Hari tu aku pergi Pesta Buku dan aku rasa kosong.....
Pehh, mukadimah macam intro filem artsy fartsy.
Sebenarnya kekosongan tu ada banyak sebab:
i. Nine, editor SBP 2.0 dah pindah
-Biasanya kalau aku gi PBAKL, aku banyak lepak borak dengan Nine, citer pasal buku, pasal manuskrip, pasal life in general. Tapi tahun lepas, Nine berhenti dan sekarang kerja kat tempat lain, so aku kekurangan rutin di situ.
ii. Editor aku Sue, yang edit buku pertama aku, as well as AKU KELIRU, orang pertama yang aku kenal di Buku Prima selain Encik Ali, pindah ke Alaf21.
- Or in a more precise term, dipindahkan ke Alaf21. Bila aku dengar, aku cam, "What????". You see, the writer-editor relationship bukan sekadar aku tulis ko edit. It takes years of understanding each other's stance, style, and workmanship. I have already lost Ecah (editor PLAIN JANE, AKU KAN NOVELIS), Poja (editor SBP 1), dan Nine (SBP 2.0), now I lost Sue as well?
-Of course, masih ada Anis yang juga editor VALENTINA NERVOSA. Please please please don't take her away too.
iii. Aku tak ada buku baru
- Bila tak ada buku baru keluar masa PBAKL, tahap excitement dia memang berbeza dengan time ada buku baru. Kalau nak excited lebih pun rasa bersalah, cam rasa orang piker, "Makcik tu pehal excited lebih? Buku baru bukan ada pon." ahahahahahahahaha
(disclaimer: Ini adalah perasaan Nurul Syahida sahaja, tidak tertakluk pada orang lain)
iv. Semua orang promote buku kat rak, tapi aku sucks in doing that kind of thing
- I just suck at marketing. Ask my former employer. I wasn't made to stay in the marketing department long for a reason, you know. The reason being I suck at it.
v. Aku tak cukup energy for anything for the past few months
- Kerja yang sangat banyak + introversion + crowds = energy-drained.
So, sambil aku memerhatikan orang ramai membeli buku, dan para penulis lain mempromote buku, diselang-selikan dengan bunyi sound system yang sangat kuat sampai aku tak dengar Kak Lynn (Lynn Dayana, that is) cakap apa half of the time (kitorang asik bergosip sepanjang tempoh tu), I came to the conclusion that...
...I am lost.
I am lost in the sea of new readers and new writers, in the waves of new trends and old habits, in the world that used to be quiet and peaceful but now hectic and loud, where writing used to be about the stories you tell rather than the big screen adaptations and fame.
I am lost in my own thought, trying to remember why I am here in the first place, and how did I end up here. Reminiscing the quiet times when nobody remembered my name or the name of my fellow colleagues, and we're just a group of people who writes for the love of writing, of storytelling, of sending messages, of being trendsetters rather than followers.
And I missed conversing about books, about writers, about plots and stories, of the time when PBAKL was about celebrating books and readers, rather than celebrities and stars.
It overwhelms me.
Maka aku pulang ke rumah dengan rasa kosong itu, dan aku lelapkan mata untuk recharge bateri hidup yang dah tinggal satu bar.
I think I want to take a break.
