Aku tak tahu apa cerita aku sebenarnya, aku terlampau konfius akibat penambahan kerja yang aku lakukan pada diri sendiri...

Yeapppp, my butt hurts. Not butthurt, just, you know, actual butt... is hurting. I have been finishing up on my scanning job and I can proudly say that after five month, it's finisheddddd.

Now, aku cuma tinggal nak edit saja itu gambar semuanya. All 6,430 of them. Yeahhhh. Rock on, miss thang.

Seperti kata pepatah,......................... okay, aku tak tahu pepatah untuk hal ni tapi sememangnya aku adalah pakar mencari kerja. Contohnya, boleh je aku teruskan buat gossip news Korea kan? Tapi nnnnnope. Shai memang pandai so dia pun tawar diri nak buat gossip news Indonesia. You see, bila orang ini (tuding jari kat diri sendiri) dah siap satu kerja, dia tak boleh nak duduk diam tanpa membuat kerja baru. Lepas tu menyesali perbuatannya. Everytime, dude. Every single time.

Oh, by the way, saya akan menghadiri sesi promosi buku sempena MINI PESTA BUKU anjuran PERPUSTAKAAN AL-KHAWARIZMI Kolej Polytech MARA. It's on 5th October, pada jam 10 pagi ke 12 tengah hari.
(see? bold line and italic, you must be mad to missed it)

Macam mana saya nak ke sana? Entahlah, tapi I am an alumnus of UIA. THAT place is like Hogwarts and I have survived its every secret coven and secret halls. Do you know how to get to Dr Rahman Tang's room without getting lost? I know the way. Do you know how to go to Experimental Hall 3? I know where it is. Do you know how to go to the English Lab 2? That place that is there but you can't seem to find the way? I KNOOOOOWWWWW.

Ok, drama queen aside.

 As far as everybody's concerned, I have a 1960s brain - everything is about Charles Manson, JFK, Vietnam War dan Audrey Hepburn. Every technology is a "thingy". Stylus? It's a "pointy-thingy". Android Gingerbread? It's a "thingy that sounds like a George Lucas movie meets food". Blackberry Gold? It's a "BB brand-thingy". Dual-core processor? It's a thingy that I don't care.

Kalau nak tanya aku soalan, pastikan ia tak ada kaitan dengan gadgets. Here is how I look into the world at large. Kalau hari ni aku ada benda paling canggih dalam dunia, esok ada benda paling canggih dalam dunia baru akan keluar dan aku punya benda canggih hanyalah sekeping tukun tiruan. Jadi untuk mengelakkan diri sendiri daripada membeli kecanggihan dunia yang tak akan berakhir, aku mengambil keputusan untuk pergi ke belakang dan menjadi sahabat gua zaman moden.

Jadi kalau kamu tanya aku tentang gadget terkini, aku adalah dumb brunette itu. Tapi kalau kamu nak tahu apa yang terjadi pada malam Sharon Tate dibunuh dengan kejam oleh keluarga Manson, well, aku dah habiskan separuh daripada usia aku membaca tentang mereka (untuk apa, aku pun tak tahu. I just have a curiosity over the despicables... I have already khatam kisah John Wayne Gacy dan juga kisah The Chicken Coop Murders).

Dulu mungkin aku akan criticise tentang gadgets... oh gadget lovers are these and these. But nowadays, that's not the case. Terimalah dengan redha bahawasanya aku ini memang wanita kuno. Apa yang aku sedihkan ialah, aku teringin dalam satu2 masa, bila aku berjumpa dengan kawan yang dah lama tak jumpa, kawan tu tak habiskan separuh daripada masanya typing on her whatsathingy. If you wanna do that, don't make plans with me. I am too busy nak layan orang yang tak boleh berenggang dengan benda yang akan bagi dia cancer. Your phones should be in your bag when you're with actual human!

The Well

I am a woman stuck in a water well - hating every dirt, rocks and pieces. Drenched and cold, hating the water's taste and yet only have that to keep on living.

She can climb back up, but she's too scared she would fall inside again, so she is just waiting for the well owner to pull her up and kick her out.

If only the owner would kick her out and restrict her from the well.

A writer's anniversary

On this day, in 2005 when I was in IIUM, I sent a manuscript to Alaf 21. It was entitled "Seorang lelaki dan Cinta Zulaikha". I didn't send the whole manuscript, just half of the story because I had once experienced being duped by another publishing company. I didn't get any reply until a year later, a man called Encik Mohd Ali rang me and told me that I was rejected. By then, that thing about Alaf has long gone from my mind.

But then he told me there's a good news. There is this new publishing house called Buku Prima and he is going to take my manuscript together with him with one condition - that I will develop the storyline. But I didn't start straight away. I was in the mid of what you call "the horrific semester". Six assignments, 5 tests and end of semester exam looming in the dark. So it took me another six months before I start rewriting the whole story - after a friend told me the story of her male cousin who (together with a bike convoy) got detained at the Malaysia-Thai border when he tried to cross so he could go fight in Afghanistan.

I sent the manuscript later in 2006. I graduated from IIUM the same year and the book was published in 2007 under an editorial-picked title "Soalnya Hati". Until now, not many people knew that it was the first book I have ever published. A lot of people think that I started with "Plain Jane" because that one totally change my rule about writing. When the book was published, Buku Prima was still a young sapling with only six books in hand. In those days, if you tell people you are writing for Buku Prima, they kinda go "Who?"

It was also part of the reason I got the job at Cinema Online - when I brought it together with me and showed it to an interviewer named Marcel who later became my boss.

Eager to finally show what I have, I started penning "Plain Jane" as soon as SH was in stores. It was originally titled "Plain Jane untuk Mr. Darcy". And THAT was published in 2008. And then I had a one year relapse due to a permanent job. I only started writing "Aku Kan Novelis" in 2009 (originally called "Novel Cinta", an inside joke for me since I kept getting that question "What books do you write?" that I thought if I just put the title "Novel Cinta", then that settles every bit of question that comes after that), after quitting my permanent job, and it was published in 2010. "Valentina Nervosa" followed suit - readers called it 'darker', which is true in one way, but I call it "playing-with-fire-with-tongue-in-cheek".

So yes, if you want to count the day from the first time I sent my manuscript, it has been seven years. If you count it from the moment SH was out fresh from the oven, then I have been a writer for five years. When I started, it was hard for me to find a place - the writing world is filled with bestselling authors in the likes of Sharifah Abu Salem and Fauziah Ashaari. At that time, at the age of 24, I was considered "a young writer". Nowadays you can find novelists as young as 17 years old! How times have changed.

(It was also the reason why any time a new novelist came into the picture introducing themselves as "the young writer", yours truly will just smile and thinks, "Yeah, for a month!")

And I have always been the "not" writer. I am not indie, not artistic, not mainstream enough and not a bestseller. Which means that I am not an award-winning, artsy, lovable writer with a load of cash in her bank. Hahaha. But I love my readers just the same.

So yeah, happy Hari Malaysia to yer, and Happy Writer Anniversary to me.    

Akukah anjing itu?

Aku tak tahulah kalau penulis lain semua suci dan tidak self-obsessed.

Oh tapi aku memang self-obsessed. Aku memang suka google nama sendiri dan baca review orang tentang buku aku. Kenapa? Sebab aku kerja kat umah dan kadang-kadang aku jadi boring. Macam ikan laga dalam akuarium. Cuba ikan laga dalam akuarium tu dibagi internet, aku pasti ia juga akan meng-google spesisnya.

Jadi tadi aku duk google diri sendiri dengan penuh narsisis. Dan aku menemui forum yang bercakap tentang penulis-penulis kegemaran. Maka berlakulah babak aku gelak sensorang di depan laptop - sesuatu yang sentiasa berlaku pada mana-mana insan yang tengok variety show Korea kat laptop diorang, sekalipun itu bukan punca aku gelak - bila membaca satu kenyataan yang agak accurate oleh seorang forumer mengenai aku.

Aku tak dapat menafikan ini kali pertama aku dikaitkan dengan perkataan "menganjing" dan bunyiknya sangatlah aneh.

Forumer menulis:

"contoh, hlovate. yang ni, memang gila la ketagihan aku dengan buku dia. buku versus, entah berapa kali aku baca. 'rooftop rant' aku rasa paling best selain 'versus'. '5 tahun 5 bulan' best jugak tapi boleh nampak masa ni, hlovate kurang matang lagi. yang latest, contengan jalanan. buku ni agak serius sikit tapi boleh tunjuk sisi hlovate dari zaman dulu sehingga zaman berubah dia. one thing, yang best pasal hlovate ni, dia selalu travel dalam novel dia. jadi, macam seronoklah sebab kita pun 'fly' sekali walaupun tiada passport dalam 'contengan jalanan', dah travel ke australia dengan indonesia. wink wink. lepas tu, satu lagi identiti hlovate selain skate dan muzik adalah bahasa rojak yang dia suka guna tu. speak malay and some english at the same time. oh ya, dia suka harun yahya juga!

noor suraya. aku suka dia. sejak cerita 'rumah kecil di ujung padang'. cerita ni, kira satu kompilasi la dalam novel nama 'pelangi'. 3 penulis berkongsi satu novel. kemudian, aku jumpa 'jaja & din'. buku yang paling power dan asyik nak buat aku gelak je. hehehe. pastu, aku baca 'panggil aku dahlia'. buku ni agak slow melow cerita dia tapi berkembang dengan cantiknya, yang (mungkin) boleh buat anda tersengih- sengih saat perhubungan wadi dengan dahlia.

nurul syahida. satu lagi penulis yang aku discover. hehehe. kawan aku recommend buku 'plain jane' tapi aku tak jumpa kat kedai jadi, aku start baca dengan 'aku kan novelis'. buku ni agak siot dengan watak utama yang asyik berlagak je dan roul yang agak gila perwatakannya kalau dia betul2 wujud kat alam realiti. pastu aku baca 'valentina nervosa'. buku ni agak serius sikit KOT sebab watak utama dia asyik sedih kena tinggal boyfriend 3 tahun lepas! yang aku suka pasal penulis ni, dia suka menganjing kena pada tempat dan dia suka membodoh2kan perkara yang sedih. jadi, menda tu tak nampak sedih sangat tau. ahahaha. 

one thing yang boleh nampak antara hlovate dengan nurul syahida ialah, hlovate suka wataknya bertemu jodoh pada awal 20-an tapi nurul syahida pula selalunya buat watak dia bertemu cinta, jodoh ler tu, start pertengahan hingga akhir 20-an."


http://forum.malakat92.com/index.php?s=e81d876ae780a0ac1639763235436538&showtopic=2048&pid=149190&st=300&#entry149190

WULAN

WULAN dah siap.

Bermakna aku dah boleh start menulis AKN2 dengan tenang. Lepas tulis AKN2, boleh tulis novel baru dan lepas tu nak rehat sekejap. Quality Control, beb (atau bahasa layman-nya, MALAS).

Speaking of WULAN, alhamdulillah ini adalah antara novel paling pantas aku pernah tulis. Itu adalah kerana (haha, "itu adalah kerana") aku bekerjasama dengan orang, jadi tak boleh ikut suka hati mak bapak aku. Rasa pelik jugak, sebab masa mula-mula rancang tu aku takut aku yang tak siap tepat pada masanya. Habislah, aku tak boleh gelar diri Procrastinator Ulung lagi. Liza called this afternoon saying that cuma tinggal beberapa puluh mukasurat je lagi untuk ceritanya siap (codename: MADEMOISELLE) sementara Shikin baru nak start sebab hari tu ada obstacles sikit.

Harapnya dapatlah keluar sebelum Pesta Buku (konon-konon nak keluarkan masa Karnival Karangkraf... harammmm...)

Excerpt:

             “Dia akan dihukum juga nanti.” Itu saja balasan Neal.

            “Tapi saya rasa kalau nak hukum dia, tuang saja asid pada ‘barang’ dia, biar terhakis.” Ujar Wulan lagi.

            “Ah, you’re one of those.” Neal sengih.

            “One of those apa?”

            “Jenis perempuan yang mengancam lelaki dengan ugutan untuk buat sesuatu pada alat kelamin mereka. ‘Aku akan kerat kau punya’, atau ‘aku akan kerat kau punya dan paksa kau telan’, atau ‘aku akan gantung kau punya lepas tu bakar kau hidup-hidup’. Macam tu.” Jelas Neal.

            “Ada experience ke?”

            “Bekas girlfriends.”

            Wulan tidak dapat menghalang dirinya daripada tersenyum mendengar jawapan lelaki itu. Kali ini Neal kenal senyuman itu. Senyuman memerli dan takjub dalam masa yang sama.

            “Kenapa ada S dekat belakang perkataan tu? Banyak nampak?” tanya Wulan.

            “Oh, saya tak suka nak menipu. Saya memang sukakan perempuan.” Balas Neal, sambil mengusap stereng keretanya.

            “Ah, you’re one of those.” Balas Wulan pula. Neal mengiyakan dengan mengangkat sebelah keningnya,

The Damnation of the One Who Remembers too Much

Here's what my friends seemed to think of as a "gift", that I think more suitably called a "curse". I kept talking about it because it's a nuisance. And I really have to explain myself time and time again because of it - because everytime I said something like "I remember when..." and it's a bad memory, people looked at me like I am that crazy woman who can't leave her past.

You see (again)...

I don't forget.

Sure, I don't remember facts exactly and I have no photographic memory or those kind of things. But do you know all those time when you forgot to pray, or forgot that it's already Ramadhan, or forgot birthdays? Nope, I don't. Never once in my life have I ever get that pleasure of eating in the morning because I forgot that it's Ramadhan (as you can see, if you forgot it, you are forgiven for it, as long as you stop as soon as you remembered). Never once did I skipped zohor and straight to asar not remembering that I have not prayed yet. Once, it was like 3 minutes to maghrib's call to prayer that my mind suddenly clicks, "I haven't done my asar yet." Yes, that way if I didn't pray, I have no other excuse except that I am just an asshole.

The thing about remembering stories is that it sucks when it comes to those things you wish you forget. So when people say "forgive and forget" and I say I don't forget, mostly it's not because I am keeping a string of vendetta against people. It's just I am not equipped of that pleasure of forgetting. Pretending that I have forgotten, THAT I am good at.

Mun said that the rate of my remembering things is close to creepy. But here's the thing about things I remember. I remember because it has a story.

Take the road for example. Like I said, I am so very good at remembering the past and old memories, but not so much of details. Which makes me bad at giving directions. I can go to any place three or four times and I will still have issues trying to explain it to people. But weirdly enough I always remember the ones that you should not use. I mean, once Nad and I was on the road to Mun's house. I can't remember the way but as soon as Nad turned to this one junction, I knew it was the wrong one not because I knew the place, but because three years ago, Ann made the same mistake of using that road. Tim once asked why the hell I remember the wrong road but not the right way.

Well, it's simple. The right way has no story. The wrong one has a lot. If you can go from point A to point B without missing any junctions, it is a very straightforward no nonsense drive. But once you are lost, you will have that "WTF" moments. I don't remember street names and junctions. I remember all those WTF moments which led me to remember that here is the place where WTF moment number one or WTF number five happened, so it IS the wrong road. For example, I know that Nad took the wrong turn because I saw a bridal shop on my left. Three years back, when Ann made the same turnat the bridal shop, she was half hysterical half regretting and kept saying "Koraaaang, sorrryyyyy" time and time again that we all went WTF and laughed.

So in conclusion, I remember stories. I remember things that have stories. Things with stories are what we called memories. And if things I want to forget is a part of a story, I will never be able to forget them. That explained why I remembered people's birthday without a facebook reminder, or what was on the table at a friend's wedding reception, or that the father of my old friend in primary school Salhafizah's is spelled YAACOB and not YAAKOB.

I need a psychiatrist. Please find me one.  

Photographs of the Present's Past

Ini tahun kedua aku masukkan gambar dalam blog dan bukan FB. Bukannya apa, kakak aku dah upload gambar yang sama dalam FB tu, jadi macam tak syok nak post gambar berkali-kali. Aku ada rancangan untuk buat album "Sebelum Selepas" sebenarnya - tapi sebab gambar tu dah pun masuk FB, jadi cam agak pointless nak teruskan hajat tu. Ada benda-benda yang aku snap, aku sorang je yang paham kenapa aku snap. Like I said, I am the kind of person who makes caption inside my head first before I snap a picture. The picture is not really important. I am no photographer. I am a storyteller. Photographers use photos to tell a story. I use a story to tell a photo. Get it? Jadi ini adalah gambar benda-benda yang aku snap yang aku saja paham kenapa:

Lemang. Mungkin benda lain boleh dilepaskan, tetapi janganlah cuba beritahu Uwan aku "Tahun ni tak payah buat lemanglah ye...", memang nak kena marah dengan uwan la tu namanya. That is like telling Picasso, "Tak payahlah melukis lagi."

What's with the shoes? Seorang budak umur 6 tahun yang sibuk nak pakai kasut dia jugak sebab tengok kakak sedara dia pakai kasut baru. Seorang kakak sedara yang tak akan cuba pun beli kasut Carlo Rino if not for a fact that it has 20% discount tag on it. Itu pun aku masih anggap expensive. I don't step on money, so why should I wear money on my feet?

Bila anda lahir sebagai wanita Minangkabau, anda bekerja keras untuk menyiapkan makanan untuk tetamu

Kalau anda lelaki Minangkabau, anda lepak je depan TV tengok MAHARAJA LAWAK Raya... nope, that's not just Minangkabauians. That's men as a gender in whole.

Rumah ni tak penting. Yang penting adalah apa yang ada di belakangnya. Sungai. Kalau orang tanya apa yang special kat kampung aku, aku memang tak ada jawapan lain selain daripada sungai.

Bunga api zaman sekarang sangat pathetic. Bunga api pelangi tu dahla tak keluarkan warna lagi, kecik, kontot, pastu baru tiga kali pusing dah habis dah isik dia. And asik keluarkan sparks of fire. I mean, dulu zaman aku kecik2, kalau main bunga api tak pernah pulak kulit aku melecur. Ini tak. Api keluar merecik-recik macam sparks gunung berapi pastu kena kat tangan sakit wohhh.... kesian bebudak zaman sekarang. Dapat bunga api pathetic.

Melawat atuk. Bersihkan tempatnya. Bacakan yasin dan doa untuk dia.  We love you and miss you much, atuk. Al-Fatihah.

Masa aku jumpa aiskrim ni aku gelak sensorang. Dulu kat sekolah rendah, aiskrim ni harga 20 sen. Kalau tak ada aiskrim ni, mesti beli aiskrim BINTANG yang harga seposen. Sekarang harga aiskrim ni 60sen dan hanya boleh dijumpai di kedai2 kampung macam Kedai Gomok.

Kedai Gomok. Gomok adalah seorang tauke kedai berbangsa Cina yang berbadan Gemuk. Adakah dia marah orang panggil dia "Gomok"? Dia lagi suka, sebab it means his store is famous around Sri Menanti. Everybody knows Gomok. And you can find almost all snacks yang korang suka masa korang kanak2 dulu dan tak lagi jumpa kat bandar tu ada dijual kat kedai dia. So selain daripada sebuah kedai kampung, aku sentiasa anggap Kedai Gomok macam muzium makanan ringan zaman kanak-kanak aku. When most stores ditutup musim raya, Gomok sentiasa bukak kedai untuk jual ais.

Hantu dalam kamera. Aku tengah masukkan kamera dalam beg dan tiba-tiba kamera tu snap sendiri. Bila aku check masa nak masukkan dalam laptop, jumpa gambar ni. Sekali pandang macam ada hantu Ju-On kan? Aku anggapkan jela hantu JuOn umah aku ikut balik kampung. Hahahaha.

The car has a VIP sticker on it dan convoy tiga buah kereta sekali. Tapi aku bukan tertanya-tanya tentang itu. Aku cuma rasa aneh tengok diorang siap berhenti kejap untuk amik gambar kerbau sampai buat jalan jadi slow kejap. Kitorang duk teka it's Nasa dan bini barunya Marion Caunter itu (they say dia org Pilah) while my cousin was hoping it was Tengku Ali of Negeri Sembilan sebab Yamtuan Besar dulu grow up di kampung kitorang. Tapi entahlah, tak tahu siapa, yang penting sangat jakun pada kerbau, okay...

Aku duk gelakkan ayam ni sebab kena berteduh bawah tu bila hujan. Sebenranya gambar ni masa tengah hujan gerimis. Cuma camera aku tak capture the droplets. Nampak tak ayam jantan yang basah dan kesejukan kat luar tu, macam mat rempit bawah jambatan time ribut. Hahahaha.

My brother's cynical attempt dalam menyindir group2 male idol Korea yang suka nak ambil gambar konon comel.

Selamat Hari Raya from me and my happy emak.

Kucing aku si Phibun belum balik lagi. Tak tau mana dia merayau. Agaknya tengok kitorang tak ada kat rumah, dia pun pergi bermusafir di Aidil Fitri.