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Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Damnation of the One Who Remembers too Much

Here's what my friends seemed to think of as a "gift", that I think more suitably called a "curse". I kept talking about it because it's a nuisance. And I really have to explain myself time and time again because of it - because everytime I said something like "I remember when..." and it's a bad memory, people looked at me like I am that crazy woman who can't leave her past.

You see (again)...

I don't forget.

Sure, I don't remember facts exactly and I have no photographic memory or those kind of things. But do you know all those time when you forgot to pray, or forgot that it's already Ramadhan, or forgot birthdays? Nope, I don't. Never once in my life have I ever get that pleasure of eating in the morning because I forgot that it's Ramadhan (as you can see, if you forgot it, you are forgiven for it, as long as you stop as soon as you remembered). Never once did I skipped zohor and straight to asar not remembering that I have not prayed yet. Once, it was like 3 minutes to maghrib's call to prayer that my mind suddenly clicks, "I haven't done my asar yet." Yes, that way if I didn't pray, I have no other excuse except that I am just an asshole.

The thing about remembering stories is that it sucks when it comes to those things you wish you forget. So when people say "forgive and forget" and I say I don't forget, mostly it's not because I am keeping a string of vendetta against people. It's just I am not equipped of that pleasure of forgetting. Pretending that I have forgotten, THAT I am good at.

Mun said that the rate of my remembering things is close to creepy. But here's the thing about things I remember. I remember because it has a story.

Take the road for example. Like I said, I am so very good at remembering the past and old memories, but not so much of details. Which makes me bad at giving directions. I can go to any place three or four times and I will still have issues trying to explain it to people. But weirdly enough I always remember the ones that you should not use. I mean, once Nad and I was on the road to Mun's house. I can't remember the way but as soon as Nad turned to this one junction, I knew it was the wrong one not because I knew the place, but because three years ago, Ann made the same mistake of using that road. Tim once asked why the hell I remember the wrong road but not the right way.

Well, it's simple. The right way has no story. The wrong one has a lot. If you can go from point A to point B without missing any junctions, it is a very straightforward no nonsense drive. But once you are lost, you will have that "WTF" moments. I don't remember street names and junctions. I remember all those WTF moments which led me to remember that here is the place where WTF moment number one or WTF number five happened, so it IS the wrong road. For example, I know that Nad took the wrong turn because I saw a bridal shop on my left. Three years back, when Ann made the same turnat the bridal shop, she was half hysterical half regretting and kept saying "Koraaaang, sorrryyyyy" time and time again that we all went WTF and laughed.

So in conclusion, I remember stories. I remember things that have stories. Things with stories are what we called memories. And if things I want to forget is a part of a story, I will never be able to forget them. That explained why I remembered people's birthday without a facebook reminder, or what was on the table at a friend's wedding reception, or that the father of my old friend in primary school Salhafizah's is spelled YAACOB and not YAAKOB.

I need a psychiatrist. Please find me one.  

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