The natural desire that I do not have

When I read that Tina Fey don't have a driver's license, I feel like yeah, at last! Someone like me! And my idol all the same!

Aku tak dilahirkan dengan keinginan untuk memandu, this is what I have told Liza last time. It's like how gays would say that they are not attracted to women, I have no interest whatsoever in driving. Yes, it is important that women can drive and all the hoopla. That is why I kept telling people that I will, it's just I don't have time to take the class.

But the truth is, I never had that urge to wanna drive. I am a walker since I can remember. Even when dad wants to pick me up at school, I would prefer to walk from Section 4 to Section 11, cut to taman tasik Shah Alam and watch the fishes, then play in the labyrinth near the mosque before returning home. When everybody planned to take driving class after SPM, Nurul Syahida Kamarudin tells her dear friend at the time, Tim that she will postponed on that.

I kept postponing on that because it feels like a drag. I DON'T want to be behind wheels. I DON'T want to put myself on the road and cause accidents. I mean, I die, that's fine. Other people die? I know myself pretty well to know that my spatial skill is as high as a Parkinson sufferer. The thought that kept running inside my head is this: Driving means class (money) and tests (money) to get license (money) where then I have to buy a car (money) and kept refilling the tank (money) and get insurance (money) and renew road taxes (money) and car services (money) and also pay for any damages that might occur, especially since I know myself and what a klutz I am, I would be having tayar pancit (money), fender bender (money), radio rosak (money), scratches from parking too near to the gate (money). Langgar someone and he die?

No amount of money can ay for my psychological being.

And if I buy a local car, by the time I would finish paying for the car for 6 - 9 years, it will already be in the junkyard. That's equivalent to renting a car for 6-9 years.

Yes, driving has a lot of pros. I mean, there is no train after 11pm (which is bullshit, because in other countries, train service runs 24 hours), taxis are rip-offs and buses annoy me witha capital A-N-N-O-Y. It sure helps when your friend is tired to drive and sure helps when it's emergency. But the problem is, money is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that I don't have that drive to drive.

Haha, no drive to drive.

If you're attentive enough, you would have known how not interested I am in driving when I answer "Kelisa" to the question "What is your favourite car". You know what kind of transportation that I am interested in? Scooters and mesin bajak sawah. I always wanted to drive one. But cars? Nope. Furthermore when cars are more of a liability than an asset. So I always question people whose "hobbies" and "interest" are cars because I seriously don't see any cash coming in from that. Like, it would be more logical for someone to collect houses (real estates!) and lands than cars. I am a firm believer of get something from your hobby - that is why I become a novelist, have two laptops but still using a dying cellphone.

I am not against drivers. I am just against myself driving. Someone who keeps accidentally knock her head on something, keeps making typo-error or kicked a rock on a white sandy beach should not be allowed to drive.  I believe that my not driving is a service to my country.

And if I give you excuses like "I have no transportation" it doesn't always connote the meaning that my not having a drivers license is making it difficult for me to go somewhere. Sometimes that's the truth. But usually it means that I am too lazy to go, that riding a bus to go is more or less like me paying for something I don;t want to in the first place.

They kept saying that a man will not want a girl who can't drive. Well, I'm sorry that you want to marry a taxi driver then. What are you? A transportation company? Of all the things I can do - write, make jokes, cook, sing (not promising a talent there or anything), dance, take care of a household, sue a company (yes, not joking there), swear at a real-estate agent, play politics with TNB to not cut the electric of my house, differentiate the cinematography of Francis Ford Coppola and Sam Raimi, translate a weird 80s Indonesian movie... men would not want to marry me just because I can't drive (and can't sew a button to save her life, I admit that) a car?

Oh screw them.