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Thursday, July 21, 2011

The true measure of a man is not by his knowledge of couple shirt

This may be a bit offensive for some couple, and some might throw accusations at me, like "Shut up, you spinster you" or "That is why you're still single" and the whole lot. So ("yes" and "yes" to both accusation), let me put this question on the line.

Why do you have to emasculate a man when you're in a relationship?

Not only nowadays I have the urge to kick a lot of men's ass due to the spread of Kpop viral trend that makes all men gay, colour their hair blonde and thinks they're "bring it", even normal men are nowadays being thrown into the web of nincampoopsy (sorry, I don't really know the noun of that word) when they are in a relationship. These are shown through certain stuff which includes:

i. Wearing matching shirt with the girlfriend
I am sorry. Everytime I see that, I call the man a wimp. If you love a girl, give her chocolate, send her SMSes for all I care but do it at your own boundary of privacy. Because wearing a Mr. and Ms. Sunshine shirt, or those arrow thingy that says "I'm with her" serves only for men desperate to please. Or like Masni said, the only time worth wearing matching outfit, is on your wedding, because a blue baju melayu and a white wedding dress goes together only if you're a Chelsea fan.

ii. Nicknames
In the olden days you only call people by their nicknames when in bed (strictly for married people only). Then we adapt it to the unmarried couple and it is strictly done within the comfort of each other's house where nobody can hear you. Go crazy. Call him "Pumpkin shmumpkin", "lougoooooong", "anje cayang" and whatever creepy nicknames you guys can think of. But to see a guy being called "I-ish" (if his nameis Faiz, for example) just makes me vomit in my mouth.

iii. Cute faces
Being cute with your girlfriend for me is a given. But there are two types of cute. One, the charmer. Charmer makes a manly face looks cute (in the eyes of the girlfriend, I mean) with their longing sight and gentleman smile. But then there's the Look-At-Me-I'm-Cute face, where the dude pouts in front of the camera and widen their eyes. Everytime I saw those kind of pictures, I felt like beating someone to a pulp. Usually Kpop idols.

iv. Conversation piece
My usually silent brother suddenly rambles on and the topic was how he was annoyed at his roommate for talking on the phone four hours straight only to discuss the topic of "Whatcha eating?" with his girlfriend. Ajik said, "Kitorang nak pergi makan, lepas tu dia kata jap, aku call girlfren aku dulu tanya dia makan apa. Lepas tu die borak lama jadi kitorg tinggalkan dia. Kitorang dah makan dan da balik, tgk die masih lagi kat atas katil citer pasal sarapan." I know that relationship is about getting to know your partner, but can't you KNOW your partner and learn something about architecture or the rise and fall of civilisation perhaps?

v. The requests
Girls makes dumb requests at times, and sometimes you just have to be true to yourself and said that it is dumb. You should not go pick her up somewhere in Puchong when you are living somewhere in Teluk Intan. That's not love. That's just irrational behaviour. And you wanna know something? Usually the girl knows that it IS an irrational request. They're just testing the water. If you fall deep, I tell you son, you are so gonna have that long argument in the long run after you're married about how you "...don't do all the romantic things you used to do. You don't love me anymore!" I'm tellin ya. Use your brain and you're happier in the long run. Use your dick and it's one argument after another.

There's a difference between treating your loved one like a queen, and being enslaved by a drama queen. "Arrijaalu Qawwamuuna alan Nisa'..." that is from surah An-nisa verse 34 and my overall political view. It means that "Men are the support of women". To be a support for women, you have to BE a man. And I am telling you, eating matching strawberry-flavoured ice cream when you actually wanted mint is really sad for the gender.

**Imagine a picture of two balloons in pink and blue with distorted face here. I am too lazy to google it to make it the official image for this entry**


primrose said...

ooh so damn true..i just love your sarcasm

Shai Kamarudin said...