan "Langsi" oleh kaum adam berbangsa melayu yang bila anda tengok, anda pasti dia tak berupaya membelasah sesiapa pun

Dua tiga bulan lepas, adik aku dengan kawan dia involved in a minor accident dengan sorang mamat ni. Aying kata dia cuma nak selesaikan baik-baik, tapi mamat tu tak abis-abis cuba berlagak gangster dan asik cakap, "Lu jangan langsi. Lu jangan langsi dengan gua."

Dia kata daripada nak selesaikan baik-baik, dia rasa nak call semua kawan-kawan dia dan belasah mamat tu. Well, I would have kalau aku lelaki berbadan besar dan ada sekumpulan kawan-kawan yang juga berbadan besar. Sebab isu di sini bukan perkataan langsi tu. Isunya di sini ialah perasaan konon gangster bila menggunakan istilah tu dan cuba nak carik gaduh. Kita kan sama2 melayu, cakap jelah baik-baik. Maksudnya, kalau saya terlanggar kereta orang lain, anda tidak  akan melihat saya keluar sambil berkata, "Yo, whassup, hommie? Whatchu done deboed my ride fo, foo'? You ain't gonna get no moolah fo dat, ya dig?"

Bila kita melakukan kesalahan, haruslah kita berbahasa melayu dengan sempurna dan memulakan dengan saling bermaaf-maafan ye?

Turban

Seriously. Let's just not talk about its effectiveness as aurat cover. Let's just say that sebagai orang yang ada migraine, tengok orang pakai turban buat aku rasa sakit kepala. I hate the 80s. Turbans, shoulder pads, baju tuck in dalam seluar, those are all pet peeves pada aku sebab I just don't like 80s and early 90s fashion.   It reminds me of zaman sekolah rendah. Aku tak suka sekolah rendah. Sekolah pagi, sekolah petang, kerja sekolah, denda berdiri atas kerusi. Ugh.

And lastly, I have said it many times before but...

MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS ABOUT BEING SINGLE

Aku tak nak persoalkan orang lain kalau diorang suka. Itu hak diorang. Tapi aku annoyed with motivational posters telling me why I should be proud being single. Why do I have to be proud about anything as such? Not being married is just a fact, not some sort of a league, or a movement, or a stand or a philosophy about life, or something I have to defend.

Words such as this:

Or this:

Or this:

to me is a testament of loneliness. Just don;t involve me in your oh-so cool single club. I am too old for that.

But then again, itu cuma benda-benda yang menjengkelkan aku. Tak bermakna benda tu drop dead salah (except menerakakan orang, yang tu memang salah. Memang sangat sangat salah!).

What's yours?

Of Love and Hate

Each and every person that came into your life has a value.

Kenapa tiba-tiba tulis entry melankolia camtu? Ahahahaha. Sebab I was asked why I hate a certain person so much.

Hate is a big word. Hate is too much. I don't necessarily hate people. I am taught to forgive and forget. But it doesn't mean that I do both. It's 'either or', naturally. But saying that I hate someone is just a dramatic way to say I am annoyed.

Every person in one's life has a value. Be it just the stranger who gets into the train before you or a man who once was in your life, they all have a meaning. What we did and didn't do plays a crucial part in the whole system, in the cycle of life. Everybody comes and changes things, be it big or small. And it may not matter much when the changes are too small that you don't see. But when the changes are big enough that it resembles an elephant in the room, that is when the value of that person changes.

Let's say A is friends with B, and they are so nice to each other that B is valued at a higher place rather than anybody else. Then B did something that triggered a change - maybe small, maybe big - in the course of A's life. Hence, A changes her or his attitude, much to B's chagrin. It doesn't mean that A hates B. It just means that A has changed the value of B in his or her life. B is never much a change in A's memory. The good things about B and what B has done is still in A's mind. It's just that when the value of B changes, so is A's attitude towards B.

If that is a "Heh?" to you, let me just explain it this way. I used to have a friend who has helped me a lot in my life. A lot. I will never deny that. It doesn't matter that sometimes the friend sometimes annoy me to bits, the fact that this person was a big assistance to me in one part of my life, caused me to put all annoyance aside. But then things changed, because life is all about changes. Something the friend said was so hurtful that it prompted me to do something that ended worse than what I expected.

Not blaming anybody but myself for what I did, but remembering that what was said was too painful for me to just sweep away, I realised that the value of that friend changed. The admiration I have for the person is still there, but it's a distant memory that is right there in the same shelves as my love for Dunkin Donuts or my obsession for Jay Chou. It's not gone, but it's also not there.

When a value of someone became a distant memory, you restart everything. Restarting things means that you don't have the same value - that may include the admiration, the respect, the ability to withstand anything that makes you oblivious to the person's weaknesses. And restarting things means that all the things that you once ignore, is now there for you to see and it's rock solid. And, while once upon a time you forgive a kind of behaviour or you think the behaviour is funny, the different value you have for that person now renders it useless - that when you change the person's values, your expectation changes too.

What people don't understand is that when they did something - whether they realised it or not, or whether they atoned for it or not, nothing remains the same. You may have been forgiven or you may be not, but chances are, things changed. It's not something that the other person wanted too. It's just human nature. So if you think that once upon a time, your jokes were funny to a certain someone or what you do is considered admirable by that other person - it may not be anymore. It used to be, but that's not because the joke was funny or the things were admirable, it was funny or great because YOU were telling/doing them. When your value changes, the other person doesn't laugh or be awed anymore, and that is because YOU don't have the same value anymore.

We are all guilty of changing values in our lives. We all have done it - putting up new boundaries and restarting ourselves. But boundaries are made to remind ourselves the lesson we learned. We don't hate a particular person. They are still the same person you used to know, but it doesn't mean that the person still have that VIP seat in your life. That is all.

NSTW - "the feature on NETX"

Haven't you heard?

Blog ini baru sahaja featured on Netx Magazine's 8th issue.

(click HERE to read all of it)

I mean, this is the first time this blog (or any blog I ever had for that matter) to be featured on an online magazine. Thanks to Adam, the Netx writer-photographer extraordinaire, I can checked this one out from my must-do list this year:

TRY RADIO INTERVIEW - Checked
GET BLOG TO BE FEATURED IN THE MEDIA - Checked.
FINISH TWO NOVELS - Err......

Netx is one of WUUHUU punya online magazine other than Femag, My E-Comic and NEF. This is November's cover where they have my feature:

And if you are interested in that bag I have on one of the pic, you can visit JUXTA ART and request the newlyweds King and Shasha if they would be willing to recreate the bag again.

But if you are looking for my books, try my agent, Abang Long at ARRAZI.

Yes, I am promoting.... like a boss!

Next Entry: That Aidil Adha event... (dunno bila la aku nak apdet tu)

THE SELF-OBSESSED TRIVIA 4: Things you should know about...

The latest (latest amende.... keluar 2011. Ahahahahaha).

1. "Valentina Nervosa" adalah tajuk yang aku dapat while berborak dengan my bestfriend Mun. Biasa la, citer mengarut2 when suddenly I thought about combining the word Valentine and Anorexia Nervosa. Ini buku pertama whereby tajuk datang dulu sebelum plot.

2. Ini buku pertama yang diedit oleh editor Anis (Norhawanis) lepas Ecah dipindahkan (atau nama lainnya dinaikkan pangkat) ke unit lain dalam GBK (Grup Buku Karangkraf).

3. Nama Mariyyah aku dapat daripada puisi Mariah kepada Amru bin Al-Asr (juga dimuatkan dalam novel ini). Mariah merupakan some sort of lady-in-waiting for Puteri Qibty, Armanusah.

4. Cover novel VN aku specially request to designer untuk buat, whereby aku mintak "the cross between Cecelia Ahern's book cover and origami with blue background and yellow fonts atau vice versa". Maaflah kalau ada yang rasa tak ada kaitan dengan plot cerita. I just want it so much, I just had to let it out of my system. And ini jugak kali pertama design novel dibuat oleh Leza (Sharifah Hasleza). Sebelum ni semua buku aku designed by Designer-Extraordinaire, Miss Syreen!

5. While SH adalah special dedication aku for my love of Political Science, PJ for my love of Jane Austen works and AKN for my love for writing, VN adalah dedication aku buat poetry and poets, especially Jalaludin Ar-Rumi.

6. Aku habiskan masa dengar lagu-lagu ballad singer-songwriters macam Liyana Fizi, Yuna, Rachael Yamagata, Marketa Irglova, Kina Grannis untuk tulis VN. Ya Rabbi, sangat buat aku macam kosong all inside the head, all stuffed up in the heart. As much as I love them all, you can't listen to sad songs with soothing ethereal voices back to back. It makes you melancholy.

7. VN for me adalah my own maturity - thoughts about life and relationship.  

8. I really can't understand why sangat susah untuk orang fathom that a person boleh bersedih (albeit secara menjengkelkan) selama tiga tahun. A few months after VN published, Cecelia Ahern keluarkan "The Time of My Life" in which similarly and coincidentally, heroine dia cannot move on for three years after ditinggalkan, and nobody questioned that. You mean, it's okay for an international writer, but for me it's ridiculous, eyh? Aku tak menulis something yang tak pernah berlaku, that's for sure.

9. The stages of a breakup dalam VN adalah tried and tested theory selepas bertahun2 aku jadi tukang dengar kisah kawan-kawan.

10.  Nama Kak Yani diambil daripada nama senior sekolah aku, Kak Ros Iryani. Meanwhile, dalam manuskrip asal, Najmudin hanya dikenali dengan nama Din sepanjang manuskrip. Aku cuma sebut nama penuh dia sekali dua je. Editor ubah kepada Najmudin.

11. Watak Jeb pada awalnya hanya watak tempelan. Aku masukkan watak tu ke dalam manuskrip bersama watak Abang Ajis tanpa berfikir.

12. Kisah Mariyyah dipanggil "anjing" was a true story that happened to one of my best buddy masa di UIA. She was so happy to see her boyfriend, siap sakit2 jari sebab jahit seluar jeans dia and keluar awal untuk meet him,... ended up breaking up with him.

13. Aku dapat idea untuk jadikan Mariyyah the owner of a card printing company waaaay back when Nad nak kahwin dan aku temankan dia pergi pilih design card. I always thought that I will be using that business a basis in my novel. Meanwhile, the whole strawberry chocolate thing is because aku akan pergi makan stroberi coklat kat Sunway Pyramid setiap kali stressed dan masa tu aku dengan Mun tengah bincang pasal strawberry-based business.

Our booth kat Bazaar Merah Putih @ Lim Kok Wing last year

14. Dialog "Aku ingat kalau aku kahwin dengan ustaz, aku takkan alami masalah suami aku cari perempuan lain. Masalahnya sekarang perempuan lain yang cari laki aku" merupakan something yang kawan aku cakap one day while kitorang berborak pasal marrying religious man. It was sort of funny and true, di mana dalam era gila ni, orang zaman sekarang gila nak berlaki atau berbini orang alim sampai sanggup nak rampas hak orang lain atau bermadu.

15. Pada awalnya setting terperangkap in the mall tu aku buat Mid Valley, tapi bila aku pergi Mid Valley, aku sedar yang tangga kecemasan diorang bersambung dengan toilet (albeit lorong ke tandas tu akan dikunci after hours) dan ada large space between the door and the stairs - which tak sesuai untuk the whole scene. So I move the setting to another location.

16. Untuk mendapatkan Valentina Nervosa terus melalui saya (untuk tandatangan dan ucapan khas), you can get it through my agent, DI ARRAZI. Beli di Arrazi sama saja macam beli terus dari saya ^^