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Monday, February 28, 2011

SHIT (and not the Shahnon Ahmad book)

If there is one thing I cannot watch, it is "The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus". I just can't watch Heath Ledger in his final movie. Oh do you know that Heath Ledger got his name from Heathcliff, the ever so famous anti-hero of WUTHERING HEIGHTS? Yeah, trivia for ye.

I have been busy with work this couple of days. I was assigned with some corporate translating job that has the deadline as short as people's expectation for M. Night Shyamalan's movies. So it was like, sleeping at 3am and waking up 6am to finish the thing............................. okay, I was lying about one of the two hours.

I love Mr Vea (sometimes spelled as Mr Vee or Mr V or Mr Vi - but they all means the same - my Sony VAIO laptop). Not because it's damn big-ass or that it has the best sound HD graphic evvvverrrr, but because the damn big size makes it easy for me to work. Not like I hate Mr Acer - HE has been such a friend and I have achieved a lot of things with him by my side (I mean, it was the first laptop that I bought with my own salary, so...)

Upon asking a friend about the most frequently used word that I... well... frequently use, she nonchalantly answered "Shit." No, she wasn't cussing me. It's just that it turns out that my most frequently used word nowadays is SHIT. But it's not actually SHIT. It's actually "Shhh-!"... you know, like when you wanna say Fuck and just say "Ffff..." instead. Excuse my French.

I realised it today as I was doing my daily chores - which means working, cooking something, watching the tv, work again, went to Mamak's to buy lambchop, work again and solat five times a day (like they say, even if nobody in the world like you, never make HIM hate you). I seriously use that word so many times!


Shai wakes up in the morning and sees that she is in her room and on her bed instead of the condominium she owned and the big-ass aquarium she was cleaning in her dream, uttering in the slightest croaking of her voice, "Ah, shhhh..."

Shai groans and looks at the clock on her cellphone (people grumbling "Why the hell she still calls her mobile as 'cellphone'? So old-fashioned... so wannabe-American!"). It's not 6am. It's 11, which means she just missed her subuh and section 3's nasi lemak Senyum (or was it nasi lemak Meriah? She has been missing Sunday mornings since early 2011, she has not the ability to remember restaurants' name anymore than Jamal Abdillah remembering his lyrics.) Once again she mumbles, "Shhh."

Shai starts her laptop and realises that she still has a lot of work to be done. Oops, no shit this time. She just sighs silently and mourn another sacrificed Sunday. Mum watches MELODI on the liza (readers mumbling "Liza? Now she wants to be Cockney? Blimey!!!") and so while working, Shai also keeps her hearing intact. While listening to Liyana Jasmay trying to sound all urbany and stuff, she retorts "Sangat tak urbanlah! Shitty gila!"

Shai goes to the kitchen to get something to eat. She drops the spoon inside the rendang and goes "SSSSHHHHHHH...."

Shai keeps working on her translations. This writer will not elaborate more on how many SHIT she mumbled because at this point of time, every time Shai sees words like "lead vision 3D" or "plastic injection moulding" or "flex circuit", which means she has to check and recheck every single damning dictionary and googling every single website (how should she know about lead visions anyway?), it means more shit-mumbles.

Shai waits for the mamak to make her lambchop for effing 30 minutes and saying "shit shit shit shit shit" under her breath in the melody of the baseball game. She doesn't care that her father is in front of her, puffing his lung to oblivion. He has hearing problems. He can't hear her.

Yes. From the situation above, we may conclude that it is indeed - a truth universally acknowledged - that I shit-mumbles a lot. I really have to tone down doing that.

Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be blogging right now. I got tons of shitload work to do. We'll talk again soon. Till then...

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