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Monday, February 14, 2011

It's all about the movies

Sure. Aku tak ada idea nak tulis apa dalam blog and while reading Amir's book "120 MALAY MOVIES", aku teringat ada satu draft entry about movies aku tak published. So, I rewrite again, and here it is:

(sebenarnya kalau nak dilist-kan, aku tak rasa 3 for each category cukup, tapi kalau panjang2 nanti korang muak nak baca).

(why God why???)

i. Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
- seriously. Sampai sekarang pun aku masih sebut aiskrim as "aisekeriiimu" disebabkan Setsuko. She's just too adorable that when she died, I hated the Americans.

ii. Singapura Dilanggar Todak (1961)
The movie shows how sikap berdengki orang melayu sangatlah teruk, to the extent they kill a young boy just because he seems like a bright kid to come up with the solution on how to elakkan diri dari kena sambar todak. When they throw Hang Nadim (played by Allahyarham Bat Latiff) chained to the rock into the sea, I just can't bear to watch it. Kudos to Bat for his horrifying scream.

iii. Ibu Mertuaku (1962)
If your MIL is one heartless bitch, do you think that cucuk mata sendiri dengan garfu is a wise decision? Shouldn't you be gouging HER eyes instead? He was being sardonic, you know. Like, "My God, woman! You are so annoying I'd rather be blind then be you son-in-law." But then again, you should just say it, not spray it!

(2 of them comes from Japan... they're a weird bunch)

i. Uzumaki (2000)
Okay, so I'm gonna be annoying and say that the manga was better. But Uzumaki memang the type of movie that makes you go "What the F----". How screwed up Junji Ito as a mangaka, to be scaring people with such mundane stuff like a spiral? FYI, you will be very aware of the existence of everything spiralling in your life after watching this movie.

ii. The Human Centipede (2010)
Like i have bebel about it before, cerita tentang mad scientist yang nak his own human pet and torture people to be one - it's very Junji Ito-ish but at the same time, very European. Can you imagine what Junji Ito would do if he lives in the Third Reich era?

iii. Marebito (2004)
Takashi Shimizu's more 'meaningful' horror just made me go "Heh?" but at the same time, aku tak dapat keep my eyes away from the screen. Macam kena sumpah tengok cerita ni sampai habis and think "Can't the dude just give the girl some decent clothes to wear, and not his blood?"

4. FILEM2 MELAYU YANG PALING KELAKAR (in a positive way)
(comedy cara terbaik untuk sindir orang)

i. Seniman Bujang Lapok (1961)
Seniman Bujang Lapok makes fun of almost everything from the fact that drama purba buat skrip mengarut (makan belacan pun kene ceraikan - like how the king execute the girl for eating his fruit dalam "Sultan Mahmud Mangkat Dijulang") to the fact girls just don't like clingy guys ("Jaga2 Cik Salmah!".

ii. Man Laksa (2006)
Man Laksa is like reading Lat's comic. You have to watch and observe everything in one frame. Nothing cracks me up more than seeing how big the flower on Apek's batik shirt just because he's the leader of the AJKs and then Man pakai bunga tu after watak Apek pengsan. So much fuss about the flower, macam politician Malaysia rebut kuasa.

iii. Ali Baba Bujang Lapok (1960)
Sindiran tentang isu labor, dan sangat banyak worthy quotes dalam filem ni, like "Kami tak boleh kerja Ahad, sebab Ahad public holiday" or the fact that the rich man mintak dirompak sebab dia tak nak bayar cukai (he must be heavily insured).

5. FILEM2 MELAYU YANG PALING KELAKAR (not in a positive way)
(they made my home video looks like art)

i. Rahsia Hatiku (1970s)
Sinema Malaysia put the tarikh tayangan sebagai 1959. Kepala otak die ahhh. Citer ni dah tahun 70-an - boleh dilihat dari seluar diorang dan the fact that Sharifah Hanim dah tua sikit dan masih tak pandai berlakon. Almost everybody tak pandai berlakon dan kalau nak tahu apakah itu 'macam kayu' - this movie can be the best reference. Imagine a sick dying kid pura2 batuk every few seconds and go "Kak, saya sakit kak." dengan nada suara yang tak sakit langsung. I don't even know what the plot is all about. It seems that the movie was so mesmerised by the fact that they're in colour, that the only thing colourful in this movie are the clothes, and not the actors. The acting is first and foremost - black and white (range of emotion ges from too happy or too sad and nothing in between)

ii. Cinta Fotokopi (2005)
Here's the art of mengangkang in a movie. You be slutty in an art movie, your sluttiness is an art. But be slutty in a Razak Mohaideen's movie, and the next five years people will only remember you as the poor girl who makes drag queens look more graceful. Zarina AF, I believe, has learned her lesson.

iii. Mendam Berahi (2002)
Where do I start? Rita Rudaini would cringe and burn this movie. Eizlan Yusof would do the same. The model who became actress in this movie? Anybody knows where she is? Poor poor girl. Nothing attracts more laughter than tengok scene di mana the girls merangkak atas pasir pantai di tempat luas terbuka sambil memakai baju askar di siang hari for everybody to see. That is as irrelevant as Pierre Andre bukak tingkap dan bumbung, only to trap the evil inside a bottle dalam "Jangan Pandang Belakang".

(practically, bukan literally)

i. Ong-Bak 2 & 3 (Thai)
Ong Bak patut stop pada first movie je. Tony Jaa (who looks like Fizz Fairuz' more muscled twin) can't really act. That's why he finally quit. Those two movies sangat teruk if you remove all the fight scene.

ii. Burn (Thai)
Filem horror thriller yang tak tahu sama ada dia nak jadi horror, thriller, artsy fartsy atau 'based-on-true-story'. Kalau hell itu boleh diterjemahkan - hell would be sitting in a room with cockroaches sambil TV tunjuk filem Burn berulang kali.

iii. Jeritan Kuntilanak (Ind)
The only thing that I can remember horrifying about this movie is the size of Jupe's boobs. It must be hard to act with her and NOT try to look at it.

(some movies are just classic)

i. Gone with the Wind (1939)
Kalau aku gush about this movie one more time, you guys will puke.

ii. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
Matthew Macfadyen. Looking at him tak pernah membosankan aku, except when he was in "In My Father's Den". Sila kurus balik, Mr Darcy.

iii. The Dark Knight (2008)
Tak perlu penjelasan. It's like trying to explain why the sky is blue or why the Everest is tall.

(there's something about the Brits)

i. Eden Lake (2008)
British movie! Seriously, at first I thought "Damn, another crappy horror with shrilly woman protagonist." Wrong. EL sangat gooooood in a sense that bukan sahaja anda rasa terrified, tapi marah and geram at the same time. I mean, if you think teenagers are annoying, wait till you meet teenagers that burn other teenager's head. Damn hooligans.

ii. The Descent (2005)
British movie! Boring first 15 minutes and then suddenly hentaman monsters!!!!! Damn gile. Then movie number 2 keluar and you think "Sequel... blaaah." But no. Hentaman monsters!!!!!! The cave monster is one of my nightmare other than the white thing from "Marebito" dan the red bitch dalam "Kowai Onna".

iii. [REC] (2007)
Spanish movie! Europeans are the best at violence. I mean, benua mana yang paling banyak peperangan? 30 Years of War, 100 Years of War, Perang Dunia, Perang Salib... heck Scandinavians might look like the most peaceful people, but have you read any stories about the Vikings? Norwegians makes good horror too! I mean, if Grecian and Roman gods tak ada kerja lain selain punish people and gaduh sesama sendiri, imagine the people. That's what makes them so good at making horror movies.

(he needs a malay girl, seriously)

i. Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Biasanya aku tak berapa go sangat dengan filem Spielberg, tapi this one is an exception. Leo made me want to marry a pilot, a doctor or a lawyer. Yes, dalam aturan itu.

ii. Body of Lies (2009)
"He had me at Assalamualaikum"... damn, kalau itu je sebab orang jatuh cinta dengan foreigner, patutlah negara Islam asik kene bom je. Hahahahaha.

iii. The Man In the Iron Mask (1998)
Sebenarnya aku suka filem ni sebab ada Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich. Only years later I thought that hey the dude yang main Titanic and Romeo and Juliet tu sebenarnya boleh tahan gak ye? I used to hate Leo because he was too famous. I mean, do you see me drool over Jay Chou nowadays? That is because he is too darn popular now, liking him is meaningless. I used to like him when he was just a skinny lad from Linkou. who plays mean cello.

(because he's a geunine genius, that's why)

i. Memento (2000)
There is one Aamir Khan movie yang tiru cerita ni (of course "inspired by", because Bolly directors tak pernah rasa diri diorang plagiat). But Memento still the best just because of the narration and technique penceritaan that makes you go "Oooooooowwwww..."

ii. Inception (2010)
Nolan plus Leo plus Page plus Cotillard plus Gordon-Levitt plus Hans Zimmer punya tracks, ini je movie dengan star-studded cast yang aku rasa tak suck big time. Kalau cuma ada Nolan dan Leo je pun aku rasa dah cukup. I am so biased about this movie, I can hit those who think it stupid.

iii. The Dark Knight (2008)
Tak perlu penjelasan.

(bukan P.Ramlee je yang pandai buat filem in the 60s)

i. Singapura Dilanggar Todak (1961)
Movie ini menunjukkan everything that is wrong with bangsa melayu. I wonder if any of us learn anything from it? Or even watch it?

ii. Anak Buluh Betung  (1966)
It's just so damn cool the fact that buluh tu pregnant with a kid. Hahahahahaha.

iii. Dayang Senandung (1965)
Not to be mistaken with the drama kat TV3, this movie ada Sarimah playing black girl - racist kalau difikirkan... tapi different than DANDAN SETIA (where the girl direbutkan  bila dia putih balik), the prince actually loves Dayang despite her charcoal darkness (maybe sebab dia baca Quran sedap, or maybe sebab putera tu tau behind that colour is actually Sarimah).

(sejak bila pulak movies ada gender stratification kan?)

i. Pulp Fiction (1994)
Samuel L. Jackson using the word motherfucker. And great soundtrack. That does it for me. "Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker." <- donnit sound romantic?

ii. The Godfather (1972)
Satu-satunya filem Marlon Brando yang aku tengok (*cue my dad not approving it. He thinks you should watch all Brando movies*). Aku memang suka dengar cara Sicilian mafia bercakap, that's that. Why do you think I watch BOARDWALK EMPIRE macam orang hisap dadah?

iii. The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Remake of Akira Kurosawa's "7 Samurai" tapi dalam bentuk koboi. Ada Yul Brynner pun dah cukup meyakinkan aku - the sexiest baldy, hands down. Have you seen him play King Mongkut? Damn hot. Kalaulah X-Men wujud tahun tu, Brynner would have been a great Professor X.

(Or maybe because I love Tina Fey, Emma Stone and Heath Ledger. I can be biased...)

i. Mean Girls (2004)
"It's just high school." kinda wraps up the whole movie. A conclusion. And the girl who says that she's not a slut but she just has a wide vagina to the principal buat aku tersembur.

ii. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Adapting "Taming of the Shrew" and casting Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona sudah cukup untuk menjadikan filem ni worth watching, sekalipun the late Heath kata it was not his cup of tea.

iii. Easy A (2010)
I think this is more watchable than "The Scarlett Letter" with Demi Moore.

(don't bother la kalau nak mengarut2)

i. The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)
New Yorkers playin Brits? I rest my case.

ii. The Confession of a Shopaholic (2009)
I just don't understand it. I mean, Sophie Kinsella is one of the writer untuk the movie tapi kenapa it was bad?  Tak chic, lost its tongue-in-cheek, dan jadi sgt cliche.

iii. Bride & Prejudice (2004)
Oyh, don't try untuk Bollywood-kan PNP boleh tak? Aishwarya terlalu cantik untuk jadi Elizabeth dan too preachy jugak. The Bolly songs yang dinyanyikan dalam english sounds teruk gila, apatah lagi Baywatch babes yang menari ala Bollywood di tepi laut. I stil have nightmares about it.

(because it is so damn true!)

i. Particles of Truth (2003)
"I am so bored I'm depressed, I'm so depressed I'm bored." - and that quote from Elster sudah cukup. Cuma sedih je the next big thing for Gale Howard was playing Susan Mayer's lover in "Desperate Housewives". How can you go from POT to THAT?

ii. Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
"Running into your insurance agent the day your policy expires is coincidence. Getting a letter from the Emperor saying he's visiting is a plot. Having your house eaten by a wrecking ball.... is something else entirely."
The movie satisfy me as a writer, a translator, a reviewer and as a person.

iii. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
"I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."
I just want the machine. I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it.

(everything is political)

i. The Kids Are All Right (2010)
It's very Hallmark-drama. You turn it gay and suddenly it's award worthy? Script-wise, acting-wise maybe, but the plot is just so-so.

ii. Magika (2010)
I watch it once and I fell asleep. It reminds me of a pantomime I wrote when I was in form 3 about Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup. Goes to show it's a lame idea - I ALREADY DID THIS!!!

iii. Evolusi KL Drift 2 (2010)
I just don't understand anymore, man... It was so Bade meets Yusof Haslam. And it makes me think, how can these kind of movies dapat sampai 7 ke 8 juta? Berapa banyak mat rempit dalam Malaysia ni sebenarnya?


idayumahadi said...

Sekian lama jadi silent reader, sy nak ckp: anda bagus!!!! Hahahaha...

amri said...

"He had me at Assalamualaikum"...
ahahaha!! gilek ah.
aku pon terjatuh cinta tang itu jugak!
demn u Leo :P

amri said...

btw, LIKES this entry 100x.
haha.. well done :P

her royal highness said...

hi.. i was browsing.. sebab tetibe mcm ade revelation utk cari keja jadi subtitlist. :) any chance for me to ask some questions?

Shai Kamarudin said...

idayu - oh makashih
ema - haha, tapi ni pon cam personal punye ideas. half-unprofessional and st bias. :P
hrh - oh boleh je. kalau nak tanya pape, email me at